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I love to see how RSers are growing up and approaching to a new age level. 10 years ago, everyone here was speaking how they should mod their cars, today we are talking about how raising their kids, which is awesome. Actually, I am on the same boat, being in the 30s and planning to have a kid or two. Me and my wife are working 40 hrs a week, even though we can afford teaching our kid(s) by ourselves or let somebody to do it. I'd say there should be a balance in between, there's nothing bad about sending kids to the daycare centre imo, of course you get to choose to right place for them. I prefer my kids to hang out with different kids and learn different stuff rather than being a social outcast when they get older. I find kids that go to day-care and pre-school at early age are generally happier, more outgoing, and less "oh shit, I'll cry then my parents will give me whatever" attitude. Also development is about developing a interest the kid enjoys, my parents made me to play violin that I didn't like when I was 5. Guess what, it was just a waste of money afterall, I quitted after being in highschool. However, my friend of mine decide to take piano lesson in gr 9, after 6-7 years he started to teach people now he has his own music school as career. Like Noir said above, you can't predict what your kids are feeling. |
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But it's also a fallacy to deny that the "material shit" doesn't matter. Yes it really does sound shallow if I say, you're putting your kid at a disadvantage if you can't afford them luxuries such as... a computer Nowadays, it's almost unacceptable for an invidiual to be computer illiterate. So much so that typing 50+ wpm is not considered a skill any more. Are you putting him at a disadvantage that all his technological familiarization is limited to the 1 hour per day at his Info Tech class? a cellphone/smart phone: Again, another luxury. But is your kid at a disadvantage that the rest of the world, kids his age has information (whether educational or informational) at their fingertips and he does not. That to conduct a simple research would require time for him to get himself to a library, or find a bus pamphlet to find his next bus while the rest can get such information in a matter of seconds? extra curricular programs (sports, music lessons, etc) I don't even need to expand on the benefits of this one... And again, I'm not even getting into the crazy luxuries like cars as Alby has exampled, or the availability to provide post-secondary education without mortgaging a portion of your childs life to debt. Yes, these are all luxuries and I admit it sounds petty but the times have changed. Whether be it personally, socially, or professionally, what was good enough back then is not always going to be good enough tomorrow. Again, I understand the power of sentiment but Love alone can't feed your kid, or keep him/her sheltered, more so things like give them luxuries not only just to compete but blend into the current societal norms |
I am not a parent, and therefore I will not speak as one. Instead, as a child, I grew up in a low-income to modest family. The "poor", by some of the standards being thrown around here. It's not because my parents were lazy, nor that they were unskilled. My dad chose a career that's well known not to make nearly enough money, and my mom worked to make ends meet. I was told many times I couldn't have a playstation because we couldn't afford it. My parents were apologetic, and now that I'm grown up I'm sure it hurt them, but reality is reality. Did it ruin me? No. I went out and made friends that had a playstation. I borrowed it when they went on vacation. We are still excellent friends. They didn't get me a cell phone either. They gave me one they used to use and I bought pre-paid phone cards with my small allowance. I learned the importance of controlling my finances. Some of the friends I had were spoiled beyond belief, while other friends were pretty similar to me. They were still very good people, and the things they had or didn't have didn't influence them to be who they are. Neither was I. I didn't grow up to resent being poor and hate my parents for not providing me with luxuries; I was, and am, thankful for what I had, and now that I'm making decent money, I donate about 5k a year to charities and help out people as much as I can. All of you people here arguing about what it takes to raise a kid, either grew up very rich and have very high standards to what is "adequate", or are just plain retarded. You can raise a kid perfectly right making little to no money. It's all about HOW you raise them, not WHAT you raise them with. Some of the responses here are quite frightening actually, and I honestly do hope when I have kids one day, they don't play with yours. I can't imagine what kind of values your kids would have. |
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Oh so close! You almost had a compelling and objective rebuttal but you just couldn't resist to turning it a little nasty and ending it on cheap pot shots eh ;) You may question what kind of values I would instill should I have kid. But your pettiness in an originally mature and non-combative discussion seems to suggest that you're values aren't without its own faults as well eh? |
^ yeah, not too fond of the last little bit, either. Lots of good points in this thread, if one can weed through some of the BS. |
Considering it's a debate, I do believe my "cheap-shot" was well-based.. Honestly, it's one thing for a parent (or future-parent) to worry about child-care costs and whatnot, in the best interest of your child. This is commendable, and I have nothing against this. If anything being cautious will allow you not to make rash decisions, and this is a good trait to have as a person. Conversely, denouncing the abilities of parenthood for anyone who makes less than $xx,000 a year just because by your standards that's not nearly enough money to raise a child "adequately", speaks loads on the values you have. Call it a difference of opinion, but for what I perceive to be a successful raising of a child, it's simply not true. Don't take it so personally as I'm merely disagreeing with your perception of what good parenting is. |
