1. The COVID pandemic pushed out our wedding plans for two years and we live in Toronto (moved here since 2016.) All of our close friends and family were in Vancouver.
2. We are at an age where we know who our friends are. There was no "B" guest list. Everyone was an "A" lister.
3. We wanted to ensure everyone was accommodated and to the best of our abilities, including guests who had dietary restrictions and meeting cultural expectations (Chinese.) As such, we chose a well-known Chinese restaurant to host our wedding reception.
4. We planned our wedding based on previous experiences where we were invited as guests. Did we want to host a buffet? No. Did we want to cheap out? No (more on that later.) Did we want to make sure our friends and family would be happy? Yes.
Any how, weddings can be weird, depending on a lot of circumstances. On one hand, yes, you have people who might think this is a cash grab, hence why you need to know who you real friends are. Who you invite matters. I say this from the angle of "Are they worth this much to me?" If the answer is yes, expect nothing and be happy they say yes to the invitation.
We did not expect any gifts or even any monetary gifts, but people who came to our wedding gave us cash as a gift which is nice and quite honestly more than what we had expected. We made it clear we had no gift registry because we were well established and had everything we needed, except for some Rolexes, Lexus LC500s, and Porsches. (Sigh!!!! #sarcasm)
Any how, what we did was sent out invitations old school style, along with a micro wedding site. We showcased what was on the menu and which restaurant. If you are a guest, you can easily take a good guess how much each menu/table costs and divide that by 10 people. That would be your baseline, excluding tax/tip etc.
Let me make one thing very clear - If this is a Chinese banquet you are going to, they are no longer cheap. Cheap as in you can't really get a solid menu until you hit the $1100/table mark. Think Kirin, Sun Sui Wah and others. Places like Sun Sui Wah will be AT LEAST $1288 to start these days, so you can do the math. Western style buffets are still reasonable at $80/per person with a nice seafood menu. Again, you guys can do the math.
The thing about bargain priced Asian / Chinese style banquets - these are not easy to come by anymore. You can try to get an $800 menu but at a restaurant which may not be able to accommodate you or the menu / service / food is lack luster. Most restaurants we tried simply said no and would not entertain any weddings due to lack of staff and willingness of the chefs. Sign of the times.
Edit: For those who host a buffet at a rented venue, be it a hotel, off-site facility, castle in Victoria that will kick you out for taking pictures of your car, it's not the food costs that are expensive. It's the venue rental costs that will kill it. A dumpy hipster warehouse we wanted to rent wanted $12,000. Like, what? So consider it from that angle as well. Think of this as vendors dealing with revenge weddings. You have two years of pent up demand for weddings, and vendors have two problems: Make up for lost revenue and/or not enough staff. Again, sign of the times.
I don't want to sound imposing, but if you genuinely value your friendship with the person who invited you to their wedding, I suggest giving at minimum $100 - $120 per person as a monetary gift, unless you are planning to give them a thoughtful gift. Think of this as a two way street. Your friend would have invited you for a reason, but try not to think of it as a cash grab. That's just a lose/lose situation. If the invitation triggers you, my recommendation is to politely decline the invitation.
Any how, that's it from my perspective. Getting married is not cheap and it costs time, effort, and money. I invited some people here on Revscene who I consider some of my best friends in life and they were all super amazing with their monetary gifts. I was just happy they were able to attend my wedding and that's all that mattered. Even my photography team were from Revscene, and the principal photographer remembered me from way, way back in the day when I met him in a random parking lot (I think Oakridge?) to give him a Revscene sticker. We made an effort to take care of our vendors as best as possible be it food, drink, and what have you.
Now, as a guest, if someone I were good friends with invited me to their wedding, I would be more generous and give anywhere from $150 to $200 per person because I know weddings cost a lot these days. I want to help the bride and groom at least break even per person, and at least to cover some expenses such as tax/tip/alcohol etc. I've been lucky to have helped some of my older cousins plan their weddings so I know what goes into them and some of their general costs. I don't plan on going to any other weddings anytime soon but if I did, I'd give something cheesy like $888.99 or something like that. Please don't invite me to your wedding. :D
