parents

[stewie]

Originally Posted by PeanutButter

Wow. That would be a deal breaker for me 100%.

You're Italian and she doesn't want to come to family dinners? I'm surprised you haven't broken it off already.

I bet she can't even cook half as good as your momma. All joking aside, I don't think she understands how big of a deal this is to you. If she can't do this for you, I don't feel she deserves you.

well, tonight i get a text from her.

(for a quick fill in, i had a brain cyst causing me to have epilepsy for the past 2 years, and i finally had brain surgery last week to remove it and rid me of seizures)

i was discharged from the hospital on sunday, she hasn't seen me since saturday.

her text says shes not happy anymore. she hates my parents how they're rude, childish, and racist(to a degree I'll admit they are), and she hates my dogs with a passion. a german shepherd and a rotty/shepherd. the german shepherd is almost 2 years old but hes a puppy still and wants to play all the time so him and my other dog like to rough house all the time.

anyways, the texts....we start talking, she goes through the whole shit saying we're on two different side of the tracks, and she doesn't think it'll last. we've been together for almost 3 years, my parents love her, and i think shes amazing and i was hoping she would be the one. so, while i was in the hospital last week, our parents met for the first time. my brother had come and he had brought his 1 1/2 year old son who was constantly running around my bed and playing peek a boo with the other patients in the room (they all liked it). often my mom would play the grandma role and walk out of the room to grab him back and take him for a quick walk when he started to get fussy. her mom thinks my parents are rude for not engaging in constant conversation with her instead running off to play with their grandson.

the texts continued all night tonight, her saying I'm to positive in situations, which i am. i don't get stress. i can easily handle almost any situation I'm thrown in. its extremely rare when i get stressed out. it ended in me telling her shes to fucking negative and its as if she goes out of her way to find things that will piss her off...and that was the end of the convo. no good night no nothing.

I'm not sure now as to if i should just let her walk away or if i should continue to fight. with her negativity, i often find myself in doubt that she'd make a decent wife because if its not her way, its nobody's way. also that she has the ability to hold her temper as much as a 7year old can. but then there's other situations where shes the complete opposite which gives me faith that shes worth it.

suggestions?

ps - even though I've had surgery to rid me of epilepsy (had a chunk of my brain removed), I'm still unable to drive for a minimum of 6 more months, I have to live at home because of it for the safety reasons that have happened before. I'm 27, 28 this month, if she walks, I'll be out of the dating game for a while, and I'll now probably get labeled as someone who has "baggage". the surgery wont know if it was a success for another year when they start to slowly ween me off my anti epileptic pills. if i have a seizure after that, the surgery was a fail, and i get a 6 month driving ban. I was always hoping that I would be married by 30 with my own house, and that dream is starting to fade away from reality.

I'd still like to hope that things can work out with us, but at the same time i think there's the possibility that i wont lose any sleep or care if she walks.


fucking women piss me off so much. her sister and husband always tell her that she has no idea how good she has it with me and that before i came along, she acted like she didn't even care that she had a family and wouldn't talk to them outside of work (they all work at the same company), and now they talk to each other and she moved back home to save money and she hangs out with her sister everyday since she lives in the basement suite.

as for the cooking part, its true, she cant. WHEN she does come to my house for dinner (we don't eat together) she always tells me how good the food is and that she wished her mom could cook like this. at her house, her mom doesn't cook. its like every man for himself. she'll cook for herself and her mom, her mom doesn't appreciate it, and she eats the leftovers which pisses her off. since she doesn't ask if she can have them, and her mom even eats it if they're in a container and she knows she wants to take it to work the next day.



I'm in such a fucking brain fuck right now.

i don't know what to do. i really don't want us to end, but at the same time, like she said, shes not happy anymore and "things used to be different". its almost as if this is a regular thing where she pulls stunts like this. we broke up once...it lasted for a day before she ran back. if we break up again, shes not coming back.