It doesn't matter how it's done, just make damn sure your kids are taught the most important things in life. My big thing is a good moral compass. Right from wrong, compassion, tolerance, honesty and integrity, the love for learning, ability to see the big picture, etc. |
^Agree. It's also my personal opinion that none of those things are in any way correlated to the income of the parents. Btw MG1, I must say, this has to be the very first time I've ever seen you not be hilariously vulgar. |
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i think MG1 states it best in his previous post. Quote:
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RS allows me to be that guy. Now that my kids are in their twenties, they can handle dad being on-line and behaving in such a lude manner. When my daughter found out for the first time, via her friends, that I have been a bad boy on line, I was in deep doo doo. After a while, my daughter stopped having to explain her father to her friends. Thank god my kids don't take after their old man. Good wife made sure of it. RS keeps me young and allows me to be this.............. in real life, I am responsible. However, when you get older, your outlook on life changes. If my actions here on RS in any way affected my children negatively, I would have stopped posting long ago. |
Hahah, no offense meant at all by what I said. I find you amazing. http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4...td67o1_500.png |
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will save my efforts then :ilied: |
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Why does the child need to get into a famous school? you can get into some of the best schools in the province at the high school and university level (UBC/SFU/UVic) based on grades alone. The tuition here is highly subsidized so people are paying literally nothing compared to the US. To get into a famous university you can do so through a combination of achievements such as grades and extracurricular activities such as volunteering, which is completely free. |
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My children grew up in the Walnut Grove area of Langley. The place was full of spoilt little fokkers, but amongst them were some genuinely nice kids. My kids had nothing when growing up. We had a nice house in a really nice neighbourhood. Couldn't afford much else, but in a way, like Noir said, I wanted the best for my children. I was worried about the fact my kids wore hand me downs and had no cell phones or fancy toys, but the kids they hung out with saw past that shit. There was no keep up with the Jones' thing happening. It was kind of cool that my house was the place most of those kids wanted to come over to. I built a huge ass playhouse in the back yard that was the envy of the neighbourhood. My wife always had great food for them and they played an played and played. My wife was like everybody elses second mom. So cool. |
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I think it depends on the person and their level of determination and ambition. There are many examples of people that had all the advantages who became very successful and also people that did not have that many advantages becoming very successful also. |
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Amongst a slew of pretentious rubbish, MG1 has given very good advice that is proven successful... :) Quote:
A critical understanding of essential life skills is of the foremost importance in achieving success, other advantages are beneficial but ultimately extraneous. |
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My dad was always working in another country since I was a baby and would only come home to visit 1 or 2 a year. So to me he was a totally stranger..... Even when we came to Canada (when I was 10 or 11). He was still working in another country and my mom work work from day to evening (she wouldn't get home till 8pm). So it was just mostly my grandma taking care of me. Since my grandma doesn't know English too well or isn't too perfect on raising my and my sister I would usually run around the street all day after school and didn't spend too much bonding time with my parents. We got our own place a few year pass and pretty much the same thing (dad is working elsewhere and mom is still working till 8). So really only me and my sister. I would think if I have a better guideance I would be better than who I am now or at least be in a better position. However, I don't blame my parents at all, life were tough and they are doing their best to make ends meet and putting meals on the table. The only thing I think my parents regret is that they never spend enough time with me and my sister so our relationship isn't all that great. I mean we still chat and stuff but there is something missing. They weren't really there when we need support or to celebrate our happiness with us. But now we are better off they are trying to create that bonding back. is hard but at least we are working on it. My though on having kids is that I most likely won't have one. Not because I won't change my spending habit but I know I won't be a good parent at all and I want to give them the best and give the any advantage I can for them to succeed in life but with my current situation that's not possible as I don't want to follow in my path. |
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Kids can either get help from parents or borrow student loan (say 15k since they might be working part time). That's 15k in the hole at least. So when they are done school that's -15k already. Paying that off isn't easy for a fresh grad. Taking a specialize degree will cost even more say a doctor's degree that can run easily 80k+ now tell me if your parents aren't loaded and you have to borrow gov money say at least half of that that will really put you in hole. Sure you can pay it off within a year assuming you didn't drop out half way...... I feel the best interest for my kid (if I ever have one) is make to make sure they can get a head start in life, I have the money for them to go through post secondary and hopefully earn a useful degree. |
