[waddy41]

Recently 2 people I know are going through divorces, and as well I've heard stories from a few others. One in particular they were dating for around 2-3 years, got married, the woman just stopped working and was suspected to be occasionally using coke. The guy has a house and a business, worth over $1 mil. They separated only about 1 year into marriage. Not saying he was a perfect gentleman, but still....

My questions are:
How can one spouse, after only 1 - 2 years of marriage, take up to half of what the other has built their whole entire life?

Regarding common law: If a couple doesn't get married, why are they still bound by the law if they live together for only 2 years?

[multicartual]

Don't date a woman who ain't got shit to lose

[Mr.HappySilp]

Recently 2 people I know are going through divorces, and as well I've heard stories from a few others. One in particular they were dating for around 2-3 years, got married, the woman just stopped working and was suspected to be occasionally using coke. The guy has a house and a business, worth over $1 mil. They separated only about 1 year into marriage. Not saying he was a perfect gentleman, but still....

My questions are:
How can one spouse, after only 1 - 2 years of marriage, take up to half of what the other has built their whole entire life?

Regarding common law: If a couple doesn't get married, why are they still bound by the law if they live together for only 2 years?

It could go the other way too. So if you got lucky and dated a balling woman and then divorce then you could get half of what she owns too.

However I think if it is something you own and paid with your own money before marriage even after divorce your other half aren't entitle to them.

[murd0c]

The chicks first name isn't Melissa is it?

[tiger_handheld]

How can one spouse, after only 1 - 2 years of marriage, take up to half of what the other has built their whole entire life?

>> Buyer be aware, like everything and anything in life.

If a couple doesn't get married, why are they still bound by the law if they live together for only 2 years?

>> Equality for all! But most probably so the leaving partner gets something for their contribution (ie. helping with mortgage, bills etc.) during the two years. Imagine the woman helping the man pay the mortgage and after 2 yrs the man kicks her to the curb for a pretty young thang...pretty unfair to the woman.


Kanye knew what he was talking about: WE WANT PRE NUP...WE WANT PRE NUP or date your partner for a long time and build up that trust.

[tiger_handheld]

It could go the other way too. So if you got lucky and dated a balling woman and then divorce then you could get half of what she owns too.

However I think if it is something you own and paid with your own money before marriage even after divorce your other half aren't entitle to them.

if you live together in the same home, share a car - all that becomes 'matrimonial' property = split in 2. it doesn't matter if you bought the home before you got the married.

if the wife is on the business as a shareholder for income splitting purposes because your accountant said it was a good idea at the time (most accountants suggest this!!)... BAM free $$$!

[punkwax]

The chicks first name isn't Melissa is it?

Please be Melissa.

http://thumbs.newschoolers.com/index.php?src=http%3A%2F%2Fi.imgur.com%2FWJGZ5.gif&size=400x1000

[ToneCapone]

My questions are:
How can one spouse, after only 1 - 2 years of marriage, take up to half of what the other has built their whole entire life?

The way I understand it is the law isn't so cut and dried that the spouse is immediately entitled to half after becoming common-law/married. It's more like half of what they put in during that time. In this case she can make the argument that she is entitled to half his house but I think there is a 0 percent chance that she will get it. It really depends on what she put in during the 2 years. Marriage laws try to make it as fair as possible for both parties and rely on both parties to be fair with each other. If they cant agree on how to divvy their assets they go to court.

And by the way common-law is now effective after living together for 1 year (in BC)

If i'm totally wrong about anything above i'd like to know too :badpokerface:

[van_city23]

i'm pretty sure asset split is only of matrimonial property which is stuff from the marriage and not what you owned before the marriage

[Hehe]

It could go the other way too. So if you got lucky and dated a balling woman and then divorce then you could get half of what she owns too.

However I think if it is something you own and paid with your own money before marriage even after divorce your other half aren't entitle to them.

Did you just describe Multicartual's dream? :troll:


Seriously though, get a good lawyer, but the basis is that only gains from AFTER the marriage would count.

So, say if guy's business earned 100k a year after the marriage, that's subject to split.

As for the house, if it was purchased pre-marriage but still has mortgage, the math is a bit messed up, so consult a lawyer.

[EmperorIS]

get a prenup save the headache.

[4444]

get a prenup save the headache.

unless you come from a lot of family money, this will not go down well. even then, it won't go down well.

it's a tough one. i'm thankful that i know my partner and i are completely equal. granted i earn twice what she does, but if we were to split, she and i would both leave with the same assets (we've been together for >5 years) and I have no problem with this, she works hard and gives as much as i do (or more?) to the relationship and our life, the fact that i earn more is irrelevant.

if i worked way harder, she were lazy, doing coke, not working, etc. i'd look to protect myself like OP's friend should have done.

it's not about money or assets, it's about what that person adds to the relationship... some people just earn way more than others (glass ceiling, gender discrimination, etc.)

[Tapioca]

Lots of misinformation out there, but the recent law in BC is pretty clear - you keep your assets earned/acquired before marriage/common law relation and split the gains/losses acquired during the relationship.

IMHO, these divorce horror stories result from men making poor choices when it comes to the women they marry or enter into a common law relationship with. Don't marry someone without the same earning potential as you. Marry someone with as much to lose as you do.

[GLOW]

don't move in with anyone or let them deliver mail to your house either :lol

[waddy41]

Thanks guys great answers here

[BoostedBB6]

Bottom line, don't move in with a chick if you have no intentions to marry her.
I have been through this and lost a LOT with my ex. Dont do it unless your sure!

[EmperorIS]

unless you come from a lot of family money, this will not go down well. even then, it won't go down well.

it's a tough one. i'm thankful that i know my partner and i are completely equal. granted i earn twice what she does, but if we were to split, she and i would both leave with the same assets (we've been together for >5 years) and I have no problem with this, she works hard and gives as much as i do (or more?) to the relationship and our life, the fact that i earn more is irrelevant.

if i worked way harder, she were lazy, doing coke, not working, etc. i'd look to protect myself like OP's friend should have done.

it's not about money or assets, it's about what that person adds to the relationship... some people just earn way more than others (glass ceiling, gender discrimination, etc.)

