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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex... |
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10-11-2009, 12:36 PM
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#1 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: vancouver
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| Another friendship BS
So this girl that I have been friends for about a year, she would initiate to hang out alot 1 on 1, we share and talk alot about our personal lives etc...
Very awesome, chemistry is 100%, we always click and can talk on the phone for hours.
I recently told her that I like her and want to take our friendship to another level, but she doesn't feel the same way.
She says "I'm sorry but I just like you as a friend"
"I value our friendship and I don’t want to hurt you.
I enjoy being your friend and want to continue to be your friend, but I don’t want to give you the wrong idea. I will also understand if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore or if you want to distance yourself from me or you want me to tone things down
You’ve been a great friend and you’re a wonderful person and I hope we can still be friends."
Why do I always end up in this friendship crap ?
this means that I should move on right ?, I've gotten lots of different responses from my buddy saying she will have change of heart blah blah blah
What do u guys think ?, anyone been in this type of situation before ?
It seems as if she knows that this will happen and she has everything planned out and is ok if we do be friends anymore.
Sigh !, I don't feel dissapointed or anything I just don't understand how girls think ?
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10-11-2009, 12:47 PM
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#2 | | I *heart* Revscene.net very Muchie
Join Date: May 2004 Location: Edmonton
Posts: 3,529
Thanked 665 Times in 273 Posts
| Quote:
Originally Posted by ucsmfu  So this girl that I have been friends for about a year, she would initiate to hang out alot 1 on 1, we share and talk alot about our personal lives etc...
Very awesome, chemistry is 100%, we always click and can talk on the phone for hours.
I recently told her that I like her and want to take our friendship to another level, but she doesn't feel the same way.
She says "I'm sorry but I just like you as a friend"
"I value our friendship and I don’t want to hurt you.
I enjoy being your friend and want to continue to be your friend, but I don’t want to give you the wrong idea. I will also understand if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore or if you want to distance yourself from me or you want me to tone things down
You’ve been a great friend and you’re a wonderful person and I hope we can still be friends."
Why do I always end up in this friendship crap ?
this means that I should move on right ?, I've gotten lots of different responses from my buddy saying she will have change of heart blah blah blah
What do u guys think ?, anyone been in this type of situation before ?
It seems as if she knows that this will happen and she has everything planned out and is ok if we do be friends anymore.
Sigh !, I don't feel dissapointed or anything I just don't understand how girls think ? | You answered your own question. You give this girl way too much time and hence enter the friendzone.
Someone posted the following right here on RS prob about a year ago and I know is part of a repost, but may offer insight:
Inexperienced guys think if he talks for hours on a phone with a girl, he will become more "boyfriend material" to her. VERY WRONG! The opposite will actually be occurring and she'll lose respect and interest for you. Why? Because you would become too available, too easy and you signal you have no life. If a guy has value, his time has value too -- which means he doesn't waste it spending the next three hours on the phone. People value something when it's rare. If you give time too freely, then you're not valuable.
Often times, girls call guys for idle chatter when she's bored. If you think it means she likes you, try this experiment. Call her for idle chatter in return. I bet most of the time, she wouldn't want to talk when you need it. Or she'll chat a few minutes and want to hang up. That's because (DUH!!!) she doesn't really like you. She calls you for idle chatter only because you've been identified as the schmuck willing to entertain her whenever she's bored.
Don't get me wrong, if something bad happened, you want to be there on the phone. Otherwise, NEVER do a phone marathon session with her. NEVER. And if she calls, don't always pick up or return her calls. If you do pick up, talk for 10 minutes max and make sure you're the one who ends the conversation. Long talks are reserved for person-to-person encounters.
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10-11-2009, 01:21 PM
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#3 | | look at these diamonds, they shining
Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Vancouver
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you got friendzoned bro, like what the guy above said, you became to avail for her. You were like one of her girl friends. Cut back on being the nice guy and become more... busy / asshole / indifferent-abt-chick type of person, then you'll get friendzoned a lot less
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10-11-2009, 03:22 PM
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#4 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,004
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by MR_BIGGS You answered your own question. You give this girl way too much time and hence enter the friendzone.
Someone posted the following right here on RS prob about a year ago and I know is part of a repost, but may offer insight:
Inexperienced guys think if he talks for hours on a phone with a girl, he will become more "boyfriend material" to her. VERY WRONG! The opposite will actually be occurring and she'll lose respect and interest for you. Why? Because you would become too available, too easy and you signal you have no life. If a guy has value, his time has value too -- which means he doesn't waste it spending the next three hours on the phone. People value something when it's rare. If you give time too freely, then you're not valuable.
