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The thin line between love and hate
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Old 03-02-2010, 09:28 PM   #26
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Yuffa: If we were to watch porn together, I would not be more interested in the guy. I would be equally interested in the guy and the girl...thats what makes me bisexual. Personally speaking, I would be most interested in YOU because you are a real person sitting next to me, not two actors on screen.

I think your fear that a bisexual guy might one day only be attracted to men just shows your lack of understanding of bisexuality. I like men AND women. Would a straight person one day go gay out of nowhere? Would a gay person one day go straight out of nowhere? So why would I as a bisexual man, one day go completely gay out of nowhere? It doesn't make sense.

So I guess part of the problem is the lack of understanding people have about bisexuality. And I'm not trying to put down Yuffa, I very much appreciate her response because I learned something from that...just a little disappointed that some girls would feel that way.....
Reason why I brought that up is because I had a friend who was straight until a girl completely shattered his heart. He say he is bi but he has never really dated any girls after what happened.

So let me ask you, why do you want to start dating girls all of a sudden?
What are you looking for in this relationship? Have you even had sex with a girl before? Or maybe you just want to try having sex with a girl?

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Old 03-03-2010, 01:52 AM   #27
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I am a white girl and love gay men but i dont think i would ever date a bisexual guy. You can do whatever you want and i will not judge you but i just myself wouldnt want to date a guy that was attracted to other guys or had ever been with a guy.
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Ok, I accept your stance but why not?

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well bi just means you're not 100% ready to accept you're gay so as a woman I'd steer clear of that (partially joking)
I hope you were TOTALLY joking when you said that bi just means I'm not 100% ready to accept I'm gay because that is extremely offensive to me. I know who I am and I know what I want in my life. I've accepted that I like men since I was 18 and am now 25. Imagine someone saying you're not really straight, you just don't know any better. How stupid is that?

Is it possible that there are men out there who claim to be bi but really aren't? Of course there might be. But there are also men out there who claim to have more money than they do, who have better jobs than they do, who are better in bed than they are, who are smarter than they are. Those men are called LIARS. If you doubt I am truly bisexual, than that is your problem (and something you need to work on frankly). You have trust issues and you are needlessly cynical.

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Reason why I brought that up is because I had a friend who was straight until a girl completely shattered his heart. He say he is bi but he has never really dated any girls after what happened.

So let me ask you, why do you want to start dating girls all of a sudden?
What are you looking for in this relationship? Have you even had sex with a girl before? Or maybe you just want to try having sex with a girl?
I don't "all of a sudden" want to date girls. I've always wanted to date girls, and I have dated girls since high school but never told any of them I am bisexual because I was afraid they wouldn't accept me, but as I've grown older, I've learned to accept myself and now want to be completely honest with whoever I am with (man or woman). Yes, I've had sex with a girl before, several in fact...and I love it. I love having sex with women and I love having sex with men. Just because your friend is confused about his sexuality, doesn't mean every man who claims to be bisexual is also confused.

And let me tell you something: your friend is being dishonest with you. He was always gay. I've known I was bisexual since I was at least 13. My first crush was on a girl when I was 8. My first crush on a boy was probably 12. I lost my virginity to a boy when I was 16 and to a girl when I was 20. After breaking up with my ex-boyfriend, I had a female booty call (exclusive) for half a year. You don't just turn gay or bi after a traumatic experience with a girl. We are born this way. The difference between your friend and I is that he is confused and I am not.

I know who I am and find it extremely bizarre that people have the gall to tell me they know me better than I do. I actually get this same reaction from some gay men as well. They either think that I am a self-hating gay man who won't accept reality or I will one day leave them for a woman. I don't understand why people are so judgemental on both sides of the fence...seriously, I just want what everybody else wants as cliche as it sounds: to love and be loved. But in my case, either with a man OR a woman. That is the only difference.
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Old 03-03-2010, 02:06 AM   #28
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I just read my first post again and realized why Yuffa thought I haven't dated girls before...sorry, I should have been more clear...I have never dated a girl and been open with her about my bisexuality...but I have dated girls before. Nothing really serious though, just casual dates but now I want something more serious which is why I think it's important to be honest about who I am with them, hence why I am here asking questions.

