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Relationship & Gender Discussion THIS SPACE OPEN FOR ADVERTISEMENT. YOU SHOULD BE ADVERTISING HERE!
The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 11-20-2009, 03:25 AM   #1
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"Rejecting" a friend?

So I have this friend, that I've been seeing a lot lately because he hangs out with some of my cousins. We became pretty close since we saw each other pretty much every weekend.. but I always thought I was just one of the guys to him..They're all about 8-10 years older than I am so I never thought much of it..

Anyway, I haven't been able to hang out with them for a while because I'm busy with work and barely get weekends off, but he started texting me every day. At some point, we were talking about relationships and people we have crushes on..and he starts talking about this "amazing" girl he can't get out of his head. He kept saying it wouldn't work but I kept urging him to at least give it a try, because as a friend, I felt he was selling himself short.
So naturally, I pestered him and kept asking things about her and what her name is. He wouldn't tell me her name but for some reason after he revealed some vague details about "her", I just had a gut feeling it was me.

He eventually confessed to me one night, that he liked me and I probably sound like such a bitch, but I said "Thanks? But I just sorta like someone else right now.."
I don't think that ended things on such a great note. Plus, he already called me awful once because supposedly my dating checklist doesn't match him at all. Now I just think that's irrational and immature. You can't judge someone and call them awful for not liking you back! Especially, when the person doesn't even know.....

What are girls even supposed to say in that situation?
Is there anything I can possibly do to salvage the friendship, from a guys' POV?
I'm trying to give him some time right now..and I'm almost afraid to try and talk to him so soon..
I know his history and how he's been hurt before so I didn't bother telling him "I hope we can still be friends" because I know that's pretty much a kick to your gut when you're already down so I'm leaving that decision up to him for the time being.

Thanks in advance for your feedback ~~

EDIT: I'd also like to point out, that I've never led this guy on. I don't call him on the phone "just to chat" when I'm bored. We text back and forth, never had a phone conversation other than "where are you? b/c congratulations, ive just turned 100 years old" We're very snarky with each other, give each other a lot of attitude. I'm honest with him about the people I like, the people that I've seen/dated since summertime, etc. He's also very honest with me about the girls he likes/fucks. I seriously act like one of the guys around him so I don't even know how he could remotely be attracted to me. I don't ask him for stupid favors either, like to drive me around or pick me up or anything.


Last edited by DGiRL; 11-20-2009 at 03:53 AM.
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Old 11-20-2009, 08:02 AM   #2
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men cannot be friends with women.

regardless...

he likes you, doesn't matter why. if you are not interesed, let him down lightly but firmly.

make sure he understands that he has no chance with you, so he doesnot think "oh maybe if i try harder..."

good luck

EDIT: BTW i'm "sorta" interested in someone else is just a crap reply. it should be either "im dating someone already" and leave it at that. wishy washy answers dont work on men.

like Lloyd Chrismas in Dumb and dumber. "what are the chances of a girl like you and a guy like me getting together? 1 in 100?"

girl: "more like one in a million...."

LLoyd: "......so you're saying there's a chance!!!????? YESSSSSS!!"
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Old 11-20-2009, 08:56 AM   #3
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hahaha classic line
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Old 11-20-2009, 09:13 AM   #4
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I think you're doing the right thing, if you don't have feelings for him then there's nothing you can do. You can keep talking to him, but try not to too much, he'll keep thinking there's a chance. He's gotta let it go from his head

