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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 09-08-2009, 04:14 PM   #1
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[Confidential] Strange relationship (long post)

The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.


I've known this girl for about a year and a half now, and it wasn't until maybe last year that we began to get really close. She had a friend that she thought I might be interested in so she tried to set me up with her. Well, things didn't work out between her friend and I but a good thing to come out of this experience was that my friend and I started talking a lot more.

Our relationship has grown quite a bit since then and at this current stage, we talk A LOT. We text each other all day and have recently began talking on the phone every night so there are practically no barriers between us. We know each other quite well and we consider each other to be best friends.

A couple months ago I noticed that things were a bit different. This awkwardness and tension eventually resulted one night in a verbal confession of her feelings for me. Based upon past experiences, when a guy and a girl get really close and one ends up falling for the other and a confession is made, things usually get awkward. However, this was not the case. We just kind of pretended like it never happened and our relationship kept growing from that.

Recently, for reasons currently beyond me, we began to flirt a lot over SMS and even a bit in person. We'd say shit like "I miss you", "I wanna hug you" and shit like that. We'd always be joking around until one night after a few drinks, we got really physical, and almost brought it to the bedroom. Even though I was joking around at first, it's beginning to catch up to me and I think that I'm developing feelings for her.

We spoke on the phone late last night just shooting the shit until the conversation began getting deeper and deeper, and inevitably the topic of us arose. I know for a fact that even after her first confession she still has feelings for me, just due to the fact that we're so close and really, time away from each other to think things through is near impossible because we've grown so used to the idea of us being readily available for each other, both mentally and now physically.

I'm not quite sure how to explain it but she's the she's the type of girl that "needs" to have a bf but yet I'm the type of guy that doesn't like being restricted. Even though I wouldn't fool around with other girls, I just don't feel as though it'd be necessary to be limited with the gf/bf label. I'd prefer the "friends with benefits" type of deal but with the intimacy of a couple, yet with the freedom per se, of a single man.

Seeing as we've already been intimate together, is it necessary to be defined as a gf/bf, or am I being selfish when I want a friends with benefits type of deal? Our relationship as best friends really makes this one a thinker..

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Old 09-08-2009, 05:05 PM   #2
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Hmm, this is a toughie. You guys seem to be best friends, yet she wants you but you dont really want to be labelled as gf/bf.

If you do end up together, you'd be lying to her and yourself cause ultimately you dont really want a relationship. However if you dont go for it, I think it'll definitely make things awkward.

I know that didnt really answer your question, but good luck with whatever you decide
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Old 09-08-2009, 06:58 PM   #3
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This is honestly a real hard situtation, the way I see things is over time as you noticed your starting to get feeling for each other. Even tho you said that you don't really liked to be restricted so far these feeling may be stronger then you have felt in the past.

I personally think this may be a good thing for you guys. Even tho you never expected it or thought about it tru feels came out. You have known each other for long enough which you know and trust each other. I'm sure you have spent enough time together and have spoken about other relationships you guys have had so you understand each other in a way that you have never had with another female before.

I would honestly see where it goes you just never know what could happen.
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Old 09-08-2009, 07:42 PM   #4
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Quote:
I'd prefer the "friends with benefits" type of deal but with the intimacy of a couple, yet with the freedom per se, of a single man.


To the OP: I'd say you can't have your cake and eat it at the same time.
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Old 09-08-2009, 08:32 PM   #5
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Quote:
We spoke on the phone late last night just shooting the shit until the conversation began getting deeper and deeper
you bastard, she sounds like a nice girl.

you two have talked on the phone many nights, but you never revealed you are
into "friends with benefits". She confessed because she trusted you! I hope she reads
this thread.
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Old 09-08-2009, 08:50 PM   #6
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you should give it a try, but make it abundantly clear that you aren't exactly sure about the restrictions you might potentially have.

you never know, she might think the same way as you. i say that because after she confessed her feelings with you, she didnt go on it further like other persistent girls.
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Old 09-08-2009, 08:54 PM   #7
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Wow whats with all the friends hitting on friends threads recently? This is like #3!
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Old 09-08-2009, 09:58 PM   #8
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being in a relationship is almost like getting a mortgage for a house,
find the house (aka the girl),
draw up the contract (the communication),
list out the restrictions (labelling if they want a b/f/g/f thing or fwb),
seal the deal (the next step you guys decide on)
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Old 09-08-2009, 10:26 PM   #9
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Wow whats with all the friends hitting on friends threads recently? This is like #3!
Cuz we're in a recession and it's cheaper to hit on your friends then going out and meeting some new potentials.
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Old 09-08-2009, 11:19 PM   #10
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the op is a fucking cock tease.
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Old 09-09-2009, 03:01 AM   #11
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Cuz we're in a recession and it's cheaper to hit on your friends then going out and meeting some new potentials.
Wow I actually Lol'd at this....
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Old 09-09-2009, 07:46 AM   #12
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Cuz we're in a recession and it's cheaper to hit on your friends then going out and meeting some new potentials.
Very nicely put
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Old 09-09-2009, 09:54 AM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo View Post
I'm not quite sure how to explain it but she's the she's the type of girl that "needs" to have a bf but yet I'm the type of guy that doesn't like being restricted. Even though I wouldn't fool around with other girls, I just don't feel as though it'd be necessary to be limited with the gf/bf label. I'd prefer the "friends with benefits" type of deal but with the intimacy of a couple, yet with the freedom per se, of a single man.
Guys do this to gain exclusivity for the girl. With your line of reasoning, she could meet me, fall for me and fuck me and we wouldn't be "technically" in the wrong. Oh, and you know how guys can be assholes. I could be controlling and say, I don't want her seeing you anymore because you're certain "closeness" bothers our new-found relationship. And voila! You lost your pussy, and a friend.

That's the purpose and necessity of exclusivity.


Playing this game is all fair and good and fun sometimes, but you gotta understand the risks you run. But judging from your entire posts and how emotionally charged your casual relationship is, I say THIS game is not for you; Or else we'd be getting another thread on how you lost a friend and what to do?
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Old 09-09-2009, 12:19 PM   #14
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Quote:
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Cuz we're in a recession and it's cheaper to hit on your friends then going out and meeting some new potentials.

ahh. now i get it! explains a lot of things...
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Make the effort and take the risk..

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Old 09-09-2009, 11:11 PM   #15
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you want your cake and eat it too.

Buddy. Find out what you want first. Then pick one.

Don't be an ass. You're being an ass.


if u like her, be with her. If you want to stay single, then do so. She's had balls to lay it out on the line FOR YOU.

So one begs the question now:

Where are yours?
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Old 09-10-2009, 01:29 AM   #16
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"friends with benefits" works as long as:

...both people know what's going on and there aren't any emotional strings attached...

...the key is you have bring it up, and by bringing it up, you risk losing everything, including her as a friend..

...or you gain everything by having a "friend with benefits"...

your call but like BPH says, don't be an ass.. don't drag it on without talking about it.. most girls tend to assume that exclusivity (aka bf/gf labels) comes naturally with physical intimacy.. if she hasn't already, she'll start considering herself as your girlfriend and that's when all hell breaks loose cuz you'll be stuck between a rock and hard place...
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Old 09-12-2009, 07:17 PM   #17
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I've never had a FWB that I've stayed friends with. They all get crazy and try to trick you into a relationship.
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