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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-06-2009, 10:41 PM   #1
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
 
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First Love?

Alright, so i've been talking to a girl that's recovering from her first love. How do you exactly help her out in this situation when she's all emo and what not? I see this more of a cock block, and chances of getting closer to her just dropped..

Any suggestions?

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Old 12-06-2009, 10:46 PM   #2
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you're trying to get w/her off the rebound? wtf. I hope you fail.
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Old 12-06-2009, 10:52 PM   #3
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taking advantage of someone that just broke up and was looking for peer support....THATS F*ing LOW
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why are you still on RS

go fuck her brains out, shoot all in her mouth, and leave
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Old 12-06-2009, 11:06 PM   #4
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
 
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taking advantage of someone that just broke up and was looking for peer support....THATS F*ing LOW
Well the break up wasn't very recently it was probably months ago...... It's the fact she can't get over it.
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Old 12-06-2009, 11:15 PM   #5
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....maybe we should let the OP have a second chance on backing up on what he said. ..i'm gonna assume he's actually a nice guy who's liked this girl for awhile and want to show her that he can treat her better. but he first wants to help her through this break up process.


right?
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Old 12-06-2009, 11:36 PM   #6
What hasn't Killed me, has made me more tolerant of RS!
 
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Sort of.
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:37 AM   #7
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Until she gets over it....there is nothing you can do. Offer your PEER support only and don't think over that. When she gets over her ex, then its an open field. Or I will say the same thing.
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why are you still on RS

go fuck her brains out, shoot all in her mouth, and leave
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Old 12-07-2009, 01:44 AM   #8
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Yay, another thread in which people judge OP instead of helping. Gotta love RS~ I'm pretty sure I'm not the only one who has seen the term cockblock used in that sense, like "shit yo that fucking c-lai just cockblocked me from switching lanes" or something like that.

Anyways, she'll be ready when she's ready. I'm going to say that you should just be yourself, just be a friend to her for now, and don't try to force her to get over him. Don't even bring him up if possible. Just show her a smashing good time and have fun with her as friends.
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Old 12-07-2009, 08:50 AM   #9
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^Good idea, but try not to get friendzoned at the same time..
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Old 12-07-2009, 10:18 AM   #10
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^well that's hard lol. You either make your intentions known right off the bat and establish your status as "interested" right away which can scare her off no matter how slow and gentle you take it. Or you can wait it out,let her get over him, and let her develop interest on her own... which might not happen if she friend-zones you.

Personally I'm not patient. I'd declare interest, but won't be pushy. See if she has similar feelings, then let her take her time if yes, be her friend and move on if not. It's a hard position for anyone to love someone who is still hurt from a past relationship, especially since there are tons of non-emotionally-damaged girls out there...
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Old 12-07-2009, 11:15 AM   #11
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It's funny that you should bring up something like this, this happened to me in the 11th grade, there was this girl who had been going out with this guy since grade 8 (I know, young blah blah), thats besides the fact, she had been with him for 3-3.5 years. She always says, even to this day he was her first love, but shortly after the 3 years about a month or two after, he just grew distant from her, they stayed with each other for about another two months after and he said, I can't do this anymore, they broke up. I didn't like her in that way, but I was her confidante, we did talk and I helped her get through it and it is tough, for anyone who is doing the whole rebound thing, im not for it, but be a friend first, if you like her and you're there with her as a friend, if she sees you as a potential SO then she'll come around. Helping someone through their weakest time is very dangerous and your intentions should be in the right place, do you actually want her to get over her boyfriend and see a better way for herself or are you trying to sell yourself as a the sensitive guy that is better then her previous bf?, for me I went the route of helping her through the hard times without the intention of being her boyfriend. She called me and around Christmas time she bought me a present, it was something cute, it wasn't a boyfriend gift and we started to hang out as good buddies and we ended up going out for about 7-8 months, didn't work out, but we're still cool
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Old 12-07-2009, 12:47 PM   #12
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Good stuff, canadianboy.

I still don't see how to get over that hump of making the good intentions and helping her out as a friend and than getting closer to her once she recovers. Most of us probably get friendzoned by this stage already. Can someone elaborate?
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Old 12-07-2009, 01:59 PM   #13
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Leave her alone and get on with your life. When she needs support she'll ask for it. Just talk to her like normal and let her get over it by herself. You trying to help will just end you up in the zone you dread the most.

Help getting over breakups and what not? That's stuff friend material people would do.

