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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-19-2009, 08:20 AM   #1
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Committed relationship, and keeping things interesting?

Recently a girl I've been seeing got upset because I didn't return her calls and ignored her texts and didn't hang out with her on a weekend...lol it didn't seem like that big of a deal to me at first, but it just occurred to me we're in a relationship and that was kind of an inconsiderate thing to do.

Some background: I'm 22. For the past couple years I've been constantly dating, enjoying (and regretting LOL) flings, some being more serious then others, but never had an actual relationship longer then 2-3 months in my life...I know. =( lol.

So I've seen the good, the bad, and the downright ugly LOL (gold diggers, etc.) and what can I say, with the girl I'm seeing now I get the feeling I might be ready to let this turn into something a little more serious.... but when it comes to committed relationships I'm really not sure what to do, well more importantly, what I shouldn't do. Habits from my past, seem inappropriate now. How do I stay committed, and still keep things interesting for both of us? Any pointers? ps. Thank you for reading



CLIFF NOTES: When you have each other and you're committed, how do you keep things interesting? How do you keep building on that?

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Last edited by CanadaGoose; 04-19-2009 at 10:00 AM.
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Old 04-19-2009, 09:25 AM   #2
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Quote:
Originally Posted by E N D L E S S View Post
How do I stay committed, and still keep things interesting for both of us?

CLIFF NOTES: When you have each other and you're committed, how do you keep things interesting? How do you keep building on that?
very difficult to say, really hard to come up with a definite answer, but I'll try...

1) Find a job and move out with her.
2) Make her pregnant.
3) Dont' go out just you and her. Need some common friends to go out with.
4) Plan the schedule/activities of what you are going to do with her in this year. Usually you will feel a bit more excited.
5) Focus too much on sex will make things boring.
6) Induce yourself that every pussy out there is going to be the same, so fuck it.

^ Excuse my grammar, I wrote this at 1:30 in the morning.

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Old 04-19-2009, 10:00 AM   #3
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very difficult to say, really hard to come up with a definite answer, but I'll try...

1) Find a job and move out with her.
2) Make her pregnant.
3) Dont' go out just you and her. Need some common friends to go out with.
4) Plan the schedule/activities of what you are going to do with her in this year. Usually you will feel a bit more excited.
5) Force too much on sex will make things boring.
6) Induce yourself that every pussy out there is going to be the same, so fuck it.
6) I like this one, because it's so true.

1) Might work, she has strict parents though
2) Will make me go lol
3) Check. sometimes we do things just the two of us, but most of the time it's all her friends and a few of mine
4) I like this idea
5) She's a virgin (surprise, surprise lol)
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Old 04-19-2009, 04:33 PM   #4
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I'm by no means a relationship person, (I'd say I'm more or less like you minus the part about settling down), but here's my $0.02:

Have a weekly routine:
-For example: if Thursday night is her girls' night out, then leave her be. Similarly, if Friday after work is when you get together with your buddies for a round of beer or two, make it clear to her that you expect her to understand that you need some space.
-Sexually speaking, it's difficult to set a standard-per-week because every relationship is different. Some people like impulsive sex, some people like to get down three times a week on the same days and times. Reach a medium agreement between the two of you, and (as the guy) try to hold back your urge to fuck her every time you see her.
-(And something that has worked for people around me) Have a day (or two) each week to just lay back and cuddle. Watch some television at your place, have a dinner together with no interruptions, things of that sort.

^This is all from observations as a third person, but I found out that if your relationship is more or less structured, then there won't be awkward surprises. Also, a couple buddys' girlfriends that I've talked to find that with a weekly schedule, they actually have something to look forward to each day of the week.

Go travelling:
Sounds poetic, I know, but my parents always used to go travelling when I was a kid, and I could really tell the difference between the atmosphere of the two when travelling compared to when they were at home.
I figure this is probably because despite structure, each relationship needs SOME source of refreshment.

That's all I can think of.
Again, like I said, I'm not much of a relationship person, so I don't know exactly how much weight my suggestions hold.

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Old 04-19-2009, 05:25 PM   #5
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Travel. Weekend trips to seattle, kelowna or others..
Do things. Grouse Grind, blade the seawall, go for dinners, go swimming, bowling, picnic's go for drives.

If those don't work, find something you both enjoy doing. But if you don't return her calls or texts then you quite clearly aren't that interested in her...so.....

When you do find someone who you can't wait to talk to or see, then you won't have any troubles finding things to do.
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Old 04-19-2009, 05:42 PM   #6
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now that you want commitment she will bounce.
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Old 04-19-2009, 08:04 PM   #7
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5) She's a virgin (surprise, surprise lol)
You need to solve that problem.
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Old 04-19-2009, 08:15 PM   #8
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she's a virgin, therefore shes not worth it

drop it like it's hot
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Old 04-19-2009, 08:24 PM   #9
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If you are finding it tough to keep it interesting only a couple of months in, it is pretty well done for man. If you are in a relationship with somebody you are compatible with and get along with etc. it would not be tough at all to keep things going. I know couples that are 5 years married and they still seem like they're in the 'honeymoon' stage. Move on to the next one.
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Old 04-19-2009, 09:21 PM   #10
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to the peeps who are telling him to move on, i think we all have to take a look at the bigger picture here. if he isn't as interested as some of you may think then why is he posting this on here? why is he asking for help? ---because clearly, this girl is making him feel things that makes him want to better the relationship and his previous studly-single ways.

i say, to keep things interesting---both of you should have your own personal space. i think with any relationship you have to keep yourself in check because most of the time people tend to lose themselves once they start dating someone. make sure you both get to have time with your own friends and personal time away from the other. once you start seeing the person everyday--i find it can get a bit overwhelming and boring fast. now giving a person a call everyday is different (it shows you care to call her etc etc) but there's no need to see each other everyday.