[nma]

Honestly dude it's kind of fucked up how she's treating you, especially given the circumstances. It's a bit selfish to fight and argue given your condition. The least she could do is be respectful and have a calm and mature discussion about your future together. I say go with your gut and do what's right for yourself and your family, as they will always be there for you.

[6793026]

take a break, give her time. you need to heal up and get your shit together.

she needs to fix her temper etc.

stop being selfish to her, let her go and give her a chance to choose what's right. You need to also be fair to yourself and gt back to good shape. Dating comes last my man.

[Pegacorn]

It's almost as if she was just waiting for the surgery to be over so she would feel better about ending it. It sounds like she's done and seemingly hates a lot of things in your life. Seriously, she hates that you're so positive? I'm guessing that's a big part of who you are. She doesn't like a core feature that makes you YOU. That's a huge red flag. It also sounds like you have enough doubt about her that it would be a painful and unnecessary mess to try to force this one to work. As for your dreams of being married by 30, you're a dude, you have time. Your ovaries are not going to shrivel up and die. It's pretty rare that people are happily married and own a home by 30 these days. It's OKAY to update your 5 year plan every year and revise your plans. Life is fluid. I thought I'd have kids by 28. Turns out I'm going to be 35 when I start trying, but you know what? I can't imagine having had kids at 28 now. So many other awesome things were going on in the past 6 years. The time wasn't right. It is now and I'm ready and I don't feel like I'm going to be 7 years behind my plan, because I have a different plan now.

Honestly, I'm wondering what her redeeming qualities are, and if they're worth the immmature and judgemental behaviour she has exhibited. Sounds like you can do better and since this surgery it sounds like you'll have more freedom in 6 months and maybe you'll find that you have more self-worth than you give yourself credit for, and you don't need her as a crutch.

[stewie]

^

In 6 months I will have mobility freedom, but I'm also insecure about the large long scar across my head that goes into my forehead.

Sadly I'm insecure as is, I finally got invisalign this summer so I could have my perfect smile. I've lost 60lbs since 2 years ago when I was diagnosed with my condition - unable to work my very physical job, drive to the gym, make my late night binge eating trips to subway... So now I'm a skinny white guy with a large highly visible scar in a weird place, still can't drive, get to the gym etc.

Italian, 20+ cousins all within a 20 minute drive. We're all similar in age, and weddings are becoming the norm. I feel like I'm dragging behind and it sucks. With everything happening in my life right now, it a really depressing sad situation in my head. All my friends I've told about her say wtf is the matter with her and that since I'm her first long term boyfriend, she's going to be in for a rude awakening if she gets a new boyfriend in the future.

If so, any single ladies on here willing to take me on a sympathy drink at a pub? or guys...a drink is a drink and a convo is a convo lol good way to vent lol

[bcrdukes]

Italian?

Family first.

[westopher]

She hates your DOGS. People who hate dogs are the bane of my existence. She hates the most loyal and loving creatures on earth, who would take a knife to the face for you without thinking twice. She doesn't seem to appreciate social interaction to a degree, and comes across as insanely selfish. I understand I'm only getting one side of it, so it could be skewed to at least some degree, but I gotta say man, think of it as a new beginning. You just got surgery to fix a debilitating problem and you are on the road to recovery. Fuck scars! It just tells a story of the trials and tribulations you were man enough to face head on and should be worn as a symbol of pride. She says you are too positive?! Does she like to be sad/angry? Some people really do, and they aren't fun to be around, and to constantly be trying to pull out of the shitter. Embrace your new future! One without negativity! Honestly, it sounds exactly like the situation so many of us are in when we are in our mid 20s. First really serious long term relationship, and no knowledge of the fact that it can be better. Once me and my wife got truly serious, I never had even a thought to end it. The girl before her, that I was on and off with for over 5 years, was very similar to what you describe. Always looking for the negatives and I couldn't make her happy. Why should I? Thats her choice and until she decides that its her fucking problem. If this girl doesn't feel like being happy, don't waste your happiness on her. Save it for yourself and someone who appreciates it. Someone will.

