She returned the engagement ring

[Marco.911]

So my friend thinks I am wrong and I disagree with him. I wanted to open this up to the group since I am more interested in what is right over what I think is right.

Friend is going through rough financial times and his girlfriend knows it. She is pushing to get married and wants a ring and he loves her so much that he says okay, and spends $3000 on a ring.
I went with him when he got the ring and its obviously not crazy but I thought it was nice. He said it was what she asked for in terms of design etc. whatever. So he proposes to her and she says yes but then the issues is a few days later she starts saying how she wants him to take the ring back because she doesn't really feel it is her style.

Okay so at this point I could see both sides. He's probably pissed but then if it is a lifetime of wearing something I can see why someone would want it to be specific. I was about to side with his girlfriend until..... She goes ring shopping with him and the rings she wants start at about 11,000 up to 25,000. I was like woah!!!! Buddy is broke with all these bills, she's living in his home for free and he's broke. Like he's gone through some bad stuff and owes like $50k in debt.

I told him its a huge red flag and that her rejecting the ring is a huge kick in the balls. She apparently still wants to get married and all that but isn't it suppose to be about two people who want to be together? Maybe I'm naive but it seems like its all about money and face with Vancouver woman.

To make it worse, she is going on about how most woman/ girls would expect more and not be or would be as cool as she is about his financial situation. I told him to run. She's not the gold digger type but then after hearing this my friend is doubting who she really is. Anyway. Thoughts
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[bcedhk]

asian? typical princess disease.

dump that bitch and move on is my recommendation

[nabs]

yeah, if she was forcing him to propose to her then she should be willing to get what he can afford at that time. I think its ridiculous and it would feel like a swift kick in the balls, enough to make me want to dump her and rethink the entire premise of our relationship.

In my opinion, someone should be more excited about the proposal itself and not so much the ring. If all she noticed during the proposal process was the size of the ring, thats fucked up. I think she it also may be a social status thing as well for her so she can show off to her friends/family.

She is playing him, she knows that he had the thought of leaving her but your last sentence said it all. She is totally playing him like a fiddle.


edit. and to add... if a girl returns an engagement ring, it means she doesn't agree with the engagement, the engagement is off.

[DragonChi]

He should tell her he got a way better replacement ring for her.

Show her a ring pop. If she leaves, he's the winner.

[NKC ONE]

Alright, I think we're here to comment because we care about the well being of your friend. If he really loves her then there's really nothing you can do as a friend to stop him. Its a very risky thing to do and 9/10 times you will lose a friend. So with a gold digger in town, what are his options?

I believe two things will happen:
1) He can't afford her and she eventually leaves him. Most probable option and as a friend you will be there to pick up the piece and not be the I Told You So guy.

2) He strives hard to make money (to be able to afford her) and reaches a potential that he himself could not have reached without the stress/ambition to provide for his fiance/wife. Less likely but possible and remember no one else could have given him this boost.


OP, I know its hard to see a friend go thru something like this and not being able to help. But if this friend is important to you, you should just be there for him. It's pointless arguing who is right or wrong and this is ultimately his life and his consequences. You tried to be honest with him and he didn't listen, its not a sign of disrespect to you, its the power of love and the things that you don't see when they are together.

[Lamboda]

Time to break bad.

[!Yaminashi]

If she was serious about getting married she would allow him to pay off his debts/help him pay off his debts so they can be debt free when they start a life together.
Hell she lives at home rent free! Where the hell does her money go? Shopping and expensive lunches with her girlfriends?

I know women are all about the ring but this one seems to lack the common sense that debt + expensive ring = more debt.

Shit, he's got to buy all this shit for her, what is he rewarded with? Denied sex for the rest of his life and forced to open up his wallet forever?

Tell your buddy to run

[Not really racist!]

Hopefully this isn't a roll bread...

But anyhow, any woman who isn't willing to adapt to their SO's financial situation = red flag
Also, says a lot about her maturity and priorities as well

[BBMme]

^
I totally agree, I feel sorry for him. How long have they been dating for?
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[Marco.911]

Buddy and her have been together a while. Almost 2 years. She seems cool but she's my buddy's gf so I just see whatever she wants me to see when we're all out at dinner and stuff. The weird thing is buddy never buys her stuff. She's not like those girls that wants this bag that bag and all that garbage. She's actually pretty down to earth for the most part. She says she is saving up all her money from her job/career for their future such as the wedding itself and I guess crap like buying a place together or whatever.

She's telling him since she never asks for anything this is that one thing that really matters to her. She's Asian so I dunno if its a face thing or not but its weird. It's like I kinda see it from her side in a way but then I can't shake that feeling of this being a problem. I've dated some girls that were all about the money and it was cool during dating but the idea of them being long term was a no go. Like I said I dunno if its a Vancouver thing vs other cities and all that but it's kinda messed up to me.

