Guys: Keep this in mind when approaching.
 

So lately I've been reading this book called The Power of Body Language by Tonya Reiman.
I'm also seeing a lot of threads on R&G discussions lately about males approaching females (which, if you can't tell by now, also happens to be something I take an interest in).
So putting the two together, I've decided to quote something that I can personally feel from this book. Give it a whirl, I think it'll make sense for the most part :)

I'm not sure if all the ladies on this board can attest to this, but this certainly seems to be the case with the females I interact with. (Then again, this is based on my observations as a male only.)

Part of approaching has a lot to do with body language. In fact, I would say what you don't say mean just as much as what you do say.


-Physixx

I learned from watching the movie Hitch, that you should ALWAYS look at her eyes when she's talking or when you're looking at her. My question to that is, would you just consitantly look right at her eyes only or would you stare around and go back to looking at her eyes when she's tlaking. That's something i've alwas wondered.

For me, it's always a matter of the big-picture circumstances.
Roughly put, which general "step" of a relationship I'm in with somebody.

Yeah, I recall that scene in Hitch.
However, there is one big issue here. You should also keep in mind that a relationship of any sort (platonic, sexual, etc.) is linear. That is to say, until you've acknowledged one another, you can't really make an emotional connection. Until you've established that emotional connection, you don't really expect to get a kiss from her. Until you've kissed her, you don't expect to be in bed with her; so on and so forth.
What does all this mean? It means the scene in Hitch occurs when the couples were going on dates. You can't be on a date with her until you've established a primary relationship; so "eye contact" varies there where it would in other steps of a relationship.


So to really answer your question lol:

When I'm in the early stages of attraction (i.e. just met), my eyes look away every now and then.
But DON'T confuse this with shifty eyes. Shifty eyes is when your eyes flutter and it looks like you don't really know where to position your eyes. Shifty eyes is an example of a bad signaling, because it directly relates to uncomfortableness and being not confident.
I look away and look back to show that I'm aware and comfortable with my surroundings and that I'm not giving all my attention to the person (this one actually works regardless of gender and type of attraction). Because I've found out, if somebody doesn't have to work at all to get your attention, then they won't appreciate your attention for long.
Also, if a girl just met you and you look like you're trying to eyefuck her, you may just come across, like the excerpt says, like a predator.

Come mid-stages of attraction, where the first emotional connection is made (this is more geared towards opposite genders and/or sexual attraction), I tend to focus a lot more on eye contact.
I find that if I'm talking to her, doing some hand gestures, or whatever, and my eyes focus on her eyes as opposed to say, looking at my hands or visualizing things (because people tend to roll their eyes or look in one direction when in thought), she gets more of the "Oooooooooo" vibe.
This is, obviously after you first establish the fact that there are certain levels of attraction between the two of you.

Once that first stage of emotional attraction is achieved, it gets really fun. I always like the fuck around here because I have this knowledge.
Here is where you can use eye contact to create suspense and give butterflies. We all know what that's like, when a guy or a girl looks your way and you feel your face flush and you get butterflies. It's a feeling people enjoy having, and I enjoy seeing.
I've learned how to do that provided that I get that first stage of emotional attraction in the bag.
Simply make long and hard eye contact, and really do focus on her eyes, but don't say a word. It's almost like brainwashing, and it's so much fun to watch reactions when you do this.



-Physixx

Man you should seroiusly write a book or something. The amount of knowledge you have is intense lol

I'm flattered haha,
and I'd thank you but the button isn't there because I think I've reached my limits today.

But I derive a lot of this knowledge from books to begin with, and more importantly, I've lots more to learn. There's always room for self-improvement in the social arena :)

i always look them in the eye, but when i stop for a moment to think of what to say next or ponder for a moment I look away for a split second thinking, which gives it enough of a break so it doesn't get too awkward or aggressive like.

PHysix is a fking intense motherfucka.
Don't mess.

LOL back on topic =P

lol intense is the word i was looking for

There's way too much focus on PUA theory and overanalyizing body language and word usage within your generation.

Just go out there and learn from experience like your forefathers did. They didn't need to neg a HB9 while fighting off an AMOG for an f close.

I find it really hard to make eye contact with the girl I like. FML -_-"

+1.

I would quote that for fun, but then his monster vagina quote is just oh so much better. :lol

Look'em in the eye! Rawwrrrr. Added plus is that you can read their level of, uh, intelligence from their gaze. I'm not kidding. Some just have so much depth in their eyes...some...not so much. :p Mix it up with looks away like Physixx says, but when you look back, look back with authority and confidence. Build it up. Work from there.

good stuff

I had to read this one twice to get the profundity of it.
Yeah, you're definitely right, (and I don't mean the following in any form of hostility) but I choose to believe that because we now have the "technology", why not use it at our disposal? I'm sure Casanova didn't have the same tools we have now; but does that mean its sinful to be adding a twist?

Said "theories" can only do so much. And to be frank, the above is based more on experience than on theory.
The type of confidence I have in this material is only directly correlated to the success I've had using the material.

