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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-05-2009, 02:38 AM   #1
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[Confidential] Long Distance Relationships

The following is a submission from an Anonymous Revscene member. If the original poster would like to reply to this thread feel free to message me privately


One of my girls met this guy about half a year ago. They hit it off really well and from what I see the attraction is definitely there. However, the thing about the guy is he’s a constant traveller with work. Sometimes she won’t see him for months at a time which is taking some what of a toll on her. They aren’t in a relationship but I know she is starting to like him quite a bit.

I have told her to express how she feels towards him (liking him more seriously) but she said there is no point since he won’t be stopping the travelling for a good couple years. Even if he did like her, he wouldn’t be able to provide her a relationship she deserves.

I can understand her view on this, but I guess my question is do long distance relationships really not work? Do any of you here do a lot of travelling back and forth and have a relationship? Or wants one with someone but can’t?

I’m a total cheerleader when it comes to fighting for something you truly want in life…but maybe this is one of those rare cases where it doesn’t work like that?

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Old 01-05-2009, 02:41 AM   #2
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it can work. my cousin was in edmonton and her boyfriend (which became husband) was in portland for a good 2-3 years. it works as long as the involved parties are committed to making it work.

personally though, i wouldn't be able to do it. i need to see/touch my significant other (call me touchy feel-y)
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Old 01-05-2009, 04:57 AM   #3
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I think it requires a lot of commitment and trust. I've seen some make it work, while others just fell apart.

I personally would avoid long distance relationships though, for the same reason as [HuCk DuCk]
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Old 01-05-2009, 05:14 AM   #4
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it can work; but normally, it just doesn't.

It really depends on the couple; like the thread started a while back asking people how often they meet their SO's.
There were replies saying that they were in different provinces, yet they didn't feel the need to meet every day anyways.

For me, it works for about 3 months; then I start losing interest because of the physical needs of being a male.
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Old 01-05-2009, 07:37 AM   #5
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trust is hard. the second friends start talking about how its impossible that the other person isn't fucking someone else, and then that gets in your head, you will never be able to really trust the person. even 5 years later im still friends with her but really have no clue as to what happened when she was away. but im the paranoid type.
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Old 01-05-2009, 08:07 AM   #6
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some work some dont, depends on the people
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Old 01-05-2009, 08:39 AM   #7
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depends how old they are too...

a younger guy is most likely going to cheat because men have needs.
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Old 01-05-2009, 11:00 AM   #8
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I think it requires a lot of commitment and trust. I've seen some make it work, while others just fell apart.
And trust takes time to build, which would be difficult when he's away
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Old 01-05-2009, 11:42 AM   #9
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It can work.. just very troublesome, and mentally and emotionally tolling for both parties. Costly too.
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Old 01-05-2009, 11:51 AM   #10
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I think if you're willing to make it work, it will. Especially if you really love/care about your partner. But at the same time, I think it's fair that the relationship be an open one until the two of you are permanently together, that way needs are still met.
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Old 01-05-2009, 12:00 PM   #11
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i don't think that being an open relationship works. that kind of undermines the purpose of a distance relationship.
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Old 01-05-2009, 12:16 PM   #12
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i don't think that being an open relationship works.
It works. It's basically just a casual relationship where both parties are only semi or lighlty-emotionally invested. If in the end it works out, it works out. If it doesnt, then there's no love lost anyways.

This usually doesn't work because most people don't know how to manage their emotional investment regarding a new partner, or accepting the reality of their situation and acting appropriate to it.

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Old 01-05-2009, 01:03 PM   #13
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Old 01-05-2009, 03:03 PM   #14
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The couple needs to have very solid foundation before they can go into long-D. For one it definately won't work if you're just starting off the relationship. You need to at least know how it's like to spend more than just the honey moon period together.

Secondly....you have to have something great in the end to look forward to. All that wait and grim and horrible feelings of being alone has to worth something in the end. Most possibily marriage....if you know FOR SURE that you are going to spend the rest of your life together...than 2-3 years apart would not make a difference....it only makes the ending that much sweeter...

