[Confidential] What should I do?
 

The following is an anonymous post. If the original poster would like to reply to any comments, please PM me

My gf and I have been together for more than a year now. This has been the longest one for me. Initially, she was really into it and me (she chased me), not so much (never really been serious about a relationship before).

Long story short, I became pretty serious and into the relationship and now I feel shes not so much. We used to be able to talk about anything together and I felt really close to her, but now she seems kind of distant.

We can go few days without talking to each other at all, and she doesn't think that's a problem at all.

Is this something that I should be worried about?

If you are hesitant to ask her where you relationship with her stands, you shouldn't be going out with her.

If you feel that there is a problem, why not sit down with her and talk about? Ask questions you want answers to.

For a relationship to work, it requires effort from both sides. It is also mandatory that both sides feel comfortable with each other that they can talk about anything. If you feel uncomfortable talking to her about little things like this, maybe you should re-evaluate and reconsider your relationship with her.

Like mr_chin (sort of) said, communication is key. Maybe she doesn't know you're bothered by not talking? But to be honest, a few days at a time of not talking isn't a bad thing. I find it helps prevent couples from running out of things to talk about.

its counter intuitive, but the more you pull, the further you will drive her away

don't make it a huge issue, maybe bring it up super casually if anything

you should have some qualities in you that make you magnetic

lol if i had known better..i woulda thought i made this thread haha

me n my gf are exactly in this, except im your gf and shes you (in this scenario) i would say that shes prob gotten in a comfortable stage with you and you're still pretty head over heels for her? in my opinion, theres nothing wrong as like i said im going through the EXACT same thing but we jsut talk it through and we are doing just fine :) like others have mentioned, communication is the only thing that's going to get you through it so don't be scared to say something

My play:

Start playing the field, wether or not she hasn't already begun this herself without your knowledge.


If she's just getting lazy with the relationship and neglectful, a little jealousy will snap he right back (may be rough for a little while). If she's doing this because she's checked out of the relationship (unofficially), well it'll just speed up the inevitability of your relationship's demise; which believe it or not, is better for you.

Short answer: talk to her. Communication is key.
Whether it is or isn't what you want to hear, knowing is better than not knowing.
Maybe it's not even that bad. Either way, you won't know unless you speak up.

How long have you guys been together?

OP when was the last time you did something spontaneous/romantic? (strong no homo)

Maybe she doesn't miss you because its the same monotonous day to day crap when she's with you? When the relationship first starts, you look forward to meeting because you get to learn more, and go further as a couple.


Now you've learned it all and done everything and comes to the point where it's really a test of are you together because you're comfortable, or because you want to be? Maybe try to show her you like her-- actions speak louder than words and you don't have to be a millionaire to make a (good) girl happy.

Thanks for all the replies guys.

I've talked to her about it before and she doesn't think its an issue. And also I don't want to come off as needy/clingy. I mean, the feelings are still there I think, just getting too comfortable probably.

And I have done romantic stuff for her on important dates... but I guess not really spontaneous ... Would it really make a difference at this stage?

^ you could try,

maybe a little anl27 if you know what I mean ;)

btw, it's only clingy if you make it clingy. If it's a random spontaneous event it's not clingy, it's you being thoughtful

chicks love it when you do shit out of the ordinary and not just on special days. been there, learned that.

she must be pretty comfortable and secure with your relationship that's why she's okay with not talking for a few days. she probably just doesn't think of it the way you are, how you're coming from a place of uncertainty.

i could see why it induces a bit of anxiety on your part. if you're coming from a routine of talking everyday and the other person pulls back, it's natural to wonder why. but at the same time, realize it's only because it's a habit that you became accustomed to and most of the time, doesn't have anything to do with the state of your relationship if you're both secure in it.

be honest about your feelings....
it's not being clingy if you're able to communicate and compromise, i think it's considered clingy when you expect her to talk to you everyday then kick up a stink about it if she doesn't...
so unless you're planning on doing that, i think you're okay.

Lol, you just revealed yourself as the OP.

Anyways, I would also like to add. Try to reminisce back to the time when she chased you. Do you know why?

Often when girls stop talking or stop telling you stuff is because you stopped listening, or you stopped asking/caring about the conversation. Are you talking too much about yourself lately? Or too much on conversation that only you want to talk about? Basically they just lost interest in trying to tell you something that they think you don't care about, but they still like you and want to be with you.

Before sitting down and having a chat with her, apply this knowledge to see if it's true. If it is, it's better than sitting down having her make you realize what the problem is. Girls always love the guys that naturally cares.