How can signing a prenup be worst than not signing a prenup?

Signing a prenup doesn't mean you have to sign something unequal. You sign on the dotted line agreeing to terms so you know exactly what you will be getting and not getting IF there are any issues down the road. Just because you are fine with your partner taking half of your shit doesn't mean everyone feel the same.

Like I said, sign a prenup save the headache. If you end your relationship on good terms then no big deal, you could talk it over after and give each other more if you want. If not, a prenup is between you keeping what is yours or splitting half your shit with that whore and the endless lawyer battles which will cost you even more in the long run.

[6793026]

HOW the fuck do some of you POST shit up here THINKING it's true. damnnn.

Just cause someone gets married, the chick moves in after doesn't automatically mean she takes over the house. Get your facts straight....

OH, if you think you marry a rich girl and gets divorced that you get 1/2 of her shit.... good luck with that.....

[Zedbra]

if you live together in the same home, share a car - all that becomes 'matrimonial' property = split in 2. it doesn't matter if you bought the home before you got the married.



As a guy that is divorced, I can say that this is not necessarily true. I owned my own home prior to meeting my first wife, we dated for 5 years and then only married for 2. Seeing as how the house was 100% in my name, my ex was only entitled to 50% of the appreciation for the TIME WE WERE MARRIED, not the five years prior. Marriage law supersedes Provincial Law in some matters, and getting a lawyer that knows where those lines cross is important. My lawyer is an ex-prosecutor - he's seen it all.

Laws may have changed since, but that is how it worked for me. Now, if I had put my wife's name on the house, then it would have been an expensive venture for me.

[Tapioca]

Prenups are a good idea in theory, but signing one assumes your relationship is going to fail in the future which puts a wrench into things. If you're serious about getting married, you shouldn't go into it thinking that it's going to fail. That doesn't mean you shouldn't mitigate your risks in other ways:
- don't marry just for looks/sex,
- similar earning potential and real smarts (tough to find these days, according to the keyboard warriors),
- on the same page financially with no debts
- a good person who's willing to grow with you over time.

[4444]

How can signing a prenup be worst than not signing a prenup?

Signing a prenup doesn't mean you have to sign something unequal. You sign on the dotted line agreeing to terms so you know exactly what you will be getting and not getting IF there are any issues down the road. Just because you are fine with your partner taking half of your shit doesn't mean everyone feel the same.

Like I said, sign a prenup save the headache. If you end your relationship on good terms then no big deal, you could talk it over after and give each other more if you want. If not, a prenup is between you keeping what is yours or splitting half your shit with that whore and the endless lawyer battles which will cost you even more in the long run.
If u ever get a gf, tell us How the prenup discussion goes

[EmperorIS]

If u ever get a gf, tell us How the prenup discussion goes

you're an idiot
if you, or your Gf or Bf is not mature enough to talk about a prenub then you have an even bigger problem and should not have moved in or marry in the first place

[EmperorIS]

Prenups are a good idea in theory, but signing one assumes your relationship is going to fail in the future which puts a wrench into things. If you're serious about getting married, you shouldn't go into it thinking that it's going to fail. That doesn't mean you shouldn't mitigate your risks in other ways:
- don't marry just for looks/sex,
- similar earning potential and real smarts (tough to find these days, according to the keyboard warriors),
- on the same page financially with no debts
- a good person who's willing to grow with you over time.


Thinking positive is one thing. but in reality when shit goes down, you wish you could build a time machine and sign a prenup. This is the real world, when you are lovey dovey in romantic land.. everything is fine. but once that shit ends, the happy go lucky teddy bear girl can turn in to a money grabbing wretched witch. People change... there is no telling whether you will change or she will change. Ask anyone that is divorced. The person they know today is not the person they knew 5, 10, 20 years ago.

Signing a prenub doesn't mean that you think your marriage is going to fail. many people sign a prenub and live happy ever happy.

[Hondaracer]

If someone who has nothing is going to marry someone with all sorts of assets/resources and the other party can't see that they are simply protecting what THEY have earned, then I'd say it wasn't meant to be.

What's even more fucked up than common law/divorce shit, is child support and child care laws as a common law partner

Worked with a guy who had a on again off again girlfriend who had an 8 year old kid. According to the guy he told her that outside of saying hi, being in the kids presence he wanted nothing to do with the kid and he wasn't going to be a father figure if this was to go forward. He said on average he may have seen the kid 2-3 times a month and only typically when they were together to take the kid to his dad's house

Fast forward two years and they break up, the chick takes the guy to court and the court rules that he acted as a father figure and was ordered to pay fucking child support for 2 years, somtbing like 25k they settled on

[Tapioca]

Thinking positive is one thing. but in reality when shit goes down, you wish you could build a time machine and sign a prenup. This is the real world, when you are lovey dovey in romantic land.. everything is fine. but once that shit ends, the happy go lucky teddy bear girl can turn in to a money grabbing wretched witch. People change... there is no telling whether you will change or she will change. Ask anyone that is divorced. The person they know today is not the person they knew 5, 10, 20 years ago.

Signing a prenub doesn't mean that you think your marriage is going to fail. many people sign a prenub and live happy ever happy.

I speak from experience. Have you ever been close to marrying someone? Have you had such conversations with a woman before?

[EmperorIS]

I speak from experience. Have you ever been close to marrying someone? Have you had such conversations with a woman before?

Yes.

[Tapioca]

Yes.

And how did it turn out? Did you sign a co-habitation agreement or prenup?

[EmperorIS]

And how did it turn out? Did you sign a co-habitation agreement or prenup?

I can say that its a prenub, but I dont want to say more as I have friends on this forum and I'd like to keep the details private. But its mostly about being honest and her in return. Its not just about taking care of yourself, its about the ability to take care of your family too. ie., parents when they get old or brother and sister when they need help.

And other experiences would be from other close family members. The devastation is real when it comes.

[Tapioca]

I think you'll see divorce rates decrease in the future because younger people are learning from the mistakes that their parents made. People hear stories all of the time about men losing their shirts - well, if the wife stayed at home for 10 years, of course the husband lost their shirt. Divorce has been no-fault for years, so the objective of the courts is to ensure both couples are roughly equal financially after marriage.

