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Relationship & Gender Discussion THIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE!
The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 10-17-2009, 10:27 PM   #1
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What is your philosophy on "friends after love"?

To me, I dont think so....we'll that is just me, i recently came out of a horrible relationship of 363 days (do the math) lol...its been rocky every since the first month. But being me, i was a forgiving person. I'll spare the details because if i were to explain, it'd take me a LOOOOOOOONG time, plus there are sooooo many side-notes and stuff.
So, 3 days after our break-up. shes already telling me that shes seeing someone. Shes interested, vise versa etc. (it hurt for a few days but, now im totally over it now) and she asks me...
Her:"why dont you want to be my friend at the very least"
Me: Why do i want to be your friend, from what you've done to me"
(then whole mess of arguing..still even tho we broke up)
Me: So soon to be so attached on another guy?
Her: I guess, i need that "boyfriend" figure around me, (and from here i pretty much stopped listening) and may i add, I was her 4th in A YEAR AND A HALF, while she was my first.

In the end, i said no. Dont call me, dont msn me, dont knock on my window etc.

And theres my little peice, of why I dont want to continue being her friend after love. But thats just her. Not saying that for everyone.

I will add a summary of my relationship to whoever feels like helping me for the future

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Old 10-17-2009, 10:58 PM   #2
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i dunno. i guess it depends how the relationship was and how you guys broke up. it seems so sad that two people who were once so close would become strangers, that's all. if it was a really bad breakup and a volatile relationship, then, no. it really depends tho.
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Old 10-17-2009, 11:06 PM   #3
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Time heals all.

A relationship that lasts almost a year is something worth reflecting, the good and the bad. However in the end, everyone needs to move on.

As for friendship after love... it really depends on maturity of the two involved.
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Old 10-18-2009, 01:30 AM   #4
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i dunno. i guess it depends how the relationship was and how you guys broke up. it seems so sad that two people who were once so close would become strangers, that's all. if it was a really bad breakup and a volatile relationship, then, no. it really depends tho.
amen... i was in a long term relationship with one of my ex's, we were in love, yet at the same time she was like a girl best friend to me. The chemistry between us was fantastic. After the breakup we stopped talking. Nowadays, when i see her around town, we'd both notice each other there, but we'd walk right past each other like we were complete strangers...

they say true lovers cannot only be friends
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Old 10-18-2009, 02:07 AM   #5
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I'd say the more you guys loved each other, the more you should stay away from each other after break-up. Most of the time, there will be one feeling bitter about the break-up and being friends just going to cause more problems (jealousy?).
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Old 10-18-2009, 02:14 AM   #6
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they say true lovers cannot only be friends
i agree with you completely
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Old 10-18-2009, 02:28 AM   #7
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^ I third that.

But when she offers to be friends. What's that suppose to mean? She didn't love me? Very little?


Note: I know for a fact now she didnt. Leaked from her own mouth, I quote "did you really think that was going to happen??"
And she was refering to when she asked me to move out with her...that's right she asked ME to move out with her

Edit: since you guys think it depends..ill layout a timeline of distruction where I get shit-kicked
(Always the nice guys that tend to end up with the "bitchy-gold-digging-you-suck-i-pwn" type, eh?)

Last edited by c-audigier; 10-18-2009 at 02:34 AM.
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Old 10-18-2009, 02:36 AM   #8
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^+1.

Feelings, the past, neither of them will just disappear. It's best to not even talk to each other.

edit: word, that sucks.

If she offers to be friends, imo that's just a way of trying to make the breakup less harsh, that they'll still keep in touch and be friendly towards you. It's just torture, in the end.
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Old 10-18-2009, 04:44 AM   #9
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^ I third that.

But when she offers to be friends. What's that suppose to mean? She didn't love me? Very little?


Note: I know for a fact now she didnt. Leaked from her own mouth, I quote "did you really think that was going to happen??"
And she was refering to when she asked me to move out with her...that's right she asked ME to move out with her

Edit: since you guys think it depends..ill layout a timeline of distruction where I get shit-kicked
(Always the nice guys that tend to end up with the "bitchy-gold-digging-you-suck-i-pwn" type, eh?)
its normal for the person whos breaking up with you to ask you to remain friends... because they acknowledge the fact that you two were in fact, really really close, and they didn't want to lose contact with you.