And again, I am very thankful for the feedback. If I sound peeved sometimes, it's nothing personal, just frustrated because I feel so misunderstood as a bisexual man. I guess the last 30-40 years have seen a lot of progress for the gay movement, but bisexuality is still a mystery to people unfortunately.
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Old 03-03-2010, 11:05 AM   #29
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Ok, I accept your stance but why not?
not exactly sure, sorry.
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Old 03-03-2010, 01:33 PM   #30
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^ I will help provide an answer to your stance. I too feel the same way. Nothing against bisexuals but just no.

I dont feel I can draw any confidence from them. It's one of those times where you don't mind something as long it doesn't effect you. As discriminating as it sounds, its just the feeling that comes up. Perhaps its from the decades of ignorance and ill-will society had against bi's. Just like how straight men naturally look at attractive women first and have the need to procreate, it feels weird or unconventional to go with a guy who's been with another guy. Of course that is not always the case as you see people hook up with the most unlikely of people. It's just an innate feeling people have but whether they can get past it using their own personal beliefs or power, is up to them.

Also, culture plays a part in it. Asian familes won't take it so lightly especially on the first impression. Anything thats not walking on a conventional path will be commented on. It took me 4.5 years to finish university and my parents fussed on it. So you can imagine the upbringing some other ppl might have had on this issue.

Saying that you dont trust a bisexual guy cuz they might chase after another guy or another girl is an excuse to hide up that weird feeling I tried to describe above. To say you wish to try dating a girl seriously for the first time... well, on the first impression, I thought 'is this a form of experimentation?' and I personally dont want to a relationship to start as that. I rather settle on someone more stable.
Yes, there are fustrations due to a lack of understanding. Theres alot of politics involved so fustration is inevitable. But to hang on to these feelings will just have u flailing in the wind, so there's nothing you can really do but keep trying.

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Old 03-03-2010, 02:07 PM   #31
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i think for a lot of women why it would be different then a straight guy is that little worry we all have in the back of our head. With a straight guy if they are just over at a guys friends place and it's all guys there is no worry. If he's out with a mixed group then there is always that tinie tiny thought. With someone who is bi then the partner can have that same tinie tiny worry no matter who you are out with. I think for some women that may be the issue.
Personally I don't have trust issues, but no one can say that at one time or another they don't get an inkling of that jealousy or worry.

Oh to answer ur earlier question : 27 yrs old, definitely not single (engaged and 6mnths pregnant).
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Old 03-03-2010, 02:45 PM   #32
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Saying that you dont trust a bisexual guy cuz they might chase after another guy or another girl is an excuse to hide up that weird feeling I tried to describe above. To say you wish to try dating a girl seriously for the first time... well, on the first impression, I thought 'is this a form of experimentation?' and I personally dont want to a relationship to start as that. I rather settle on someone more stable.
I don't see a whole lot of difference between me dating a girl seriously for the first time than if a heterosexual guy started dating girls seriously for the first time though. Either way, it's unchartered territories. Me being bisexual has no bearing on whether I am stable or not. I am either a stable guy or not a stable guy, regardless of sexual orientation. If you think about it, a lot of MEN (hetero or homo) are non-committal. To determine whether someone will be stable or not, I think it's more telling by looking at their families (divorced parents? still together?) and past relationships (serial dater? long term committed? player? divorced?) than their sexual orientation.