Marriage is an economic union as much as it's about love and companionship. Look at the people getting married these days - both spouses are typically educated and are high-earning professionals. You won't hear about people losing their shirts in divorces following these types of marriages because there's much more equality in terms of assets and status these days.

[Hondaracer]

^ the majority of the people are too dumb to think rationally like that

[CharlesInCharge]

- don't marry just for looks/sex,
- similar earning potential and real smarts (tough to find these days, according to the keyboard warriors),
- on the same page financially with no debts
- a good person who's willing to grow with you over time.

Reflections on my cult-ural brainwashing, and what it cost me.
by Henry Makow Ph.D.



Lately I have been thinking about a great woman I knew when I was 24. I ignored Liz because I wasn't attracted to her sexually. She was average looking but there was no "chemistry."

She had many of the qualities in the left-hand column below, and she liked me. But my tastes and even my ideas had been formed by PLAYBOY.

I had been brainwashed by my cult-ure to believe that "sexual attraction" is 75%-90% of what male-female relationships are all about.

Marriages were based on sexual attraction. You had to live together before marriage to make sure you were "sexually compatible." Sex was the Holy Grail.

I was thinking about Liz lately, wondering what her life has been like.

I was thinking about her because I am almost 63 and now realize that sex is a relatively small part of a good marriage, say 20%

What if I knew this back then? I wouldn't have had three failed marriages by the age of 50, two largely based on sexual attraction.

I am happily married now but how different my life might have been. I might have had a family.



Men, Design your perfect "10"

You can choose 10 of the 20 qualities listed below. If you choose only from the right-hand column, you will get the woman in the picture above, but she will have none of the qualities in the left-hand column. Put another way, what are you willing to give up for sex appeal? Write and tell me your answer. Give your age.


Character (Honest, Fair) Sex Appeal

Personality (Cheerful & fun) Sex Appeal

Great Sense of Humor Sex Appeal

Intelligent and reasonable Sex Appeal

Skills & Talents Sex Appeal

Warm and loving Sex Appeal

Devoted & Loyal Sex Appeal

Common Beliefs & Interests Sex Appeal
Great conversation.

Incredible Cook & Homemaker
Good mother to your children. Sex Appeal

Unselfish, Interested in Others Sex Appeal.

[4444]

you're an idiot
if you, or your Gf or Bf is not mature enough to talk about a prenub then you have an even bigger problem and should not have moved in or marry in the first place

Nope, not an idiot at all, just earn so much that my partner knows she will never have to worry about money. As said, we already share everything , split between our names 50-50.

I guess I realize there's more to life than cheating out and nickel and diming, I'd rather take care of those I love, for better or worse. Plus after living together for years, I know I can trust her character.

And it's prenup, not prenub - this isn't an autocorrect, so u clearly don't even know what ur talking about

[Tapioca]

I guess I realize there's more to life than cheating out and nickel and diming, I'd rather take care of those I love, for better or worse. Plus after living together for years, I know I can trust her character.


This.

Sure, people change over time, but your values should remain the same. I think the mistake people make is that they don't find people with similar values. It's important to go into something like marriage with a dose of reality and your eyes wide open, but in the end, you have to trust the other person and that trust simply comes from your experience with that person removed from emotions.

[Ulic Qel-Droma]

lol what's with the guys without balls not knowing how to bring up a prenup

that shit should be brought up when you FIRST START DATING.

u just randomly bring the topic out and then u make a statement and u make sure it's solid and clear right from the beginning that she knows your stance on it.

THAT or you guys truly don't wear the pants.

i'd just be straight up. we're gonna get a prenup. and she's just going to nod her fucking head and say ok.

and if the reverse happens to me, i'd just nod my head and say ok.

if she makes a fuss about it, i can only react one way... raise my eyebrow and ask her if she's fuckin serious, and then drop the conversation and not bring up marriage anymore until she realises she's losing me and changes her mind.

they're GOING to sign the god damn prenup. period.

you ever fuck a girl and she tells you to wear a condom and you fuckin agree? it's the same god damn thing. her bitching about signing a prenup, is equivalent of you bitching about wearing a condom. there's no ifs or buts. if you have half a brain and know how to reduce risk, you'd do it automatically.

i'm 1000% with emperorIS on this. grow some balls. it's easy to see who wears the pants in the relationship when this question comes up lol.

in my opinion the law should be changed so that prenups are auto, and you have to apply to get it removed.

[Hehe]

If you are going to ask someone to marry you and want the person to sign a prenup, please don't.

I am not sure what marriage has become for some of you guys, but I have made the commitment to stay true to my vows for the rest of my life. If the woman turns out to be not what I thought it was, I'd at least make every effort possible and even compromise to stay together.

Marriage is not fast food that you do whenever you feel like. Heck, it's not even a Michelin 3 star restaurant that you just bite the bullet and do it. It's a serious commitment that you should ONLY do it with serious consideration.

I used to contribute more into our finances since I was able to make investments by borrowing from $$ families, but wife still worked very hard to get her degrees and advanced in her career. She's projected to make more than me and my investments in the next tax filling season given her possible bonus, but we have never once even questioned how our money is distributed. You tie the knot and you stick with it, for bad or good.

If in doubt, don't. Saying "I do" means a lot more than just a word IMHO.

[multicartual]

If in doubt, don't. Saying "I do" means a lot more than just a word IMHO.

:thumbsup:

[EmperorIS]

Nope, not an idiot at all, just earn so much that my partner knows she will never have to worry about money. As said, we already share everything , split between our names 50-50.

I guess I realize there's more to life than cheating out and nickel and diming, I'd rather take care of those I love, for better or worse. Plus after living together for years, I know I can trust her character.

And it's prenup, not prenub - this isn't an autocorrect, so u clearly don't even know what ur talking about

First of all fuck you.

Second, you earning alot is not a reason to not sign a prenup. You could be making squat and your partner is the one bringing in the cash and she will have every right to make you sign a prenup.

You are right, there is more to life than money. But who is to say that your love for her or her love for you will be ever after? People can turn bitter and sour faster than you can think. You living together and your claim of knowing and trust her character means squat when you are sitting infront of the judge trying to argue what is you think is rightfully yours.

