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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex... |
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11-15-2012, 06:46 PM
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#1 | | NOOB, Not Quite a Regular!
Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Richmond
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| Is it a self esteem issue?
Serious discussion only please.
I am dating someone right now and things seem to be awesome. We are very much in love with one another and the world looks like it's moving into a great direction.
The only problem is a serious insecurity that I have. A part of me wants to call it something else but I am not sure what else to call it.
I am in my 30s and I'm not rich. In fact, I suffered a failed business and I'm pretty much starting over financially. I have many wealthy friends and they are similar in age with expensive cars and homes etc.
Long story short, I feel like a failure and a loser. I still have quite a bit of debt to take care of and once that's done, then I will be in a position to start making money again. After the business going under due to economy in the US, I've decided that I am much happier in life with very basic things.
Basic car, basic condo in the burbs etc. I am happier not having the stress of worrying about money since the last 2 years have been horrific on me mentally due to the financial stress.
In my life, I know what makes me happy and living a simple life really is the way to go for me.
My problem is that I am very much in love with someone and there is the possibility of getting married down the road. I often feel like a loser when I am with her because I want to be who I was before. I want to be this man that called the shots, paid for everything, and ran the show. I feel that me being a fun and good person isn't enough.
It seems Vancouver is a city very much based on material and image. I used to be much the same and anyone who says Vancouver is not like that needs to see the rest of the world. It's pretty bad.
I want to be able to provide and be 'the man' for this woman and because I care for her, it drives me to want to be that way. On the flip side, what if I can't deliver on being some kind of power-baller? I have a fear that she will essentially hate me and want to leave.
Please leave your Alpha/Beta comments out of this.
It seems as though everyone in my circle of friends is making $20k a month and I'm probably going to be making $5 or $6k a month doing the regular 9 to 5. Not baller by any means.
This girl will say what all girls say "it doesn't matter" but A) I never believe it when woman say that because in my experience it's horse shit.
B) It's just something I feel this need to deliver on otherwise I feel like a piece of shit.
Am I wrong for thinking this way? How would you suggest I communicate this to her (assuming I should be honest about it)
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11-15-2012, 06:58 PM
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#2 | | Wunder? Wonder?? Wander???
Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: eVan
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you are wrong for thinking this way
you are lucky enough to find someone compatible and who reciprocates that love
you are probably in the top 10% of the world's most fortunate people given what you have.
I'm in my late 20s and my wife makes more than me.
I can share those sentiments but I dont like bog me down. I want to give her the world and she knows that which is more important.
the grass is always greener
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11-15-2012, 07:06 PM
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#3 | | I contribute to threads in the offtopic forum
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First of all, IMO, 5k 6k is considered quite a bit.
Second, you were a business person and your failure was not because your inability to continue the business. With that said, you have natural business mind set and if given another opportunity in the future, I am sure you will try again. Why not work towards that?
Third, if you feel you are not good enough for this girl and that because you think you can't satisfy her financial needs, why not do something that isn't finance related. Do something special for her, like once a week. If she really is the "it doesn't matter" type, you will see it (unless you are really bad at interpreting someone's feelings).
By doing something positive for her everyday, you will eventually feel like you can live up to her and call the shots. If it doesn't work, then you can at least tell yourself that you've attempted to.
Other suggestions I would give is, get in shape, get toned, get bulky, work out, try to get an awesome body that she can't resist.
Do something that she likes that isn't related to her. For example, if she's a charity person, start doing charity. Does she have a dog? Maybe you can do something for it. She'll appreciate you more and love you more for the person that you are.
PS - Condo, a car, and 5 - 6k monthly income, you'll be fine.
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11-15-2012, 10:46 PM
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#4 | | reads most threads with his pants around his ankles, especially in the Forced Induction forum.
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If a girl really loves you, she won't care how much money you make.
I know a girl who marry her husband and he is making way less than she is. They have to borrow money for their wedding and the wedding ring cost maybe 1k I think. Yet she still loves him.
He is going to part time school and trying to make things better and actually be a man and taking on the responsibility as a man should (is more than just bringing the money in, driving expensive cars, taking care of the bills.....).
