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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 06-10-2009, 01:09 PM   #1
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Telling mom that I like her daughter

I'm currently dating my co-worker's daughter, and my co-worker doesn't officially know yet. I'm sure she has suspicions because I took her daughter out cruising a few times, after going to her house to help her out with various things. Mom has asked the daughter if she likes me, and the daughter has denied it, because she doesn't want mom to know.

There's several reasons why she doesn't want her mom to know. One of which is our age difference. I'm 30 and she's 20. Her mom is very particular about guys she goes out with, and hated the last guy she dated when she was 19 and he was 27. Her mother has never liked any of her choices.

I think my case is special since I work with the mother, and she knows me, and she's my friend. I have also helped her out a bunch with both personal and work-related stuff. I offered to help her with the daughter's treadmill, and she invited me over for lunch. She told her daughter about me, and how I'm a good guy for helping her at work, and how I'm willing to help everyone everyone else too.

We've been secretly going out for a few days. I really want to be able to let the mother know soon, so she doesn't feel like she's been betrayed by me. I've tried to explain to the daughter that her mom sees me as a stand-up guy, but she insists on not wanting to reveal it, yet. I'm pretty sure if mom didn't me to date her daughter, that she wouldn't keep on inviting me over to help out, and have lunch.


Should I tell the mom that I like her daughter? If yes, any tips on how I should do it? I was thinking of asking her about whether her daughter was single, in our various conversations, and then lead into whether it'd be okay for me to date her. I want to respect my girl's wishes too.

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Old 06-10-2009, 01:16 PM   #2
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Any way you do it, I wish you the best of luck.

I make it a personal rule never to date anyone that has any connection with work but that is getting away from your question.

To me, honesty is the best bet. Go with the daughter, and together tell the mom that you guys are dating. If you hide it, and the mom finds out, that will make work an awkward place. It will be even more awkward if you guys break up, but that is another issue all together.

If she thinks you are a good guy, then she "should" be willing to give you the chance. If she changes her tune, well, no easy solution to that.

At least if you guys are upfront and open and honest about it, it might go better as the mom might not be as angry or hurt by it.
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Old 06-10-2009, 02:22 PM   #3
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from the way things are now, it sounds like she wouldn't mind at all if u were to date her daughter...fact is, she'd prob prefer you instead of some random dude she knows nothing about

ask mom and report back
and does she have a sister?
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Old 06-10-2009, 02:35 PM   #4
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If she sees you as a stand up guy, then might as well continue with that and be upfront with her. She's obviously not stupid and probably already knows the situation
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Old 06-10-2009, 02:56 PM   #5
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Let her mom know. U don't want to burn bridges at work.

I wouldn't date anyone at work though.
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:20 PM   #6
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If she thinks you're a stand up guy, dont ruin her image of you and hide it. If she finds out from word of mouth instead of either of you two, her view of you could totally change.

Just be honest with her, she can't bash you for being honest
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:28 PM   #7
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Thanks folks. I'm gonna discuss it with my girl tonight, and, hopefully, tell mom tomorrow.

I don't date people from work either. It makes things weird. Although dating a co-worker's daughter is kinda weird too, I don't think that this is making an exception to the rule.
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:32 PM   #8
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Play "Hey Mister" by custom at work.

Maybe she'll clue in...
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Old 06-10-2009, 03:58 PM   #9
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just be totally upfront with the mom and make sure she knows that it was yours and her daughter's decision to be together so she won't have anything against you.

anways, keep us updated...
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:20 PM   #10
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seems like everyone agrees- she has talked good about you to her daughter, so might as well continue the type of person that she sees you as.

If your daughter doesn't want to go tell ehr mom, you should, you're 30! Show the man!
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:48 PM   #11
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Although this would be kinda weird, the fact that you'll probably visit her at her house, you'd be seeing more of her mom than her cause you work with her mom
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:49 PM   #12
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I think you should wait till u guys are stable before telling her mom.
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Old 06-10-2009, 04:59 PM   #13
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Buy the mom some coffee, or go get coffee with her @ work.

Then just casually break her the news. Make sure that out of all things you convey, that this thing between you and her daughter is subject to mother's approval. Even if it's untrue, the gesture goes miles.
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Old 06-10-2009, 05:13 PM   #14
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I was thinking of asking her about whether her daughter was single, in our various conversations, and then lead into whether it'd be okay for me to date her. I want to respect my girl's wishes too.
No...because if she says no, then what? lol

Be up front about it. Best thing to do is sit down with mom and have a talk over coffee. It's the only thing you can do really, because it is what it is.