If you are such the good guy you say you are, why don't you keep support ur other half after the divorce? signing a prenup doesn't mean you can't give alimony. Heck give her ALL your shit if you want. But not signing a prenup because you THINK you will last forever or you trust the other person enough is idiotic. And this conversation should go BOTH ways and should come to an agreement on BOTH sides. No one should feel like they are being cheated out of the agreement.

So I don't see what your argument here is for not signing a prenup. Because all your saying is: "I am in love, we are going to last forever." and " i'm a big pussy so I can't bring it up to my partner"
You can sign a prenup, live a happy life and never have to resort it. I don't see what can you say to even refute that.

[EmperorIS]

If you are going to ask someone to marry you and want the person to sign a prenup, please don't.

I am not sure what marriage has become for some of you guys, but I have made the commitment to stay true to my vows for the rest of my life. If the woman turns out to be not what I thought it was, I'd at least make every effort possible and even compromise to stay together.

Marriage is not fast food that you do whenever you feel like. Heck, it's not even a Michelin 3 star restaurant that you just bite the bullet and do it. It's a serious commitment that you should ONLY do it with serious consideration.

I used to contribute more into our finances since I was able to make investments by borrowing from $$ families, but wife still worked very hard to get her degrees and advanced in her career. She's projected to make more than me and my investments in the next tax filling season given her possible bonus, but we have never once even questioned how our money is distributed. You tie the knot and you stick with it, for bad or good.

If in doubt, don't. Saying "I do" means a lot more than just a word IMHO.

That's great. That's probably what OP's friend thought too.. but look at where they're at now. Countless hours of courtroom and lawyers.. money spent just to keep money. Wouldn't signing a prenup be much easier?

And just because you are committed and going to be in love forever.. doesn't mean your partner will.

Not every story ends in a happy ending fairy tale kids. Protect yourself and protect others if you can. Because in the end only you will be the one that suffers and no one can help you

[freakshow]

Given that marriage doesn't have a shred of the meaning it once had, most people should just sign a prenup.

[Carl Johnson]

"Marriage is popular because it combines the maximum of temptation with the maximum of opportunity." - George Bernard Shaw

Like the poster above said - buyer beware.

[multicartual]

Given that marriage doesn't have a shred of the meaning it once had, most people should just sign a prenup.


Marriage should be a lead up to children for a MAN and a WOMAN!


Let anyone else have Civil Unions with same rights, different name

[6793026]

I am not sure what marriage has become for some of you guys, but I have made the commitment to stay true to my vows for the rest of my life. If the woman turns out to be not what I thought it was, I'd at least make every effort possible and even compromise to stay together.


^ the above statement is TRUE for YOU and only YOU only.

Props to you for being a 1000% good guy, it's the high ratio of FEMALES who sees
-wedding as a party,
-wedding as a goal in life
- as a show off
- as a next stage for my bf and I
- as a chance to have a baby cause I'm so ready....
-wedding as a chance to have a guy take care of me (which I don't have responsibility to have to do the same back)

it's these bitches above who DID NOT REALIZE what's it is all about that skews the stats for all of us.

[Hehe]

^ the above statement is TRUE for YOU and only YOU only.

Props to you for being a 1000% good guy, it's the high ratio of FEMALES who sees
-wedding as a party,
-wedding as a goal in life
- as a show off
- as a next stage for my bf and I
- as a chance to have a baby cause I'm so ready....
-wedding as a chance to have a guy take care of me (which I don't have responsibility to have to do the same back)

it's these bitches above who DID NOT REALIZE what's it is all about that skews the stats for all of us.

And why are you or any man for the matter be pushed into it? The only reason to do so is because the male sees:
- wedding ALSO as a party
-ALSO as a goal in life
-ALSO as a show off
-ALSO as a next stage
-ALSO as a chance to have baby
-ALSO as a chance to take care of someone (machismo?)

You'd only propose if one of that ALSO applies to your case.

Nevertheless, the fundamental problem didn't change: people are taking marriage too lightly.

[4444]

First of all fuck you.



Well that escalated quickly

Great response to a discussion, really adult

[Expresso]

Well that escalated quickly

Great response to a discussion, really adult

Almost as adult as fail stalking his every post in this thread, whereas he hasn't failed you once...

[4444]

Almost as adult as fail stalking his every post in this thread, whereas he hasn't failed you once...

fail stalking? failing him and responding in kind = fail stalking?

[4444]

for those saying that people who don't want to bring up a prenup are pussies don't seem to realize that it has nothing to do with being pussies

if someone is bringing in a hugely disproportionate amount of money into the relationship and the other person is a lazy turd, for all means - prenup; but if you're bringing in approximately equal (which is a variable number based on person) funds and effort, then a prenup is just a slap in the face.

what emperoris is missing here is that given my partner and i split legal ownership of our new assets 50/50, any break up would lead to a legal split of assets in line with any court order. all assets i brought into the relationship are under my name - legal ownership and legal split per court are already met. she has no downside in staying vs. leaving, i am happy as a clam as i know she is protected and does not have to feel she needs to stay with me for money - it is actually a ridiculously refreshing thing, when you see all the gold digging whores in Vancouver, and wonder do they only stay with the whet pussy they're with for their money... for me i'd never have to consider that.

now, don't get me wrong, if we broke up, we'd go our separate ways in life and financially, when we have kids, i'm financially tied to her anyway, so the prenup becomes a lot less effective

so, there you go, prenup or not, it's irrelevant - maturity is what matters here, i hope the audience here is in their late teens / very young 20's, as the responses would reflect that level of relationship maturity.

[melloman]

I love the comments in this thread. How you should get a prenup to cover your ass, so your gold digging wife can't take 50% of what is yours.

These are the people who shouldn't get married. We're not in the fucking dark ages of India or China, where a fucking dowry or shit still exists. If you're still getting married as an exchange of beauty for money, well then you're a stupid, dumbass, pussy yourself. In that transaction, ofcourse you need to sign a prenup because your wife WILL LEAVE YOU. She will cheat on your spineless ass, find someone better, and take as much as she can get.

