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: Shitting while penis half erected (semi nfw)


Jackygor
12-14-2009, 12:59 AM
Anyway...
If you've been following my social anxiety thread you would have learned that I got an asian girls number during my last update (the encounter wasn't recorded unfortunetely because my Camera froze). But anyway, it's been over a week and I was feeling like taking a break from exam studying, and I figured that if I didn't call her before exams were done then I wouldn't get a chance to see her until after the break (which would be too long perhaps). So I called her up and asked her if she wanted to take a break from studying and meet me for coffee. Well she said yes, and we met at a campus cafe. We had some small talk, and it went well overall. After that she said "hey my roomate is making some chinese food for dinner because her boyfriend is over, would you like to come by and try some? she usually makes way more than needed". Now at that point I felt like I had to take a sh!t, but there was no way I could turn down this opportunity; it seemed like she was into me and this would be a great opportunity to get to know each other further. So I decided to try and hold my crap as long as possible (I don't crap in public toilets) and accept her invitation.

Well we went back to her place, had some food (very good btw)... and ****... I had to take take a sh!t really badly... and I also had to take a piss really badly (I had been holding that too since I didn't bring my pee bottles with me to the date)... I really didn't want to use her washroom because I didn't want stink the place up... but it became so unbearable to the point where I could feel the turd popping out of my rectum.. to make matters worse I was actually starting to get an erection (I'm not sure why.. but that's what happened). So I rushed to the washroom... and thus begins the worst possible scenario imagineable.

I pull down my pants step up to the toilet and I am then faced with an ominous predicament; I have to extremely badly take BOTH a pee AND a POO.... AND I have an erection.... what the **** do I do? Which do I do first??

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/ss302/Malodrax/fuuu1.jpg

So I bend over and try to push my erected penis down a bit to pee into the can... but as I relax my pelvic floor muscles to release the urine.. I feel my turd start to come out at the same time!

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/ss302/Malodrax/fuuuu2.jpg

So then I'm like "fuk this... I'll just try and hold the pee and let the poo come out"... so I sit on the can... grasp my penis hard to try and "block" it... and I then tried to let the crap come out....that didn't work so well...

As I relaxed my anal sphincters... my pelvic floor muscles relaxed as well and piss started flying all over the floor... I started panicking at this point... so I desperately held my crap again, while I attempted to shove/bend my erect penis into the toilet. Once it was in... I tried take the piss and crap at the same time, but my ass was too far out and this massive turd started flying out missing the bowl, landing partially on the back rim and partially on the floor.

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/ss302/Malodrax/fuuuuuu.jpg

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/ss302/Malodrax/fuuuu3.jpg


I then closed everything off again (you can't imagine the pain of repeatedly blocking yourself from peeing and pooing when you have go so badly)... wtf was I supposed to do? I either pee on her floor or poo on her floor....then out of sheer desperation and instinct an idea popped into my head:

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/ss302/Malodrax/fuuuu4.jpg

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/ss302/Malodrax/fuuu5.jpg

I ran into her bathtub and let myself go there... I figured that at least this way I could rinse it all down instead of getting sh!t on her floor....

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/ss302/Malodrax/fuuu6.jpg

At that point things get even worse...

http://i586.photobucket.com/albums/ss302/Malodrax/fuuu7.jpg

The turd wouldn't ****ing dissolve... and the damn bish was asking me wtf I'm doing showering in her washroom....

I then answer "yea lol... I'm showering... is that ok?"...

she says: what the hell? why?? you don't think we're having sex do you???

At this point I can't even think straight and I jokingly (retardedly) say: yes we are lol

she then gets mad and says: wtf? is this some kind of joke... get out of there!!

I say: no please don't come in... I'm not done yet...

At this point the hot water I was using to try and dissolve my sh!t was releasing sh!t smelling vapours all over the room.. and it was pretty rancid... the girl could smell it and she said: "why the hell does it smell so ****ing bad? What the hell are you doing in there???"

I say: please don't come in... trust me.. you'll regret it...

she says: **** this... get out now or I'm unlocking the door..

