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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 08-05-2009, 12:39 PM   #1
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Rejected but determined

I've been friends with this girl for about a year now. She has some relationship issues because her boyfriend cheated on her and left her for some other girl. So naturally she went to me for support and advice. I was happy to be there for her because she was there for me once before. And just to make things clear, I had no intention of hooking up with her at this time. I genuinely wanted to help her out as she did for me.

For the past 2 months we started hanging out and getting closer to each other. We see each other everyday literally. And for the days that we don't see each other we're constantly on the phone every night. Even when we do see each other we still talk on the phone at night. We talk about random stuff...mostly of what we did that day, how she's feeling towards her ex, general friend stuff. What i'm trying to reiterate is that we spend A LOT of time together.

Anyway, hanging out with her so much, naturally, i started developing feelings for her. I didn't want to keep it bottled up inside so I told her. It didn't come much of a surprise to her because she sensed that I did have feelings for her. However, she does NOT feel the same way about me. At least she was honest enough to tell me that instead of leading me on.

As for our current friendship we decided that we wouldn't see each other for a few days so i can regroup my emotions and decide on a course of action (Ironically, this was what I advised to her when she was trying to deal with her ex-bf). She said she would follow my lead with whichever path I choose.

Now here's what I'm thinking:

Losing her as a friend is not an option for me. She is a great person and I would love to keep her in my life for as long as possible. However, it's really hard to remain friends with someone you have feelings for. Also, a relationship is a two way thing... and right now I'm the only with the feelings.

What I'm thinking is when my few days are up... I'd give it one last fighting chance. Ask her if there's any feelings for me at all... regardless of how miniscule it is. If there is then that's something we can work with together.
Ask her for ONE chance to prove to her that I can be that man she's looking for. That way, in the future, she'll never have to wonder "what if I had said yes" and at least we can say that we gave it a try. And who knows might happen if she said yes.

I know this is pretty lame or whatever but I feel like I have to give this one more shot before i completely decide to get over it and remain friends. Plus, she'll also have a few days to let it simmer in her brain the idea of us being together.

What do you guys think?


Last edited by DeadMeat; 08-05-2009 at 04:05 PM.
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Old 08-05-2009, 12:58 PM   #2
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Sigh... This is the problem of dating friends in your circle!

I read on revscene there was this one guy who did stuff with a friend who eventually turned into a girlfriend after a month or something "evaluation period"... BUT I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS!

My recommendation is to move on. Stop having oneitis. But then your friendship is and will never be the same... but it isn't anymore since you've told her you liked her.

So since I like drama and so does everyone on revscene... Go make a thread like that other guy who turned a friend into a girlfriend after she said no.
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Old 08-05-2009, 01:57 PM   #3
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I've been friends with this girl for about a year now. She has some relationship issues because her boyfriend cheated on her and left her for some other guy.

Her bf didn't cheat, he just came out.
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Old 08-05-2009, 03:48 PM   #4
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Her bf didn't cheat, he just came out.
lol, I was just about to say that.

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Old 08-05-2009, 04:05 PM   #5
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^^^ Edited lol
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Old 08-05-2009, 05:17 PM   #6
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I think you're screwed... you are up to your neck in the friends-zone.
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Old 08-05-2009, 05:42 PM   #7
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I read on revscene there was this one guy who did stuff with a friend who eventually turned into a girlfriend after a month or something "evaluation period"... BUT I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS!

My recommendation is to move on. Stop having oneitis. But then your friendship is and will never be the same... but it isn't anymore since you've told her you liked her.
yes.
this whole situation reeks of approval seeking. i'm cringing now as i type
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:02 PM   #8
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she does NOT feel the same way about me.
my advise to all my friends...."never approach girls who recently break up."
they are always emotionally unstable. Unless she has liked you for quite awhile, if not
I usually keep a distance at least half a year or so.


Last edited by asian_XL; 08-05-2009 at 11:48 PM.
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:09 PM   #9
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u got friend-zoned
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Old 08-05-2009, 08:29 PM   #10
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it happens to the nicest of us
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:16 AM   #11
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i say move on. if u guys talked about it openly and she said she'll wait for your direction to follow your lead (so things can get back to normal), let it go back to normal. if u can't, then don't see her for a while until you can really be 'just' friends with her, but please don't try again. doesn't seem like you have much of a chance with her.
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Old 08-06-2009, 12:47 AM   #12
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Pls dont take any offense. The following is just a pure straight-forward observation and opinion.

I think youre just in denial. I think deep down you know will not succeed but your denial has you convinced that you DO have a small faint hope or chance.

While the old proverb of: You miss 100% of the chances you dont take is true, you will alsocome across as needy and stubborn which also comes at the cost of pride and dignity.

And trust me. The loss of pride and dignity will only hurt your future chances with her (if any) and any other females who are well aware of you and your history.
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Old 08-06-2009, 04:57 AM   #13
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lol this has happened to me before. Don't let it get you down. I think you might have jumped the gun though (I did the same thing), maybe it would have been better for you to wait awhile before you told her how you felt. Absolutely keep being friends with her though, even if things don't work out.

