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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 07-23-2009, 10:01 PM   #1
RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
 
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working things out between frds

ok so long story short... I said something to someone and it got into the wrong ears.

Usually i wouldn't give 2 shit, but just so happens, I do care about these frds I've just lost. I would like to mend this. however, this whole situation is regarding something I said long time ago and no matter how hard I pound my brains I cannot remember what I said. These frds are no longer on talking terms with me.

I realized i had a big mouth, I fuck up and I want to make up for this.
There is no way for me to approach this situation in another way through frds of frds because they basically have now group together to boycott me. And I have seen how they talk about me on their fb.

I've known these frds for like 4-5 yrs and I through we have mutual understanding about the jackass things frds can do. Apparently not.

I though I would be able to get over this and all the e-hates by hanging out with my other frds and such but I still couldn't get it out of my head. I did consider some of them to be bros.

What gets on my nerve even more is I totally can't remember what I did and I have no idea who this "friend" is that has suddenly decide to release all these private conversation years after....

anybody been in a similiar situation can offer any advice? how to get a sincere apology across to ppl that doesn't want to listen?

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Old 07-23-2009, 10:52 PM   #2
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it really depends on what you said.
some things can really break trust between people and just can't be forgiven.
the worst part is that you don't even know what you did so to them it may seem like you don't care that you said whatever.
but it sounds like you've known each other for awhile so it must have been something pretty bad for them to band together and boycott you.
i suppose you can try to get information from the weakest one and work from there to mend things.
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Old 07-23-2009, 11:10 PM   #3
RS has made me the bitter person i am today!
 
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I doubt I can find the weak link in the group. As I have already all she manage to find out (or all that she told me) is that I said something really really mean and that my apology will not be accepted.

That is all I manage to gather before the "friend" that is realeasing these information also talk to her and told her shit I said about her(this i have a general idea becuz we were an item before and it didn't work out so well and I know i said sum mean things) Now she is also no longer talking to me.

I though this whole thing might chill and I might get a chance to apologize since these people did not delete me from their fb. now it seems like they wants nothing to do with me anymore and i'm only still on their fb so I could "accidentally" come across all the bad rep they are saying about me on fb.
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Old 07-24-2009, 01:21 AM   #4
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Originally Posted by threezero View Post
I doubt I can find the weak link in the group. As I have already all she manage to find out (or all that she told me) is that I said something really really mean and that my apology will not be accepted.
draaaaama. You don't need that shit.-
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Old 07-24-2009, 11:28 AM   #5
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draaaaama. You don't need that shit.-
I agree and give it time too, if you guys are true friends and meant to stay friends then you will.

I got into a bit of a thing with my old best friend and she was mad at something I had apparently said about her husband (I don't remember saying anything about him other than I don't trust he'd help me with my car) and we hadn't really talked or saw each other in over a year but when I was out in edmonton in may we met up and when she was in town last week we hung out a lot and it was just like old times. Time can generally heal all wounds.
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Old 07-24-2009, 02:44 PM   #6
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I've gone through this enoug times due to my directness/abrasiveness.

IMO, if they are your real friends, they should first ask/confront you about what you said and talk to you, to see if u should retarct, or if you mis-said something. One thing heard by person A can generally mean something compleetely differnt by person B.

So I've lost a lot of "friends" over the years. And now I have ones that will actually ask, and 99% of the time, they just misheard or misunderstood me.

As for the other people that just decided to jump on a witch-hunting bandwagon,
They can really go fuck'em selves. I learned that everyone will always have a bad rep with SOMEONE, and there's not point trying to correct it. I feel ya, 'cuz some friends I was really close to.
HOWEVER, they simply weren't the RIGHT friends for me. Not they're bad people, they just not the right kind to get along with ME.

Friends are there to help you grow. Part of that process is constructive criticism between friends, support, and pointing things out that one thinks their friends can probably improve on. From the sounds of it, that's not happening. How can one grow, if they don't even know what's preventing them? For me, to my friends, as a responsibility, I feel that I should always point something like this out, in a way that's diplomatic to the friend.



Leave'em alone, cut your losses, and move on.

And a side note: I absolutely HATE it when people group up like this. I firmly believe, REGARDLESS of what others say, that if there's something up with a friend, one should at least get the whole story and investigate, instead of just inciting a mob mentality over something that can very well be a complete misunderstanding.
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Old 07-24-2009, 02:50 PM   #7
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^ Also learn to keep your mouth shut about wiseass comments. Sorry to say, but if you absolutely don't care what your friends think, imho they're not really compatible friends then, are they.

As an example, I had a friend A who said some crazy mean things about friend B. B told me later he wasn't impressed and was ready to punch A in the face over it. I told A that B was pissed at him for that comment. A had NO IDEA he was out of line. A promptly called B and apologized. Now we all still hang out together.

