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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 05-06-2009, 07:49 PM   #1
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Need Advice: Gf & I Recently Broken Up

So my ex-girlfriend and i just recently broken up from a 4 year relationship. We had many ups and downs, breakups and makeups. I still miss and care for her but the "spark" seems to be fading away and now she wants me back. Recently, she's been really nice to me and telling me how she still wants to be with me and that she never wanted this to happen. A part of me still wants her but i am not sure if i should go back with her or live my life without her? 4 years is a hella long time for me so when i come to think about it, maybe i should give another try? She was my first girlfriend and meant the world to me but my feelings for her just isn't as strong anymore. I'm in such a dilemma right now. Should we get back together? Has a smiliar situation happened to anyone before and how did you handle it?

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Old 05-06-2009, 08:22 PM   #2
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It's no longer about the spark anymore... what determines the success of a longterm relationship is how happy you are just to be with her and the intimacy and companionship. If you don't have any of that, then there's nothing for the relationship to survive on.
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Old 05-06-2009, 08:34 PM   #3
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wow this same thing happend to me but i was only with the guy for a year and seven months
we had are moments where we broke up got back together ups and downs
high lights and low lights of the relationship
i loved him alot we lived together to
and then i felt like the relationship started to lose flame to
so the lasttime we broke up that was kinda it
and honestly it was for the best
we just stopped hanging out and talking and adventually i lost all feelings for him
we still talk but when i felt like we lost the flame i just slowly distanced myself and honestly it turned out for the best
but thats just my story
same thing ...but i just ended it insted of going back
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Old 05-06-2009, 08:47 PM   #4
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just try

if thigns dont work out then owell.. u'll atleast know then..

but whatever happens try to end on good terms
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Old 05-06-2009, 10:04 PM   #5
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I'm going to be blunt about it.

Sometimes it's a GOOD thing that the *spark* is gone.
Because if the spark is gone, and you get back with her, then you probably won't leave her again because "the spark is gone". A lot of the times, the spark is based on our sex drives (or that is the way I feel), and once the spark is gone, your dick thinks faster than your heart.
And I suppose there's no way the dick will think faster than the heart if the spark isn't there. (i.e. she's not in your life or you started a second, 'sparkless' relationship). Maybe that's why you still love her.

I'd get back with her.


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Old 05-06-2009, 11:41 PM   #6
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just back with her and if shit dont work then leave for good.
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Old 05-07-2009, 12:41 AM   #7
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think everything through.. is this the person you want to be with or would you want to test the waters since that was the only relationship you've been in?? don't get back with her if you're planning to be with her solely because you've been together for 4 years.. you'll end up hurting her more in the end =\

as for the spark.. the spark tends to go away after a while and this goes for every long term relationship. are you going to keep breaking it off once the spark is gone? i doubt that's a good choice but what lasts in a relationship is love. i know it sounds corny.. but when it all comes down to it, it's all about love
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Old 05-07-2009, 01:36 AM   #8
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it gives you alot of time to reflect on things after a relatinoship has ended.

you shouldnt hold on to a relationship based soley on the amount of time you've been together. yes, it is hard to throw away all that history but you need to look at alot of things.

my ex and i were together for almost six years, IMO we got along well. we very rarely got into fights or arguements but we didnt have much in common. we had different outlooks on life, we grew up differently and we were both on different levels in respect to our careers and way of thinking. basically we were almost like two opposites and we ran out of things to talk about.