If you read my previous post, I had my first crush on a girl when I was 8, dated girls since high school, lost my virginity to a girl when I was 20, and have continued to have sex with several girls since. How can I still be experimenting? I know I like women and will always like women. Experimentation is that night you were out with your friend Cindy and got a little hammered, then went back to your apartment and ate each other out for the first and last time ever. Or swap in Chris for Cindy and sucked for ate if you want. To say I am using a girl to experiment with is an attack on my character more than my sexual orientation. Maybe I'm a jerk or maybe I'm Prince Charming, but that has no correlation to me being bisexual.

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i think for a lot of women why it would be different then a straight guy is that little worry we all have in the back of our head. With a straight guy if they are just over at a guys friends place and it's all guys there is no worry. If he's out with a mixed group then there is always that tinie tiny thought. With someone who is bi then the partner can have that same tinie tiny worry no matter who you are out with. I think for some women that may be the issue.
Again, that's a trust issue. You either trust your partner or you don't, and that is YOUR problem not HIS. Most men are not gay or bi. Statistically speaking only a small fraction of the male population are so chances are your partner's male friends are not gay or bi anyway, so what do you have to worry about exactly? And if they are, that shouldn't be a problem either unless you see signs of cheating. Do you not have any platonic friendships with guys in your life? Does your fiance not have any platonic friendships with women in his life? I have friends of both genders of various sexual orientations and trust me, I don't want to fuck any of them. Some are even quite attractive, but they are like siblings almost.

It sounds to me like a lot of women have tied the concept of bisexuality to the concept of a confused, non-committal cheater. But this is how I define bisexuality: I fall in love with people, not genders. Whether I am confused, committed, or a cheat has nothing to do with who I like. I can be all of those or none of those whether I am bi or gay or straight.

Congratulations on being pregnant btw
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Old 03-03-2010, 02:58 PM   #33
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BTW, the reason I want something more serious now is due to growing up! I am 25 now and am ready to settle down more. Don't you think that's the case with a lot of men? Not just sexually confused ones as you all seem to think. Most younger men just want to date casually and have fun and I was no different. But having graduated university and am embarking on my adult life, I am seeking something more mature and more committed.

PS: you girls who absolutely refuse to be with a bi man are totally missing out. We know how to please women in and out of the bedroom because we understand what you want Enjoy spending the next 5 years training your straight boyfriend how to do it right
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Old 03-03-2010, 02:59 PM   #34
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I don't see a whole lot of difference between me dating a girl seriously for the first time than if a heterosexual guy started dating girls seriously for the first time though. Either way, it's unchartered territories. Me being bisexual has no bearing on whether I am stable or not. I am either a stable guy or not a stable guy, regardless of sexual orientation. If you think about it, a lot of MEN (hetero or homo) are non-committal. To determine whether someone will be stable or not, I think it's more telling by looking at their families (divorced parents? still together?) and past relationships (serial dater? long term committed? player? divorced?) than their sexual orientation.

If you read my previous post, I had my first crush on a girl when I was 8, dated girls since high school, lost my virginity to a girl when I was 20, and have continued to have sex with several girls since. How can I still be experimenting? I know I like women and will always like women. Experimentation is that night you were out with your friend Cindy and got a little hammered, then went back to your apartment and ate each other out for the first and last time ever. Or swap in Chris for Cindy and sucked for ate if you want. To say I am using a girl to experiment with is an attack on my character more than my sexual orientation. Maybe I'm a jerk or maybe I'm Prince Charming, but that has no correlation to me being bisexual.



Again, that's a trust issue. You either trust your partner or you don't, and that is YOUR problem not HIS. Most men are not gay or bi. Statistically speaking only a small fraction of the male population are so chances are your partner's male friends are not gay or bi anyway, so what do you have to worry about exactly? And if they are, that shouldn't be a problem either unless you see signs of cheating. Do you not have any platonic friendships with guys in your life? Does your fiance not have any platonic friendships with women in his life? I have friends of both genders of various sexual orientations and trust me, I don't want to fuck any of them. Some are even quite attractive, but they are like siblings almost.