Not saying it's your fault though. If someone had a problem with you, imho they should've talked to you up front instead of just kicking you off their list of friends. Doing stuff behind other ppl's backs = drama. Depends on whether you are into this drama or not.
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Old 07-24-2009, 03:07 PM   #8
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^ I second that opinion. Absolutely.
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Old 07-24-2009, 03:12 PM   #9
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Your friends are acting like little bitches. Real friends just take hits or make it aware if someone's over the line. Talking behind each other's back? What are they? 16y.o. girls? =p
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Old 07-24-2009, 03:21 PM   #10
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This is the hard way to learn to remember to keep what people tell you in confidence.
you know how they say have one person you can tell them to if you really feel the need, well don't. Best thing to do if you feel like you have to blab to someone is open up a word document page, write it down then after letting it sit on the screen for a few seconds hit the exit and don't save.

Unfortunately right now they are feeling really hurt, and are in their way hitting you back. Personally if they are jabbing (so to say) you through facebook, use it to try to break down some of the gap.
Write something along the lines of what a ***hole you are and how you gossip like a school girl. put that you are creating a horrible friend and gossiper annonymous and are starting on the first step. Something along these lines. The whole point is to admit that you really screwed up. Who cares what exactly you said. The fact is you talked about your friends behind their backs, that's what you did wrong. What was said is really irrelevant.
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Old 07-24-2009, 04:06 PM   #11
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send the email out.
Admit you are wrong takes a lot of guts and that's the main thing you need to do.

I mean, just plain out send a mass email and apologize on what you did, tell them u're the loser who made this situation worse. It's time for yourself to grow up. Let them know you're not sure what you have done, but with sincere and a genuine apologize, hopefully one woudl at least step up and confront you so they may make this better.

let them know and u'll wait patiently you'll willing to accept the consequences. Be really serious and LISTEN and dont' say "WTF, i cant' fucken believe you guys for that dick ass mofo little thing that you guys are boycotting you".....

think, reflect on it, give it a week, call everyone up and apologize again, and then it's up to them to connect with you once again.
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Old 07-28-2009, 06:50 PM   #12
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thanks for all the suggestion. I never understood the appeal of saying serious things through email. I hate having to sent it out not knowing if the other side receive or not, or just plain ignored it.

I want to make apology in person unfortunately they ain't picking up the phone and i drag this on so long they've went back to hk for the summer.

I want to try to get them meet up when i go back in hk in a few weeks however here's my emo thoughts...

I really really want to make a sincere apology but I can't see myself doing this right now because I still havn't figure out what exactly I said and I can't help feeling bitter when I saw their jabbing on their facebook about me, doesn't help that some other frds that is not directly related to this whole incident not only boycotting me but also adding in their 2 cent on fb.

On one hand I really want to mend this, on the other I feel very unfair they are basically being hypocrites demeaning me publicly for talking behind their back.

also its impossible for me to take advantage of their fb jabbing, before I realize how big of a deal this is to them I made a well quite insincere apology in a jokingly kind of way of fb and i was bombarded by them and associates basically telling me to eat shit dunt talk abt till i know what i did. I doubt a second apology on fb sincere or not will get through.

should i cut my lost and move on like ballpeenbeemer said?

and the fucking mob mentality makes me mad. even if i do manage to mend the relationship i dunt think i ever act the same way around those people that just jump on the bandwagon.
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Old 07-28-2009, 07:50 PM   #13
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What's worse? You missing them and giving no apology or providing one on email? The longer you drag this out, the more long lasting the grudge becomes.

You're an idiot for making it a joke and doing a half assed apology on fb. You just made the bonfire into a forest fire. It appears that the entire group unanimously agree that you are an ass thus theres no barriers for your other friends to add in their 2 cents. You may not have directly pissed them off but surely they think you went overboard in the past. So it seems the hate against you is warranted. Their way of expressing it is underhanded, though.

If you are serious about it, don't dick around and just march up to their houses and simply apologize. It shows effort on your part to make amends. If they are unreachable because they are in another country... you could simply wait.
How old are these friends? It doesn't look like they are lasting friends anyways. Might be a lesson for you to don't be a smartmouth (for saying whatever you said)
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Old 07-30-2009, 01:50 AM   #14
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egg their house, honestly
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Old 07-30-2009, 12:59 PM   #15
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If you cant remember what you did, and you've made every attempt possible to apologize, and they STILL act like cunts, just cut your losses.

Now you know they're not your real "bros" they're just guys that act like high school girls.
I always thought there was like an unwritten rule about shit like this with guys..
Unless you stole their woman or something, everything should be good
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Old 07-30-2009, 02:27 PM   #16
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cut losses for sure here, everyone excluding family is replaceable and upgradeable
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Old 07-31-2009, 02:59 AM   #17
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should i cut my lost and move on like ballpeenbeemer said?

and the fucking mob mentality makes me mad. even if i do manage to mend the relationship i dunt think i ever act the same way around those people that just jump on the bandwagon.

Yes, Move on.

The fact that you're mad because they've mobbed you means it's no longer worth it.

I can't stand people who can't think for themselve, and think critically, without resorting to following others. Hence why I just peace out when I see that kind of shit.
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