Marriage is an agreement. That the relationship is legal, binding, and will need work to keep it going. A pussy signs a prenup because he/she wants an easy way of just getting the fuck out and not dealing with hassles.

The problem with marriage now, compared to marriage then, is work. People these days meet someone, spend a year or 2 with them. Get married, and realize they hate eachother. Then get a divorce and gripe. Why not spend more time getting to know your SO, and judge their character.

I've seen the above happen, so fucking often, it's a joke.

[flagella]

I understand there are two school of thoughts here, and I'm on not signing the prenup side. Don't see the point of further discussions as one side can't be convinced otherwise, not to mention the apparent mental breakdown of EmperorIS who can't seem to participate in a discussion respectfully. 4444, I fully agree with all you said.

[EmperorIS]

for those saying that people who don't want to bring up a prenup are pussies don't seem to realize that it has nothing to do with being pussies

if someone is bringing in a hugely disproportionate amount of money into the relationship and the other person is a lazy turd, for all means - prenup; but if you're bringing in approximately equal (which is a variable number based on person) funds and effort, then a prenup is just a slap in the face.

what emperoris is missing here is that given my partner and i split legal ownership of our new assets 50/50, any break up would lead to a legal split of assets in line with any court order. all assets i brought into the relationship are under my name - legal ownership and legal split per court are already met. she has no downside in staying vs. leaving, i am happy as a clam as i know she is protected and does not have to feel she needs to stay with me for money - it is actually a ridiculously refreshing thing, when you see all the gold digging whores in Vancouver, and wonder do they only stay with the whet pussy they're with for their money... for me i'd never have to consider that.

now, don't get me wrong, if we broke up, we'd go our separate ways in life and financially, when we have kids, i'm financially tied to her anyway, so the prenup becomes a lot less effective

so, there you go, prenup or not, it's irrelevant - maturity is what matters here, i hope the audience here is in their late teens / very young 20's, as the responses would reflect that level of relationship maturity.


What YOUR missing is here is that not everyone is in the same martial agreement as you or have super powers to see int he future to see how their partner will turn out in 5, 10, 20 years. Throughout this entire time, you've only talked you you you you, but what about the other person in the relationship? What if your ass turns sour and she wants to dump your ass. She didn't know you were going to be a deadbeat once she married.

And if every relationship is as equal as yours then yes we probably do not need a prenup. We probably don't even need divorce lawyers, we probably don't even need a word for divorce. But we live in a place called reality, people change, situations change, feelings change. Who are you to say that it won't? Because you trust them? because you know them? Once what was considered equal may not be in the future. And not every relationship or marriage are equal like yours, but when you are in love you overlook some aspects and you marry them anyways. This only works if you are STILL in love. but the issue here is not about being in love, its about when you are NOT. Then the details you overlooked becomes unequal to you.

Signing a prenup should not be detrimental to the relationship at all. It should be an honest discussing and both side should come to an agreement. If one side is immature enough to reject the idea, then that should be an alarm to you that this person may not share the same value as you, and you probably should not get married in the first place.

Since you said a prenup is irrelevant regardless, then WHY NOT JUST SIGN ONE. Wouldn't you rather have a safety net rather than not? because why? you worried that your feelings will get hurt? Her feelings will get hurt? Signing a prenup should not affect your feelings for each other AT ALL. You can still be with each other forever, you can still love her forever, you can still take care of her forever. A prenup is there to save you the headaches IF things turns sour and you have sit through hours with lawyers and the partner you do not want to see again reliving the mess you caused.

And I hope the audience here do not take your advice seriously, not only are they foolish, its dangerous. Because you apparently live in a fantasy world where you think you can control the future or at least see in to it.

[EmperorIS]

I love the comments in this thread. How you should get a prenup to cover your ass, so your gold digging wife can't take 50% of what is yours.

These are the people who shouldn't get married. We're not in the fucking dark ages of India or China, where a fucking dowry or shit still exists. If you're still getting married as an exchange of beauty for money, well then you're a stupid, dumbass, pussy yourself. In that transaction, ofcourse you need to sign a prenup because your wife WILL LEAVE YOU. She will cheat on your spineless ass, find someone better, and take as much as she can get.

Marriage is an agreement. That the relationship is legal, binding, and will need work to keep it going. A pussy signs a prenup because he/she wants an easy way of just getting the fuck out and not dealing with hassles.

The problem with marriage now, compared to marriage then, is work. People these days meet someone, spend a year or 2 with them. Get married, and realize they hate eachother. Then get a divorce and gripe. Why not spend more time getting to know your SO, and judge their character.

I've seen the above happen, so fucking often, it's a joke.

I'm happy that you know what the definition of a marriage is and what is required to keep it going. But you see we live in a place called reality and in reality things can change beyond your control. Sometimes when you don't love someone, you just don't. No working on, no marriage counselling, no nothing. When that time comes, you will see who your partner truly is when they treat you like just another person on the street.

Like I said, unless you have superpowers to see in the future, you cannot 100% say that you know the other person and that you both share all your values.

and a prenup is not just there to cover your ass or so your cheating wife doesn't take more than 50% of your shit. It could be there so you can't take more 50% of her shit too, therefore your protecting HER.

A prenup doesn't mean its an easy out. If you actually love someone and want to be with them, a signature on a piece of paper shouldn't be the major force holding you two together. If THAT IS THE CASE, then clearly you shouldn't be together in the first place.

[Ronin]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6vwNcNOTVzY

I can't believe this fucking song is 10 years old...

[underscore]

People these days meet someone, spend a year or 2 with them. Get married, and realize they hate eachother. Then get a divorce and gripe. Why not spend more time getting to know your SO, and judge their character.

A year or two sounds excessive compared to what I've seen lately:

Example A: My coworker met a girl in the US in fall 2013, they'd see each other a day or two every few weeks when he would go down there and they were married June 2014. (both very religious, probably explains a few things)

Example B: Girlfriends friend meets a guy, they decide to not have sex until marriage (huge lol knowing her history) got engaged after around a year of dating but having never lived together and they'll be married in August.

They're all nice people but I have to wonder just how long these two marriages are going to last.

