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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 11-14-2009, 01:07 PM   #1
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Seeking Help & Advice

So here's the dilly..

We've been having feelings on and off for each other for more than 7 years and decided that we should get more serious. We have been dating since June till recently we broke up. I've been treating her like a queen. I always supported her in everything and gave very expert advice about everything. She says that I have been acting immature and that's why she broke up with me, but isn't it normal for any guy to tell another guy to back off when they try to take your girl? I told him off easily, I said "Yo man, she has a boyfriend already so back off." I wasn't like "Hey you little fucker, get the fuck lost or I'll fucking beat the shit out of you." Some other lame reasons she gave me was that I was smoking around her, so I made a change and rarely smoke around her, I always go outside now and just once in a blue moon I'll get really stressed from driving and smoke half a cigarette. I told her that it rarely happens and that I AM trying to quit. She tells me that it doesn't matter that I'm trying but that I AM still doing it. She had a dance audition but she only told me 2 days before. I asked if she was prepared, had a routine down and perfected it. She tells me she doesn't and that she's going clubbing with her girls. I start saying "Maybe you shouldn't go and practice for your audition? Clubbing is the least important thing, I mean fuck your audition is in 2 days and you haven't got a routine down. You should get your priorities sorted out and do what's most important." She says "You don't even go to school and barely go to work. Why should I listen to you?" I said "It's not about going to school or working, it's common sense that you signed up for this audition and you should put more effort in it, if you don't want to take it serious..then why did you even sign up?" Some dick offered her a ride there and it was the guy who tried flirting with her. He understands that we were dating and just said it's a friend thing. He's a little dork so I'm not so worried about anything. But it's the fact that I offered her a ride first. I wanted to be the one standing outside waiting for her to come out and tell me how it went. If she did well, we celebrate..if not then I would comfort her. She blows me off to go with him. I ask "Why did you blow me off to go with him? What has he supported you about this audition? He doesn't give a shit about how you do, he just want's a girl accompanying him." She tells me "He told me about the audition. He said that I can do it, that I'm a good hip hop dancer." I said "Well okay, first off..Telling you about the audition is not being supportive but being informative. Saying you can dance? Any dick can say you can dance just to get in your pants. I've been fucking nagging you to get it prepared and show me so I can help on what needs improvement." She says "He's just a friend." I said "So what the fuck am I? It seems like I care about your audition more than you do." Other problems are like, I drive from Vancouver to Steveston (Richmond) because it was raining and I didn't want her to bus, standing in the cold and rain. Sure it's something small, but when you do it everyday? Driving her to school, from school, etc. In a month, I spend at least $2500+ on her. It's not the money that I care about, it's the fact that I loved and cared so much but she blows me off like I was nothing. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe she's hurting inside..but they way she's showing me, doesn't seem like she cared much. I never made her change herself in anyway to my liking, I let her be who she wants to be. I don't understand why she can't do the same for me. Yeah, I feel fucking whipped because I can't let go, I'm still trying and dying. Lately I've been doing nothing, barely eating, haven't slept in days, I barely talk to anyone. I can't let go of her, I can't stop loving her. What can I do to get her back?

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Old 11-14-2009, 01:28 PM   #2
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That was pretty hard to read, but it seems like she just wasn't all that interested in being in a relationship with you from what you've said.

That being said doesn't seem like theres much you can do to get her back.
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:31 PM   #3
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sorry about the long write, etc. i know she loves and cares for me. its just that she keeps looking at the problem in the bigger picture instead of the details
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:32 PM   #4
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You deserve better man. Girls like these are not worth your time.
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:44 PM   #5
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2500 a month, no anal?


F THAT
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:46 PM   #6
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don't worry about the sex, i get my daily medications.
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:47 PM   #7
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Why would you WANT that back? I say fuck her. Walk away and find someone worth your time and love.
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IF I FIND YOU
I WILL EAT YOUR RICE!
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Old 11-14-2009, 01:57 PM   #8
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that's brutal, nut on her face twice and tell her to go home
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Old 11-14-2009, 02:24 PM   #9
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It looks like you're the one who's not looking at the bigger picture.
Cost of keeping her = high
benefits derived = low

she sounds like she thought you were a bother as well
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Old 11-14-2009, 02:37 PM   #10
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give it up

aint worth the time or money

from what i read u pay 2500+ a month for a bitch
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Old 11-14-2009, 02:38 PM   #11
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my beef is you're spending $2500 on a girl you've been dating since june (i don't care you guys have been having on and off feelings for 7 years) when you "barely work." it's not showing that you care for her, it's showing you are lacking judgement.