P.S., acting like one of the guys does not turn us off. A lot of us actually like girls who are similar to ourselves.
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Old 11-20-2009, 10:50 AM   #5
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i think u did the right thing by letting him decide and not contacting him
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Old 11-20-2009, 11:40 AM   #6
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I agree with Turbo E.. whatever you tell him, be straight up, let your yes be yes and your no be no.
Each guy would react differently, but just give it to him exactly how it is.
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Old 11-20-2009, 12:19 PM   #7
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hanging out with him probably won't help the situation.
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Old 11-20-2009, 02:10 PM   #8
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P.S., acting like one of the guys does not turn us off. A lot of us actually like girls who are similar to ourselves.
This might be a reason why. Guys like girls who we can easily talk to and have similar interests in us. Who wouldn't dig a girl who loves watching the Canucks? Cause I would if my girl liked it of course.
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Old 11-20-2009, 02:58 PM   #9
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nothing much you can do I guess. for what it's worth, it sounds like you've done all the right things; not leading him on, not asking for stupid favors etc haha
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Old 11-20-2009, 03:18 PM   #10
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Use the line I did: "Never in a million years will anything ever happen between us. I love you like a cousin, but that's it. So no."
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Old 11-20-2009, 05:17 PM   #11
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^^ Yup.. can't really misinterpret that.
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Old 11-20-2009, 05:50 PM   #12
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so he's 10 yrs older?dam.
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Old 11-20-2009, 06:29 PM   #13
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like Lloyd Chrismas in Dumb and dumber. "what are the chances of a girl like you and a guy like me getting together? 1 in 100?"

girl: "more like one in a million...."

LLoyd: "......so you're saying there's a chance!!!????? YESSSSSS!!"
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Old 11-21-2009, 10:15 AM   #14
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hanging out with him probably won't help the situation.
You mean 1 on 1 right? We've only hung out just the 2 of us once, and we went to watch Paranormal Activity because everyone else we hang out with were too chicken. I kept my distance though and our conversations weren't about anything 'intimate'.

What do you guys think, if it comes down to hanging out w/ my cousins should I have to bail? I haven't told my cousins anything about it, but I know he's always w/ them and I don't want to make him feel awkward or anything.. Or do you think if he didn't wanna see me then he wouldn't show?
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Old 11-21-2009, 10:27 AM   #15
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You should distance yourself.

By keeping close proximity to him or even seeing him won't help as it will reinforce his feelings. So for now, just back off from hanging out with him. That means 1 on 1 or in a group.
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Old 11-21-2009, 10:28 AM   #16
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I don't think you did anything wrong. You just have to wait for him to decide what he wants to do now and he'll contact you.
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Old 11-21-2009, 10:42 AM   #17
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stop seeing him.
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Old 11-22-2009, 10:41 PM   #18
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From a guys Point of View, I must say that the answers on this thread have been really good. There are different ways you can let him down

1. Firm - The best way if you don't want to leave him feeling like he has a chance

the outcome - He probably would understand and try to move on

2. Wishy Washy type - Oh I like someone else, im in a difficult spot right now

the outcome - He may try to play the guy that is ready to catch you when you fall (if this "guy" doesn't like you back) or he may be a sympathetic shoulder to cry on and trying to get close to you in that sense

it's all on you, you can decide, if you may like him down the road then maybe set yourself in a position that it may happen, but don't lead him on. As far as hanging out with him, some feel it's best you stay away from him, but again it's your choice. The way you decide to move forward with this relationship is your call, you can make it seem like it never happened or you can make a really big deal out of it. My opinion maybe don't hang out with him for now, maybe when a big event is happening and you'll both be there it would be okay, but try to avoid situations that are more intimate and situations where he feel he can get closer to you, dinner or watching a movie with 3 people etc.

Source of information: Myself in high school. There was a girl that I used to talk to, but thats what I did, I talked to girls in high school, it wasn't like I was sending her signals or anything, I was just myself. We just talked, joked around, like I did with other girls, but eventually this girl ended up liking me and it became increasingly evident, she used to MSN me until morning, talk for hours and she would say goodnight etc. I thought nothing of it and one day out of the blue, I have to say it must of been one of the most akward positions that i've been placed in my whole entire life. She kind of avoided me at school, we had 2 classes together, she smiled etc. but no conversation. When I get home, check my computer I had messages from her best friend that she strategically introduced me to about 2 weeks prior to telling me. She had her friend find out what kind of girl I liked, if I liked anyone, girlfriends etc., and one day her friends like I need to talk to you, I was like alright, so she typed me a long message telling me that she knew someone liked me and deep down inside, I really didn't think it would be her, but it was. She said she likes you, being a high school kid, I didn't really panic, but I was just like "ok", it wasn't like I was absolutely enthusiastic about the situation. They sensed that and I told her, i'm not looking to go out with anyone right now. From there on out, shes just been too embarassed to talk to me and until this day we haven't spoke.
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