[melloman]

@EmperorIS: Say what you want, but when it seriously comes down to a prenup, it is there for safety. It is there because you are worried that one day your spouse will fuck you over. If you're not worried, if you have no doubt, then why bother signing a prenup.

This argument, is just as valid as yours. If you cannot accept that, well then you need to re-evaluate the words marriage, and prenup.

I will not have a single doubt in my mind that the woman I will marry will fuck me over. So far, my current LTR has been going on for 8 years this September. Longer then atleast 4 marriages I know.

[Mike.L]

Marriage is like picking the winning horse (no pun intended), it is never a sure thing.

I work as a financial advisor and I get a front row seat to marriage breakdowns, so trust me on this.

A prenup is a must for any relationship because it is the instructions that are negotiated when people are calm and thinking clearing on the best and most fair way to go about something if a split were to happen. If it doesn't ever happen that is good, but if it were then that is were a prenup comes in. It should just be a mutual safety net for both parties.

Emotions fly high and at least one person is always hurt when it comes to a breakup, a prenup is a calmer version of that person who was at the time thinking clearly to how things should workout.

This is coming from someone who watches people destroy each others credit, go further into debt, close each other accounts, etc.

[rejoicepet]

I'm happy that you know what the definition of a marriage is and what is required to keep it going. But you see we live in a place called reality and in reality things can change beyond your control. Sometimes when you don't love someone, you just don't. No working on, no marriage counselling, no nothing. When that time comes, you will see who your partner truly is when they treat you like just another person on the street.

Like I said, unless you have superpowers to see in the future, you cannot 100% say that you know the other person and that you both share all your values.

and a prenup is not just there to cover your ass or so your cheating wife doesn't take more than 50% of your shit. It could be there so you can't take more 50% of her shit too, therefore your protecting HER.

A prenup doesn't mean its an easy out. If you actually love someone and want to be with them, a signature on a piece of paper shouldn't be the major force holding you two together. If THAT IS THE CASE, then clearly you shouldn't be together in the first place.

It's people like you that are forcing the society to view marriage more of a business with practical needs, and less of a romantic relationship. Shame on you.

[EmperorIS]

It's people like you that are forcing the society to view marriage more of a business with practical needs, and less of a romantic relationship. Shame on you.

Define "Love" and "romantic relationship".

[Gumby]

It's people like you that are forcing the society to view marriage more of a business with practical needs, and less of a romantic relationship. Shame on you.
Unfortunately, I think that is what marriage has become...

[68style]

I've been through one before and someone previously was saying "Oh I trust her and we already discussed beforehand that if anything were to happen we'd be fair and equitable and walk away with what we already had"... yah good luck buddy, try enforcing that verbal agreement when emotions are at their absolute peak and see where that type of thinking gets you. People get as irrational as shit when they perceive someone else as being the reason their world is crumbling or they're the type of person who is incapable of thinking about themselves objectively (ie: taking any blame for something).

Pre-nup can help you, but everyone loses in the end no matter what you do... the only person who wins in these situations are lawyers.

[evlee]

i have yet to meet a married couple truly happy in their marriage. Selfishness and greed is a common problem within the relationship and I am not talking about money either. I guess the quote "to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death us do part" don't mean shit any more, I see marriage like one form of personal accessory like a shiny new shoes or an apple watch...

[Ulic Qel-Droma]

it's simple.

those who don't sign a prenup either want to take super high risk and hope nothing bad ever happens so they can fulfil some magical perfect definition of "love" without doubt.

but it is still a risk (and high risk because people are unpredictable and can possibly change over the course of 80 years+).
because you cannot foresee the future or predict what people will become due to existential reasons.

OR they just truly do not understand the meaning of risk control.

it's like buying insurance or wearing a seatbelt. I don't fucking have insurance or wear a seatbelt because I WANT to fucking get in an accident. but i know SHIT can happen due to whatever weird reasons which you cannot think of NOW.

you're not god. you DONT know. if you think you do, then what does that say about you? ego speaking? you speak as if you can predict what SOMEONE ELSE will do or feel decades from now.

you hire the two best pilots in the world, one guy has life vests and other safety risk reducing features on his plane, and the other guy doesn't. why the FUCK would you NOT take the safer flight?

everyone that argues against signing a prenup is living in some fantasy in which they think they already control the future.

you're not BETTING on a failure, but if you've got half a fucking brain and know how humans work, you'd just take insurance... JUST INCASE. cuz you DON'T KNOW.

and you DON'T. you DON'T KNOW AT ALL. anything you hope or feel now is JUST A FEELING.

you don't fucking buy life insurance hoping to die. you don't buy insurance for your pet hoping it gets sick. but it's OUT OF YOUR CONTROL.

it's just logical. and accepting outside backup/help, and using LOGIC shouldn't fucking be a threat to your internal value systems. you should just be logical. and instead of seeing it as a threat to your internal value systems, you should see it as a tool that is there to help the BOTH of you.

it has nothing to do with gold diggers. it's an exit plan IN CASE things go to SHIT. when the world comes down on you and you go "holy fuck i never thought this would happen to me" and then you go "well, i took 50% of the suffering out by having this prenup which was planned out and laid out logically" and the exit just happens with THAT MUCH LESS PAIN.

you guys talk like it's some fucking sin, some fucking act of heresy, devaluing the sanctity of "marriage".

but your perspective is fucking skewed cuz you're only defending your own subjective definition of idealistic values. which you want to keep pure from the influences of outside.

you can separate the good planners from the shitty ones here. you ALWAYS plan for EVERY possible situation, no matter how slim it is. that way you're always in control and you have a plan laid out and you just follow that plan when the situation happens. instead of the poor fucker who will become all emotional cuz he or she has nothing planned and it's just hitting them like a dump truck.