There's no barrier between the two of you.
It's non-existent, or, if you will, it's your imagination. So just imagine yourself hacking that shit to pieces with an imaginary sledgehammer.
She's just a regular girl. If she refuses to give you her pussy, then get another pussy. It's a harsh (and more importantly, unrealistic) point of view, but if you can think like that, then you can talk to her normally.

And you know what? If you can tell yourself that and make the effort to give her eye contact, then you win.
Perhaps not the girl, but you're one step further into reaching the point where you could look into the eyes of the girl you like and still talk to her normally.



Does anybody else feel as if Kardboard talks in riddles?
Or is it because I'm still high? hahaha

How do you come across as not being "boring?"

you try really hard not to be

+1

I have so many friends that can't talk enough about "The Game." But seriously they are still the same guys as they were before. They still suck and their success rates (or lack thereof) are still the same. The only thing that book has benefitted them is that now, these guys get to talk like they know what they're talking about. :lol

You know who they are as they often reference the book.

To be honest. There's no such thing as technique. Every girl is as different as the next. They will have their varying personalities, their likes and dislikes, they will have varying dating situations. The good ones are the ones who know how to read a girl and react appropriate to their reads.

^I know exactly what you mean.
I've met a lot of people who think they know everything there is about interacting with people because they found the book at a local Chapters. It's really not that simplistic and I really wish people weren't that doltish. There is a lot to be learned from such publications, but only reading and discussing makes you a nerd at a book club; which really isn't doing you a heck of a lot.

Techniques are kinda bleh in the sense that its definition is very arbitrary. The word itself has a formal connotation, which isn't at all what some people refer to.
"Technique" to me means a set of social theories. Theories that have helped me understand what the people around me are thinking better. Theories you can learn on top of being yourself and doing what works for you.

by being generically "not boring"
find things to talk about, it's not that difficult.
stop thinking of her as a potential prey and start treating her like an actual person you'd interact with.


-Physixx

Both. And I hate you. OK? K. :p

Hit the nail on the head right there.

Physixxx I'm not saying you're exactly like these jokers, you seem to have a good mindset... but I've met so many "PUA" guys who are so insecure when they meet either a strong minded woman, or when their script doesn't work the way they want it to.

While it's nice that you're spreading your knowledge to those who have less success with the ladies, people need to understand you can't just rely on books about body language or PUA scripts.. you can use those to start gaining confidence but in the end there's nothing like experience.

Case in point: I went to Cancun last year and took a bus to the resort with about 10 other guys. There were a couple of PU artists who were boasting about all the tail they'd get.. and because me and my friend stayed quiet and just watched everyone else try to be an alpha male, they thought we were some nerds and told us they'd give us some tips on how to pick up the girls.

Fast forward to later that night.. we're heading to the Basic foam party with 6 20-something girls, just because we asked them to join us for a drink and asked them how their trip was going, while the PUA were left at the hotel trying to pick up 50 year old single mothers with the "pirates or ninjas? which would you choose?" line.

I understand, and I lol'd at your friend's opening line.
Honesty, "there's a party in my pants and you're all invited" would have worked better :lol

Interesting you should come up with that example though, because I was just having this sort of a talk with somebody.

And to be calling yourself a pickup artist like that is shameful. Do you give a guy a lighter and a bottle of alcohol and call him a pyro? No.
(That aside, which man in his right mind would PURPOSELY give himself a title with such a bad connotation amongst women? I know I wouldn't.)
This is what separates sheep from sharks.
I know guys you're talking about, and all they talk about is how much they've read on a method or how clear they are on a theory, but I'd never seen them make a single approach.
To be even remotely considered a "PUA", as they so promptly put it, you'd have to go out of your way and be like bradfordchow and joe_45 in REAL life. I'd like to see one of these guys who call themselves "pickup artists" because they've read a book or two have the balls to go to the mall carrying a poster that says "Pleading for help looking for a gfd thx."
With these guys? Not gonna happen.

Most "PUA-to-be" fanboys would probably flip over remarks like yours or like Noir's,
but I'm sure everybody sees the truth value behind your reasonings. They could easily separate you from being right if they did so much as to saying "hi" to a girl instead of always interacting with guys talking about interacting with girls.


Cliff's Notes: don't just read, get off your bum, grab your big brass duo, and exercise your knowledge.

-Physixx

What's "PUA" mean?

i think it's "Pick Up Artist"

'Pick-Up Artist.'

Annnd...brass duo firmly in hand for some time now. :D

What exactly does the touching your chest mean again? I heard something about that before but I forget what it means.

I know sometimes I do that.. or I scratch my arm.. lol

YES!!!!!!
Thank you!!!

Afriend of mine bought the book 'the game' and so I flipped through it. After about 5minutes of browsing each chapter...I had to put it down. People who talk about 'tactics' and 'strategies' to get a girl sound like an 18yr old who does a web-chart of the different positions he's gonna try on his ''big night'' and after 5 thrusts, he's spent.

Honestly, play it by ear. If you need to pre-plan ANY activity...you have no business being there.