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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 12-26-2009, 12:27 PM   #1
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[Confidential] Am I Being Stupid here?

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

Sorry for the long story.

Recently my friend and her BF broke up, about one month ago. It was a nasty one since the BF accused her of cheating on him with another guy. They got in a big fight about it and he basically kicked her outta the house and she had to call her mom to pick her up in the middle of a cold night.

My friend doesn't have a big social network, basically, she knows me, one girl and another guy that she can really talk with.

So me being a "good friend" just wanted to be there to listen to her and give her moral support.

A couple of weeks ago me and my friend started being really flirty. We work in the same area so we see each other quite often. We would go for lunch together and when we sat together she would lean right up against me. Then last week she walked me to my car when I got off work and we hugged then we made out.

Then we didn't see other for a few days and then I decided we need to talk about it. I called her up and we went out to a coffee shop to talk about it. We decided we both started developing feelings for each other and I wanted to start a relationship.
After that, she tells me her EX-BF won't leave her alone, because they had their cell phone under the same account, he still calls the service provider to check what calls her line is making and who she is getting text from. And apparently the EX-BF has a history of beating her on several occasions.

She doesn't want me to call her on her cell in case the EX-BF wants to come after me, which I don't mind at all since I would not hesitate to put a bat his head if he does.

Can anyone tell me what the hell is going on? and what I am suppose to do now? Options would be nice.

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Old 12-26-2009, 12:50 PM   #2
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So her ex accused her of cheating. You did not mention if she actaully cheated or not. One month has passed between them and you two are making out. It seems to me that this girl is not emotionally stable. You should be her friend right now more than anything IMO. You basically went from being a "good friend" to wanting to start a relationship with her. All of this happened in 1 month?

As for the ex, violence never solves anything. She should start by changing her cell account from his. If he has a history of hitting her, than she should tell the police. As for you, I think she needs a friend more than a boyfriend right now.
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Old 12-26-2009, 01:16 PM   #3
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one month isn't very long for her to have a clear judgement as to what she wants and if the feelings for you are genuine. ever heard of the rebound? and i especially think if her social network is limited...she's bound to latch onto someone to make her feel secure and better.

as to her ex still checking up on her..well i'm sure there are still unresolved feelings between both parties so it's better if you just stayed out of things right now. no point in you getting in this drama party...especially if the guy is/was abusive. he might not take it out on you, but he might on the girl etc etc.

...just limit yourself to feeling these certain feelings right now cause i don't see them working out in your favour at this time due to everything happening so recent.
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Old 12-26-2009, 01:45 PM   #4
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I wouldn't be so fast to put the foot down as to how likely she is to be unfaithful to you (if you two do end up getting into a relationship).

But it is true that one month may not be enough for her to be sure enough if the feelings she has developed for you are really because she likes you, or if it's because she's using you as a rebound or whatnot.

I wouldn't be so fast to get into a relationship with her, no matter how eager you are.
As for the ex-boyfriend, I personally suggest talking to her about it, though I'm interested to see what the rest of RS has to say.
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Old 12-26-2009, 06:13 PM   #5
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she's on the rebound
clearly, she hasn't gotten over him as of yet, so stay far far away from her if you develop any feelings
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Old 12-26-2009, 06:30 PM   #6
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stick it up her bum...
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Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.


Make the effort and take the risk..

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Old 12-26-2009, 08:40 PM   #7
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hahahah classic.

She sounds like a flirt and a lead-on.. I say pursue it if you really have to, its hard to resist i know, but in the end you WILL regret it.
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Old 12-26-2009, 10:49 PM   #8
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That meats too fresh to be on the market, yo.

let them sort it out first, without tour direct involvement. Be there as a friend, not as "the other guy" and you and the girl will be fine. You haven't had strong enough feelings for her long enough to make it worth fighting for.
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Old 12-27-2009, 12:20 AM   #9
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wtf? she cheated wth a guy and u want to start a relationship wid her??? all under a month??
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Old 12-27-2009, 12:20 AM   #10
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Quote:
Originally Posted by hirevtuner View Post
she's on the rebound
clearly, she hasn't gotten over him as of yet, so stay far far away from her if you develop any feelings
Rebounding doesn't necessarily mean something bad.
Granted, it's not the best way to start a relationship because the person being rebounded would often feel cheated in one way or another.

