Amaru
09-07-2017, 03:29 AM
What follows is my unofficial, uncertified, and probably largely unhelpful review of my 2016 BMW M4.
I picked the car up (new) just under a year ago and have since put 13,000km on her (~50% city commuting / 50% highway road trips).
Let us review….
http://markborland.com/car/fuck.jpg
2016 BMW M4 — ‘Elderly White Man' Spec :hat:
- Black Sapphire Metallic on Beige Merino Sonoma, Silver 19" wheels, moonroof;
- 7-spd dual-clutch trans (DCT);
- Adaptive M suspension;
- Executive package (HUD, F/R park sensors, rearview cam, heated wheel, etc);
- BMW Connected package (live traffic nav, concierge services, & other useless shit).
- Mods: no, fuck off.
=================================
“Does it look nice?”
Yes, I think it looks great. When this generation of m3/m4 was first launched, I was “meh” on the styling. Now, I think it’s one of the best-looking cars on sale today. The “power dome” on the hood is a bit much for me, and I find the blue brake calipers (stock) very un-BMW… but, otherwise, I give it very good marks for aesthetics.
“What about the interior… is it nice?”
Yep, it’s fantastic, I have basically zero complaints… very refined, great ergonomics, definitely gives off the kind of ‘high-quality, well-engineered’ vibe that you’d normally associate with Audi or Merc. No rattles or other noise/vibration issues at all.
The 5th gen iDrive system is great… very intuitive, fast, and easy to use. Nav works well. The standard 16-speaker HK surround sound stereo is actually really good too. (Harmon Kardon is a brand I can’t help but associate with $40 computer speakers but they did a solid job on the M4 audio system… it’s pretty much what you’d expect from a $90k vehicle.)
The seats…. are FANTASTIC. They’re VERY comfortable… normally on a long road trip, my back would be fucking ruined after 4-5 hours of driving. Not so in the M4’s seats… they are awesome. AND….. here’s the best part about those seats: THERE’S A FUCKING BACKLIT “///M” EMBLEM EMBEDDED INTO THE SEATBACK!!!!! Does your car have that shit!?!? Didn’t think so!!! (Seriously, they actually look great… sure, they’re only about 3% away from being SUPER tacky, but somehow BMW managed to pull it off…. and they’re sexy AF at night.)
Overall, the M4’s luxury features and overall level of comfort are easily one of the car’s strongest areas. Very quiet cabin even at high speeds, great seats, good stereo, decent visibility, lots of cool tech…. what more could you want in a DD?
“My Porsche dealer says Heads Up Display (HUD) is a stupid gimmick, is he right?”
Your Porsche dealer can suck my sack. HUD is the best feature to hit the automotive world since ABS brakes.
To be fair, not all HUD systems are created equal… but this latest-gem BMW unit is, for me, a game-changer. I haven’t looked at the instrument cluster in about 9 months, because everything I need is in the HUD — speed, bluetooth stereo/phone controls, cruise control, nav directions, etc. There’s also an “M View” mode that displays only a colour tach w/ shift light, current gear, and speed. I don’t use it much, but it looks sweet. HUD is amazing.
“BMW ConnectedDrive, that sounds fun! Is it awesome?”
No, it’s completely useless.
“How about practicality? Can I fit my 14 sets of golf clubs and my family of 9 in the back?”
Yes. Unlike, say, a Cayman (which happens to be the only other vehicle I considered instead of the M4)…. it has a back seat that is usable! For adults, even! The trunk is big(ish), and the seats fold down, so I can easily take my collection of Persian rugs for a drive around town when I feel so inclined.
There are obvious practicality issues that come with any car of this sort. It has ~480lb-ft of torque, and high-performance summer tires…. so, as you would expect, it’s not great for those January road trips to Saskatoon. In fact, it’s basically undriveable in snow and sucks in sub-zero temps. Obviously it would be OK with winter tires (lolz).... but, as I shall explain shortly, my #1 complaint with this car is lack of traction in all conditions.
“Yeah ok whatever, but is it FAST??”
Yes, it is extremely fast.
“So, the engine is good, then?”
Yes and no. I have never felt short on power in this car. Turbo lag is so minimal that it’s generally a non-issue, which is great.
Also…. power. Lots of power. BMW’s advertised power numbers (they claim 425hp) for the M3/M4 are a joke… a more realistic number would be around 480bhp (torque around the same). Many owners have posted results of their stock M4 dyno runs online… and quite often the power numbers at the WHEELS are higher than what BMW claims the car makes at the crank. Anyway, whatever… clearly, power is not a concern, which is neat.
