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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 08-01-2009, 03:15 AM   #1
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[Confidential] Perma-bachelor

The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.

so... I'm not the sort to usually ask advice, and I don't really know any of you to directly listen to anyways, but maybe I just need assurance I am not crazy...
I have this...long term issue. I seem to date girls that are wonderful in many to all aspects, but I can't choose to settle.
I always seem distracted by the "new" or other...which causes me to break up and try again...which leads to the whole thing again...
Please if you are going to offer advise, don't just say I haven't found the "one". The fact is, I have dated many the amazing girl, but after a while I never seemed satisfied, despite her meeting all my condition of a "perfect mate". It just seems like I am a professional bachelor....
Anyone else have this issue? How did you "help yourself"?

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Old 08-01-2009, 04:47 AM   #2
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stop clubbing and putting yourself in situations where you're meeting new "exciting" (different) people.
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Old 08-01-2009, 08:24 AM   #3
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Old 08-01-2009, 10:20 AM   #4
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Stop looking for girls that meet some sort of criteria you have. Go out and do something social that you would never do. I know you said don't say it but really none of these are the 'one'. They are what you have mentally decided your other half should be. Stop thinking it through. Just go out do stuff you normally wouldn't, take up a new hobby and stop looking. The one that will keep your attention will be the least likely to fit the model you have made. Be glad that you have met so many interesting ppl and hopefully you will continue to do so. Like I said though throw out that list.
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Old 08-01-2009, 10:29 AM   #5
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As per Dan Savage: In order to settle down, you have to settle for.

Keep in mind, this is a two way road. You're settling for someone, knowing that there MAY be something better out there. They are also doing the same for you.
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Old 08-01-2009, 11:37 AM   #6
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i just don't think you are ready to commit. it's not a bad thing cause everyone at one point in their lifetime will go through this. you find someone you are interested in but then once you land what you want your mind start to wander because you are still curious about the other fish in the sea.
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Old 08-02-2009, 03:30 AM   #7
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo View Post
The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.

so... I'm not the sort to usually ask advice, and I don't really know any of you to directly listen to anyways, but maybe I just need assurance I am not crazy...
I have this...long term issue. I seem to date girls that are wonderful in many to all aspects, but I can't choose to settle.
I always seem distracted by the "new" or other...which causes me to break up and try again...which leads to the whole thing again...
Please if you are going to offer advise, don't just say I haven't found the "one". The fact is, I have dated many the amazing girl, but after a while I never seemed satisfied, despite her meeting all my condition of a "perfect mate". It just seems like I am a professional bachelor....
Anyone else have this issue? How did you "help yourself"?
I previously had the exact train of thought as you. Don't worry, it's not a them (girls) thing, it's a you thing. It's just not your time yet.

When you're still relatively young, one tends to have lots of energy and pursue many endeavors. You'll find it very hard to settle. But trust me, you will eventually burn out and the lifestyle eventually tiresome. Every young bachelor always thinks they have the steam to last a lifetime, but is usually not the case. I was one of them and so might you in my estimation.
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Old 08-02-2009, 08:36 AM   #8
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How old are you? Maybe you're not at that stage of you're not ready to settle in.
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Old 08-04-2009, 08:58 AM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Noir View Post
I previously had the exact train of thought as you. Don't worry, it's not a them (girls) thing, it's a you thing. It's just not your time yet.

When you're still relatively young, one tends to have lots of energy and pursue many endeavors. You'll find it very hard to settle. But trust me, you will eventually burn out and the lifestyle eventually tiresome. Every young bachelor always thinks they have the steam to last a lifetime, but is usually not the case. I was one of them and so might you in my estimation.
Agreed
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Old 08-05-2009, 04:07 PM   #10
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spend all ur money on a mortagage and I guarantee u dun have any money left to meet new girls
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Old 08-05-2009, 06:42 PM   #11
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Sounds like me last summer year. I was having so much fun being single that I didn't even notice when the right girl came into my life. I think it is the case that you haven't found "the one". You're just waiting for the good looking girl that's not a bitch, isn't an attention whore, is intelligent, motivated, fun, active, or whatever else fits your bill.