Often times, girls call guys for idle chatter when she's bored. If you think it means she likes you, try this experiment. Call her for idle chatter in return. I bet most of the time, she wouldn't want to talk when you need it. Or she'll chat a few minutes and want to hang up. That's because (DUH!!!) she doesn't really like you. She calls you for idle chatter only because you've been identified as the schmuck willing to entertain her whenever she's bored.
Don't get me wrong, if something bad happened, you want to be there on the phone. Otherwise, NEVER do a phone marathon session with her. NEVER. And if she calls, don't always pick up or return her calls. If you do pick up, talk for 10 minutes max and make sure you're the one who ends the conversation. Long talks are reserved for person-to-person encounters. | Often times, girls call guys for idle chatter when she's bored. If you think it means she likes you, try this experiment. Call her for idle chatter in return. I bet most of the time, she wouldn't want to talk when you need it. Or she'll chat a few minutes and want to hang up. That's because (DUH!!!) she doesn't really like you. She calls you for idle chatter only because you've been identified as the schmuck willing to entertain her whenever she's bored.
Sometimes when I'm bored, i'll call her, we still talk for hours, it works both ways, and like I said before the chemistry part is very good, that's why I was surprised she just like me as a friend
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10-11-2009, 04:49 PM
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#5 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: vancouver
Posts: 1,935
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by MR_BIGGS You answered your own question. You give this girl way too much time and hence enter the friendzone.
Someone posted the following right here on RS prob about a year ago and I know is part of a repost, but may offer insight:
Inexperienced guys think if he talks for hours on a phone with a girl, he will become more "boyfriend material" to her. VERY WRONG! The opposite will actually be occurring and she'll lose respect and interest for you. Why? Because you would become too available, too easy and you signal you have no life. If a guy has value, his time has value too -- which means he doesn't waste it spending the next three hours on the phone. People value something when it's rare. If you give time too freely, then you're not valuable.
Often times, girls call guys for idle chatter when she's bored. If you think it means she likes you, try this experiment. Call her for idle chatter in return. I bet most of the time, she wouldn't want to talk when you need it. Or she'll chat a few minutes and want to hang up. That's because (DUH!!!) she doesn't really like you. She calls you for idle chatter only because you've been identified as the schmuck willing to entertain her whenever she's bored.
Don't get me wrong, if something bad happened, you want to be there on the phone. Otherwise, NEVER do a phone marathon session with her. NEVER. And if she calls, don't always pick up or return her calls. If you do pick up, talk for 10 minutes max and make sure you're the one who ends the conversation. Long talks are reserved for person-to-person encounters. | i have had the opposite experience, those long ass phone conversations are sometimes necessary, i prefer to date a girl who i am already friends with, usually the girl has decided if you are bf material or not, i guess i got the better end of the stick
but of course you should not be catering to her every need when you're not even dating her, that's stretching time and there's only 24 hours a day, let the girl know of your intentions and let it sit, if she rejects you, dont waste too much time mulling it over
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10-11-2009, 05:01 PM
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#6 | | Revscene.net has a homepage?!
Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: vancouver
Posts: 1,229
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There are possibilities where you can talk to a girl for hours on the phone and not be friend zoned.
The most important thing is that you must to make it clear that you interested. When you first meet and you guys being to chat a lot, she'll be wondering if you're just a friend or a potential bf. If you let it drag out without making any moves, chances are, she'll put you in to the friend zone and she'll treat everything from that point on as a friendly gesture. But on the other hand, if you made it clear within the first week or two, then she'll approach your relationship differently, for better or for worse.
Some girls dig the whole "you're available to her thing" so I'm just saying it's not always a death trap to start talking for hours on the phone.
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10-11-2009, 05:21 PM
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#7 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
Join Date: May 2002 Location: vancouver
Posts: 3,319
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make a play for "friends with benefits"
no need for feelings
__________________ Quote:
Originally Posted by Fei-Ji haha i can taste the cum in my mouth | Quote:
Originally Posted by orgasm_donor organge7 has spoken, and we have done the opposite. yay! | | |
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10-11-2009, 05:26 PM
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#8 | | Banned (ABWS)
Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: vancouver
Posts: 1,935
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by urrh make a play for "friends with benefits"
no need for feelings | teach me
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10-11-2009, 06:10 PM
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#9 | | DOES HE LOOK LIKE A BITCH?
