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02-17-2009, 01:01 AM
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#1 | | I don't get it either
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Richmond
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| Mathematical drolleries
Found these on facebook. I thought they were all really funny but I guess you will need few years of university math to get all of them. Enjoy if you can haha.
"The number you have dialed is imaginary. Please, rotate your phone by 90 degrees and try again..."
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Q: How does a mathematician induce good behavior in her children?
A: `I've told you n times, I've told you n+1 times...'
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An investment firm is hiring mathematicians. After the first round of interviews, three hopeful recent graduates - a pure mathematician, an applied mathematician, and a graduate in mathematical finance - are asked what starting salary they are expecting.
The pure mathematician: "Would $30,000 be too much?"
The applied mathematician: "I think $60,000 would be OK."
The math finance person: "What about $300,000?"
The personnel officer is flabberghasted: "Do you know that we have a graduate in pure mathematics who is willing to do the same work for a tenth of what you are demanding!?"
"Well, I thought of $135,000 for me, $135,000 for you - and $30,000 for the pure mathematician who will do the work."
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Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]
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A mathematician organizes a raffle in which the prize is an infinite amount of money paid over an infinite amount of time. Of course, with the promise of such a prize, his tickets sell like hot cake.
When the winning ticket is drawn, and the jubilant winner comes to claim his prize, the mathematician explains the mode of payment: "1 dollar now, 1/2 dollar next week, 1/3 dollar the week after that..."
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A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.
"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane."
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!"
"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight."
"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?"
"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer..."
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At a conference, a mathematician proves a theorem.
Someone in the audience interrupts him: "That proof must be wrong - I have a counterexample to your theorem."
The speaker replies: "I don't care - I have another proof for it."
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A physicist, a mathematician and a computer scientist discuss what is better: a wife or a girlfriend.
The physicist: "A girlfriend. You still have freedom to experiment."
The mathematician: "A wife. You have security."
The computer scientist: "Both. When I'm not with my wife, she thinks I'm with my girlfriend. With my girlfriend it's vice versa. And I can be with my computer without anyone disturbing me..."
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"What happened to your girlfriend, that really cute math student?"
"She no longer is my girlfriend. I caught her cheating on me."
"I don't believe that she cheated on you!"
"Well, a couple of nights ago I called her on the phone, and she told me that she was in bed wrestling with three unknowns..."
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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked to test the following hypothesis: All odd numbers greater than one are prime.
The mathematician: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, but nine is not a prime. Therefore, the hypothesis is false."
The physicist: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, nine is not a prime, eleven is a prime, and thirteen is a prime. Hence, five out of six experiments support the hypothesis. It must be true."
The engineer: "Three is a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine's a prime..."
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In a dark, narrow alley, a function and a differential operator meet:
"Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
"Try it - I'm e^x..."
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Same alley, same function, but a different operator:
"Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
"Try it - I'm e^x..."
"Too bad... I'm d/dy."
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02-17-2009, 01:57 AM
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#2 | | My dinner reheated before my turbo spooled
Join Date: Nov 2006 Location: Vancouver
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HHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA
OOO LORD..
i don't get it...
__________________ Quote:
If we are not able to ask skeptical questions, to interrogate those who tell us that something is true; to be skeptical of those in authority, then we're up for grabs..
-Carl Sagan
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02-17-2009, 02:04 AM
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#3 | | God of Unce
Join Date: May 2008 Location: ASOT
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I just stared at all those words and numbers and got confused without reading it 
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UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! UNCE! | |
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02-17-2009, 03:46 AM
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#4 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: MacLeod
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is it true that most mathematician never get laid until they are in their 40's???
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02-17-2009, 07:54 AM
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#5 | | HELP ME PLS!!!
Join Date: Nov 2005 Location: vancouver
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good read i actually understand it lol
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02-17-2009, 10:36 AM
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#6 | | RS controls my life!
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Funky Town
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Good read  | |
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02-17-2009, 10:53 AM
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#7 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Burnaby
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hahaha thats funy.
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02-17-2009, 10:59 AM
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#8 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: burnaby
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02-17-2009, 01:33 PM
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#9 | | I answer every Emotion with an emoticon
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Vancouver
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lol, i acutally understand it, does it mean I'm a nerd?
__________________
Ignorance is bliss
How I wish I can remain ignorant, why do I know so much?
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02-17-2009, 01:47 PM
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#10 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Jan 2006 Location: burnaby
Posts: 460
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negative, understanding it is one thing, but can you pull an "lmao" off of it
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02-17-2009, 08:01 PM
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#11 | | Need my Daily Fix of RS
Join Date: Jan 2007 Location: richmond
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Oh man, that was actually pretty funny.