It sounds like she's kinda willing to help him even pay for part of the ring indirectly (like she's willing to help him pay down his debt) but she's still fixated on this ring stuff. Man debeers really fucked up woman's minds.
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[MindBomber]

Leave her.

[xilley]

Golden shovel.

If she really loves your buddy that much, even those 10 dollar rings you buy in HS for your first crush will do.

And 2 years only???

[SpeedStars]

brah. Just tell him to give her an onion ring

Spoiler!

in all seriousness, she may be fixated on this because of the status that women associate with rings. Since, she knows about your buddy's situation, she knows he can't afford it. Just tell him to give it some time.

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[saucywoman]

For me, yes I would love a big shiny expensive ring but if its not financially viable I would definitely settle for some cheap hundred dollar one if that's all that my future fiancé could afford. I would be more into him paying down his debt because once were married it would be my debt too. Once that's paid off, the wedding and honeymoon are paid for, and there's more money that can be put towards a ring then we could look at upgrading. Whether that takes 1 year or 50 years who cares; I'm building a life with my partner not a huge shiny ring
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[punkwax]

It's supposed to be about the person, not the ring on your finger. If she's that superficial, your buddy may never get out of that debt because she's going to NEED an annual vacation, nice this and that forever.. dunno man. I can see someone asking politely for a design change if they don't feel it suits them. With that, sure maybe price goes up a little bit.. but ~4-8x as much? He needs to show her how compromise works or he'll be under her thumb forever.

[Marco.911]

In a shocking twist, buddy and her broke up!?! Not sure if it will stick but from what I hear is they tried to talk about it. It turned into a huge argument and he said that this is wrong and clearly this is not healthy for either of us. Said this is not how it is suppose to be and said he wants to work it out but doesn't see it. Let's see if it sticks but wow. Did not see that coming at all. What the hell is wrong with woman these days? Seriously. Wow.
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[Mr.HappySilp]

Well since she wants to return the ring it means she care more about money then love. Ask yoru buddy this question "When you refund something to the store does it mean that you don't want it?" Same thing with the ring. His Gf basically refund the ring to him so she doens't want to marry.
Not to mention she is free loading off him. Did she offer to pay the bill? The food? The spendings? The gas? Rent? If the answer is no then she should suck it up or leave.

My co-worker got marries and her engagement ring was $1200 she is more than happy with it since she loves her husband not the ring. Not to mention she rather be debt free than to put her husband in debt for some stupid rock/orver price wedding.

If a person cares/loves you, they would understand and wants to do things/decsion that is best for you, not for them.

[Spoon]

Good on him. As much as the euphoria of marriage is about being lovey dovey and all that good stuff. Finances play a huge role after all that. Being knee deep in debt heading into a marriage will always be a hurdle.

Originally Posted by Marco.911

Buddy and her have been together a while. Almost 2 years.

Geez you kids make 2 years seem like a life time.

[SkinnyPupp]

When I started reading, I thought she wanted to take the ring back so he could save money, and would marry him anyway.

How wrong I was. He needs to get the FUCK away from this cunt.

Good to hear they broke up - they need to stay that way. Even if she concedes this one, she is no good as a wife. She is ruined.

[melloman]

2 years..

Dump her in the streets where she belongs. Doesn't sound like she helps financially at all. So she doesn't deserve a 11-25k ring.

[snails]

im someone who loves to surprise a girl, i do not take directions and orders very well.. if something is a gift it is not to be expected, the time and effort should be praised alone and the gift is just a bonus.

based on his financial situation she should be happy with a 5$ ring until his life is more stable.. "for richer or for poorer" i dont think the girl got the memo.

[buddy]

"drop it like it's hot ... drop it like it's hot ... " stupid snoop dogg move comes to mind ...

man, now I want a smoke ...

[Spidey]

Does she KNOW how much in debt your buddy is?

I can see how, if she is going to have a ring that she is keeping potentially forever, to pick something she likes.....

With that said, it's only a ring... There are girls out there that don't care about how much a ring is, and care about the person she is marrying. If a girl is "down to earth" they will know your financial situation and realize what is and isn't affordable.. BUT again, that 's if she knows your buddy is broke as a joke! If she doesn't, your buddy needs to tell her.

It all comes down to whether your buddy thinks he can "afford" her, especially in the long run. If it is something he isn't cool with, he should obviously think twice about getting married with an "expensive" gf.

[snails]

mk4 supra > a rock on some metal

[TatsuyaKataoka]

Fuck the DeBeers mafia for brainwashing women into thinking they need a five-figure engagement ring or a ring over a certain number of carats.

I wouldn't spend more than $100-200 on a rock, and I'd rather get a cheap tungsten carbide ring. That is, if I even get married.