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 11,037
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by ucsmfu So this girl that I have been friends for about a year, she would initiate to hang out alot 1 on 1, we share and talk alot about our personal lives etc...
Very awesome, chemistry is 100%, we always click and can talk on the phone for hours.
I recently told her that I like her and want to take our friendship to another level, but she doesn't feel the same way.
She says "I'm sorry but I just like you as a friend"
"I value our friendship and I don’t want to hurt you.
I enjoy being your friend and want to continue to be your friend, but I don’t want to give you the wrong idea. I will also understand if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore or if you want to distance yourself from me or you want me to tone things down
You’ve been a great friend and you’re a wonderful person and I hope we can still be friends."
Why do I always end up in this friendship crap ?
this means that I should move on right ?, I've gotten lots of different responses from my buddy saying she will have change of heart blah blah blah
What do u guys think ?, anyone been in this type of situation before ?
It seems as if she knows that this will happen and she has everything planned out and is ok if we do be friends anymore.
Sigh !, I don't feel dissapointed or anything I just don't understand how girls think ? | Spending countless hours on the phone occurs after you two have started going out. Doing that beforehand will just get you stuck in the friendzone every time.
If she doesn't have to cook you a steak and give you a blowjob every time she needs somebody to talk to for hours, then she'll take advantage of it whether it's intentional or not.
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10-11-2009, 10:56 PM
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#10 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: Richmond
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In the course of the 1 year you have been with her, have you dropped any hints that you are a good candidate for a BF? When did you start liking her? If you liked her from the start and you waited a year, then its not a good idea to do it again. I have found the advice given on RS to be accurate at times, however, having the mindset to carry out the advices is another story. For example, not being the "nice guy". Sure people can give you advice on how to act like a d-bag towards girls, but do you have the mindset for it?
How do you not get into these friendship crap? Well, its a mixture of being cocky but funny, friendly but mean, and "cool" but warm at the same time. Its not hard to look from the girl's POV, if nothing has happened during that year most people would think you are uninterested.
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10-11-2009, 11:46 PM
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#11 | | RS Lurker, I don't post!
Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: vancity
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Perhaps you are not trying hard enough. If you believe shes worth fighting for try harder. No offence but I think you panzied out when you told her how you felt. Dont get me wrong it must of have been difficult. I believe you explaining your feelings towards her wasnt necessary. What you should have done was make a move. Anyways when she said "I'm sorry but I just like you as a friend" is just line that could mean lots of things. From your details of the situation I say dont give up on her JUST YET. She maybe scared of love or a serious relationship. As you two known each other for a year and are very close, hung out 1 on 1, had deep conversations, etc. But what confuses me is the fact that she is willing to loose you as a friend, which I dont belive she really means.
Any updates Ive been in a similar scenario and would like to know what you ended up doing.
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10-12-2009, 11:45 AM
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#12 | | WOAH! i think Vtec just kicked in!
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Surrey
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Hey op, how good are you at flirting?
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10-12-2009, 12:08 PM
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#13 | | Revscene.net has a homepage?!
Join Date: Jun 2004 Location: Vancouver
Posts: 1,206
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hey i wonder if it is poossible that a guy can friendzone the chick? if it does happen, it will be rare...
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10-12-2009, 12:11 PM
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#14 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: Van City
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next time watch your choice of words. what you want is doable, but like most things with girls, you gotta phrase it the right way. im not sure exactly how you said it, but you cant be all that formal. not that you should be lose either, but there is a right way to do that sort of thing.
__________________
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10-12-2009, 12:18 PM
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#15 | | WOAH! i think Vtec just kicked in!
Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Surrey
Posts: 1,677
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by hirevtuner hey i wonder if it is poossible that a guy can friendzone the chick? if it does happen, it will be rare... | Guys friendzone chicks all the time. Fat and ugly chicks.  | |
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10-12-2009, 12:43 PM
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#16 | | 14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
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Chemistry ? What kind of chemistry are you talking about ? Anyone can talk to a girl for hours. It's not chemistry unless there's some sort of flirting or mild touching involved with the talking.
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10-12-2009, 12:44 PM
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#17 | | RS.net, where our google ads make absolutely no sense!
Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Vancouver
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You should move on.
You've been in her friend's zone for far too long so therefore, you are stuck being in the friend's zone.
FRIEND ZONED!