I would wait though, you two have only been seeing each other for a few days. Let her commit to you a bit more before you go through all the hassles
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Old 06-10-2009, 07:52 PM   #15
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wow, that sucks, good luck with it though!

could you imagine it though? you'll NEVER be able to tell any of the guys "stuff" you've done with your gf...word travels fast at work lol....

one minute your talkin with a buddy at the water cooler telling him what you did with your gf last night...10 minutes later you got her mom running after you chasing you with a keyboard!
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:13 PM   #16
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Buy the mom some coffee, or go get coffee with her @ work.

Then just casually break her the news. Make sure that out of all things you convey, that this thing between you and her daughter is subject to mother's approval. Even if it's untrue, the gesture goes miles.
Make sure it's not hot, scolding coffee.

I'm kinda iffy about a 30 year old dating a 20 year old; that's a decade apart!
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:29 PM   #17
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Half plus seven. he's not far off the mark. after 20, age difference doesn't make that much difference.
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:36 PM   #18
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Time to get daughter to grow up and tell mum what you guys are up to. Like everyone else has said, you'll look better if you're upfront about it.
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Old 06-10-2009, 08:40 PM   #19
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Make sure it's not hot, scolding coffee.

I'm kinda iffy about a 30 year old dating a 20 year old; that's a decade apart!
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Half plus seven. he's not far off the mark. after 20, age difference doesn't make that much difference.
^^^

I know I violated the rule (X/2+7). I really got to know her before I made any moves. I don't act or look my age, which works out well in this case. She's smart, and she knows what she wants to do with her life and how to get there. She's dated an older guy before, when she was 19 and he was 27. She liked him, but he didn't have his shit together. She says i'm the total package for her, and I believe she's the total package for me. She's a woman and doesn't act like an immature girl.

I'm not worried about work. All the guys that work there are a lot older than I am, and I don't ever gossip with them. That's what my friends are for .

I hate doing this in secret. I'm gonna talk to her mom and just put it out there. I think I'm really worrying about nothing. It's just a stupid psychological road block. You folks are right. She knows me. Even if she doesn't accept it at first, she'll probably realize that I'm good for her daughter, since her older daughter and son-in-law are still living at home and going to school.
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Old 06-10-2009, 09:26 PM   #20
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according to the 1/2 plus 7 rule, she should be 22

but when you turn 34 she is 24 so...1/2 plus 7 works
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:44 PM   #21
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in the end, what you do is up to you, but personally...i'd wait a bit longer. only because you guys have been only going out a couple times and it doesn't seem like you guys are official. unless you 2 have made it official..
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Old 06-10-2009, 10:45 PM   #22
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according to the 1/2 plus 7 rule, she should be 22

but when you turn 34 she is 24 so...1/2 plus 7 works
Werd. When you were 20, into college, watching porn and drinking with your boys... she was 10, halfway finished elementary school, watching sesame street and playing barbie with her girlfriends.

All jokes aside... Props for the bag. But I think the bigger problem is her age and that at 20 and just experiencing life, leave's a lot of room for change in direction, priorities, tastes and goals, instead of her mom's approval.

Not saying don't go for it, just saying be aware of the risks involved before you get head over heels in this.

The funny thing is, although all seems so ideal right now. Girls have the tendency to embody the ideal mate always at the beginning of the relationship.
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Old 06-10-2009, 11:10 PM   #23
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can't keep secret forever
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Old 06-11-2009, 07:45 AM   #24
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in the end, what you do is up to you, but personally...i'd wait a bit longer. only because you guys have been only going out a couple times and it doesn't seem like you guys are official. unless you 2 have made it official..

I spoke to her about telling her mom. She insists that it isn't a good idea, and wants to wait a few weeks, and see where we're at. What do you mean by official? We haven't done it, but we've been making-out a lot. She wants to make-out more than I do, and she's probably hornier than I am. It's hard to resist her wishes, as I'm a sucker for T&A.
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Old 06-11-2009, 08:34 AM   #25
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sounds like she's either honestly trying to play it safe, see how it's goes with you before telling her mom (due to the work situation)

or, she's playing a game and is trying to be "dangerous" by fooling around with one of her mom's coworkers

either way, get her in bed....if she sucks you're not going to want to stay around anyways
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