TL;DR
Let her go. It can be WAY better for you.

[stewie]

^

Yup, it's only MY dogs. She has 3 Great Danes, her mother was a trainer/breeder years ago, so her dogs are trained to the point where they're boring. Not allowed in the kitchen, no walking on hardwood floors, they're not allowed on the lawn - they have a stone trail that goes to an outdoor kennel with astro turf where they can piss and shit only. The dogs aren't allowed to rough house with each other or anything. To her those are perfect dogs, to me those dogs have a boring life. Granted her mom takes them on 1-2 hour long hikes on a daily basis, but after that, it's in the house and sleep on their dog couches in the living room. They have 2 large couches dedicated for just the dogs. She can't stand the fact that I let my dogs sleep in my bed at night if they want, or during the day. I have a sheet that I throw over my bed so they don't get my bed dirty... But it's to dirty for her, in almost 3 years she's made it about 4 hours into the night before she went home at 4am cause my dog wanted to sleep at the foot of the bed. But there's no problem with her napping during the day on her bed with 3 cats under her cover with her.

It's like I really don't care anymore if she wants to walk away. But at the same time I'm scared if she does...

Forgot to mention - my dogs are bad, but she wants a pittbull and has the mindset that they're the perfect dogs and that they're great with kids. My german shepherd (zeus), let's my brothers kid poke him in the eyes, pull his tail, crawl all over him, and zeus just takes it and is a happy go lucky dog...he even offers free face cleanings for my brothers 1 year old after he eats.

[westopher]

I have a dog fairly similar to yours I think. Mine is a pitbull/german shepherd mix. Hes rowdy as well, sleeps in the bed with me but is fun and very gentle with those he should be gentle with.

[Inaii]

Originally Posted by stewie

Forgot to mention - my dogs are bad, but she wants a pittbull and has the mindset that they're the perfect dogs and that they're great with kids. My german shepherd (zeus), let's my brothers kid poke him in the eyes, pull his tail, crawl all over him, and zeus just takes it and is a happy go lucky dog...he even offers free face cleanings for my brothers 1 year old after he eats.

Lol sounds like my friend's GSD too. And not all pitbulls are good with kids, nor is any dog perfect imo. She sounds like way more work than necessary, especially while you're trying to heal from something I'm going to guess was very traumatic (I'm saying guess because I've never been in your position).

Imo, you're better off letting her walk away, even if you're scared. Like I keep telling my friend, maybe you just haven't found the right person yet. So don't give up hope and keep looking

[fliptuner]

If one of your best friends was in the same situation, what would you tell him to do?

Oh and:

Spoiler!

[stewie]

Originally Posted by westopher

I have a dog fairly similar to yours I think. Mine is a pitbull/german shepherd mix. Hes rowdy as well, sleeps in the bed with me but is fun and very gentle with those he should be gentle with.

Mines an attention whore when people come over for the first bit. He wants to be pet, he wants to show off his toys by rag dolling them and bouncing them everywhere. After a bit he settles down, but if he gets really bored he chases his tail (we've tried several methods to try to stop him a billion times but he just keeps doing it)

[DragonChi]

Is this girl worth never seeing your family again? From the sounds of it, if you guys ever get married, you'll be hard pressed to visit them.

The sooner it ends, the sooner you can move on. That is, unless you want to convince her to be around your family more. Relationships, hard work eh?

