[Confidential] Should I tell her?
 

The following is an anonymous post. If the original poster would like to reply to any comments, please PM me


So I meet this girl and we hit it off very well. Everything just clicks. One thing is that she doesn't like people lying to her. Last weekend the topic of financial casually came up and she ask if I have any debt? She doesn't care if I was in debt but rather wants to knwo the truth.

Now I have made some pretty bad mistakes when I was younger and I was in debt (well still I guess). I paid off my student loan this year (YAY!) And I will paid off my credit card debt by May latest. Although some of my debt got send to collections, I did try my best to pay them off (yes my credit raiting is horrible). I made the effort to have them all paid off. I would say I have a total of about $3k left now on my credit card which isn't much.

I told her I don't have any debt since I know it will be paid off soon. Since is mostly credit card debt and I am still using it so it wasn't such a big deal. Now I am starting to wonder I should have just told her the tuth that I have about $3000 in credit card debt that I will have it paid off by May.

At this point should I just tell her the truth or paid it off as quickly as possible and don't mention about it? She is a really sweet girl and we both are serious about each other and is looking for a serious relationship.

You -can- if you want, man. It sounds like it doesn't matter either way.

But if she sees just $3000 as being a serious problem for you and her shes probably not the one for you.
Especially since thats a life lesson you learned at a young age (in opposed to learning it when you're older and its going to have a bigger impact on your life).

if you don't tell her then she wouldn't know you're lying to her.

what you gonna do, purposely show her your credit card statements out of nowhere then be like " IM SORRY I LIED TO YOU I WAS SO UNFAITHFUL "

what a weird "problem" to be dwelling on, especially since you guys haven't started dating. I foresee your mind will be full of phuc when you do date her.

Did you tell her you have no debt, or used to have debt? There's a big difference especially if you guys get serious, and your credit comes in to question.

I agree, if you need to tell her, that means that the 3000 in debt will in fact be a problem. If it wasn't/wouldn't be a problem then there would be no point in telling her. If it's a problem..maybe she isn't the one for you

I bet she's lying herself. No girl talks about a guy's finances and brings up the question "do you have debt" casually. It's a calculated question. She's sizing you up and assessing you in her own way. A woman's way.

Whether she's genuinely cool with debt issues or not is up in the air. Some ppl only care of how well you can manage debt. If you date her down the road, she will eventually subtly find out you have/had debt.

Do whatever makes you at ease, or happier. In my opinion, what's the point of telling her? Are you set on marrying this woman and are you 100% certain that she's the mother of your kids? If so, then yeah discuss it with her. However if you two are only dating and looking for a "serious relationship", then telling her might not be the best choice. Does she really need to know when you're only dating that you have debt? Put that aside-- it's important but I feel that unless both of you are getting engaged and everything then the financial stuff is important.

In the long term if I were you, I'd just brush it off. Avoid the question. It's really none of her business--for now. Like, what kind of girl asks if you have debt or not? It's a question that no one asks and shouldn't ask unless they're really really close to you like a family member, or a best best friend where you just talk about your bills or stuff.

Honestly though those are my opinions and I think you should do whatever you want to make that little 'bug' go away. If you feel uncomfortable about 'lying' (not lying if you avoid the question), then tell her the truth. But she's totally going to judge you if you have debt or not.

it's not a big deal buddy
brush it off.

stop letting her "mindset" throw you off, be yourself. be a man so you don't put her up on top of a hill as if you're worshiping her.

Yeah just let it go. It's not worth an ugly conversation.

If you really wanted to, you could probably aggressively get rid of the 3000 debt in 1 or 2 months anyways. It's not like you're in a 6-figure debt...

The following is a reply from the anonymous original poster

Thanks for all the suggestions. At this point I am going to pay it off ASAP and not tell her. She did know about my past so I see why she is concern.

We haven been dating for awhile now and she's been to my place a few times and I been to her place as well. So things have been pretty good so far.

Also... it's $3k, relax dude. Unless you are making $8/hr, you should be able to get that cleaned up pretty quickly if you are motivated...

in my honest opinion, why is it even of her problem or concern of what your debt situation is? your finances are of your own private concern. not like you guys are getting married right now. and if she is summing you up regards to your debt, i don't think thats cool.

don't get me wrong, if you're comfortable in telling her, then its cool. but the fact you have hesitated in the first place, to me it implies you weren't comfortable with it. she doesn't like lies, then straight up and tell her you're not comfortable in telling her at this point in time. it is a pretty private thing regardless if you are in debt or not. if it gets serious, then ask again later on.

and if you 2 do get serious and say, plan on getting married somewhere down the road, i think you will be in for some ball sweating situations.

IMO, if you aint married, she doesn't need to know jack about your money.

My godsister only discussed finances with her fiance right when they got engaged. They were together for 3 years and he had 2 rules

1) never ask about my finances

2) Never make any comments about what I eat

dude ended up losing 60 pounds and was actually in really good financial position.

Not a problem bro
Ur not in a situation where money should make or break u guys
Unless uve been with he4 for a long period then what u make or owe is non of her business
Well ofc if u are in the plus side, then its just a bonus for her.
Ur sharing feels atm not wealth
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Shes probably not gonna worry about a few thousand dollars debt on credit cards, shes might be asking to see if you are or were a crazy gambler.

I couldn't imagine asking about my partner's financial situation in the beginning of a relationship. If you have only had her over a few time and you have only been to her house a few times, it is too early to be diving into that stuff.

I smell a gold digger. I vote you tell her....if she flips her lid, know this sooner than later will be beneficial.

I would definitely tell her. Tell her that you have about 20K in student loans (which isn't even that much), and if she takes off, she just did you a favour.

i've never asked a guy i was dating whether or not he's currently in debt.. that's a personal question and none of my business.

i'm in debt but i don't mind sharing it with people if they ask. if you're the type of person to know about my debt and judge me on that, then i don't really need you in my life anyway lol.

i say tell her and see what happens.
i find it interesting that this didn't raise a red flag in your head in the first place, honestly.

I'd just tell her.... if she leaves great.... at least you won't incur more debt being with her.
if she really only asking to see if your marriage material she will stay with you.

Maybe she was in a previous relationship where she ended up paying for everything and the guy was mooching off her. That's the only reasonable explanation I can come up with. Otherwise, this conversation shouldn't really happen until much later.

^Agreed. My last gf asked that early in too.

I was honest with it though. 3-4K in this day and age ain't really shit.

Funny enough. She was concerned about it, and thought it directly reflected the way I managed my finances.

Considering mine was paid off 2 months after that conversation. LOL.

Tell her. If she's a reasonable girl, she's understand.


The scary ones are the ones in debt but do nothing to deal with it.

Not the ones that have already learned and getting rid of it.

on a sidenote:

Average consumer debt load hits new high above $27K - Canada - CBC News