stop putting someone before yourself when you don't have your act together. yes, you may feel you love her so much you can't live without her..but you can--trust me...you can. stop trying to please her or make her look at the relationship the way you do because change isn't going to happen unless the other person wants to themselves. you say you let her be her own person when it comes to these things but by you moping around and feeling the world is over...shows her she has to be a certain way to make you happy again. if she was to say "i'm sorry, i really do care a lot about you etc etc" you'd probably be bouncing off walls and feeling great, am i right?

do things that make you happy, that make you complete. feel comfortable in your own skin! no girl is going to be able to do that for you besides yourself.
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Old 11-14-2009, 04:16 PM   #12
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no girl is going to be able to do that for you besides yourself.
If I didn't know any better I'd say you're calling the OP a girl lol
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Old 11-14-2009, 05:36 PM   #13
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If I didn't know any better I'd say you're calling the OP a girl lol
no what she means is, no girl can make me happy and complete, only myself
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Old 11-14-2009, 06:11 PM   #14
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that's brutal, nut on her face twice and tell her to go home
+1
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Old 11-14-2009, 06:29 PM   #15
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no what she means is, no girl can make me happy and complete, only myself
i'm glad you understood.

seriously, this is for the best. it hurts, i know it does...but you can't let pain/fear of the unknown get in the way of your happiness.
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Old 11-14-2009, 10:07 PM   #16
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thanks for the serious help. for the immature kids who were talking about bum sex, etc. good for you how you handle it.
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Old 11-14-2009, 10:49 PM   #17
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I had a professor in first year psychology tell us...
In a relationship, the one who cares/loves less has more power

You clearly love her a lot more, and she seems to be wielding all the power. She's treating you like shit because she knows she can get away with it.

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Lately I've been doing nothing, barely eating, haven't slept in days, I barely talk to anyone. I can't let go of her, I can't stop loving her. What can I do to get her back?
DO NOT let a girl define you or the life you live. At least not now. Get back to your daily routine, or set a new one if you don't have one already. Hang out with your buds and call up some girls. Just do something to get your mind off of her and gain some proper perspective.

I'm leaning towards the hand of dumping her, but its ultimately your choice. It seems the more you care, the more you are actually pushing her away. The only thing I would do other than break it off is to give the girl MORE space right now. Give her less power even if it ultimately hurts.
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Old 11-14-2009, 11:17 PM   #18
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^ with the hanging out with your friends/girls, although it helps i wouldnt suggest putting all of your time into that. your friends/company of females will only take up so much time in your day (and you can't expect them to hang out with you every second of the day) so remember to do things on your own too.

my mom told me that in life, a relationship is like dessert. the main meal is YOUR success, your life. don't make dessert your main meal.
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Old 11-14-2009, 11:26 PM   #19
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someone coles notes this.

it also seems like part of it is missing... there is no build up :| ....
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Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.


Make the effort and take the risk..

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Old 11-14-2009, 11:56 PM   #20
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thanks for the serious help. for the immature kids who were talking about bum sex, etc. good for you how you handle it.
who are you to say that they are not mature?

u dont work or go to school and you let a woman control your life
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Old 11-15-2009, 01:14 AM   #21
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no what she means is, no girl can make me happy and complete, only myself
yes i understood that
i was kidding
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Old 11-15-2009, 10:24 AM   #22
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Ppl r right here
U shud take a step back and see if shes realli worth it
Honesty u know what to do
Ppl rarely do listen to advices
We are just here to comfort u

But u already know either dump her or give her space
i know spending 2k love shouldnt be about money but its bout the principle if she cared for u she wouldnt allow u to spend that much in the first place since ur not working much
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Old 11-15-2009, 10:28 AM   #23
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^can someone translate?
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IF I FIND YOU
I WILL EAT YOUR RICE!
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Old 11-15-2009, 02:42 PM   #24
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Ppl r right here
U shud take a step back and see if shes realli worth it
Honesty u know what to do
Ppl rarely do listen to advices
We are just here to comfort u

But u already know either dump her or give her space
i know spending 2k love shouldnt be about money but its bout the principle if she cared for u she wouldnt allow u to spend that much in the first place since ur not working much
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^can someone translate?
You should take a step back and see if she's really worth it. Honestly, I think you know what to do, but people rarely listen to advice from other people. We're here to simply comfort you.

You already know you either need to dump her, or give her some space. I think that spending 2000 on love shouldn't be about money, but it's about the principle. If she cared for you, she wouldn't have allowed you to spend that much in the first place because you don't work as much.
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