[lady_mapetite]

don't worry about her for now, give her some time and space to think about what she said and the consequences of it while you should focus on getting better.

i can understand if girls set deadlines, because our bio clocks are ticking against us (but not like i give a damn) and we can't do much to stop it but as a guy, i don't see why you need to? it's just unnecessary stress. marry when you find the right girl and buy when you come across the right house, don't limit yourself with deadlines to do what and when - just do it when the time is right.

and if you're questioning whether she'll make a decent wife, chances are she won't be - because you wouldn't be questioning if she is. so she's unhappy, doesn't like your family gatherings, hates your dogs and doesn't like your positivity, all in all it comes down to incompatibility. since she has so much dislikes in the relationship, let her walk.

[melloman]

Mentality and behavior of a child..

Honestly, plans change. I wouldn't feel too bad to have to change your plan around to accommodate life. As I've lately found out, when comparing your life to others, you usually note the shit that brings you down about yourself. It's never good enough as you don't see their struggles, you only see their success'.

In 6 months, you'll be mobile again; you can hit the gym, eat more, and as long as you keep your confidence up, I've heard older chicks are easy anyway.

[stewie]

^

Lol thanks

I don't want an easy chick though
I want a girl I can bring home to mom and dad. A girl with strong family values, wants kids, and has her life on track.

It's harder to find than a needle in a haystack.

[Gumby]

Originally Posted by stewie

^

Lol thanks

I don't want an easy chick though
I want a girl I can bring home to mom and dad. A girl with strong family values, wants kids, and has her life on track.

It's harder to find than a needle in a haystack.

Doesn't sound like your current gf has any of those...

[Inaii]

Originally Posted by stewie

^

Lol thanks

I don't want an easy chick though
I want a girl I can bring home to mom and dad. A girl with strong family values, wants kids, and has her life on track.

It's harder to find than a needle in a haystack.

You're just looking in the wrong places

[Presto]

^^^
Sometimes, the needle finds you!

OP, don't be afraid of ending this relationship. From your posts, it seems like she is not qualified to spend the rest of your life with. Don't fret about your life plans. We've all had ideas of how things would be at this age, but rarely does it work according to plan. I thought I'd be married by 25, but that didn't happen until 33. Ah well, my wife was worth the wait!

Life can change really fast, especially, if you know how you want to proceed. Going from single to engaged can happen quick. When I met my wife, within a month, we knew we were going to marry each other, and got engaged 2-3 months later.

[westopher]

When you focus too hard on "plans for the future" all they are good for is clouding your judgement for making the decisions you are faced with in the present.

[stewie]

Originally Posted by Inaii

You're just looking in the wrong places

where should i be looking??? fill me in on all the secret female hiding spots

anyone know of any single pretty ladies?

[Inaii]

Originally Posted by Presto

^^^
Sometimes, the needle finds you!

What is this? Russia?

Originally Posted by stewie

where should i be looking??? fill me in on all the secret female hiding spots

anyone know of any single pretty ladies?

Pretty is subjective The thing is, if you look too hard, you'll most likely miss them. I have a friend who is in a similar situation (except she didn't have any major surgeries or health issues to complicate things). Can't find a bf who isn't an asshole.

[nma]

Originally Posted by Inaii

What is this? Russia?



Pretty is subjective The thing is, if you look too hard, you'll most likely miss them. I have a friend who is in a similar situation (except she didn't have any major surgeries or health issues to complicate things). Can't find a bf who isn't an asshole.

Maybe you should introduce your "friend" to stewie

[stewie]

Originally Posted by nma

Maybe you should introduce your "friend" to stewie

i second that :P

you can always send me a picture

i promise i wont respond with an "id tap dat ass" comment or a "damn she better stay outta the woods...its hunting season!!".

[Inaii]

Originally Posted by nma

Maybe you should introduce your "friend" to stewie

Originally Posted by stewie

i second that :P

you can always send me a picture

i promise i wont respond with an "id tap dat ass" comment or a "damn she better stay outta the woods...its hunting season!!".

I'm not going to lie, I thought about it. And then I remembered that this is RS And this isn't one of those "I'm posting for a friend" type of stories. She's legit a friend Stewie if you're serious, pm me