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Go Back   REVscene Automotive Forum > Vancouver LifeStyles (VLS) > Relationship & Gender Discussion

The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 11-05-2009, 02:12 PM   #1
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[Confidential] Missing the ex

The following is an Anonymous submission from a Revscene member. If the OP would like to respond to anything said in this thread, please PM me.

Hopefully you guys can help me out with this one. Bit of a long read, so bare with me.

It has been almost 1 year since I broke up with my ex, up until that point we were going out for a little over 4 years (long time I know..) We met each other during senior year of high school and just hit it off. Everything was great between 1-3 years, but that last one we just started falling apart. She was my first serious girlfriend, actually a first for a lot of things lol. We were both pretty attached to each other throughout our relationship. She was my best friend and someone who I thought I would be with for a long time. She always put me before herself and was willing to go through hell and high water to make us work.

During that last year, we slowly grew apart... I wouldn't call her or see her as often anymore and when we did see each other we just stayed home together. I think it was just laziness for the most part from both sides. The little things that I used to think were cute started to get annoying. For example, we used to have nicknames for each other or we would buy "couple stuff". Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't mind stuff like that but it got to the point where it was almost suffocating. We even stopped having sex for a while, I was just never in the mood or just wanted to get off and pretty much brush her aside. It almost felt like a chore when we had to do it. I can admit that I grew less attracted to her as the relationship progressed, both physically and mentally. Her level of maturity was lacking, intelligent conversation between us was usually something about who was the killer on the latest CSI episode. Sometimes I just wanted to scream "FUCKING GROW UP ALREADY!" in her face.

I pulled some douchey moves near the end, usually along the lines of...

"Hey! let's do something tonight"
"Oh! I changed my mind.. let's stay home"
"Yeah, I'm still out with my friends.. I'll meet up with you later."

The other thing I did which was pretty bad was every time we would get in a fight, which was pretty much once a week. I would get all pissed off, somehow blaming everything on her, then just not talk to her for weeks on end. Then somehow we would just get back together again. One of us would just apologize and ask the other to forgive and move on. At this point, the relationship was running on life support and the power was about to go out. The last incident happened last November and I just didn't talk to her for 3 solid months. Me, being the drunk ass I am... drunk texted her on new years eve. Never got a response, but then again I didn't expect one either. We finally got to talking again in March and decided to get together to get some closure on the situation. I knew it was pretty much over then, but stupid as I am... I gave it one last try and decided to "start over" again with her. I planned a night out for a Canucks game in April and then dinner after at one of our favorite restaurants. I waited for her downtown and as soon as I saw her it got really awkward. Felt like I was talking with a complete stranger (amazing what 3 months of silence will do :S) You could tell we we're both just there to try to make the other person happy. She even told me after the game she only showed up because she promised she would come and that she doesn't break promises. My intentions were to at least try to make things right again, but she just showed up due to obligation. Anyways... I drop her back at her place and we have a chat... she told me that she was going to go back to HK until about December and to forget about her. For some reason, I just had this overwhelming feeling hit me... I didn't know if I was angry or sad, but my whole body felt numb... it was hard to breathe, I could barely move, I was frozen in shock. Then I just left her apartment and didn't look back.

Fast forward to about September, I'm on my home from the skytrain when I catch a glimpse of her in the crowd. I didn't think much of it at the time and didn't want to be some kind of creeper and just go up to her. I had moved on since April and everything was going relatively smooth in my life. Seeing her again brought up all these feeling again. A couple weeks later, I was out drinking with some buddies and the topic of ex's came up and one of them decided it would be funny if they messaged her through facebook using my profile. She eventually replied back and told me she did in fact go to HK, but hated it so she came back and hoped everything was going well.

Currently I'm single, after getting out of a 4+ year relationship... I wasn't in a rush to get back into one again. I go out often enough and don't have much of a problem seeing other girls... But seeing her again, all I could think about was the good times we had, how much I regret being such an asshole and how much I really miss her.

So my question to you guys is... Is it even a good idea to contact her again? Or should I just suck it up and move on?

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Old 11-05-2009, 02:19 PM   #2
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Suck it up and move on
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Old 11-05-2009, 02:28 PM   #3
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write an apology letter and send her something expensive, like a prada bag
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Old 11-05-2009, 03:13 PM   #4
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the chick must have dated a bunch of douchebags in asia, partied it hard during those 6 months, move on.
1st love is hard and since u already got over her. MOVE ON. Trust me, it'll be well worth it.
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Old 11-05-2009, 10:46 PM   #5
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Worst thing you can do is talk to her again. It'll do nothing but bring up old memories and make you sad. Trust me I've been there and it's horrible. I haven't talked to my last ex in three months almost now and I feel a lot better.

GO out party and have fun.
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Old 11-05-2009, 11:51 PM   #6
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suck it up and move on.
Sometimes, if the damage is done, there's no going back.
The wound might have healed but the scar is always going to be there and it will always haunt the relationship.

You will forget this once you found someone or something better. it does sound harsh but that's how world is.
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Old 11-06-2009, 12:27 AM   #7
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it sounds like you were an ass. if you're gonna contact her again and ask for forgiveness, you better do something that really shows you're sincere and not gonna be like you were before, otherwise, suck it up.
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Old 11-06-2009, 07:48 AM   #8
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you need to move on
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Old 11-06-2009, 08:02 AM   #9
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It ended for a reason. You need to carry on with you life.
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Old 11-06-2009, 01:40 PM   #10
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Holy shit, your situation was almost exactly like mine! 4 yr relationship for hs, annoying/immature, she going back to hk for a while. 1 yr past.

Anyway, it is going to hit you once a while, but it will fade away. Move on dude because all the shit you were annoyed with before will pop up again.
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Old 11-06-2009, 03:58 PM   #11
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lol, sometimes arranged marriages have their merits
Ignorance is bliss

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Old 11-06-2009, 05:40 PM   #12
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Shit happens, jut move on. I'm sure this as happened to most people, they sill move on. It's a terrible choice to even consider making it work a 2nd time.

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Old 11-07-2009, 12:44 AM   #13
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move on.
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