However, the engine is not very nice in other ways. The powerband is very non-linear… the torque seems to arrive all at once (around 2600-2800rpm) but it’s unpredictable and, IMO, needs tuning to improve drivability. Traction is a HUGE problem in this car.
“Pffft…. are there actually serious issues with traction??”
Yes. Boys…. I’ve had wheelspin short-shifting into 4th on a dry road.
First gear is basically un-usable in anything but PERFECT conditions (i.e. when it’s hotter than Death Valley outside, you’re on a perfect road, using brand new tires that have been properly warmed-up…). But in the real world — where it rains and gets cold and shit — M4 owners need to get accustomed to “Mr Blinky” (DSC warning light) blowing up the dashboard constantly.
I can’t see how any human being not in possession of a valid FIA Superlicense could replicate the 3.7s 0-60 times that some car magazines and websites claim for a DCT-equipped M4. It’s simply too hard to get traction from a stand-still.
“Why don’t you just use launch control, you pussy?”
Because it does not work. Seriously. Yes, some F82 owners still cling to the belief that the M4’s launch control feature actually DOES work, but they’re wrong. It doesn’t work… at least not like you would expect when you hear the term “launch control”. It’s basically only useful for turning Michelins into smoke.
“So if traction is always a problem, what’s the deal with the M4’s traction control settings?”
The M4 features 3 levels of traction control setting: 'Nagging Mother' mode, 'Really Fucking Hardcore' mode, and off ('Instant Death' mode).
It’s way too invasive in the most docile setting, and the moderate (level 2 of 3) setting is too hardcore for normal use on public roads (it will allow a full spin — and I can confirm that from personal experience). Turning the traction control completely off, of course, is not really feasible in this car unless you possess a valid FIA Superlicense (or if you really enjoy dying).
“OK well that sucks. Does it at least have great balance and handling?”
Yes, thank God… in that regard this car lives up to the ///M tradition. It is balanced, poised, and has excellent grip in the corners. I haven’t had a chance to take it on a proper track yet, but there’s no doubt this car has amazing balance and excellent handling characteristics.
It’s a fairly difficult car to drive at lower speeds (due to wheelsman) or with the traction control off (as mentioned above)… but, once you get her out on a lonely twisty rural road at 2am…. yay. :)
Unlike most M4 reviewers, I have absolutely nothing negative to say about the car’s electric steering. It’s not over-boosted, it still offers decent feedback…. it’s fine.
"How are the brakes?"
Huge. Excellent. Best-in-class.
All the dust.
“Does it break?”
No, actually, not yet. I’ve had it back to the dealer twice — once for the scheduled break-in inspection @ 1500km’s, and once for a scheduled oil service @ 5000km’s. Build quality, at least in the initial stages, appears top-notch. No gremlins, glitches, or technical issues to report…. smooth sailing so far.
“Does it make cool noises?? Does it sound like a fuckin’ BEAST??”
No. :( It sounds like poo a lot of the time, actually.
At cold start, when all 4 exhaust valves are fully open (to reduce warm-up time), it is SO FUCKING LOUD. Like, for a stock vehicle, this shit is EARTH-SHAKING…. very loud, and not at all pleasant. It’s all bad noises until the car warms up (2-3 mins of normal driving).
When the engine is warmed up, it sounds "meh" in the most docile throttle response mode (“Efficient”)… pretty damn quiet. In the two more aggressive throttle response modes (“Sport” and “Sport Plus”), it sounds better…. not great, but at least you get some off-throttle backpressure barks and a slightly deeper rumble at low speeds / RPM’s.
Look, boys…. don't buy one for the noise. The REALLY fucking loud cold starts are very annoying (especially for my neighbours)…. and then once it’s up to temp, it’s generally too quiet. The only time I really love the way this car sounds is when I’m driving like an asshole. It would be fine on a track for sure, and exhaust drone is a non-issue when you’re cruising on the highway, which is nice. Overall, though, it sounds….. “meh”. I hope my next car makes better noises.
“Isn’t it SUPER LAME how BMW pipes in exhaust noise through the stereo??”
No, I truly don't give a shit about that, personally. I’ve never understood why some people get so worked up over a bit of exhaust noise coming out of the speakers. Whatever.
“OK cool… last question, bud: how’s that DCT transmission?“
It's a fantastic transmission. I’ve had the pleasure of driving some DCT-equipped exotics (MP4-12C, 458, Aventador), and this generation of BMW DCT trans is just as good.
