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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-10-2009, 10:16 PM   #1
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Close friends of your gf/bf vol: boundaries,where do you draw the line?

I had an interesting email this morning from a friend, he emailed me and asked if i had heard from his gf, I replied no, so he said alright I'll call you at the end if this week. About 1hr later he finds his gf, well got in contact with her, turns out she stayed the night at one of her friends house....sounds normal ? Well he was a guy, mind you they're good friends he has a studio apartment, apparently he slept on the ground. I believe him, neither he or she are dogs, she had no feelings for him and it was the same way. I mean I believe the guy, they've been friends since 9th grade and now they're 25,26. Dude has a gf too. My friend starts to freak out, super jealous, gonna beat him up what have you, but he sat down and talked to the other guy...they're friends after all.

My question is how close do you allow your gf/bf get with her friends of the opposite sex?

I don't consider myself a jealous guy, would I allow the above situation to happen? Depends I guess

they've been friends for so long and he's a mutual friend of ours for many years with a gf he's in love with and he treats the girl as if she was his little sister and in fact she is best friends with his sister. I have buddies that don't like their so to hug another guy friend without being jealous, my rule is hugs are fine, kiss on the cheek if its been a while. Sleeping at another dudes house? No going out with guy friends? I wouldn't forbid it, but I probably wouldn't be too happy unless girls are going in a group. For me though, I do give hugs I'm a hugging kid of guy, I do give kiss on the cheek if its been a while. At another girls house not usually unless its my godsisters house she's viet and same age but she's my sister. The hugs are give are not long hugs most girls are short so I have to hug one arm basically around their shoulder/neck/upper body area.

So where do you draw the physical/emotional line?

oh and before anyone asks why she was there I talked to her and the guys sister, she was out with them the night before (my buddy knew that) they went to granville st. to eat (sister, brother and the gf) she got a little drunk, went to karaoke in Burnaby (the sister drove) and then after she didn't wanna drive home because she was drunk, the sister drove the car to her brothers apt in Vancouver and she lives in Richmond, she woke up and drove the car home safely Posted via RS Mobile


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Old 12-10-2009, 11:12 PM   #2
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It really depends per person..
Depending on the guy and his previous relationships and what not..
I understand that gf's position, and if my bf did that, I'd be cool with it, as long as the girl was a REALLY close friend who I knew had a mutual friendship-only zone.
Usually though a guy getting too drunk and sleeping at a girl's house.. I've never heard of though but who knows right.
Of course, if it happened more frequently even with different people, I'd be wary of the bf.
It all depends on the guy/girl.. I myself have really close brother figures and sometimes stay over if it gets too late or I am unable to drive home.. though very rarely.
However, if my bf isn't comfortable with that, I'd definitely understand and cease to do it.
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Old 12-10-2009, 11:46 PM   #3
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the only thing i would mind is my gf slping over at another guy's house...no matter how good friends they are. The reason behind it is not that i don't believe my gf or the guy...itz what happens if someone else sees.....they might start thinking and then spreading shit. I got no time to deal with that kinda crap.

And lets say she was too drunk to drive, they can always call the bf or a family member to drive her home. There is really no excuse for staying over at another guy's house alone.
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Old 12-11-2009, 12:30 AM   #4
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^+1 i don't see why the boyfriend dont go and pick her up, he dont got a car?

oh and what does the god sister being viet has to do with anything? just curious.
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Old 12-11-2009, 01:16 AM   #5
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i think it depends on the trust level you have with your s/o. the ex had one of his friends (that's a girl) stay at his place for about a week or 2 (while he was still living on the other side of the country) and asked me first if i was okay with it. i trusted him and i thought to myself, i too would have done the same thing if one of my best guy friends was visiting and needed a place to stay.

just because someone has friends that are of the opposite sex (and would let them stay over) doesn't mean they are always up to no good. this seriously is something based on how trusting you are of your partner and what kind of person he/she is.
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Old 12-11-2009, 01:26 AM   #6
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I've stayed at guy friends' houses and never had a problem. I've also had guy friends stay the night at my place. They always sleep on the couch or the floor (depends how many people stay the night). I think if you trust your partner enough, them sleeping over at a guys' house (or girls) shouldn't matter. If you don't trust them, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.

Personally though, I got over my jealous stage a while ago. I learned the hard way that jealousy isn't worth the effort. If they're going to stay somewhere and say they didn't do anything, I believe them.
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Old 12-11-2009, 01:28 AM   #7
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Depends on the situation. I'd be less and less understanding if my gf was alone with the other guy, or there were other ways to get home, or the guy was sketchy, or it was a recurring event.

Regardless, it would still look bad to me because it's her responsibility to make sure she doesn't put herself in a situation like that. If it happens, no matter what happens, it still shows carelessness and lack of respect for the relationship's boundaries. Which is a lack of respect for me.

And I know you didn't just disrespect me, bitch.
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Old 12-11-2009, 07:56 AM   #8
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^+1 i don't see why the boyfriend dont go and pick her up, he dont got a car?

oh and what does the god sister being viet has to do with anything? just curious.
Boyfriend was busy with his family, thats why he couldn't go out with them in the first place. The reason why I said god sister being Vietnamese is because i'm a white guy, i'm best friends with her brother and like someone else said if people saw it they might say something and Vietnamese/Chinese people take the godbro/sis very seriously
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Old 12-11-2009, 09:43 AM   #9
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It's one of those things that's not technically wrong but for the sake of courtesy to your partner, you shouldn't be doing.
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Old 12-11-2009, 10:39 AM   #10
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i think it depends on the trust level you have with your s/o. the ex had one of his friends (that's a girl) stay at his place for about a week or 2 (while he was still living on the other side of the country) and asked me first if i was okay with it. i trusted him and i thought to myself, i too would have done the same thing if one of my best guy friends was visiting and needed a place to stay.

just because someone has friends that are of the opposite sex (and would let them stay over) doesn't mean they are always up to no good. this seriously is something based on how trusting you are of your partner and what kind of person he/she is.
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I've stayed at guy friends' houses and never had a problem. I've also had guy friends stay the night at my place. They always sleep on the couch or the floor (depends how many people stay the night). I think if you trust your partner enough, them sleeping over at a guys' house (or girls) shouldn't matter. If you don't trust them, you shouldn't be in a relationship with them.

Personally though, I got over my jealous stage a while ago. I learned the hard way that jealousy isn't worth the effort. If they're going to stay somewhere and say they didn't do anything, I believe them.
we think alike. This is where trust comes into play..
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Old 12-11-2009, 06:35 PM   #11
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However, if my bf isn't comfortable with that, I'd definitely understand and cease to do it.
This.

I have my own set of standards and expectations when it comes to these kinds of things, but at the same time, I don't see why I should have to put my gf in a situation where she has to be uncomfortable with it. So really, it depends on what she's okay with, within reason. I expect the same from her.
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Old 12-12-2009, 03:13 AM   #12
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Old 12-13-2009, 12:22 PM   #13
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^ if theyre sleeping around then do the same??

if they were fucking around, they probably wouldnt bother asking for ur permission anyway.

i'd do it out of courtesy for my friend but if my SO wasn't comfortable with it, i'd understand that and i trust my friend would too. the 3 of us might think of an alternative solution together as opposed to simply telling my friend no/fk off
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Old 12-13-2009, 11:32 PM   #14
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I have a ton of guy friends. I've slept next to guys where it was just plain sleep. I just came back on a weekend trip with a guy friend and we even shared the same hotel room together.

Like people have mentioned earlier, it depends on:

1. Trust level
2. The personality of your SO (if she's trustworthy but have a hard time saying no or can't fend for herself....u be the judge)
3. Personal jealous levels
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Old 12-14-2009, 01:59 AM   #15
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^ 4. Person in question that your SO is sleeping next to/staying over with.
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Old 01-04-2010, 02:54 PM   #16
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Exactly!! I wouldn't let my gf sleep over if the guy was anything like me!! Yes I'm a total horndog I know.
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Old 01-04-2010, 04:09 PM   #17
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^ I know right? I mean, trusting your gf is one thing, being secure with yourself in the relationship is another, but the third party is a totally different story.

I can trust my girlfriend as much as humanly possible and have absolutely no insecurity and jealousy, but I'd still find it hard to trust the third party, the guy, regardless of his personality.
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Old 01-05-2010, 04:38 PM   #18
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I see no reasons for my gf to be sleeping over at someone's house or someone sleeping over @ my gf's house. I have a car. I can pick my gf up wherever she is. I can drop off her friends at their houses. My theory is: All men are horndogs, no ifs, no ands, no buts.
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Old 01-05-2010, 07:51 PM   #19
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All men are horndogs, no ifs, no ands, no buts.
That's when it comes down to trust. If you can't trust your gf, and you truly believe the above, then you should never ever leave your gf alone. Because somewhere, there is a man. And he will fuck your girl.


If I can't trust my girl to tell me the truth and hang out with other people without supervision, she's no longer my girl.
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Old 01-06-2010, 03:44 PM   #20
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I think for me it would be if my significant other was doing more with the friend. or spending more "quality" time then they were with me. This would raise a red flag.
I wouldn't make them sleeping over at a friends house an issue, yes I would probably feel a little jealous/nervous but I'm only human and if I said it wouldn't bother my mind for even a second then it would be a lie.
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Old 01-06-2010, 03:57 PM   #21
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it would depend on whether i know the guy well or not.

i do believe in trusting your SO, but theres also the factor of the other person, and if i don't know them that well, that raises some questions.
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Old 01-06-2010, 07:24 PM   #22
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My theory is: All men are horndogs, no ifs, no ands, no buts.
that just ends the discussion
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Old 02-03-2010, 03:53 PM   #23
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^ I know right? I mean, trusting your gf is one thing, being secure with yourself in the relationship is another, but the third party is a totally different story.

I can trust my girlfriend as much as humanly possible and have absolutely no insecurity and jealousy, but I'd still find it hard to trust the third party, the guy, regardless of his personality.
This is true, right now I'm 4 provinces over from my gf, I trust her completely and she's very open and honest with me but I still get bits of jealousy sometimes if its regarding a guy I don't know/trust. I know a lot of guys are into her so it's tricky sometimes but you can't let it get to you or you'll go insane.
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