It sounds to me like a lot of women have tied the concept of bisexuality to the concept of a confused, non-committal cheater. But this is how I define bisexuality: I fall in love with people, not genders. Whether I am confused, committed, or a cheat has nothing to do with who I like. I can be all of those or none of those whether I am bi or gay or straight.

Congratulations on being pregnant btw
I'm not saying that their would be a worry about cheating. Just that others may attract you. Yes this is a trust thing as no matter whether your married, engaged or dating you still have senses and may find others attractive.
With my relationship my other half has women friends that he does things with. I have guy friends. I don't see a problem with it. I was just making a statement as to why some girls may be uncomfortable.
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Old 03-03-2010, 03:01 PM   #35
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Maybe I'm old fashioned but in a serious relationship should you not be faithful to your partner?
Based on that why would it ever matter if you were into chicks and dicks? If your with the chick your with the chick correct?
So why would she need to know is what I'm getting at if she's "the one" she will always be and there wont be a need for another "man" in your life.
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Old 03-03-2010, 03:11 PM   #36
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Maybe I'm old fashioned but in a serious relationship should you not be faithful to your partner?
Based on that why would it ever matter if you were into chicks and dicks? If your with the chick your with the chick correct?
So why would she need to know is what I'm getting at if she's "the one" she will always be and there wont be a need for another "man" in your life.
Well exactly. I will be faithful to my partner no matter what. It SHOULDN'T matter if I like men as well as women...but apparently it does to a lot of women here. You're right, there's no need for another man in my life if I am with the right woman. And no need for another woman if I am with the right man. In fact, I wouldn't WANT another man in my life if I am with a woman. Will I check out other men (and women)? Probably. But your straight husband/boyfriend will look at other women too. And you will look at other men as well. You are either the cheating type or you are not. I can't stress that enough.

But I think it's important to be honest don't you think? How can I go through my entire life without ever disclosing to her that I also find men attractive? Sure, it would be easier if I just pretended to be 100% straight my whole life but who wants to live like that?
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Old 03-03-2010, 03:28 PM   #37
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regardless of whether you are bi or not, i doubt makes little difference to a woman. If you date a person of a particular sex, you have that orientation. meaning dating a woman means u are straight.

even mentioning that you are Bi at that point is pretty = to saying we are not exclusive, and there is now twice as many competitors for your affection. not good for a woman's psyche.

regardless of whether you like dudes or gals, whoever you're with at the moment, stick with that. no one else needs to know or wants to know.

maybe im not making sense?
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Old 03-03-2010, 04:03 PM   #38
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maybe it would put womens minds at ease if you state things a little differently? ie you've been with both men and women, but you are interested in her right now? I tell my girlfriend that I like her, not that I like women. maybe try to come up with some sort of compliment about how you find her the most attractive person in a place (considering how often "you're the hottest girl in here" gets used, "you're the hottest person in here period" should be a good ego stroker haha).

also I think one of the reasons women might have an issue with the faithfulness is because they might have a sort of "well if he isn't committed to one gender, he won't be committed to me" mentality in their head. that and I think a common "first contact" with bisexuality is seeing a drunk girl at a party making out with everyone.
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:18 PM   #39
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it doesn't have anything to do with insecurities, I guess as harsh as it sounds it's a turn off for me; I don't want to be with a guy that has been with another guy. who knows maybe if I were actually in the situation I would go for him but off the top of my head this is how I feel/think about it.
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Old 03-03-2010, 08:47 PM   #40
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Old 03-03-2010, 10:10 PM   #41
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regardless of whether you are bi or not, i doubt makes little difference to a woman. If you date a person of a particular sex, you have that orientation. meaning dating a woman means u are straight.

even mentioning that you are Bi at that point is pretty = to saying we are not exclusive, and there is now twice as many competitors for your affection. not good for a woman's psyche.

regardless of whether you like dudes or gals, whoever you're with at the moment, stick with that. no one else needs to know or wants to know.
If that was possible, maybe I would do that, but it's not without outright lying. I'd have to lie about my dating history, my exes, my sexual experiences, etc. Not only that but I'll have to get my friends and family to lie on my behalf as well. Sooner or later the lies will catch up with me and someone will get hurt very badly.