Just because there are no feelings now doesn't mean they can't/won't develop. Try to move on but keep her close. I think with some persistence you can turn that No into a Yes.
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Old 08-06-2009, 06:59 AM   #14
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Losing her as a friend is not an option for me. She is a great person and I would love to keep her in my life for as long as possible.
Gotta pick one. Having her as your friend or going for it with the possibility of this affecting your friendship. Can't have both which is the sucky part.
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Old 08-06-2009, 08:01 AM   #15
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Gotta pick one. Having her as your friend or going for it with the possibility of this affecting your friendship. Can't have both which is the sucky part.
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Old 08-06-2009, 10:07 AM   #16
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Old 08-06-2009, 11:09 AM   #17
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Are you one of those guy friends who act as a girls girlfriends?
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Old 09-05-2009, 02:22 PM   #18
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Just a little update... it's been over a month.

So i cut all communications with her for a week just to see how things would turn out. Within the week, i missed her greatly, especially during the times at night when we would be hanging out or talking on the phone but instead i'd be at my bed or at my buddies and all i could think about was her. So eventually, she called me and told me how much she's missed me and all of that. We started talking more, and at first it was a little akward but after a while we started being friends again.

Then one night a bunch of us decided to get drunk and just chill out at my friends place. I was DD so i didn't have much to drink and was pretty sober. However, she was pretty hammered so I was taking care of her. While i was driving her home, she starts telling me how important i am to her, then she starts kissing my cheek. I disregard all of under the account that she was drunk but it still got me thinking.

The next day i talk to her about it and ask her if anything's changed and she said no... she still doesn't like me. I ask her if she would ever give me the chance and she said maybe if that would make me feel better. But i told her that i didn't want her to give me a chance out of pity but because she felt like there could be something there. Then the conversation just drifted after that.

For the next 7 days i had to leave for a business meeting so i didn't get to talk to her for that week. When i come back our circle of friends decide to go clubbing. I tried my best not to be near her. Basically, i was avoiding her. When i was hitting on another girl i could tell that she was starting to get a little jealous. And everytime i was alone she come up near me and start dancing close to me. At one point we were so close we almost kissed... in fact our lips touched but it was more of a graze than a kiss lol.

What do you guys think is going on?
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Old 09-05-2009, 03:10 PM   #19
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keep playing cold to her it works like a charm
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Old 09-05-2009, 03:26 PM   #20
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I applaud you for your persistence (seriously)

However I must WTF the following:
Quote:
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She was pretty hammered so I was taking care of her.

I ask her if she would ever give me the chance and she said maybe if that would make me feel better.
This is what's making you LOSE. You're just there for her too often, you don't miss what's always there. Sounds like you're doing OK now, but your default behaviour is to always be there for her which is lose if your not her bf.

Just don't act like a needy chump. Persistence could pay off though.

http://www.illawarramercury.com.au/n...s/1576544.aspx

Quote:
80-year-old Woonona bride finally says yes
BY MICHELE TYDD

"About time!" 86-year-old Harry Roberts from Woonona shouted when his long-time love finally relented and agreed to marry him.

Sylvia Roberts, 80, who now regrets playing hard to get for four decades, will marry Harry at 3pm today at Wollongong Hospital's chapel. Harry, who is permanently confined to a wheelchair, is suffering his third bout of pneumonia this year.


It is his dying wish to marry Sylvia.


Harry first proposed 40 years ago, five years after they moved in together.


"After two previous marriages I never saw it as all that important, but I've made him wait long enough," the bride-to-be said yesterday, explaining her change of heart.


"I won't get a new surname but I'm finally excited about the prospect of being a bride again," she said.


Sylvia and Harry met at tennis in the '60s when Sylvia was a cleaner at Woonona Public School and Harry drove taxis.


"We've had the most wonderful life together without a single serious argument," she said.


Harry said he fell for Sylvia almost instantly and never gave up on the idea of marriage.


Coincidentally, they both have the same surname.


"She is sweet and caring and I've never wanted anybody else," Harry said.


Sylvia's granddaughter Belinda George will be among the party at the wedding, to be conducted by a marriage celebrant.


"All of us grandkids are as excited as Nan and Pop because we love them both dearly," she said.


The pair will celebrate the marriage in a suite at the hospital.
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Old 09-07-2009, 10:53 AM   #21
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keep playing cold to her it works like a charm
what ever he said
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Old 09-07-2009, 11:16 AM   #22
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Do both of you, and what's left of your friendship a favor and stop.... asking over and over again isn't going to change anything. How many more times does she need to say it???

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Old 09-07-2009, 11:27 AM   #23
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buddy you're taking way too much time to chill out, relax, and gather your emotions. if anything its working against what you want to do.

get on it or move the fuck on.
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Old 09-07-2009, 11:36 AM   #24
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enjoy the friendship man.

chances are you're just like the RS user Verbatim...
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Make the effort and take the risk..

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Old 09-07-2009, 01:27 PM   #25
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Sounds to me that playing it cool works on her ( if your accounts are accurate ) so just keep it up. If it happens it happens, you've already asked twice now and any more you'll seriously come off as annoying and needy. I don't want to give you false hope and tell you you have a shot but as it stands it looks like she might have some feelings for you.
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