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Old 12-22-2009, 08:21 PM   #1
I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
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Wife won't let me go shopping with her anymore


After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to
Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to
get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she
loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the
local Target.

Dear Mrs. Samuel, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a
commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced
to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr.
Samuel, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras.

1. June 15: Took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's
carts when they weren't looking.

2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at
5-minute intervals.

3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the
women's restroom.

4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice, 'Code
3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her
assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn
resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing
the company money.

5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on

6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children
shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the
bedding department to which twenty children obliged..

8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and
screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called.

9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror
while he picked his nose.

10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the
clerk where the antidepressants were.

11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the
'Mission Impossible' theme.

12. October 6: In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' by
using different sizes of funnels.

13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through,
yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!'

14. October 21: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a
fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!'

And last, but not least:

15. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, then
yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks
passed out.
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Old 12-22-2009, 09:46 PM   #2
ninja edits your posts without your knowledge
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Can you repost more please?
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Old 12-23-2009, 04:04 PM   #3
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe
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LOL!!! Good read
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Old 12-26-2009, 12:22 AM   #4
I Will not Admit my Addiction to RS
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hahahaaha, very old but still funny neverthelesss.
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Old 12-29-2009, 06:56 PM   #5
I *Fwap* *Fwap* *Fwap* to RS
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I am guilty for 1,2,9,11 actually ...
Q: What do you like most in a woman?
A: My dick

Originally Posted by JL9000 View Post
this is the internet and everyone knows better about what happened sitting behind a desk than the people who are actually involved.
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Old 12-29-2009, 10:19 PM   #6
14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
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That's hysterical.
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Old 12-30-2009, 01:45 PM   #7
Proud to be called a RS Regular!
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AHAHAHAHA!! good tips those who HATE shopping.
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Old 12-30-2009, 06:04 PM   #8
VLS Head Mod
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wow, first time I've seen this, quite funny
Originally posted by ThE ReMiX
REMEMBER:-->RS is a place for car enthusiasts to come and get together because of their intrest and love for cars. Hating is not an option-take your immaturity elsewhere!

----///-\\\----Put This
---|||---|||---On Your
---|||---|||---profile If
---|||---|||---You Know
-----\\///-----Who has died
----///--\\\-----Or whom maybe suffering from it
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Old 12-31-2009, 12:49 AM   #9
Female Driven
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LOLOL #11 is quite funny
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Old 01-05-2010, 06:53 PM   #10
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LOL wow. This was my first time reading this, I actually laughed my heart out!
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Old 01-06-2010, 12:02 PM   #11
14 dolla balla aint got nothing on me!
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Haha very funny. Good post.
<div id="zunecard_big" class="zunecard"><embed type="application/x-shockwave-flash" src="" style="" id="flashUserCard" name="flashUserCard" bgcolor="#FFF" wmode="opaque" salign="tl" flashvars=" zcard%2fusercardservice.ashx%3fzunetag%3dbedheadfr 3d%26src%3dlarge&MMplayerType=PlugIn" height="260" width="548"></div>
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Old 01-22-2010, 01:37 AM   #12
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HAHAHA. Wow.. It's 1:30am and Im laughing like a freak alone in my room!
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Old 01-22-2010, 06:27 PM   #13
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omg, this is gonna be fun to try!
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