Breaking up with a previous girl for a new one just means that the old one just didn't have enough going for her to continue the relationship. When you find a match, all the other women that you see just don't have the same appeal.
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Old 08-06-2009, 10:28 PM   #12
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The following is a reply from the Anonymous Revscene member


Well, the thing is...I am not that young. I am actually 30. And I am pushing the mortgage and all those good things. I think a major part of it is that I am feeling like my youth is fleeting, and so I feel "real" relationships are dangerous because they could be the last one....I think I especially feel that because right now I am still able to date pretty, young girls that I almost need to, because eventually the time will come when I can't.
It's stupid and self destructive, I know..but it's exactly how I feel. The current girl I am dating is a successful, young, pretty 23 yrsold with a fun disposition. Lots of pluses, only a few minuses. I am stupid to pass this up..and yet the feeling is still always there...especially when other pretty girls make advances.
This is a stupid thing to bitch about I know, but I need to learn how to stay focused....but knowing what to do, and being able to pull it off, are completely different things.
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:59 PM   #13
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Age is just a number. 30 being young is very relative and subjective. To the conservative mind, yes you are old. To the modern liberal, 30 is still fairly young. For varied reasons like ambition, fun, career, travelling, etc, some people dont settle down until their late 30's or 40's.

Chillax, you're only 30. Besides, it's not good to force yourself into things you don't want to be in. If you look at guy's like George Clooney, Gerard Butler, Al Pacino, they're fairly old and happily unmarried. Nothing wrong with that choice and that lifestyle.
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Old 08-07-2009, 12:12 AM   #14
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^ All the men you described are rich, famous and fairly good looking. They can live any sort of life they choose.

For regular folk, if you want to live freely at age 30 then by all means. There is still time to screw around but don't fool yourself by continuously telling yourself that. He'll just have the same perplexities at age 35. It's the social norm to get hitched with someone, settle down, have a stable job to support your children etc. Its the common route but not THE way. Theres nothing wrong with the bachelor lifestyle but you better have the balls to withstand the social pressure and feel good about yourself down the road about it.
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:00 PM   #15
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I'm 29 and I've date tons of chicks. I don't know about you but throughout this entire year, I haven't been able to even find someone to settle. The reason I do not want to settle because I do not think the right one has come along yet. I use to power date and be dating 4 different girls on 3 different nights. What happened at the end. Things got out of hand and I wasn't being my true self. I wasn't happy within.

Girls are a dime a dozen. You're seeing tons of fun girls and you're just partying. i guessing inside you're stilll really lonely and don't know what to do.

My solution was to stop dating and focus on yourself. I have girls who are in the same situations, power dating and just really wanting to settle, but they cant' seen to be happy when they are alone.

take the time to stop dating for 1 month and focus on your friendships. One must learn to be content with what they have,.
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Old 08-07-2009, 02:04 PM   #16
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Quote:
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^ All the men you described are rich, famous and fairly good looking. They can live any sort of life they choose.
Well. I could name people that I know that aren't celebrities but those names would be meaningless to the OP. They're neither famous and alright in the looks dept. Not rich but fairly well-off.
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Old 08-15-2009, 12:30 PM   #17
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Old 08-15-2009, 01:14 PM   #18
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Be happy u got a gf. Some of us can't even find one!
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Old 08-15-2009, 04:52 PM   #19
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This is the problem I'm going through, but I'm 5 years younger then you. Awesome girls come and go, some even stay for two years but it never goes past that. I get bored and want to move onto someone different. I wish I could give you adivce, but I'm in the same boat
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Old 08-15-2009, 05:16 PM   #20
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dont change. the second you do you will regret it.
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Old 08-17-2009, 12:01 PM   #21
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Maybe you should stop dating girls that make moves on you.....not that there are anything wrong with them.....but if you wear the pants in the relationship all the time...it will get boring. You gotta find someone that is out of your comfort zone....someone that you would actually worry about losing because they are very able to find somone else better than you.
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