Just be a friend who will be there for her if she needs it, not a dog who's always by her side at all times.
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Old 12-07-2009, 02:22 PM   #14
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You know this like/love/hate relationship of this life is very hard to understand. Most of us speak from personal point of view on these forum topics. I personally have been through many of these situations myself, theres points where you absolutely have no clue what is going on and it works out and there are times you think things are going to work out, but they end up not working. There were points in my life where I couldn't get a date, there were points I felt down and out by this whole relationship and love thing, but what I say to you about your comment is that honestly as humans, we work very hard to be accepted, like it or not, that's the way it is in society. Even if you don't care, subconsciously, you always want to feel secure, like there is someone there for you, thats the best feeling you can have is someone who is willing to listen to you and for you to be able to feel comfortable with them. There are times in life that I feel down and there is no one to talk to and I wish I had that person. My case in point was purely based on the fact that she needed someone, I never made myself emotionally available for a relationship, but I went in as a friend/as another human being to listen to her feelings, not tell her how to feel and to not make her feel stupid. Im 26 now and have learned so much about relationships and dating, based on experience, growing up i've helped so many people out, but at the same time am confused about other situations. Love is a strange thing it works in different ways. Especially when dealing with a a huge thing like a first love break up, it's tough all they do is think about the other person, all they have been through, all they could have been, all the fights, all the gifts, sex,kisses what have you. They have invested a large amount of emotions into the relationship. You as a person must understand that, I put myself in her position, first love break up is hard and I went through it alone, she didn't have to. She never liked me for my looks, money (I work as a bartender, so its not like im loaded), she liked me for being a real person.

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^
Good stuff, canadianboy.

I still don't see how to get over that hump of making the good intentions and helping her out as a friend and than getting closer to her once she recovers. Most of us probably get friendzoned by this stage already. Can someone elaborate?
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Old 12-07-2009, 03:02 PM   #15
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^ write a fucking book already
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Old 12-08-2009, 01:14 AM   #16
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianaboy View Post
You know this like/love/hate relationship of this life is very hard to understand. Most of us speak from personal point of view on these forum topics. I personally have been through many of these situations myself, theres points where you absolutely have no clue what is going on and it works out and there are times you think things are going to work out, but they end up not working. There were points in my life where I couldn't get a date, there were points I felt down and out by this whole relationship and love thing, but what I say to you about your comment is that honestly as humans, we work very hard to be accepted, like it or not, that's the way it is in society. Even if you don't care, subconsciously, you always want to feel secure, like there is someone there for you, thats the best feeling you can have is someone who is willing to listen to you and for you to be able to feel comfortable with them. There are times in life that I feel down and there is no one to talk to and I wish I had that person. My case in point was purely based on the fact that she needed someone, I never made myself emotionally available for a relationship, but I went in as a friend/as another human being to listen to her feelings, not tell her how to feel and to not make her feel stupid. Im 26 now and have learned so much about relationships and dating, based on experience, growing up i've helped so many people out, but at the same time am confused about other situations. Love is a strange thing it works in different ways. Especially when dealing with a a huge thing like a first love break up, it's tough all they do is think about the other person, all they have been through, all they could have been, all the fights, all the gifts, sex,kisses what have you. They have invested a large amount of emotions into the relationship. You as a person must understand that, I put myself in her position, first love break up is hard and I went through it alone, she didn't have to. She never liked me for my looks, money (I work as a bartender, so its not like im loaded), she liked me for being a real person.
i think i kinda like you.
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Old 12-08-2009, 03:08 AM   #17
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Oh rly? lol
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Old 12-08-2009, 10:19 AM   #18
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Quote:
Originally Posted by canadianaboy View Post
You know this like/love/hate relationship of this life is very hard to understand. Most of us speak from personal point of view on these forum topics. I personally have been through many of these situations myself, theres points where you absolutely have no clue what is going on and it works out and there are times you think things are going to work out, but they end up not working. There were points in my life where I couldn't get a date, there were points I felt down and out by this whole relationship and love thing, but what I say to you about your comment is that honestly as humans, we work very hard to be accepted, like it or not, that's the way it is in society. Even if you don't care, subconsciously, you always want to feel secure, like there is someone there for you, thats the best feeling you can have is someone who is willing to listen to you and for you to be able to feel comfortable with them. There are times in life that I feel down and there is no one to talk to and I wish I had that person. My case in point was purely based on the fact that she needed someone, I never made myself emotionally available for a relationship, but I went in as a friend/as another human being to listen to her feelings, not tell her how to feel and to not make her feel stupid. Im 26 now and have learned so much about relationships and dating, based on experience, growing up i've helped so many people out, but at the same time am confused about other situations. Love is a strange thing it works in different ways. Especially when dealing with a a huge thing like a first love break up, it's tough all they do is think about the other person, all they have been through, all they could have been, all the fights, all the gifts, sex,kisses what have you. They have invested a large amount of emotions into the relationship. You as a person must understand that, I put myself in her position, first love break up is hard and I went through it alone, she didn't have to. She never liked me for my looks, money (I work as a bartender, so its not like im loaded), she liked me for being a real person.
you and physix should get together and start a blog.
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Old 12-08-2009, 10:42 AM   #19
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you and physix should get together and start a blog.
Agreed, screw the counselor - what bar do you work at? I can get drunk and get advice..best of all it'll be cheaper too!
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Old 12-08-2009, 11:07 AM   #20
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how old are you kiddies??

15? She'll be fine in 3 days.

25? And only dated this guy for 10 years? then you're looking at a whole new different scope.

Background, boys and girls, without it - stories are hard to understand.
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