Vancouver got way too expensive for me and my young family so we upped and moved to Edmonton. I make more money and am able to sustain quite comfortably. When you have kids, you start to stop living for yourself. Everyday that I get up for work is a day that I provide for my family. I used to want cars and games and blahblahblah but now I couldn't care less and am saving up to buy a minivan. Having kids can be as tough or as easy as you want it to be as long as you are out to help yourself and to change your current situation for the better. |
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First of all, after the age of 18, a "child" is no longer a child - they are responsible for themselves, at least legally. Any sort of help for tuition should be a gift, and not taken as something that's obvious. If the parents can't help out, then they can work jobs and get loans. Not to stereotype, but everyone but Asians seem to be much more adept at this. You MUST admit that the ones driving to school in BMW's with all their tuitions paid are going to be living with different values than the one who buses to school while reading a book because they were working a graveyard shift. My parents started RESP's for both my and my sister since I was 11. My sister got an even earlier start when she was 6. Every time we received money from someone they told us they'd be taking half and putting it in a long-term savings account, just for this purpose. We didn't like it, but at least we got half to buy what we wanted. They told us in our later years of high school that we should try to get scholarships and apply for bursaries. I walked out of highschool with about $4k in grants and such, and after 3 years in university I have $2k in loans, and my sister has none. The point I'm trying to make, is that everyone who is trying to say childcare is too expensive, is only saying so because they're being (in my opinion) narrow-minded. The options are there. Look back to 50 years ago, people who grew up in slums are now very successful. That was back when people were able to differentiate between a need and a want, and a luxury. That clear sense of distinction is LONG gone now. People want things they don't need, and they think they need things that they really don't. Live this way, and of course you need to make 100K a year to support a family of 4. But if you don't, at least do a good job of teaching the kids what's important and what's not, make them feel loved, and show them through action what it is they need to do in life themselves. THAT should be the definition of good parenting. |
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I agree with what MG said...it's about morals. I have a kid and here are some of the most important things I learned as a parent: 1) Foster their passion to learn and to love learning about new things, societies and the world around them. They'll enjoy it so much that you won't be telling them to do their homework or study. It'll also help with their initiative, which carries all the way to adulthood and beyond. 2) Let their interests guide them, even if it doesn't end up being their occupation later in life. I loved music lessons when I was young and when my brothers and I were given the choice to continue or quit, I was the only one to keep going. Not because I wanted to become a teacher or a musician, but because I enjoyed playing and learning how to compose. The ability to be creative is something that isn't valued by many because of how we judge skills by mere face value or how much that future occupation will give you in financial means. 3) Teach them to be mindful of themselves and others, and to be compassionate. This will help them to no be selfish and combined with the first point I made, will lead them to yearn to help better the lives of everyone around them. None of these points require significant amounts of money. It doesn't require you to transport them in a fancy SUV, to clothe them with fashion from the latest designer. It just requires you, to be a parent who is dedicated and focused on the proper values in raising a child. Being a parent is an extremely exhausting job. It's rewarding not just when you see something great in your child, but when you realize you have to become a better person to be a good parent and actually make those changes. |
My parents worked hard and ran their own business, so I grew up with "some" money. We went on vacation on a regular basis, and they bought my sister & I a lot of nice things (i.e. cars at 16, etc). We lived in Richmond, and went to a private school. My wife's parents worked multiple jobs just to make ends meet. Even though she lived in East Van, she went to a west-side school (so hearing the students talk about their cabins up at Whistler was a foreign concept to her). She definitely did not grow up with the things I was accustomed to. Now I have a 4.8 year old. I'm very lucky to have family around to take care of him during the week. He spends 2 days/wk with my wife's parents at home, learning how to help around the house. 3 days/wk he is at my parents' place, where they take him to 1/2 day pre-school. If you choose a good pre-school, your child will learn a lot, so my son is well socialized and knows how to behave in public. Given that we only work average-paying 9-5 jobs, it saddens me knowing that I won't be able to give my kid(s) the "luxuries" I had growing up. But obviously I want the best for my kid(s)! At the end of the day, if he grows up to be a contributing member of society, I will be happy. :) |
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I play hockey now because I can afford to buy the equipment. I didn't resent my parents because they couldn't put me through hockey. Quote:
I wouldn't advocate a "school of hard knocks" approach to parenting, but life is unfair sometimes and kids need to understand this. They can't always get what they want because that's the way life is. |
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