When using the least aggressive transmission settings (level 1 of 3), upshifts are totally imperceivable. If not for the sound, passengers would never be able to tell there were any gear changes at all when a driver accelerates up to highway speed. It makes for a much smoother driving experience especially paired with the rev-matched downshifts feature (also awesome). At level 3, the most aggressive mode, the car will just hammer through the gears... it'll break traction on every upshift in the wet. I actually find it too much, because it really unsettles the car on full throttle upshifts, which can be super sketchy with traction control in sportier settings (ie. loss of control, death, etc).... but it IS extremely fast, with up and downshifts actually being so quick they kind of sound weird. There's no pause between the different exhaust notes of each gear, which some ppl hate.
...Personally it's a moot point for me because I don't actually need my gearshifts to be under 100ms, because I'm usually going to the office on a rainy Tuesday or hitting the Wendy's drive-thru at 2am.... so I roll with the efficient setting most of the time which sounds fine (and I have managed to survive with those "sluggish" 230ms upshift times thus far).
DCT = Great transmission overall.... Next time I'd buy a 6spd though. DCT is faster, true, and by quite a bit... but not from the line, because you can't get traction / a good launch very easily with either transmission. I don't use the paddles much (even tho they're great on the M4), so I essentially drive an automatic transmission 95% of the time......which is just...worse. I'd prefer a clutch pedal and 90kg weight savings, please. Plus there's other DCT annoyances generally, like the jerkiness in parking lots when engaging 1st gear or the forced downshifting into 1st at lights.
So yeah, the DCT is amazing and I like it, but I'd buy a 6spd next time. Maybe I'll reconsider when BMW fixes launch control.
=================================
“YO, TL;DR — WHAT’S THE FUCKIN CONCLUSION BRAH???”
Very very fast car; handles well; fun to drive; looks great (inside and out); very comfortable and practical; good luxury/tech (such as HUD, which is sick); struggles for traction in gears 1-5 in all conditions; sounds too quiet most of the time but is insanely loud at start-up; has some annoying quirks with car setup options/modes; has blue brake calipers.
BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage
Overall rating: 7.75 babies out of 10.
http://markborland.com/car/car9.jpg
http://markborland.com/car/car2.jpg
http://markborland.com/car/car8.jpg
http://markborland.com/car/car6.jpg
Thank you for looking. :hat:
I picked the car up (new) just under a year ago and have since put 13,000km on her (~50% city commuting / 50% highway road trips).
Let us review….
http://markborland.com/car/fuck.jpg
2016 BMW M4 — ‘Elderly White Man' Spec :hat:
- Black Sapphire Metallic on Beige Merino Sonoma, Silver 19" wheels, moonroof;
- 7-spd dual-clutch trans (DCT);
- Adaptive M suspension;
- Executive package (HUD, F/R park sensors, rearview cam, heated wheel, etc);
- BMW Connected package (live traffic nav, concierge services, & other useless shit).
- Mods: no, fuck off.
=================================
“Does it look nice?”
Yes, I think it looks great. When this generation of m3/m4 was first launched, I was “meh” on the styling. Now, I think it’s one of the best-looking cars on sale today. The “power dome” on the hood is a bit much for me, and I find the blue brake calipers (stock) very un-BMW… but, otherwise, I give it very good marks for aesthetics.
“What about the interior… is it nice?”
Yep, it’s fantastic, I have basically zero complaints… very refined, great ergonomics, definitely gives off the kind of ‘high-quality, well-engineered’ vibe that you’d normally associate with Audi or Merc. No rattles or other noise/vibration issues at all.
The 5th gen iDrive system is great… very intuitive, fast, and easy to use. Nav works well. The standard 16-speaker HK surround sound stereo is actually really good too. (Harmon Kardon is a brand I can’t help but associate with $40 computer speakers but they did a solid job on the M4 audio system… it’s pretty much what you’d expect from a $90k vehicle.)
The seats…. are FANTASTIC. They’re VERY comfortable… normally on a long road trip, my back would be fucking ruined after 4-5 hours of driving. Not so in the M4’s seats… they are awesome. AND….. here’s the best part about those seats: THERE’S A FUCKING BACKLIT “///M” EMBLEM EMBEDDED INTO THE SEATBACK!!!!! Does your car have that shit!?!? Didn’t think so!!! (Seriously, they actually look great… sure, they’re only about 3% away from being SUPER tacky, but somehow BMW managed to pull it off…. and they’re sexy AF at night.)