Don't worry, it's common though.
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10-12-2009, 05:40 PM
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#18 | | Director of RS Cares
Join Date: Sep 2005 Location: Crayon Box
Posts: 5,175
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by ucsmfu
It seems as if she knows that this will happen and she has everything planned out and is ok if we do be friends anymore.
Sigh !, I don't feel dissapointed or anything I just don't understand how girls think ?
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did you like her from the start or has the feelings only grown recently? just because the chemistry was great/hanging out lots 1 on 1 doesn't necessarily mean she was looking for the same thing (a relationship with you) or had "planned" on making you fall for her.
maybe she really was just looking for a good friend of the opposite sex and nothing else and realizes perhaps distancing herself from you would be the best if it meant to make you forget your feelings about her.
__________________  tiptronic: getting cut off by bicycles since 2007
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10-13-2009, 12:25 AM
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#19 | | Wunder? Wonder?? Wander???
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"I value our friendship and I don’t want to hurt you.
I enjoy being your friend and want to continue to be your friend, but I don’t want to give you the wrong idea. I will also understand if you don’t want to hang out with me anymore or if you want to distance yourself from me or you want me to tone things down
You’ve been a great friend and you’re a wonderful person and I hope we can still be friends."
Bullshit. By shooting you down shes hurt you already. Tell her you can't just be friends and cold shoulder her and see how she reacts. If she can't handle being distanced from you, you can save it. If not then move on.
Doing this fast is an important point imo. If you slowly distance yourself she won't notice much but if you stop talking to her suddenly she may realize she misses talking to you -> she misses you. And she'll start re-thinking how she thinks of you (as a friend or more etc).
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10-13-2009, 07:46 AM
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#20 | | I STILL don't get it
Join Date: Apr 2001 Location: Richmond
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Just because a girl initiates hanging out doesn't mean she thinks you are boyfriend material. If it took you one year to finally tell her how you feel then it's already too late. Since day one you should have been dropping hints on your feelings so you at least have a chance to avoid the friendzone. I would say just be friends and learn from your mistake. You were lucky she didn't meet any guys during that one year period as the longer you wait, the smaller chance you have.
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10-13-2009, 10:09 AM
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#21 | | Hypa owned my ass at least once
Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Japan
Posts: 6,745
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| Quote:
Originally Posted by ucsmfu Why do I always end up in this friendship crap ?
this means that I should move on right ?, I've gotten lots of different responses from my buddy saying she will have change of heart blah blah blah | It depends on you. She's gonna meet someone she likes and she's gonna date. She's gonna have a relationship and she's gonna fuck.
If you can handle all that without going all drama queen in an effort of being a possessive friend because you feel some sort of "I-was-here-first-entitlement", I think your friendship should be fine.
You really have to think this through because not all guys have the ability to handle this. I'd say, if you like her, give her the benefit of your friendship. But if you're sense of entitlement is just going to give her grief, then be a gentleman and cut off ties.
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10-13-2009, 10:51 AM
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#22 | | OMGWTFBBQ is a common word I say everyday
Join Date: Jun 2006 Location: richmond Lah!
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Updatesssssssssssss on situation plz.
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10-13-2009, 11:10 AM
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#23 | | My homepage has been set to RS
Join Date: Jun 2003 Location: Surrey
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Walk away. Keep that friendship. You never know what will happen down the line. But in the meantime, keep your options open. ALWAYS keep them open for times like these. It's not worth being all emo and shit over a girl who doesn't want to get involved with you.
You value your time right? Do something productive with your time and that's that. Her loss not yours.
In the meantime ... youjizz.com. (for those moments you get lonely.)
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10-13-2009, 12:32 PM
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#24 | | Rs has made me the man i am today!
Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: vancouver
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Originally Posted by LC21 Updatesssssssssssss on situation plz. | so far, we just exchanged emails, she kept apologizing and said "so where does this leave us now?"
"you honestly deserve someone really good
are we still friends? do you want to?"
I just replied friends is cool and she said ok
that's pretty much it, if she does ask me to hang out etc.. I might just make up an excuse to tell her that i'm busy, my level of interest in her has dropped.
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10-17-2009, 10:40 PM
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#25 | | Need my Daily Fix of RS
Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Vancouver
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Does she have friends? Any hot ones? If so, shift your attention towards them and see how she reacts. I'm not advocating d-bag behaviour, but if she does have cute friends that you might be interested in.. THIS IS THE PERFECT TIME.
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