I beg her not too... but she loses her patience and then opens the door. She stops dead in her tracks. There before her was me standing with a pseudo-erect penis, left over fecal residue on my ass,large semi dissolved turds in her bathtub, turds on the floor beside her toilet, and pee all over the floor in front of the can... I was so ****ing embarassed... I started shivering... she looks at me while covering her mouth and nose and whispers... "wtf did you do???"...she was starting to cry... I hesitate for a bit and I try to explain myself "I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"... She then flips out and tells me to clean up the mess or she's calling the cops. I agree to do it.

She leaves, and I grap some toilet paper... pick up the turds from the floor and bathtub, toss them in the can, and then I proceed to clean off the floor and bathtub with soap, water and alot of tissues. I tossed most of the tissues into her toilet bowl (the garbage was full eventually). I then took some perfume from the counter and tossed into the bathtub to get rid of odour. After I was done I cleaned my ass off and flushed the toilet. To my utmost dismay, my massive fecal matter bulk and the large amount of TP unded up clogging the toilet and it overflowed and started spilling crap all over the floor... I'm literally crying at that point... I look for the plunger but I couldn't find it so I put my pants on and rushed out to ask her if she had a plunger so I could fix the toilet...I see her with her roommate and her roommates bf... she's crying... as soon as she sees me she tells me to gtfo right now... I try to explain that the toilet is clogged... but she doesn't let me ... she says she feels threatened and she wants me out now... she graps a knife from the drawer and tells me to leave... I leave.

about a minute later I hear this loud scream coming from her dorm room (I assumed she went back to the washroom to see it covered in poo water). At that point I sprinted away as fast as possible, while swearing at myself and crying tears of frustration and embarrasment.



http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=120921191

Qmx323
12-14-2009, 01:02 AM
is he retarded. can't he just fucking hold his dick in the toilet?

what is he like 12 inch long?

the fuck

PiuYi
12-14-2009, 01:18 AM
:haha::haha::haha::haha::haha::haha:
sounds fake but funny nonetheless hahahahahaha
ahhhhh literally laffed nonstop

those drawings rival apple daily btw

JulyZerg
12-14-2009, 01:26 AM
HOLY FUCK THIS IS HILARIOUS LOL

The_AK
12-14-2009, 01:29 AM
hahaha that would SUCK if you were in that situation

SkinnyPupp
12-14-2009, 01:48 AM
What the fuck must this guy be high on to come up with that shit! I want some!

Actually wait, I don't.

Benz_05TSX
12-14-2009, 03:08 AM
that is freaking awesome!!!

Vansterdam
12-14-2009, 06:19 AM
lol EPIC FAIL :bowrofl:

Euro7r
12-14-2009, 06:33 AM
Haha, doesn't look like he's peeing. Looks like he's jacking off and cumming all over the place.

kangel
12-14-2009, 07:03 AM
LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL
hahahhahaha
dayum his ass is fat

Crowtservo
12-14-2009, 07:09 AM
Awesome. I really hope that story is true.

MG1
12-14-2009, 07:12 AM
Well, it's hard for people who are hung to take a shit. Cock hits/smears on the toilet all the time, so you have to hold it up and out of toilet whle taking a dump.

I suggest a pee bottle like the kind they use in hospitals.



Plus, taking a pee while errect is not supposed to be possible.

SkinnyPupp
12-14-2009, 08:02 AM
Well, it's hard for people who are hung to take a shit. Cock hits/smears on the toilet all the time, so you have to hold it up and out of toilet whle taking a dump.

I suggest a pee bottle like the kind they use in hospitals.



Plus, taking a pee while errect is not supposed to be possible.
You have that problem too? Just the thought of having it scrape the bowl is just.. UGH

Peeing while erect is totally possible. Peeing while coming is what's not supposed to be possible.

TRD Rs200
12-14-2009, 08:04 AM
OMFG!!!

Blinky
12-14-2009, 08:06 AM
Plus, taking a pee while errect is not supposed to be possible.

Haven't you ever peed with morning wood?

Or maybe in your old age, you've forgotten what morning wood is? :D
(no disrespect intended, it's just too easy!)

spoon.ek9
12-14-2009, 08:18 AM
:bowrofl::bowrofl::bowrofl::bowrofl::bowrofl: :bowrofl:

hahahahahahhahaha funniest thing i've ever read at 9am in my entire life.

Mugen EvOlutioN
12-14-2009, 08:28 AM
wtf tats some fucked up shit

3seriesBeeM
12-14-2009, 08:44 AM
hahahaha that was the funniest thing ever. I feel bad for that guy hopefully the girl wasnt hot.