I think it's true to an extent that whoever I am with, I am of that orientation, but to deceive someone about it is not a great way to build a relationship.

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maybe it would put womens minds at ease if you state things a little differently? ie you've been with both men and women, but you are interested in her right now? I tell my girlfriend that I like her, not that I like women. maybe try to come up with some sort of compliment about how you find her the most attractive person in a place (considering how often "you're the hottest girl in here" gets used, "you're the hottest person in here period" should be a good ego stroker haha).

also I think one of the reasons women might have an issue with the faithfulness is because they might have a sort of "well if he isn't committed to one gender, he won't be committed to me" mentality in their head. that and I think a common "first contact" with bisexuality is seeing a drunk girl at a party making out with everyone.
That's a good point about stating things differently. Maybe I will try that (not so much the pick up line but more so when explaining my perspective to her)

Yeah that's really shitty how people's perception of bisexuality is the drunk girls making out. Those girls aren't even bisexual, they're just attention whores.

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it doesn't have anything to do with insecurities, I guess as harsh as it sounds it's a turn off for me; I don't want to be with a guy that has been with another guy. who knows maybe if I were actually in the situation I would go for him but off the top of my head this is how I feel/think about it.
Yeah it does sound harsh but hey, that's your opinion, I can't do anything about it. I guess same reason some people don't find certain ethnicities sexually attractive, or even religious and political stripes.

I wonder then if maybe it's better to not say anything until after at least a few dates? Maybe if she saw me as a multi-faceted person, a person that seems to be right for her in every way she'd imagined....when I do tell her about my bisexuality, she won't think it's as big a deal? I wouldn't be lying to her, just delaying it. I mean, I wouldn't reveal to a new date my income either, or my politics, etc. Some things are not brought up until later in a relationship anyway.
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Old 03-04-2010, 11:10 AM   #42
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Mar that is a good idea cause yeah like you said you dont bring up income or sexual history right away. Just let it come out naturally. :-)
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Old 03-04-2010, 08:36 PM   #43
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so u agree with me people are born gay?
born bi? iuno

i think ur just uncertain of your sexuality. like i said. bi people are just ppl born gay but cant fully accept it
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Old 03-04-2010, 08:54 PM   #44
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so u agree with me people are born gay?
born bi? iuno

i think ur just uncertain of your sexuality. like i said. bi people are just ppl born gay but cant fully accept it
I think people are born gay or bi or straight. It certainly isn't a choice.

I'm not uncertain of my sexuality. On what basis do you make the assertion that bi people are just people who can't accept their homosexuality? I accept fully that I like men and some (but not all) of my friends and family know it. And I have more many years now. I wouldn't choose to be gay or straight if I had the choice. I like being bisexual. How much more can I accept this?? From the posts in this thread, it's OTHER people who can't fully accept my bisexuality, not me.
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Old 03-05-2010, 02:13 AM   #45
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maybe you were born gay but raised and cultured to find woman attractive... hence being bisexual but really you're just gay. I mean if kids in palestine can be believe and be raised to sacrifice their life as a human bomb for their nation I'm sure gay people can be molded to be less gay and be bisexual.

all my gay friends tell me that at least they all think being bi is BS... many whom were bi at one point
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Old 03-05-2010, 09:20 AM   #46
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^^ i dont think its bs, just how some people are attracted to the same sex and others are attracted to the opposite some are attracted to both. I dont think its a choice or even a cultural thing
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Old 03-05-2010, 11:33 AM   #47
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maybe you were born gay but raised and cultured to find woman attractive... hence being bisexual but really you're just gay. I mean if kids in palestine can be believe and be raised to sacrifice their life as a human bomb for their nation I'm sure gay people can be molded to be less gay and be bisexual.