Overall, the M4’s luxury features and overall level of comfort are easily one of the car’s strongest areas. Very quiet cabin even at high speeds, great seats, good stereo, decent visibility, lots of cool tech…. what more could you want in a DD?
“My Porsche dealer says Heads Up Display (HUD) is a stupid gimmick, is he right?”
Your Porsche dealer can suck my sack. HUD is the best feature to hit the automotive world since ABS brakes.
To be fair, not all HUD systems are created equal… but this latest-gem BMW unit is, for me, a game-changer. I haven’t looked at the instrument cluster in about 9 months, because everything I need is in the HUD — speed, bluetooth stereo/phone controls, cruise control, nav directions, etc. There’s also an “M View” mode that displays only a colour tach w/ shift light, current gear, and speed. I don’t use it much, but it looks sweet. HUD is amazing.
“BMW ConnectedDrive, that sounds fun! Is it awesome?”
No, it’s completely useless.
“How about practicality? Can I fit my 14 sets of golf clubs and my family of 9 in the back?”
Yes. Unlike, say, a Cayman (which happens to be the only other vehicle I considered instead of the M4)…. it has a back seat that is usable! For adults, even! The trunk is big(ish), and the seats fold down, so I can easily take my collection of Persian rugs for a drive around town when I feel so inclined.
There are obvious practicality issues that come with any car of this sort. It has ~480lb-ft of torque, and high-performance summer tires…. so, as you would expect, it’s not great for those January road trips to Saskatoon. In fact, it’s basically undriveable in snow and sucks in sub-zero temps. Obviously it would be OK with winter tires (lolz).... but, as I shall explain shortly, my #1 complaint with this car is lack of traction in all conditions.
“Yeah ok whatever, but is it FAST??”
Yes, it is extremely fast.
“So, the engine is good, then?”
Yes and no. I have never felt short on power in this car. Turbo lag is so minimal that it’s generally a non-issue, which is great.
Also…. power. Lots of power. BMW’s advertised power numbers (they claim 425hp) for the M3/M4 are a joke… a more realistic number would be around 480bhp (torque around the same). Many owners have posted results of their stock M4 dyno runs online… and quite often the power numbers at the WHEELS are higher than what BMW claims the car makes at the crank. Anyway, whatever… clearly, power is not a concern, which is neat.
However, the engine is not very nice in other ways. The powerband is very non-linear… the torque seems to arrive all at once (around 2600-2800rpm) but it’s unpredictable and, IMO, needs tuning to improve drivability. Traction is a HUGE problem in this car.
“Pffft…. are there actually serious issues with traction??”
Yes. Boys…. I’ve had wheelspin short-shifting into 4th on a dry road.
First gear is basically un-usable in anything but PERFECT conditions (i.e. when it’s hotter than Death Valley outside, you’re on a perfect road, using brand new tires that have been properly warmed-up…). But in the real world — where it rains and gets cold and shit — M4 owners need to get accustomed to “Mr Blinky” (DSC warning light) blowing up the dashboard constantly.
I can’t see how any human being not in possession of a valid FIA Superlicense could replicate the 3.7s 0-60 times that some car magazines and websites claim for a DCT-equipped M4. It’s simply too hard to get traction from a stand-still.
“Why don’t you just use launch control, you pussy?”
Because it does not work. Seriously. Yes, some F82 owners still cling to the belief that the M4’s launch control feature actually DOES work, but they’re wrong. It doesn’t work… at least not like you would expect when you hear the term “launch control”. It’s basically only useful for turning Michelins into smoke.
“So if traction is always a problem, what’s the deal with the M4’s traction control settings?”
The M4 features 3 levels of traction control setting: 'Nagging Mother' mode, 'Really Fucking Hardcore' mode, and off ('Instant Death' mode).
It’s way too invasive in the most docile setting, and the moderate (level 2 of 3) setting is too hardcore for normal use on public roads (it will allow a full spin — and I can confirm that from personal experience). Turning the traction control completely off, of course, is not really feasible in this car unless you possess a valid FIA Superlicense (or if you really enjoy dying).
“OK well that sucks. Does it at least have great balance and handling?”
Yes, thank God… in that regard this car lives up to the ///M tradition. It is balanced, poised, and has excellent grip in the corners. I haven’t had a chance to take it on a proper track yet, but there’s no doubt this car has amazing balance and excellent handling characteristics.
It’s a fairly difficult car to drive at lower speeds (due to wheelsman) or with the traction control off (as mentioned above)… but, once you get her out on a lonely twisty rural road at 2am…. yay. :)
Unlike most M4 reviewers, I have absolutely nothing negative to say about the car’s electric steering. It’s not over-boosted, it still offers decent feedback…. it’s fine.