while she'll always hold a special place in my heart, i now better understand her POV on things and if i were to be faced in the same situation. at the moment, i don't think i would reconcile our relationship even though with her i was totally happy but who knows what the future holds.
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Old 05-07-2009, 07:45 AM   #9
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try it if u want and if it doesnt work out then it doesnt.
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Old 05-07-2009, 09:31 AM   #10
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If your feelings for her isn't strong anymore then what is the point of getting back together? You should be with someone you're in love with.
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Old 05-07-2009, 10:02 AM   #11
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HollyZ32 View Post
wow this same thing happend to me but i was only with the guy for a year and seven months
we had are moments where we broke up got back together ups and downs
high lights and low lights of the relationship
i loved him alot we lived together to
and then i felt like the relationship started to lose flame to
so the lasttime we broke up that was kinda it
and honestly it was for the best
we just stopped hanging out and talking and adventually i lost all feelings for him
we still talk but when i felt like we lost the flame i just slowly distanced myself and honestly it turned out for the best
but thats just my story
same thing ...but i just ended it insted of going back
Wow. That's soul crushing.
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Old 05-07-2009, 12:16 PM   #12
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i say go back with her since as past experience of my own and my frds if we had that chance we would have taken it cuz it's so hard to build up a relationship and have it last, like i mean u spend so much time already y just end all those time invested, just see what u can get out of it this time, maybe this is last time u guys break up, it's tru that sparks dun last forever and probably only last for a short time at the beginning but at the end wat makes it happen is the challenges u guys gone thru and the determination and commitment u guys made towards each other, i say cherish them and live on with them unless they really really is not suitable for u anymore =)
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Old 05-07-2009, 01:55 PM   #13
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I would get back with her. Similar situation happened to me and my bf... and usually when that happens, one of you has changed. a lot of times for the better and the relationship will be one that lasts.
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Old 05-07-2009, 02:35 PM   #14
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if u still trust her.. give it a shot. if theres no trust walk away
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Old 05-07-2009, 06:05 PM   #15
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waste of time. just walk and get over it. you will find someone else who you feel the same about it
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Old 05-08-2009, 12:05 PM   #16
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It's true, when your in a long term relationship like this it isn't about the feelings anymore, it's how much u guys been through n shit. Don't get me wrong but having feelings is part of it but obviosuly b/c u guy's been togther for 4 years your feelings towards each other wouldn't be as strong as the beginning. It's like a gragh, it'll go up & down and that is totally normal. I've had this happened to me before and i regret not going back with her and when i finally wanted her back it was too late b/c she didn't want me nomore. That's the biggest mistake i've made in my life.


You have nothing to lose, why not go back with her and see how it goes? who knows, maybe this breakup will bring you guys closer, stronger.
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Old 05-08-2009, 03:54 PM   #17
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regardless of who you are, 4 years, let it go. give yourself a chance to try something fresh. have you had a fling in between?

in all honesty, if a couple dated for a few years and things are getting boring, wouldn't it be logical to work THRU it. how is it ever different in a marriage.

bottom line, give another girl a shot.
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Old 05-08-2009, 09:57 PM   #18
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She's out there. It takes the balls to end it, move on, and find her. This ain't it.
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Old 05-09-2009, 03:18 AM   #19
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IMO get back with her. 4 years is a very long ass time why waste it. Work things out give it another go. Same thing with my girl and I, 6 years almost 7 and im not planning of giving up. I regret not being with her and i miss every second of it, right now i would give anything. In life nothing is every perfect live with it, fix it and fuck it. If we all left cause if lost feelings and shit like that then how would this world be like. If school was boring then u drop out, if work was hard so u quit. Get back with her and one day when u get married and have kids you'll come invite me to your wedding and thank me.
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Old 05-09-2009, 12:13 PM   #20
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I would take the time to think about it. Do not think of it as a waste if you decide to move on. It's not a waste. Every person that comes into your life is a part of putting your puzzle together. That time you spent with them, you were growing,changing and becoming more of who you are. Don't just walk away because of a spark thing though. Relationships are hard work. If you can see yourself with her for a while more then re-build or re-create the relationship you had. Have a new first date.
Just whatever you do take the time to think about it first.
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Old 05-09-2009, 04:05 PM   #21
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hmmmm.. i guess you guys might be right. the "spark" won't always be there, i just don't know whut if we got back together then i'll be hurt all over again but i do hope if we do get back, it will bring as closer and maybe even a stronger relationship. Thanks for the advice guys!
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Old 05-09-2009, 08:45 PM   #22
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ask yourself bro, when ur not with her your hurt probably more then you are when your with her. As of spark or attracted to one another all that shit fades. U think married to someone for like 30 years, theres still going to be a spark? Hell no but a real relationship is not always about that. Love is not always happy keep that in mind.
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Old 05-10-2009, 07:30 PM   #23
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All i have to say about this one is:

if you broke up, why did you break up? is that reason just that much more worth not being with her? 4 years is a long time.

For example,
I've seen a lot of friends who went out with girls for a long time, time has no bearing on anything. I know a guy who would fight with his gf EVERYDAY for 4 years... and they'd always be in bed by the next night. The thing is, those kinda people, I just don't think should be together, no matter how many ups you have, the downs always weighed more.

You have to justify it the most reasonable degree.

Or just let your heart decide.
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Old 05-10-2009, 10:22 PM   #24
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^Sometimes u have to ask yourself, does your life suck more or less with the other person. That is probably the reason why some ppl who don't seem like they should be togther are together.
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Old 05-11-2009, 12:15 PM   #25
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I think the bottom line is that.....is she the one? Do you see yourself getting married with her and living happily ever after? Not getting married because it seems like a good idea and you guys have been dating for 4 years....but getting married because you seriously love this girl and you think there's no one else in the world that can replace her.

If the answer is I donno.....then stop wasting both you and her time.
Especially if you want the better for her....a girl's time is a lot more limited than yours...
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