all my gay friends tell me that at least they all think being bi is BS... many whom were bi at one point
I should've known your thoughts came from a gay source. There are words I want to use to describe certain gay people that I would never actually use but feel all the time because they are as ignorant as the homophobic straight men who bashed them all their lives. They don't understand how someone can like people of both genders just like a lot of straight people don't understand how someone can like someone of the same gender. In both cases, it's just hatred for something they don't fully understand. On what basis do you make the claim that a person is either born gay or straight and then they might or might not move towards the middle? Do you have any proof whatsoever that a person cannot be born in the middle (bisexual) and then subsequently move towards either gay or straight? Or born straight then move through bisexuality towards 100% homosexuality? Any of these theories are valid but unproven, including yours.

But to claim that I am somehow ashamed of myself and am unwilling to accept myself is insulting. As I have stated many times, I do accept myself and wouldn't change anything about myself. People in my life know I am bi. If I didn't like that part of me, why would I tell them about it? Why don't I just live a pretend straight life?

To compare a suicide bomber to a gay or bi person is just plain stupid. Can you be molded into a homosexual? Make you less straight and become bisexual? Can I convince you to suck dick (and enjoy it) if you were straight?

Your theory (or your friends' theory) is baseless. I could say the same about every sexual orientation. Maybe you were born straight but due to the environment in which you were born, you became gay (did daddy not spend enough time with you? were the boys at school mean to you?). Maybe all straight people are gay but just don't know it yet, maybe if they tried, they would like it right? Or maybe everyone's born bi but due to arbitrary man-made social norms, people are conditioned to suppress their latent homosexuality and become "straight".

Listen, my penis doesn't lie. If I am sexually aroused, I am sexually aroused. And when I see a man or a woman I am attracted to, it goes erect. That is not something I can fake.
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Old 03-05-2010, 02:41 PM   #48
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Listen, my penis doesn't lie. If I am sexually aroused, I am sexually aroused. And when I see a man or a woman I am attracted to, it goes erect. That is not something I can fake.
That's quite possibly one of the best lines I've ever read on RS
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^ Yes it's sad when you stare at the shape of my penis through my overly skin tight jeans and not help but feel like a shameful little boy compared to me.
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Old 03-05-2010, 05:26 PM   #49
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I don't think I'd care either way. In fact I'm quite sure 2 of my exes were at least bi-curious. In the end, if someone were to cheat, it wouldn't matter if they liked men or women, or both. So I think that's a moot point.
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Old 03-05-2010, 06:56 PM   #50
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I think the biggest issue in any relationship is the issue of trust; that confidence in a partner to stay with you, rather than going with others.

Let me run a parallell situation by you. A lot of people are attracted to one racial or national subgroup (especially here in Vancouver where a lot of people tend to date only a certain subset). I have a tendency towards dating asians myself. When I dated a white girl, she would often get self-conscious either while or after hanging out with some of my female asian friends, and would need reassurance that I truly was attracted to her.

I would do my best, but in the end, it would happen every time we would spend time together. It were especially annoying when I would head to richmond to hang out with friends without her.


In the end, it IS all about trust. And the problem is that because there are so few bisexual men (and the prevailing view is that of 6chr0nic4's) that women feel highly insecure. I think it's less an issue with a woman wh is confident and/or is informed...but like a lot of people in this thread have been saying, there is a perception that 'bisexual men' are simply on the road to homosexuality.

What you should try and do is figure out how you can explain specifically what it is that attracts you to that person--beyond just "a hard cock", explaining why you are attached to HER or HIM and why that will keep you with them. While you may be seriously monogamous and not interested in dating anyone else while you are with him or her. Security, more than anything else, is going to be the issue.


If you can get past the initial kneejerk reaction, then you need to make her feel secure.
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