"A stats professor plans to travel to a conference by plane. When he passes the security check, they discover a bomb in his carry-on-baggage. Of course, he is hauled off immediately for interrogation.
"I don't understand it!" the interrogating officer exclaims. "You're an accomplished professional, a caring family man, a pillar of your parish - and now you want to destroy that all by blowing up an airplane!"
"Sorry", the professor interrupts him. "I had never intended to blow up the plane."
"So, for what reason else did you try to bring a bomb on board?!"
"Let me explain. Statistics shows that the probability of a bomb being on an airplane is 1/1000. That's quite high if you think about it - so high that I wouldn't have any peace of mind on a flight."
"And what does this have to do with you bringing a bomb on board of a plane?"
"You see, since the probability of one bomb being on my plane is 1/1000, the chance that there are two bombs is 1/1000000. If I already bring one, the chance of another bomb being around is actually 1/1000000, and I am much safer...""
Genius.
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02-17-2009, 08:24 PM
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#12 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 932
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I love the last two
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02-17-2009, 08:46 PM
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#13 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: Vancouver
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Math problems? Call 1-800-[(10x)(13i)2]-[sin(xy)/2.362x]
This made me lmao! | |
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02-17-2009, 08:58 PM
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#14 | | The RS Freebie guru
Join Date: Jul 2001 Location: East Vancouver
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RDRR.
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02-17-2009, 09:50 PM
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#15 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: 604
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me don't get...
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02-17-2009, 10:32 PM
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#16 | | I know more than a tricorder
Join Date: Nov 2002 Location: Victoria
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I don't understand the punchline with the engineer in this one...
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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked to test the following hypothesis: All odd numbers greater than one are prime.
The mathematician: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, but nine is not a prime. Therefore, the hypothesis is false."
The physicist: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, nine is not a prime, eleven is a prime, and thirteen is a prime. Hence, five out of six experiments support the hypothesis. It must be true."
The engineer: "Three is a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine's a prime..."
__________________
"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but I know World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones."
-Albert Einstein
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02-18-2009, 01:55 PM
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#17 | | I answer every Emotion with an emoticon
Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: Vancouver
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by Oversight  I don't understand the punchline with the engineer in this one...
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A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked to test the following hypothesis: All odd numbers greater than one are prime.
The mathematician: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, but nine is not a prime. Therefore, the hypothesis is false."
The physicist: "Three is a prime, five is a prime, seven is a prime, nine is not a prime, eleven is a prime, and thirteen is a prime. Hence, five out of six experiments support the hypothesis. It must be true."
The engineer: "Three is a prime, five's a prime, seven's a prime, nine's a prime..." | Mathematicians knows what he's doing.
Physicist conduct experiements.
Engineer only knows how to use formula and has no clue what a prime number is.
__________________
Ignorance is bliss
How I wish I can remain ignorant, why do I know so much?
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02-18-2009, 02:14 PM
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#18 | | SFICC-03*
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i used to be a math nerd but i dont really find these funny.
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02-18-2009, 02:47 PM
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#19 | | Proud to be called a RS Regular!
Join Date: Aug 2008 Location: Vancouver, BC
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Some of those were funny. I have heard of better ones though.
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02-18-2009, 05:17 PM
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#20 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: burnaby
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by Boostaholic Same alley, same function, but a different operator:
"Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
"Try it - I'm e^x..."
"Too bad... I'm d/dy." | Thought this one was kinda funny...
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02-18-2009, 06:24 PM
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#21 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Dec 2003 Location: Van
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ah boooooo
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02-18-2009, 09:00 PM
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#22 | | The RS Freebie guru
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Originally Posted by fobulaus Thought this one was kinda funny... | Can you spell that one out to me in plain English?
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02-19-2009, 12:52 AM
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#23 | | I don't get it either
Join Date: May 2005 Location: Richmond
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by InvisibleSoul Can you spell that one out to me in plain English? | ----------------------------------------------------
Same alley, same function, but a different operator:
"Get out of my way - or I'll differentiate you till you're zero!"
"Try it - I'm e^x..."
"Too bad... I'm d/dy."
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when you d/dy e^x, e^x gets "killed" ( = to zero)
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02-19-2009, 11:09 AM
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#24 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
Join Date: Nov 2004 Location: burnaby
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Originally Posted by InvisibleSoul Can you spell that one out to me in plain English? | Any function f(x) (except e^x and a few other exceptions) will become zero if it has been differentiated enough times by d/dx. But if the operator is d/dy, then it treats e^x as a constant (since e^x does not have any variable with respect to y) hence becomes zero right away...
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02-19-2009, 11:18 AM
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#25 | | To me, there is the Internet and there is RS
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sounds of them are pretty good
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