REVscene - Vancouver Automotive Forum

Welcome to the REVscene Automotive Forum forums.

Registration is Free!You are currently viewing our boards as a guest which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community you will have access to post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), respond to polls, upload content and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free so please, join our community today! The banners on the left side and below do not show for registered users!

If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact contact us.

Go Back   REVscene Automotive Forum > Vancouver LifeStyles (VLS) > Relationship & Gender Discussion

The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

Thread Tools
Old 08-13-2009, 11:22 PM   #1
Official Texas Ambassador
El Bastardo's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 10,135
Thanked 5,356 Times in 1,206 Posts
[Confidential] Commitment issues?

The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.

I recently got out of a 11mo relationship. The girl was completely into me but I found I couldn't get myself to like her the same way/level. We never fought or argued, but to a certain degree, I just felt "comfortable" but never "infatuated". I tried giving it some time, and when the feelings didn't develop, I decided not to waste anyone's time and pulled the plug.

Since then, I have talked to several friends about this, and while most agreed I did the "right" thing, one thing came up that I had never considered: I was just too inexperienced to know what I want, and that I simply need to play the field more.

FYI, this is my 1st serious relationship ever, at 11 months. My next closest one was 4 years ago, and lasted 4 weeks.

With that said, I feel like a bit of an a$$hole for doing this to a girl who I think was almost ready to marry me (not trying to brag, just stating the fact). So anyways, I need some insight on whether I did the right thing, and what I should do for the future, both short and long term. Also, should I have contact with this girl? If so, when? I think she's a totally great person, and in terms of personality we're 95+%. I just don't think we're compatible as bf/gf.

El Bastardo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2009, 12:04 AM   #2
Hypa owned my ass at least once
Noir's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Japan
Posts: 6,747
Thanked 1,314 Times in 540 Posts
You did the right thing.

As for keeping contact, as long as every party can keep cordial, I don't see what's wrong with retaining another friend.

In the future, I wouldn't worry about it. Just because you couldn't take the plunge on this one doesn't mean you will be incapable with others. This situation is very subjective to many variables:

* your current situation
* the type of girl you're currently with
* her current situation
* etc etc.

And depending on the combination of variables, the result will vary accordingly.
Noir is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2009, 12:46 AM   #3
Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: vancouver
Posts: 1,936
Thanked 233 Times in 129 Posts
may be you should call her and tell her what you told us, get some closure if that helps
liu13 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2009, 03:51 AM   #4
I *heart* very Muchie
raygunpk's Avatar
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,711
Thanked 2,584 Times in 610 Posts
Also, if you don't feel it then you don't feel it. If you try to work it out it and get married, it won't last long.
raygunpk is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2009, 07:54 AM   #5
Willing to sell a family member for a few minutes on RS
hotjoint's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Surrey
Posts: 12,667
Thanked 649 Times in 352 Posts
I agree with what the above 3 posters have said. You did the right thing. Dont feel bad for yourself, if you were to stay with her then you would have been doing both of you a great disservice
hotjoint is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2009, 08:48 AM   #6
Need to Shave n Shower, but I CANT STOP POSTING ON RS
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 19,766
Thanked 6,443 Times in 1,211 Posts
what's her reaction when you told her to break up?
and is she still going after you right now?

I don't think any girl would be happy with your decision, but hey, some girls are fine with that and they move on.
asian_XL is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2009, 09:03 AM   #7
RS Veteran
Conan O'Brien Sex Video's Avatar
Join Date: Mar 2001
Location: .
Posts: 2,047
Thanked 25 Times in 19 Posts
if i was in the girl's position, i would want you to be as honest as you are in the post and explain to me why you felt it wouldn't. i would still be heart broken but the honesty would help.
Conan O'Brien Sex Video is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2009, 04:36 PM   #8
Da Vinci's real masterpiece: The Mona Diesel
Jsunu's Avatar
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Richmond
Posts: 1,797
Thanked 563 Times in 247 Posts
+1 to all the above posters. you have to be really really open and let her know it wasn't anything to do with her or the relationship, it was just your feelings/commitment levels.
Jsunu is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2009, 06:03 PM   #9
I don't get it
E=mc˛'s Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2009
Location: Vancouver
Posts: 408
Thanked 11 Times in 8 Posts
I agree with the above

make sure she knows the real reason why. that way she won't be heartbroken and clueless at the same time
E=mc˛ is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-14-2009, 09:35 PM   #10
My homepage has been set to RS
BoneThug's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Van City
Posts: 2,229
Thanked 9 Times in 7 Posts
ready to marry you after 11 months? cmon man
FS: 4 Michelin All season tires with 90% tread on one and 70% on the others, in great condition, good for any SUV. 235-65-R17
BoneThug is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-17-2009, 03:47 PM   #11
My homepage has been set to RS
danlee78's Avatar
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Vancity
Posts: 2,472
Thanked 180 Times in 60 Posts
^ whats wrong with that? I kno tons of couples who've dated for like 10-12 months and got engaged then married wasting no time

(='.'=)This is Bunny. Copy and paste bunny into your
(")_(")signature to help him gain world domination.

Originally Posted by babyyxjayy View Post
What if someone sold you cocaine, but it was laundry detergent ?
danlee78 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2009, 02:11 AM   #12
Oh goodie, 5 posts already!
IronLeg's Avatar
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: 604
Posts: 7
Thanked 2 Times in 2 Posts
I think you were right in taking off
It could have been much worse in the long run, you spared each other many problems.

if you think she can handle the truth, tell her...but if you think she can't
then perhaps you can come up with something else to say
IronLeg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 09-01-2009, 10:14 AM   #13
RS controls my life!
Orion's Avatar
Join Date: Feb 2005
Location: Burnaby
Posts: 731
Thanked 82 Times in 30 Posts
Originally Posted by danlee78 View Post
^ whats wrong with that? I kno tons of couples who've dated for like 10-12 months and got engaged then married wasting no time
marriage is not the end goal to a relationship... taking more or less time is not wasting time or being more efficient... its not like the shortcut to get to work faster by-passing the highway..

for the OP... sometimes it requires a strong emotional attraction to make somebody committed... in this case you just didn't find it in this girl... don't worry though its not like your the only one doing it.. everybody has their moments...
Originally Posted by orion
I know it doesn't make my car faster... its aesthetics
I mean those LV and Gucci also doesn't make you any smarter
Shirlz - Things to do in Vancouver | Web Developer Resource
Orion is offline   Reply With Quote
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off

All times are GMT -8. The time now is 07:18 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2017, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
SEO by vBSEO ©2011, Crawlability, Inc. cannot be held accountable for the actions of its members nor does the opinions of the members represent that of