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11-16-2012, 08:57 AM
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#5 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: BC
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Exactly what the above said. if this girl you dated still stuck around with you knowing that you had a failed business and are starting over financially, I dont think you need to worry. As for making 5-6k a month, youre beyond the avarage income in BC, id say by 2 times fold. She shouldnt love you for your wallet/bank account, if thats so and you dig that then you may find yourself in a situation.
As for feeling a loser in front of your friends because you arent stackin' the vault like they are, I wouldnt worry. If my friends based my friendship off my financial status, fuck em.
Be confident, worrying and being insecure will give her more reason to leave you. I think youre doing well and should be well on your way.
Good luck OP
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11-16-2012, 10:27 AM
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#6 | | Willing to sell body for a few minutes on RS
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Interesting choice in username...
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Looks like I'm gonna have some hot sex again tonight...OOPS i got the 6 pack. that wont last me the night, I better go back and get the 24 pack! -Turbo E
kinda off topic but obama is a dilf - miss_crayon
Honest to fucking Christ the easiest way to get a married woman in the mood is clean the house and do the laundry.....I've been with the same girl almost 17 years, ask me how I know. - quasi
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11-16-2012, 10:32 AM
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#7 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by toyobaru  As for feeling a loser in front of your friends because you arent stackin' the vault like they are, I wouldnt worry. If my friends based my friendship off my financial status, fuck em. | This.
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11-16-2012, 11:07 AM
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#8 | | I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: vancouver
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If anything, if your friends knows your economic position, if theybeere real friends they woild offer you some opportunities to get you back up.
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11-16-2012, 11:52 AM
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#9 | | NOOB, Not Quite a Regular!
Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Richmond
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Hi everyone.
Thanks for your opinions. I would agree with everything that was said above. I never base my friendships on the bank accounts of others.
In fact, I've dated some very wealthy woman and I decided to be with the person I'm with simply because I love them. They're a great person and I do see a future with them.
I have been blessed and lucky to have had a very affluent time in my 20's. It was fun to live that and also taught me some great lessons. Money isn't everything. In the end, what matters are the people in your life and the things you enjoy.
I guess the next piece of this puzzle is how to proceed.
I'm not sure if I should just be straight up with my girlfriend and explain to her that I may never be baller and are you really okay with that? As much as it would kill me to see her go, I'd rather save us both the headache of not being happy down the road if that is what matters.
I don't think she really knows the situation I'm in. Since she met me she's only seen me as an average guy. I met her shortly after I went bankrupt which is maybe a good thing. I still have nice things (I'm not driving a beater and all that) but I'm far from being wealthy or even above average.
Interestingly enough, I spoke to some of my female friends about this and most of the said it shouldn't matter, just so long as I can support myself
Maybe I'm too old school or have an ego. I love someone, I want to take care of them - I grew up with dad being the big shot so maybe that plays into it.
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11-16-2012, 02:12 PM
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#10 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Burnaby
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If that woman is happy with you for you as a person and not what you possess, then there shouldn't be any problem.
If she is highly materialistic and makes a big deal about money, then wtf would you want to be with someone who only wants only your money? Might as well just die and give her your life insurance. There is a difference between comfort and excess.
I don't understand why some people feel the need to "keep up with the Joneses."
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Electrician.
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11-16-2012, 04:26 PM
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#11 | | I *Fwap* *Fwap* *Fwap* to RS
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: vancouver
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to keep it short ...
yes, it is a self esteem issue.
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Q: What do you like most in a woman?
A: My dick Quote:
Originally Posted by JL9000 this is the internet and everyone knows better about what happened sitting behind a desk than the people who are actually involved. | | |
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11-16-2012, 04:35 PM
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#12 | | Wunder? Wonder?? Wander???
Join Date: Oct 2012 Location: eVan
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starting to sense that op might have just hit 20
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11-16-2012, 05:53 PM
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#13 | | Banned By Establishment
Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Infiniti
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by Isaiah11 starting to sense that op might have just hit 20 | i kinda doubt it, if his friends are all making 20k a month. at 20-25 thats still kinda hard.
Unless hes changing the story, meaning his friends are all making 5-6gs a month and hes making 2-3.. then yeah i guess its possible.
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