SkinnyPupp
12-14-2009, 08:49 AM
.... Why would you feel bad for the guy? It's just a stupid funny story :lol

!Tigger
12-14-2009, 09:05 AM
lol wtf funny read

GabAlmighty
12-14-2009, 09:08 AM
hah, this made its way around the forums quickly

platinum300
12-14-2009, 09:13 AM
Damn that was funny. I can't stop laughing.

Grandmaster TSE
12-14-2009, 09:37 AM
love the drawings

crazyazn
12-14-2009, 09:50 AM
AHAHAHAHAHAHA what great thing to start off my day with LOL

!Aznboi128
12-14-2009, 09:57 AM
LOL awesome drawings

Blah_Teggie
12-14-2009, 09:57 AM
LOL! That was awesome! Can't stop laughing!

Gumby
12-14-2009, 10:23 AM
What the hell was he thinking - shit doesn't dissolve in water!

PavelGTR
12-14-2009, 11:16 AM
"I tried my best ... I... I'm sorry"

LOLOLOL

!Yaminashi
12-14-2009, 11:25 AM
LOL!!
The pictures make it so much better lol

AzNightmare
12-14-2009, 03:22 PM
wtf is a "pee bottle" ??

I sense troll, just because who the hell has time to draw diagrams that goes along with self embarrassment?

But hilarious indeed!

ivanz
12-14-2009, 03:42 PM
^^ Unfortunately, he is NOT joking. Look at his other threads on that forum...he pisses in a bottle and has sex with a homemade sex doll. He also goes around malls and hits of girls with cheesy pickup lines...and posts the video in a thread he made. Just search his posts, guy needs some help.

Greenstoner
12-14-2009, 04:09 PM
i love morning shower, coz i can pee all over the bath tub with erected penis and wash it off after..

hotjoint
12-14-2009, 04:40 PM
HAHAHAHAHA

maxxxboost
12-14-2009, 04:52 PM
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=119211681&page=2

LOL
For those that are too lazy to search. THIS guy is for real. lol

SkinnyPupp
12-14-2009, 05:45 PM
:facepalm: at everyone who thinks this guy is for real

alcoolaid
12-14-2009, 06:26 PM
LOLOL

hal0g0dv2
12-14-2009, 09:03 PM
haha w0w

tool001
12-15-2009, 10:16 AM
just put ur dick under running water, hot or cold (not lukewarm). watch how fast it shrinks.
if this is for real, he is dumb as shit..(no pun intended)

Gumby
12-15-2009, 10:38 AM
Don't know why, but I keep on reading "Shifting while penis half erected"...

you!
12-15-2009, 01:17 PM
:lol

you!
12-15-2009, 01:18 PM
http://forum.bodybuilding.com/showthread.php?t=119211681&page=2

LOL
For those that are too lazy to search. THIS guy is for real. lol

holy shit this guy just reached a whole new level of epic
i think this guy is for real tho, check out his pick up attempt vids at his channel

http://www.youtube.com/user/Malodrax?blend=2&ob=1#p/u

and to make things even better i think this guy is local!!!!
skip to 0:40 in the vid where he asks the chick which hs she goes to bwahahaha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS5x7nzjPts

i havent looked it up yet but unless there's another holy cross elsewhere then this guy should be local lol:lol
so which one of u guys here in rs is he :lol:lol:lol

tonyvu
12-15-2009, 04:30 PM
:haha::haha::haha:

shenmecar
12-15-2009, 04:55 PM
lame.............

E_Fahlman
12-15-2009, 06:34 PM
fake! no one's that stupid

XxFcukxX
12-15-2009, 07:13 PM
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f257/briansrt4/Theworstdateever.gif

ShadowBun
12-15-2009, 07:33 PM
LOL.
reminds me of Gunbound

you!
12-15-2009, 07:53 PM
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f257/briansrt4/Theworstdateever.gif

omg fucking gold bwahahahaha:lol

InvisibleSoul
12-15-2009, 08:39 PM
That's a load of shit.

emmvee
12-15-2009, 10:20 PM
ehh its not that funny

LsquareD
12-15-2009, 10:45 PM
hahahahha too funny

JSALES
12-15-2009, 11:02 PM
HAHA!