"How are the brakes?"
Huge. Excellent. Best-in-class.
All the dust.
“Does it break?”
No, actually, not yet. I’ve had it back to the dealer twice — once for the scheduled break-in inspection @ 1500km’s, and once for a scheduled oil service @ 5000km’s. Build quality, at least in the initial stages, appears top-notch. No gremlins, glitches, or technical issues to report…. smooth sailing so far.
“Does it make cool noises?? Does it sound like a fuckin’ BEAST??”
No. :( It sounds like poo a lot of the time, actually.
At cold start, when all 4 exhaust valves are fully open (to reduce warm-up time), it is SO FUCKING LOUD. Like, for a stock vehicle, this shit is EARTH-SHAKING…. very loud, and not at all pleasant. It’s all bad noises until the car warms up (2-3 mins of normal driving).
When the engine is warmed up, it sounds "meh" in the most docile throttle response mode (“Efficient”)… pretty damn quiet. In the two more aggressive throttle response modes (“Sport” and “Sport Plus”), it sounds better…. not great, but at least you get some off-throttle backpressure barks and a slightly deeper rumble at low speeds / RPM’s.
Look, boys…. don't buy one for the noise. The REALLY fucking loud cold starts are very annoying (especially for my neighbours)…. and then once it’s up to temp, it’s generally too quiet. The only time I really love the way this car sounds is when I’m driving like an asshole. It would be fine on a track for sure, and exhaust drone is a non-issue when you’re cruising on the highway, which is nice. Overall, though, it sounds….. “meh”. I hope my next car makes better noises.
“Isn’t it SUPER LAME how BMW pipes in exhaust noise through the stereo??”
No, I truly don't give a shit about that, personally. I’ve never understood why some people get so worked up over a bit of exhaust noise coming out of the speakers. Whatever.
“OK cool… last question, bud: how’s that DCT transmission?“
It's a fantastic transmission. I’ve had the pleasure of driving some DCT-equipped exotics (MP4-12C, 458, Aventador), and this generation of BMW DCT trans is just as good.
When using the least aggressive transmission settings (level 1 of 3), upshifts are totally imperceivable. If not for the sound, passengers would never be able to tell there were any gear changes at all when a driver accelerates up to highway speed. It makes for a much smoother driving experience especially paired with the rev-matched downshifts feature (also awesome). At level 3, the most aggressive mode, the car will just hammer through the gears... it'll break traction on every upshift in the wet. I actually find it too much, because it really unsettles the car on full throttle upshifts, which can be super sketchy with traction control in sportier settings (ie. loss of control, death, etc).... but it IS extremely fast, with up and downshifts actually being so quick they kind of sound weird. There's no pause between the different exhaust notes of each gear, which some ppl hate.
...Personally it's a moot point for me because I don't actually need my gearshifts to be under 100ms, because I'm usually going to the office on a rainy Tuesday or hitting the Wendy's drive-thru at 2am.... so I roll with the efficient setting most of the time which sounds fine (and I have managed to survive with those "sluggish" 230ms upshift times thus far).
DCT = Great transmission overall.... Next time I'd buy a 6spd though. DCT is faster, true, and by quite a bit... but not from the line, because you can't get traction / a good launch very easily with either transmission. I don't use the paddles much (even tho they're great on the M4), so I essentially drive an automatic transmission 95% of the time......which is just...worse. I'd prefer a clutch pedal and 90kg weight savings, please. Plus there's other DCT annoyances generally, like the jerkiness in parking lots when engaging 1st gear or the forced downshifting into 1st at lights.
So yeah, the DCT is amazing and I like it, but I'd buy a 6spd next time. Maybe I'll reconsider when BMW fixes launch control.
=================================
“YO, TL;DR — WHAT’S THE FUCKIN CONCLUSION BRAH???”
Very very fast car; handles well; fun to drive; looks great (inside and out); very comfortable and practical; good luxury/tech (such as HUD, which is sick); struggles for traction in gears 1-5 in all conditions; sounds too quiet most of the time but is insanely loud at start-up; has some annoying quirks with car setup options/modes; has blue brake calipers.
BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage BabyRage
Overall rating: 7.75 babies out of 10.
http://markborland.com/car/car9.jpg
http://markborland.com/car/car2.jpg
http://markborland.com/car/car8.jpg
http://markborland.com/car/car6.jpg
Thank you for looking. :hat: