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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-17-2009, 05:48 PM   #1
I don't get it
 
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divorce?

Just wondering if anyone here has gone through a divorce/annulment, that would be able to share their experience or advice. I know someone who is about to go through a divorce and I want to know what options are available.
Sorry for the long story, but I'll try to make it short.

History:
Bob, marries his first gf/first love. They were married for 3 years and then she cheats on him with his best friend. She spends all their money and puts him in debt; they divorce. Six months later Bob meets Jane. Bob and Jane date. Early in the relationship, Jane confesses she is a pot head and that she has a kid. The kid's father is a dead beat, barely involved in the kid's life and pays no child support; Bob stays in the relationship. Early into their relationship, they move in together and buy a condo - under his name. They buy brand new furniture, 2 large lcd tv's, ps3 and anything else they want. Jane then buys a brand new car. Bob and the kid do not connect. Jane is a push over so Bob has to become a discipline figure. Jane wants to get married, but Bob says only if she quits smoking weed. Fast-forward 3 years, Bob and Jane still live together with Jane's kid. Jane continually pressures Bob to get married, but has not given up weed yet. Bob caves and they get married.

Present:
Bob and Jane have been married for 3 months. Jane claims that she is depressed and takes unpaid time off work. Jane also starts complaining that they don't have enough money and that Bob needs to work more. Jane continues to complain that Bob doesn't spend enough time with the kid. Jane starts smoking A LOT more weed, coming home at 3am and racking up the cell phone bill. Bob has to take care of Jane's kid, cleaning and the bills including Jane's insurance/car payments, while Jane is out doing who knows what. Bob confronts Jane about where she goes and what she's doing. Jane says she's hanging out at a 'friend's' house. While Jane is out one day, Bob finds lingerie in the laundry hamper. Bob and Jane have not been making sexy times for quite some time. While Bob goes to work every day, Jane come backs to take to her and their shared possessions out of the house. Jane decides to not live at the house anymore and takes her kid with her. Jane starts to withdraw large sums of money from their shared account. Jane only sends Bob texts when she wants more money, but won't talk about anything else. Jane finally says that Bob isn't a good enough father figure and is not fatherly enough and wants him to take parenting classes. Not even 3 weeks later Jane says she doesn't want anything to do with Bob and wants a divorce. Jane says if Bob gives her 20g cash, she will write a document saying she cheated on him.


It seems obvious that she was using him for money for pretty much their whole relationship. To me, it seems that she pressured him to get married because she was getting sick of him, but she wanted something out of the relationship. I also think that even if she gets 20g cash, she'll still want half of everything else plus child support for her kid.

So, my question: is there anything that Bob can do so that he can prevent her from getting half of everything and child support? Could he ask for an annulment under the pretense that she was committing fraud by trying to get money?

Thanks in advance.

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Old 12-17-2009, 05:59 PM   #2
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basicly, Jane will get half of everything and Bob will not have to pay child support since hes not the real father. Get Bob to keep track of all the money that is taken out of the savings account so that can be used towards half of the money in the divorce settlement. I would honestly see a divorce lawyer and hopefully bob can find proof she was cheating.
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Old 12-17-2009, 06:37 PM   #3
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My buddy went through something very similiar, about a 3 year marriage to. Fortunatley or unfortunatley she actually got knocked up by the guy she was cheating with. Like the guy in the story my friend had bought the house they lived in and paid all the bills. She had also wrote cheques on his account without him knowing about it. He basically kicked her out and told her if she wanted to pursue anything he'd have her charged with the fraud and she was dumb enough to leave it at that. He got to keep his house and she fucked off with her whore self.

Like said above lawyer up and try and get proof she was cheating thats the smoking gun.
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Old 12-17-2009, 08:22 PM   #4
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thanks for your replies!

apparently, even if the kid isn't your's, you still may have to pay child support

Who has to pay child support?
Biological parents and parents who have adopted a child are obligated to pay child support. If a step-parent has contributed to the support and maintenance of the child for at least one year, they may also have to pay support – even if the biological parent is making a financial contribution. But the claim for child support against a step-parent must be made within one year from the time the step-parent last contributed to the child’s financial expenses. Also, common-law as well as same-sex relationships may create support obligations too.

From: http://www.cba.org/BC/public_media/family/117.aspx

That is messed up.
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Old 12-17-2009, 09:14 PM   #5
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Damn i feel bad for Bob. Marriage can be such a shitty thing.
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Old 12-17-2009, 11:03 PM   #6
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well that's why you gotta make fucking damn sure before you get married
unlike a product, you can get an exchange or get a full refund
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Old 12-18-2009, 02:35 AM   #7
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Hey we should go catch women cheating, then charge the men money for solid evidence, then post it on some pornstreaming site after we get the money, then share it with RS through the NSFW forum.

win win scenario. well not for the woman, but no one cares about that anyways right?
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Old 12-18-2009, 05:46 AM   #8
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bob sounds like a pushover
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Old 12-18-2009, 06:42 AM   #9
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yeah I feel bad for bob. +1 on that's why you gotta make damn fucking sure before getting married.
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:21 AM   #10
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yeah I feel bad for bob. +1 on that's why you gotta make damn fucking sure before getting married.
I can see why some men gets into "Bob's" position. Low self esteem or a lack of options can put guys in difficult situations.
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:32 AM   #11
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Poor Bob.
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Old 12-18-2009, 09:43 AM   #12
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get a family lawyer.

Thats probably the best bet, then re-coop everything via that. It would show that she didn't put anything into the relaionship. Even if they were married. "No sexy time, big pot smoker, not taking care of the kid, and everything else." He might end up with having nothing to pay.

Plus cheating on him. Haha i'll ask the lawyer if he pays 20gs, she writes the letter, and then-counter sue back for the 20GS plus more and "here is the evidence" and the cheating letter.
Btw - family law is extremely expensive.

Or take the 20Gs to the lawyer and tell him/her the story. And see what happens.
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Old 12-18-2009, 11:27 AM   #13
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Damn bob is gonna be one bitter SOB after this next one
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Old 12-18-2009, 01:55 PM   #14
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Thats probably the best bet, then re-coop everything via that. It would show that she didn't put anything into the relaionship. Even if they were married. "No sexy time, big pot smoker, not taking care of the kid, and everything else." He might end up with having nothing to pay.
If he grows balls and plays his cards right, he may have an "out" option; Drug using mom & Child Services go together like Mike Tyson & Beauty Pageant.

That ought to stop her from pursuing child-support for a kid that's not yours, or as leverage should she try to take half your assets.


<-- Here's to your friend OP.
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Old 12-18-2009, 02:06 PM   #15
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Bob needs a lawyer and a PI
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Old 12-19-2009, 12:34 AM   #16
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Bob is a type of person that has absolutely no opinion on anything, a HUGE pushover, and has veeeeeery low self-esteem. Other friends have basically summed it up to the fact that he married the first person who looked at him sideways.

I've tried pushing him towards an annulment since she's pretty much in the marriage for money extortion. I also told him to get FREE legal advice since he's so worried about money, but instead he goes to a lawyer who doesn't deal with annulments and the appointment cost $160.

Before this whole thing got out of hand, I had my bf tell him MANY times to set up a spy cam, talk to her parents, close all bank accounts or empty out the accounts and take off the overdraft, cancel all shared credit cards, look up how to contact child services, and hire a private investigator. His response was to ignore everything mentioned.

Anyway, he is leaning towards giving her the 20g's because he thinks it's the "safest" way to go.

i'll try suggesting the family lawyer, seems like they deal with very difficult and messy cases considering that they cost so much.

Thanks!
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Old 12-19-2009, 01:31 AM   #17
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20g's? thats ridiculous, when she signs the paper and he takes it to court shes just going to say that she didn't write the paper and he forged the signature. If hes really planning on doing that tell him to at least video tape the whole thing happening. Have her read the paper, indentify herself, and show the document with her signature.
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Old 12-19-2009, 02:27 PM   #18
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I thought my life was bad... thanks for the uplift bob
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Old 12-19-2009, 05:51 PM   #19
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Bob is an idiot ...
Jane is a bitch ...
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Old 12-20-2009, 05:11 PM   #20
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I only read the first reply but it was pretty uninformed so I'll let you know the basics.. but preface it with saying this is NOT legal advice:

Anything the two parties seperately brought into the marriage is theirs and isn't divided. If they share a matrimonial home it gets split. If it was a home that Bob owned which he brought into the marriage he can try to argue for an unequal distribution of the matrimonial home.

If Bob acted like a replacement father for the child he will have to pay child support, if he didn't and can prove it, and especially if the other father pays child support he's in a better position. It's based on the "Federal Child Support Guidelines" google child support calculator in BC and he can find out how much he may have to pay.

Spousal support is based on the difference in annual income plus length of years of the marriage.. or in this case if they were living together and were a common-law couple then the lenght of common-law + marriage. If they weren't common-law she's not going to get a whole lot. The wife has a responsibility to become self sufficient. There's a spousal support guideline as well but it's not sanctioned by the Courts yet but it gives you a rough estimate of what he'd owe and for how long.

Unlikely he's going to get an annulment though so tell him to lawyer up if he doesn't want to get screwed.
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Old 12-23-2009, 12:00 PM   #21
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you should consult an attorney.
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Old 12-23-2009, 04:48 PM   #22
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Is Bob actually pissed about his situation? Cuz it sounds like you are more pissed about it than him! Not that it's wrong.. it makes me angry reading it. Bob = apathy?
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Old 12-23-2009, 06:29 PM   #23
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Is Bob actually pissed about his situation? Cuz it sounds like you are more pissed about it than him! Not that it's wrong.. it makes me angry reading it. Bob = apathy?
hahah.. that's so funny that you were able to pick up on that. I am pissed about the situation. my bf constantly reminds him that he's being extorted and that she's using him, but all he says is "well, what can i do?"

it makes me angry because she keeps acting like a bitch and he's too chicken shit to put her in her place.
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