Mananetwork
12-15-2009, 11:25 PM
You have that problem too? Just the thought of having it scrape the bowl is just.. UGH


The bowls so fucking cold tooo.. guh!!!

AznFlipOut604
12-16-2009, 02:57 AM
pix are so epic. he even drew the veins on the penis haha

supers7n
12-16-2009, 04:49 AM
fake or not it was still funny as hell

i laughed so hard i cried alittle

PDKGD3
12-16-2009, 06:11 AM
http://www.youtube.com/user/Malodrax?blend=2&ob=1#p/u

and to make things even better i think this guy is local!!!!
skip to 0:40 in the vid where he asks the chick which hs she goes to bwahahaha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS5x7nzjPts

Brentwood mall Zellers anyone?

7seven
12-16-2009, 06:45 AM
and to make things even better i think this guy is local!!!!
skip to 0:40 in the vid where he asks the chick which hs she goes to bwahahaha

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LS5x7nzjPts

i havent looked it up yet but unless there's another holy cross elsewhere then this guy should be local lol:lol
so which one of u guys here in rs is he :lol:lol:lol

Brentwood mall Zellers anyone?

There is a Holy Cross in the Toronto area as well, and right after the guy says he lives in London (London, Ontario) and goes to Western (which The University of Western Ontario is commonly called).

StealthFighter
12-16-2009, 02:00 PM
^exactly what i was gonna say.


haha this guy is hilariousssss. i'm gonna start following his postings

penner2k
03-30-2010, 11:52 PM
The bowls so fucking cold tooo.. guh!!!

I dont care about the cold. I just hate the thought that my cock is touching a toilet bowl.. yuck.. I wipe the shit out of it with toilet paper if it touches the bowl and if I'm at home I actually wash it with soap and water.

RiceIntegraRS
03-31-2010, 05:23 PM
hmmmmm possible best post of 2010 so far.....

jpark
03-31-2010, 05:35 PM
lmfao hahahahahah

sleazyho
03-31-2010, 10:01 PM
LOL!!! I'm reading this @ SFU and when I get to the pictures all these girls behind me start screaming and laughing

that is fukin hilarious but I wonder if its real? why couldnt he just stick his dick in the toilet? i'd understand if he was black but he dont sound black..

underscore
03-31-2010, 10:07 PM
I've seen this all before, there should be a link to this from the "what position" thread for all you retards who won't use a public toilet.

fuck this guy is so dumb.

fliptuner
04-01-2010, 06:52 AM
hmmmmm possible best post of 2010 so far.....

Except for the nagging fact that it's from 2009. :p:p:p

Ronin
04-01-2010, 01:51 PM
...what kind of sane person decides "Oh, I'll shit in the bathtub..."

He must be a giant or something because there's no way someone taking a piss has their ass in the air and is shitting on the back of the seat. I mean...if that's how it is, YOU'RE PROBABLY SHITTING WRONG.

v.Rossi
04-01-2010, 02:12 PM
pfft, pissing with a penis half erected ain't all that hard. it's when it's still super saiyan, that's when it's extremely challenging.

i hate waking up with morning wood and having to go take a piss, but can't get it down because it's aiming sky high. fml.

sonick
04-01-2010, 02:40 PM
LOL!!! I'm reading this @ SFU and when I get to the pictures all these girls behind me start screaming and laughing

that is fukin hilarious but I wonder if its real? why couldnt he just stick his dick in the toilet? i'd understand if he was black but he dont sound black..

You get their digits?

sonick
04-01-2010, 02:40 PM
pfft, pissing with a penis half erected ain't all that hard.

Exactly.

Alpine50
04-03-2010, 03:16 AM
http://i49.photobucket.com/albums/f257/briansrt4/Theworstdateever.gif

LOL thats awesome:haha::haha:

bodybuilding.com always has messed up storys, used to go there all the time i dunno if this is true or not cuz a lot of guys there say a lot of BS

raygunpk
04-03-2010, 05:58 AM
pfft, pissing with a penis half erected ain't all that hard. it's when it's still super saiyan, that's when it's extremely challenging.

i hate waking up with morning wood and having to go take a piss, but can't get it down because it's aiming sky high. fml.

cuz it's only half hard
OBVIOUSLYYYYYY