ALWAYS plan for the worst, and hope for the best. you are NOT god. you DONT control anything. especially another person's destiny. you can only plan for your own destiny. and any smart person will have that plan solid and secure. never leave shit up to chance.

you anti prenup guys are being as crazy as the gambler at the casino. it's just CHANCE. there's ALWAYS a chance of failure. and it doesnt have to have anything to do with you or what you did.

just think of it as insurance. you don't wanna crash, but you can't help if something external causes you to crash, but you'll have insurance.

if you think signing a prenup is an omen. then that's your own fucking insane paranoid thoughts. you probably think there's such thing as jinxing LOL.

fine with me if you guys don't wanna. but i aint taking that risk. i know what i want. and i know what I DONT WANT. and the prenup secures my destiny that much more.

fuck, any business owner, anyone that's lived life fully as a human being, and interacted with people, KNOWS the risk involved with other people. no matter what you think, things can change on a dime. you're NOT in control. YOU NEVER WERE.

you sound like a buncha people that have only gotten with less than a handful of girls and live some sheltered idealistic life of what love and marriage is. like puppy love.

everyone think of their first love. imagine if u could sign something that goes "in case you break up, JUST IN CASE, your heart break will be reduced by 50%"

all of us would make the younger version of ourselves sign it. the younger self probably would be against it. cuz they're too emotional and in love to SEE AND THINK CLEARLY.

that's what you guys are right now. blinded by some idealistic value or love.

you'll always refer to some relationship where they've been happily married for 50 years with no prenup. but let me ask you what are the % of people that have that kind of relationship? minuscule. you're telling me you're willing to BET that you're one of them?

i'm not. i hope i can be. but im not willing to take that bet, so i sign a prenup that removes that risk.

why don't u guys go an put all your money on red or black, cuz statistically that's what you're betting your marriage on if you don't sign a prenup.

if you don't believe me or other pro prenup people in this thread cuz "we're a buncha immature teens or 20 year olds"
how about you go interview a buncha 80 year olds, and see what they say. they're old and wise. they know better.

i bet you 90% of them will tell you to get a prenup regardless of how perfect their relationship was. it's just the WISER MORE INTELLIGENT thing to do.

and i repeat, it DOES NOT ruin the sanctity of love or a marriage. you guys are just too insecure with your own idealistic values. hoping if you don't get a prenup, then your world is still following your own internal value system. but that's just a delusion, only you perceive that. the world doesn't. it's just a feeling.

[godwin]

LOL! You guys are freaking out about marriage and divorce.. just wait till you have kids and the scenario are exponentially more complicated.

[quasi]

The problem with marriage now, compared to marriage then, is work. People these days meet someone, spend a year or 2 with them. Get married, and realize they hate eachother. Then get a divorce and gripe. Why not spend more time getting to know your SO, and judge their character.

I've seen the above happen, so fucking often, it's a joke.

I would agree with this, in my opinion it's not something you should rush into. My wife and I we dated for over 6 years before we got engaged. We then lived together another 2 years before finally getting married, for us it helped us really get to know what we were getting into. It's our 11th wedding anniversary next month we've been together 19 years.

We don't have a prenup, when we got married neither of us had that much in terms of assets so for us it really wouldn't have meant anything.

[4444]

In all honesty, who here would even need a prenup, let alone actually ask for one... All this argument over a total non issue for most of RS!

[Drow]

why are there arguments in every thread

http://i989.photobucket.com/albums/af13/johnbarnes111/MARRIAGE%20IN%202015_zps6wru1oqz.png

[BoostedBB6]

Love is not a feeling its a choice.

The majority of marriages are done today when people are still "in love" , aka they still get the warm fuzzy feelings and are all blissful and happy. This is why they fail. A couple more years pass, the fuzz wears off and they don't "feel it" any more. Then divorce and onto the next person that gives them the fuzzies.

If you believe that love is a feeling and that it is what will keep your marriage together because it makes you feel warm and fuzzy, don't bother getting married. You are in for some serious disappointment.

Also, when kids are involved the whole 50/50 thing goes out the window (if your a halfway decent person who cars about the kids well-being). I know a few couple with kids that are very amicable and understanding of each other and there lives are just fine being separated but what I see more than not is people get greedy with possessions without considering the well being of there kids.

If I were to separate from my wife for whatever reason, the possessions we have would be separated reasonably and with the well being of my FAMILY in mind.

A good number of the people posting on here are worried about loosing assets they don't even have. If you don't own a business/property or anything of significant value then what are you doing commenting?
A prenup is not some end all protection for assets in a marriage. Despite what all the internet legal experts on RS seem to think, you can still loose many things with a prenup. Its only a contract or agreement with your spouse or partner, and unless you are coming into the relationship with something to protect, the assets you accumulate as a couple and the type of lifestyle you have will not be covered with a prenup.

So if you rent, and have no significant assets don't bother.
If you are getting married and you own a business, or property or have a large amount of savings it is something to consider, however it can still be ruled that the assets are split according with a court decision. Unlike the US, the courts are not as keen to stick to prenups if they believe they are not in the best interests of both parties involved and will also take into account the well being of children if any are involved.

[lady_mapetite]

this is a very interesting thread and great responses from everyone. i presume most of the responses here are from male posters and wonder if there are any females that have responded or can offer their take on this?

i have not thought about prenups because the conversation never arose in my past relationships, but i would not be offended or discount the relationship because the guy wants to have that conversation or gives me a draft prenup to deliberate on. i am not keen on marriage, the whole idea of planning a wedding and hosting a celebration of the union seriously turns me off. i dislike binding someone to me by marriage (and vice versa). if people can choose to be together in a relationship, they should be able to walk away from it unscathed or at least return to the financial state they were in before they were in a serious relationship.

that said, stuff happens and like everything else in life, preparation is key. having the conversation will ensure both of you are on the same page and know what to expect (and what each other's expectations are) if the relationship doesn't work out. some girls i know are adamant that they will not have this conversation or that they'll figure it out when they hit that point in their relationship - i tell them they're stupid to think this way and good luck. what bugs me even more is the mentality of some girls thinking that once they get married, they're set for life, are secured and can forego career advancement because they have someone to fall back on. thing is, no one is obligated to provide for you by any means. if the guy/girl decides they've had enough of the laziness and walks out, that financial dependency walks with them. it is really up to you to think about how to provide for yourself when a relationship doesn't work out and sadly, most people don't think about that until it's too late.

i get prenups aren't for everyone but having that conversation will save you a lot headache and grief in the future.

[mr_chin]

fuck marriage. waste of money. tons of headache.

just become common in law partners. same shit.

