[penner2k]

www.textsfromlastnight.com


I've spent the past hour reading this site. Funniest shit ever.

[124Y]

LOL nice find!

[d1]

this is better http://mylifeisaverage.com/index.php - better than FML too

[03aspec]

this is better http://mylifeisaverage.com/index.php - better than FML too

its not as good as fml or texts from last night...

[Lowered_Klass]

Good find! :D

I loved this one:

(443): So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

:lol

[ilvtofu]

hmm.. that my life is average thing is pretty charming, but nowhere near as funyn as the others

[shenmecar]

"I wish Morgan Freeman can narrate my life"

LOL

[dark0821]

LOL.. hahahaa nice nice...

[hal0g0dv2]

I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
lol

[SoulCrusher]

she poured me a glass of iced tea and then went to change her clothes. Then her dad walked in (to catch a predator- dateline)

[SoulCrusher]

Im about to go to the store to buy wd40 and condoms... Both purchases are unrelated

[death_blossom]

(410): can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
(443): wasted?
(410): im pocohantasssss

bah-hahaahahhaa

[nismosx]

(281): How do you jack off and text at the same time?
(1-281): On my iPhone they have an app for that

(843): the red head has a bf
(1-843): just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score

(843): Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
o man this shit is too funny

[Ikkaku]

my life is average is alright lol

Today, I spotted a giant green pipe. I jumped on it and knelt down. I did not enter an underground world. MLIA.

[//RacingSpirit>>]

Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home

[3seriesBeeM]

(510): I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...

(443): So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka

HAHAHAHA this site is pure gold

[//RacingSpirit>>]

This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.

[penner2k]

This site also proves that girls talk about sex just as much as guys do.. haha
Hell most guys are just like "yah.. the sex was good/bad"
girls go into freaking detail..

[penner2k]

(586): love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
(586): and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
(586): I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.

[Zyzz]

(484): I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem

(+44): Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.

(585): Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?

[Inaii]

awesome site :D

[europeeing]

Gangstaaaa:

(847): i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy

[RRxtar]

(919): so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.

(512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.

(570): why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
(1-570): you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911

(971): I have two black x marks on my hands.
(503): Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
(971): damnit I wish I could remember that.

(703): Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'

[hotjoint]

cool

[7seven]

haha

(858): sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
(818): No. He thinks you're slutty.

[liu13]

there's one that says

"dude the chicks in this bar are so ugly, even you wouldnt fuck them"
"well, i doubt that"

and another that's like

"dude, i just saw the asian version of us"

read those two a few months ago

[Noir]

(413): that girl last night was a 15
(1-413): wait she was 15?
(413): no like black jack not sure if you should hit it

Haha, money!

[Shun Izaki]

today, let's steal people's pets and leave ransom notes

[penner2k]

lol

(661): Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
(831): Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.

(817): Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
(1-817): You weighed it?

1990tsi?
(416): i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones

(734): I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u

(703): Can i come over
(240): After you called me a desperate slut? No
(240): Come over

(313): Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate

(415) 1:13 a: I know i don't know you that well but i need somewhere to stay tonight...
(1-415): whois this?
(415): ******** *****
(1-415): i barely know you, we aren't friends and i don't even know how you got my number
(415): Please
(1-415): no creepface

(323): You know you want to come over later
(1-323) 1:27a: Um no
(1-323) 1:45a: Maybe
(1-323) 2:05a: Probably
(1-323) 2:38a: I'm outside, let me in

(248): Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
(248): I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
(734): Yeah...you probably will...
(248): well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.

(646): How is your vagina???
(941): Double booked
(646): With your butt?
(941): Totes, candlesticks and all
(646): Yay!!

(248): wat u doin
(1-248): Its 3:34 AM, what do you think I'm doing? SLEEPING. what are YOU doing is the question..
(248): Oh tight im jus chillin, how u been
(1-248): I'm going to save you some time, I'm not coming over to engage in high risk sex with you.
(248): Oh its like that?
(248): hater

[MR_BIGGS]

(413): that girl last night was a 15
(1-413): wait she was 15?
(413): no like black jack not sure if you should hit it

Haha, money!

That's awesome..:haha:

[jeff_alexander]

Today, I popped my G-String while fingering a minor. Now I have to buy a new violin string. MLIA.

[penner2k]

(610): Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.