It's the worse when you don't know what is going to come out of the relationship....then it would be like waiting for nothing....and a waste of time....=\
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Old 01-06-2009, 01:48 AM   #15
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I think if you're willing to make it work, it will. Especially if you really love/care about your partner. But at the same time, I think it's fair that the relationship be an open one until the two of you are permanently together, that way needs are still met.
QFT thats exactly the type of situation I'm in at the moment. It's been working well so far, i mean if both individuals aren't going to see each other for a year+ then its a little unfair for both of you to just wait. We've been 'together' for almost 8 months now and its been goin good so far. It helps that I'm visiting her for the summer though :]

That sorta links back to what sodium said, you gotta have something to look forward to and talk about. So it actually feels like the relationship is heading somewhere and gives you guys something to look forward to.
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Old 01-07-2009, 02:15 PM   #16
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the reason why this won't work is that they just met 6 mths ago, not enough foundation to solidify a relationship or ask for a commitment. it's actually quite selfish of her to ask that question come to think of it. I would tell the girl to appreciate what is going on. Just because you think it's a great outcome for her to tie him down because the guy is a good catch, this is not a a win-win situation for the guy.
unless the guy wants to settle and wants the exact same thing..... then again, she wouldn't have posted on here the first place.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:26 PM   #17
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I'd say tell her to tell him how she feels. It may not lead to a relationship right away, but that way both parties are aware. Nothing is ever a waste of time. It gives us a chance to learn more about ourselves. Even if it doesn't work out it isn't for nothing.
In the end it is up to your daughter, I know I can't do the long distance thing as I am someone who craves touch. It's all how the person feels though.
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Old 01-08-2009, 03:55 PM   #18
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I work out of town for 21 days at a time and then I'm home for 10 days. Its tough but I trust my GF completely so there is no stress there. We make the most of the time I home and talk on the phone every night. I think we actually do more than most couple do together even though we only see each other for 10 days. It means we have 21 days to plan out things to do while I'm in town. Our rule is never go to sleep without saying I love you. If both people are mature about it, it's not that difficult.

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Old 01-20-2009, 07:57 PM   #19
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I'm in a long-distance relationship (about 1,000 km) and have been for the last 19 months...it works, but it costs a lot of money and commitment...tell them to think about what they think a long-distance relationship entails emotionally, financially and otherwise, then multiply it by 100...if they still think it's possible, go for it haha
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Old 02-17-2009, 08:39 PM   #20
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Like what everyone said above it all depends on the couple. If your bf/gf is used to being single/alone then he/she wont have too much problem spending time waiting. It is a lot more difficult or near impossible for couples that are socially active because why will they stick around and wait for someone who is not physically there?

To me an open long distance relationship is more like a long-term investment... If both sides agree to have an open relationship then its a great opportunity to explore what you really want in life. If a few years later you still have the same feeling towards him/her then perhaps its time to take it to the next level.

If it is meant to be, then no matter what it will be fine at the end. Just play your part right and give it a shot first. You should be able to tell if this is going to work out withing a few months.
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Old 02-17-2009, 09:09 PM   #21
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This isnt in relation to the subject (directly), but why is this confidential? Its not very personal (say like penis size as per the other threads). You should start filtering out these confidential questions, and encourage them to post it if it is important to them, but not all that personal.
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Old 02-17-2009, 09:29 PM   #22
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People have their own reasons for wanting anonymity and I don't think we should start imposing rules on what gets to be private or not.

Berz out.
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:03 PM   #23
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This isnt in relation to the subject (directly), but why is this confidential? Its not very personal (say like penis size as per the other threads). You should start filtering out these confidential questions, and encourage them to post it if it is important to them, but not all that personal.
we rather have members feel comfortable and at ease when asking a question they aren't too familiar with/unsure of what to do than having users not posting at all.

we accept any confidential posts and we will continue to do so.

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Old 02-18-2009, 01:13 PM   #24
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i've seen one work
but sorta...
haha
lets just say..
i know both of them well..
and they have well..not start a 2nd relationship at their location, but have gotten it on with other people

they are now married.....
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Old 02-18-2009, 01:32 PM   #25
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interesting, i guess that would work wouldn't it?

It fills the physical need of the people involved but no emotional attactment until they get married.
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