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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-05-2010, 09:08 PM   #1
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[Confidential] Mislead friend?

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know

So about a month ago I told one of my best friends that I wanted a serious relationship, but we decided that we both had our trust issues so we've been taking things pretty slow.

There's definitely a connection between us, and we both clearly like each other, and I don't mind slowly developing our relationship.

Here's the dilemma, he last two weeks she has been hanging around a mutual male friend a lot, often times they are chilling alone and they definitely love each other as friends. To the point where he has slept over once or twice in the last 2 weeks and she has slept over at his place with a few other friends at his place as well. We have been doing a lot of partying over winter break so it's understandable.

I have talked to her about him, and I trust her when she says theres definitely nothing with them as far as a relationship or love is concerned. She says he's just being there for her a lot since her break up (2 months ago) and she also she doesn't want to get too physical with me just yet because the last few times we've done anything reminds her of her ex.

The problem is myself and a few of our friends are worried that my friend will misread her and develop feelings for her. This would cause some obvious problems and I would like to know if we can avoid this. I don't think we are just being paranoid, but I also don't want to separate her from a good friend.

Since she learned about my insecurities over him and her she's definitely toned it down between them. But it still feels like he's very attached and clingy to her, especially considering that 2 months ago they were just regular friends.

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Old 01-05-2010, 09:25 PM   #2
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Have you talked to the guy?
Does he even know the relationship between the two of you exist?




P.S. He likes her as more than a friend.

Last edited by Culture_Vulture; 01-05-2010 at 09:42 PM.
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Old 01-05-2010, 09:51 PM   #3
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So you both acknowledge your trust issues, but here you are not really trusting either of your girl/guy friends, and the girl is doing shit that people will misinterpret.

IMO, the girl should know better - she knew prior to getting close to the guy that she's starting a relationship with someone who has trust issues and is possibly easily made jealous or insecure. Personally I'd say she's crossing the line with her actions - others may beg to differ.

If you haven't already, talk to her and tell her straight up, none of this pussyfooting bullshit. Anyone who says for you to man up and trust her is an idiot - relationships aren't about being tough, they're about communication. Discuss it calmly with her and make it clear that you're getting mad vibes from this guy, and that you don't like her being too close with this guy friend. She's already toning it down with the guy, you said, so this is just to really open communication between you two, to see how she feels about it.
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Old 01-06-2010, 03:22 PM   #4
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If he's mislead then that is between her and him. If she doesn't have the decency to let him know what it is between them (just friendship) and he doesn't make sure that she has similiar feelings as him then what happens will be there own doing. If she doesn't let him know then when he speaks his mind and she rejects she risks losing a friend. If she speaks up and he doesn't believe it then like anyone else he reaps what he sows.
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Old 01-06-2010, 08:05 PM   #5
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why don't you just talk to him about it and ask him what his intentions are? how hard is it?
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Old 01-06-2010, 11:49 PM   #6
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you are asking for trouble.
If you remind her of her ex, you too are either just not going to work out or she will go back to her ex.

big trouble if you remind her of her ex.
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Old 01-07-2010, 06:48 AM   #7
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The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

I've talked to her about it but she believes I'm being overprotective, but thinks what I'm say might be getting to her and she'd consider toning things down. I'm still not satisfied with the way things are going though. How should I respectfully solve this problem?
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Old 01-07-2010, 10:11 AM   #8
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you don't.

You did waht you can do, any more pushing and you'll seem needy.
You did your part, you talked, if you don't like it. Move on.

What more? Force her not to see him?
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Old 01-07-2010, 12:08 PM   #9
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you are asking for trouble.
If you remind her of her ex, you too are either just not going to work out or she will go back to her ex.

big trouble if you remind her of her ex.
Not always.
She was with him for a reason. If you just hit the proper switches, resembling her ex may even work to your advantage.

Of course, that doesn't seem to be the case here. Just food for thought.
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Old 01-07-2010, 10:53 PM   #10
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If they ended badly, reminding her of her ex will probably be a bad thing. I refuse to date anyone who reminds me the slightest bit of my first ex.
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Old 01-14-2010, 10:20 PM   #11
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The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

I've spoken to her again, and I think the problem now is that he's being a very clingy friend. I'm not sure why, and it's even stranger that he has a family to go home to but chooses to spend every fucking day of the week with her. She told me she doesn't mind, I'm afraid we just don't see eye to eye, but as someone said earlier it's about communication, and I'm sure if we discussed it calmly maybe she'll see.

I really don't know how to get rid of this clingy friend and he's definitely changed from maybe 3 or 4 months ago, and everyone in our circle of friends says this too.

How do I get it to her head that he'll develop something for her and it's important to avoid a mess if possible, or if it isn't too late already.
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:58 AM   #12
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not to be a downer or anything, but if there's nothing official going on between the two of you...then you need to just let her be and possibly cross this one off of your list. if you already explained to her your feelings about this guy and she's still hanging around with him/acting as if it's no big deal, then sorry. she doesn't respect you and i say thank your lucky stars that you have the option to get out of this "relationship."

if she doesn't mind him being with her so often, then maybe her thoughts/feelings are different towards you now vs the time before. i think if you have to convince someone so much that what they do bothers you, then it's not really worth the effort because it doesnt seem to matter to them anyways.
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Old 01-15-2010, 01:03 AM   #13
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You and the other guy are soon gonna party together... in the Friend Zone.
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:44 PM   #14
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Time to move on!
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Old 01-15-2010, 12:50 PM   #15
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Old 01-20-2010, 12:21 PM   #16
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iT'S done dude. I don't like going near women with recent break-ups anyway.

Just back off, and leave it be. Too much headache for you. You're looking into this with rose coloured glasses.
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Old 02-02-2010, 11:09 AM   #17
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right now, at this point.. Its everyman for emselves.. Sorry to sound like an animal...
The dude is working his game on her, and if u dont make any progression... U will getkicked off the playing feild.. He prob knows of u or somesort.. But hey! If it was me.. I'd say fuck him.. Its fair game.. So do something before its 2 late
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Ohh p.s.... If she does go wit the new guy.. Then fuck it.. Girls like that are not worth the rime.. If she has feeling for u... then she'll b wit u no matter what.. Her heart n mind is probably in hunting mode, and yur prob her las resort.. If so, shes not worth the time.. Even if u make some progress.. It will not last long...
Thats jus my 2 cents
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