my ex made me PROMISE her that we'd still remain friends after we broke up, but i refused, and told her i couldn't do it. 8 months down the road we bump into each other, i texted her right afterwards in hopes of making small talk just to become FRIENDS again and i was shot down with cold messages that yelled " DONT TALK TO ME ". In a way, i'm glad we're not friends. It means that what we had before was real, and having those types of experiences will definitely make you a better person in the future.
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Old 10-18-2009, 12:05 PM   #10
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this is deep guys

i think its hard to be friends after love
im pretty over time things will be a bit better

but its just awkward when at a time u guys were hugging and kissing
now its more of an aquaintance

its like the relationship took a step backwards..
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Old 10-18-2009, 01:03 PM   #11
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how can you be friends with someone that you broke up with? that does not make sense. it will make it that much harder to move on imo.
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Old 10-18-2009, 02:17 PM   #12
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NOPE it doesnt and wont work. theres too much history and in the end its better that you dont see or speak to each other.

man up. take your losses. learn from mistakes and move on.
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Old 10-18-2009, 03:32 PM   #13
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when my ex broke up with me she insisted that she wanted to be my friend. but i refused. it took me a little over a year to get over her and i'm glad that we weren't "friends" for all this time. would've taken me longer to heal. for me, i just didn't understand how you can just be friends with someone that truely love/loved.
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Old 10-18-2009, 09:12 PM   #14
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Friends after lovers can never happen, unless you two are still in love with each other. IMO
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Old 10-18-2009, 10:21 PM   #15
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i'm friends with all my exes except one, turns out a couple of those exes like me again too haha
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Old 10-18-2009, 11:39 PM   #16
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OP: dawg, that girl's got ISSUES.

I also am not friends with my exes. The relationship itself usually never ended well anyway.
The last long term and I pretty much are just strangers now. If we get too close personally, it never ends up good. Well, back then anyway.
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Old 10-19-2009, 08:14 AM   #17
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Why can't ex's be friends? I'm friends with a few exes and i have no feelings for them at all.
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Old 10-19-2009, 10:12 AM   #18
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Why can't ex's be friends? I'm friends with a few exes and i have no feelings for them at all.

same. If u moved on, I don't see why being friends is such a problem. Unless u still carry the memory of you guys being together and still can't get over it.
Obviously being friends right after a break up is hard, but after awhile it's not that bad~
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Old 10-19-2009, 10:15 AM   #19
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^+1

I just recently got out of a 2 year relationship and considering it was a mutual end it hasn't been too hard to be friends and to keep in touch. Although it is awkward a little I'm sure it's bound to become easier especially since we have quite a few mutual friends lol.
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Old 10-19-2009, 10:17 AM   #20
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Ya, I'm not friends with my ex's. After each breakup I would say that or they would suggest it, but in my head I know I don't wanna be friends with them. I broke up with them for a reason.
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Old 10-19-2009, 02:06 PM   #21
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I dont think its possible. Same thing happened to me a month ago. I had to break things off with a girl that I had completely fallen for because she was treating me like shit, non stop, and we couldnt stop arguing. In retrospect it was bound to fail, but i never wanted to hear that. After breaking it off, any contact i made with her, even if it was looking at her facebook page, made things TORTURE. You have to cut them out of your life completely. For me that was really hard, because she lives literally a 2 minute walk away from me, and its hard not to see her. As well, she managed to have most mutual friends take her side, making me look like a bad guy. So i essentially cut out contact with anyone that was affiliated with her as well, and it made things easier.
While we were still dating, i said if anything ever happened, i at the least would still want to be friends, but after the break up, even though i wish i could just have her back as a friend like she was before, i know it would never be the same. Doesnt help that she also seems a little mentally unstable now :S
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Old 10-19-2009, 02:22 PM   #22
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i was banned from talking to all my ex's since my wife believe you should never be friends with them after breaking up, that is just fuck up and i am a nice guy. Thats not me. if ex would call me to chat, wife and i would have an arguement after
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Old 10-19-2009, 04:03 PM   #23
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it doesnt work if the breakup was bad or if one party is still in love or has not moved on yet. the more you love a person the harder it'll be. im still friends with maybe 1/3rd of my exes, the rest i lost contact with.

you can still be friends and talk but theres always going to be the slight akwardness i think. there will be a time and place, eventually.
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Old 10-19-2009, 04:57 PM   #24
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does not work....love sucks
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Old 10-19-2009, 05:06 PM   #25
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This is the other way around for me. I try to be friend with my ex and she said no because it will hurt her too much to see me with another girl.
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