to keep sex interesting...well..there's always the park, the car, the kitchen counter, the stairs....
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Old 04-20-2009, 08:24 AM   #11
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to the peeps who are telling him to move on, i think we all have to take a look at the bigger picture here. if he isn't as interested as some of you may think then why is he posting this on here? why is he asking for help? ---because clearly, this girl is making him feel things that makes him want to better the relationship and his previous studly-single ways.

i say, to keep things interesting---both of you should have your own personal space. i think with any relationship you have to keep yourself in check because most of the time people tend to lose themselves once they start dating someone. make sure you both get to have time with your own friends and personal time away from the other. once you start seeing the person everyday--i find it can get a bit overwhelming and boring fast. now giving a person a call everyday is different (it shows you care to call her etc etc) but there's no need to see each other everyday.

to keep sex interesting...well..there's always the park, the car, the kitchen counter, the stairs....
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Old 04-20-2009, 01:53 PM   #12
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She choose you for who you are. So don't completely lose that wild guy side.
Plan a weekend without the girlfriend every so often. The way to do it is ahead of time you let her know that such and such weekend is a guy weekend. You don't have to go into detail what you are going to do. Nor do you have to call or keep in touch during that weekend.
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Old 04-21-2009, 02:26 AM   #13
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She choose you for who you are. So don't completely lose that wild guy side.
Plan a weekend without the girlfriend every so often. The way to do it is ahead of time you let her know that such and such weekend is a guy weekend. You don't have to go into detail what you are going to do. Nor do you have to call or keep in touch during that weekend.
I like this. I know a lot of the things I do, caught her eye, and even though she complains about some of the things I do sometimes, she knows that's who I really am

I read miss_crayons post about calling daily, and you know what... I almost never call her at all. It's a habit, I only really call when I'm outside picking her up. I send her little text's for her to wake up to in the mornings, but it just seems weird calling everyday. But I know it's probably something she would appreciate.

Some other points to address...

- I don't hunger for commitment, I just want to make sure I don't prevent it

- I'll be blunt: not in this for the sex (call bs all you want LOL). Yes I would like to be her first, but I'm not dropping her because she requires any extra attention lol.

Thanks for the replies so far
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Old 04-21-2009, 12:46 PM   #14
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just cause she is a virgin doesnt mean you cant have fun.

maybe with a little pushing she is willing to do other stuff. there is always oral, or even anal. Plus you never know; she might just be looking for the right person to take away her innocence!

To build on Crayon's comment, you need to show her you care. You dont have to call her every night. A simple good night text will do too. Shows her that you actually care/remember her. A very good trick is to give her flower every often to. Not a huge bunch, but something fun and simple. It gives the aww factor.

It is pretty easy to keep things interesting in a relationship. Go join a sports team or go do a hobby the both of you like. All you have to do is put you and your gf out in the world to experience things.
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Old 04-21-2009, 10:18 PM   #15
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Well, first off, realizing that you do have a bad habit and wanting to seek help to prevent this relationship from ending badly (like previous ones) is showing that you really do care about this girl, so despite all the ppl saying drop her, i say dont! And since you say you're not in it just to get laid and pop her cherry, that also shows that you're not in this for yourself and that you like this girl for who she is

As for the calling thing, it really depends i think. My bf and I have been together for a little for 3 months now and i can say we've chatted on the phone a whole lot mainly cause he's not very big on phone calls. But we make up for the talking every day either by seeing each other and talking in person, or text msgs or online, and despite everything we're still able to keep a conversation going whenever we're together with no problems. But it can be very sweet to drop a phone call every once in a while, doesnt have to be long conversations, just a quick hello, how are you today, i miss you, y'know, little things just to show her that you care and think of her when shes not around. Calling everyday can be a little excessive imo, especially if you see each other often (or even if you see each other 3 times a week, everyday seems a bit much..) cause phone calls are not like talking in person. usually with phone calls you have an objective and you have things you wanna say, whereas if you just call for the sake of calling that just can get awkward cause youre both holding a piece of plastic against your ear listening to the static when you're thinking of things to ask each other. It's completely different when you're in person cause you can fidget or like do little things to fill in the gaps.

And like others have said, start a routine of some sort. Like, movie day in, or go take a walk somewhere on the weekends, go have ice cream at a ice cream shop you both like, find some mutual interests and places you both like going to! Make a mental check list and just take her out, you dont necessarily have to tell her where you're taking her, it can be fun :]

good luck!
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Old 05-05-2009, 12:46 AM   #16
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my gf is telling how to keep her fake lashes clean.. and how to keep it curled.. WTF!?!??!? ( on the phone atm)

anyways, keep things fun, and be random... do activities, grab a bite and a movie( it does wonders if u dont do it too often) join sports together, teach her cool video games, wash cars together, do volunteers, try new foods like.. street vender foods( the hot dogs on the streets are actually pretty good..).. i donno
shes calls me ever night, like.. right now. try to keep in touch, she always texts me where she is or tells me she misses me once in a while, and i do that too. just lil stuff like that. and Mutual respect... just stuff like that.
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Old 05-05-2009, 06:06 AM   #17
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things should be interesting for quite a while as long as you guys don't see each other everyday.. maybe 2 times max per week. just go out and do things. go for walks at parks or beaches, take her out to see some places that are really nice in vancouver, etc.

my bf and i dated for quite a while.. we don't see each other that often so we're not bored of each other. nowadays we travel when we have enough money to spend just to keep things a little more interesting
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