I myself was in a rebound position with my girlfriend, but we get along just fine.
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:40 PM   #11
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The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

whether or not she cheated i have no clue
but knowing her...i dont believe so

but i really dont know what to do with her

its like.....she keeps telling me she wants to be together but is not ready......
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Old 12-28-2009, 04:45 PM   #12
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Fuk up her EX but this is going way too fast for u take it slow haha
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Old 12-28-2009, 05:18 PM   #13
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo View Post
The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

whether or not she cheated i have no clue
but knowing her...i dont believe so

but i really dont know what to do with her

its like.....she keeps telling me she wants to be together but is not ready......
I'm going to write this assuming that what you perceive her to be is completely true, regardless of what her ex said/what is actually true otherwise.
Because regardless of what others have to say (her ex, her friends, the rest of the internetz), your judgment is most important in this situation, and if your judgment tells you that you should stand on her side, then why shouldn't you?


What you perceive is that she is a rather simple-minded/innocent girl (and if she is, congratulations, it's a very scarce attribute to have in a girlfriend, worth admiring). You also conceive the feelings developing between the two of you. Whether or not these feelings are actually "genuine" (i.e. she isn't confusing you for a lover because she was abused and needy), she is attracted to you.

But that doesn't give her enough reason to get into a relationship with you.
Still assuming everything you perceive to be about this situation is true: first of all, she just got out of a highly abusive relationship, which already puts a lot of weight on her shoulders. Having somebody there to support her in hard times may make you think that she's just using you, but then again, what's so wrong with that? It's not like you really have much to lose right now: if one day she realizes that she doesn't like you as much as she thought she did, a lot of trouble could be saved if the two of you didn't hastily get into a relationship.
Also, she, like you said, didn't step out of the relationship and he falsely accused her of cheating for whatever reason, what makes you think that she will be hasty to get into another relationship?

Rather than thinking what you should do with her, I have a better suggestion, because I've been in a similar situation before. Twice.
Use this time to evaluate for yourself what you feel for her. And then evaluate the pros and cons of being with her now and waiting until she's ready. If you rationally assess everything, I'm sure you'll come to the conclusion that if you really want your next relationship to be a successful one (which is no doubt the same thing she wants with her next serious relationship), you should wait for her to be able to rationally access her feelings, and hope for the best.

Of course, this doesn't mean you should stop showing your affections. On the one hand, you need to be pushing her away from memories of her past relationship (as a friend), but at the same time you also want to be pulling her towards you. Now it's up to you to find that balance.

Last edited by Culture_Vulture; 12-28-2009 at 05:24 PM.
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Old 12-28-2009, 05:20 PM   #14
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Quote:
Originally Posted by min.tee View Post
That meats too fresh to be on the market, yo.

let them sort it out first, without tour direct involvement. Be there as a friend, not as "the other guy" and you and the girl will be fine. You haven't had strong enough feelings for her long enough to make it worth fighting for.
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I agree with this.
It somewhat relates to the bit about pushing and pulling I wrote.
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Old 12-28-2009, 06:52 PM   #15
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Quote:
Am I being stupid here?
Yes.

Doing this will just fuck things up with your buddy, so he'll then think she was cheating on him WITH YOU [too].

Some girls just don't know how to be single. One of my exes hooked up with a classmate of hers within a week of us breaking up after a year and a half. What happens if she's just the type who doesn't know how to be single?
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Old 12-28-2009, 07:00 PM   #16
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hmmm seems I know this story T_T
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Old 12-28-2009, 07:48 PM   #17
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yo at least let the dust settle between her and the ex before u try and romeo ur way in there.

right now you and her trying to get together should be the last thing on your mind and more so her dealing with her problems until she is actually ready.

hell i think she just misses the comfort of a male and rebounded to you as she prob knew u had some feelin for her
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Old 12-28-2009, 11:14 PM   #18
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The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

damit....why can't Physixx post be a lil' earlier....

update:
i tapped her.......
how deep shit am i in?
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Old 12-28-2009, 11:30 PM   #19
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^ ROFLLOFFLEFOFLOEFLFLEF

Wth are you doing man, it wasnt JUST Physixx who was saying that stuff. You were just too caught up in her. Show yourself so I can fail you or else id just be failing El Bastardo for being the middle man, haha.
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Old 12-28-2009, 11:50 PM   #20
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lol

the other head wins another battle
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Old 12-29-2009, 12:38 AM   #21
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Quote:
Originally Posted by El Bastardo View Post
The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

damit....why can't Physixx post be a lil' earlier....

update:
i tapped her.......
how deep shit am i in?


Good game....How deep? You tell us. You're the one that was in her.
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Old 12-29-2009, 01:18 AM   #22
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hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha
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Old 12-29-2009, 09:29 AM   #23
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u tapped her, its over now man. unless u can continue tapping her without her developing deeper feelings for you
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Old 12-29-2009, 01:58 PM   #24
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If she's truly over her ex then she wouldn't care if he knew who she was talking to or texting. If it was really over and he was that bad she would have started to change things that kept her connected to him in some way. Now you are with her so hopefully she cuts all ties with him.
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