[Hondaracer]

Whenever I do get married, no big waste of money wedding, no kids, sink and swim together if anything we are just a team from that day forward do our best to live the best, that's it

[Hehe]

Whenever I do get married, no big waste of money wedding, no kids, sink and swim together if anything we are just a team from that day forward do our best to live the best, that's it


:alone:

[B!tch]

would you be willing to sign a prenup if your future wife was bringing more to the table than you

[NKC ONE]

Here's a little hint for the guys here. If you plan to get married, just assume she will take half of everything. It makes the decision of marriage much more challenging and serious for you before finalizing on it. Just think to yourself, is this person worth half of everything you own? Is so, then good for you, you truly are ready to commit. If not then you know the answer.

For me, I didn't have much when I got married. We've been together for over 10 years, got married 3 years ago and have a little 2 year old bugger now.

Coming from a divorced family, I fully understood that whatever happens, she's worth at least half of what I own. No pre-nup is going to change that. Plus, I went in the marriage pretty much broke so she's entitled to half of whatever is made after the marriage anyways. But honestly, without my wife and the motivation to make money for our well being, I would probably still be broke. Even if I made money by staying single, I'd probably still piss it away on pointless stuff. You really can't put a price on true happiness of having your own family.

[68style]

^Conversely, if you're married and about to cheat, think to yourself "is this bitch worth half of everything I own?" before you try to bust a nut in her and if you still think she is, well, best of luck to you... otherwise the situation should rectify itself fairly quickly :)

[Mr.HappySilp]

Marriage is like picking the winning horse (no pun intended), it is never a sure thing.

I work as a financial advisor and I get a front row seat to marriage breakdowns, so trust me on this.

A prenup is a must for any relationship because it is the instructions that are negotiated when people are calm and thinking clearing on the best and most fair way to go about something if a split were to happen. If it doesn't ever happen that is good, but if it were then that is were a prenup comes in. It should just be a mutual safety net for both parties.

Emotions fly high and at least one person is always hurt when it comes to a breakup, a prenup is a calmer version of that person who was at the time thinking clearly to how things should workout.

This is coming from someone who watches people destroy each others credit, go further into debt, close each other accounts, etc.


Friend works in a lawyer office most case they deal with is immigration follow by divorce. She is pretty serious how some girls fuck other their exhusband so it is best to protect yourself.

[multicartual]

Here's to hoping that by the time you want to get married, you have fucked enough variety of women that the ol' spank bank has enough memories to jerk to that cheating will never even cross your mind!!!

[Manic!]

fuck marriage. waste of money. tons of headache.

just become common in law partners. same shit.

Not the same. A wedding is not about bringing 2 people together but bringing 2 family's together.

[Hehe]

Friend works in a lawyer office most case they deal with is immigration follow by divorce. She is pretty serious how some girls fuck other their exhusband so it is best to protect yourself.

Those bitches don't think or the guys were too dumb.

Unless you are able to actually afford top lawyers, which in that case bitch/hubby is worth shitload of money, it doesn't make much sense to get a family lawyer on contingency as lawyer would likely take a lot from winning the case for you. And the guys were too dumb to not actually hire an even better lawyer to fuck the bitches over. 95% of the time, it's better to just come to an agreement between the two.

Since I see there are many ppl who are scared to death for not getting a prenup, let me just say this: if you are really scared, don't even bother with prenup, go to a good accountant+lawyer and setup a proper structure for your assets (telling them that you do plan to get married some time down the road but would like to protect your assets against the worst case scenario), they should structure your assets (assuming you have enough to worth the trouble) in a way that is not only better in tax efficiency, but also protect you in the event of a marriage.

Because from what I'm seeing, many points from the pro-prenup guys in here are saying would actually/likely be illegal to include them in the prenup.

For example, you cannot waive alimony in your prenup. No ifs or buts... it could ultimately nullify your entire prenup, so don't do it and that also include provisioning anything against the law (the law of asset splitting is 50-50, by stating anything less, it's illegal)

So, don't hear the word prenup and get all too excited... way too often, people who say they want a prenup either don't need one or have no idea what a prenup really is.

[wstce92]

I'm a big fan of marriage, and if we lived in a perfect world, I would think that a prenup was disgusting.
But we don't live in a perfect world.
What I think a lot of guys here don't seem to understand is that it's all fine and good that WE believe in the sanctity of marriage; in working through everything good or bad with our significant other.
However, that's us. You can spend your entire life with someone and never truly know their intentions. I'm not saying that the world is full of snakes, but they're out there. The risk that you may end up with someone who's intentions are not true are real.
Even if you think you've done the math and in the event of a divorce things will be split such that you won't be too hurt; is that really a risk worth taking? Things can get ugly real fast.
It seems like a lot of people need some life lessons in how ugly things can become in a flash, and just how awful some humans can be.

I'll admit to being a pessimist, but imo it's silly not to acknowledge the evil that people in this day and age are capable of.

[Majestic12]

For example, you cannot waive alimony in your prenup. No ifs or buts... it could ultimately nullify your entire prenup, so don't do it and that also include provisioning anything against the law (the law of asset splitting is 50-50, by stating anything less, it's illegal)


This isn't correct. Your marriage agreement can generally be whatever the hell you want it to be. It can be varied if it is found to be patently unfair... but by no means is a 50/50 split compulsory.

Source - I am a lawyer... but quoting shit I learned years ago in an area in which I don't even practice. Haha.

[Ulic Qel-Droma]

I'll admit to being a pessimist, but imo it's silly not to acknowledge the evil that people in this day and age are capable of.

it's not evil, it's just doing what people do. and not "in this day and age"... it should be "in... forever as long as humans have existed"

humans haven't changed. only the environment and technology. the wielder of those things is the same.

the only reason we have more divorce now is because it's less shameful. otherwise more people would just put up a facade of a happy marriage.

it's just become another "level" of achievement. u know like elementary school, then highschool, then university, then a real job, then marriage.

once it's achieved, you can throw it out the window, cuz you achieved it. like a thing in medal of honor or something. a rank.

seems like getting divorced is a new achievement too. hell, you haven't lived life till you've been divorced at least 3 times right?