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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 03-05-2010, 04:01 PM   #1
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OPINION:IS THIS FAIR? LADIES? GENTLEMAN?

The situation is about 7 years ago, a buddy of mine met this girl, hung out, really got to know her well, I knew her too, I was dating her bestfriend at the time. It was like they were a couple already, but they never made it "official" and after all these years, she may be coming back (she moved to the states for school and now wants to move back to BC). All the while we haven't had any contact (Him or I with her), she had recently contacted another friend of ours, she remembers him and all. Throughout the seven years of dating other girls and hanging out with other girls, he said it didn't feel the same. She treated him like her confidant, they used to talk about everything, she'd basically call him every night.

The question I have is do you think it's fair to her that if she had gone on and lived her life without him, would it be right if he told her how he felt after so long?

I need a neutral opinion, in my situation i've known them both for a very long time, he's been a friend for close to 15 years now and for myself, I think it would be alright for him to tell her how he feels, the only beef I have with that is not knowing how she felt during those 7 years, I mean it could have been hard for her and she was thinking about him during then and maybe up to this point, but it could be the total opposite and she basically forgot what they were like when they were younger.

Another thing that had me laughing is: he has a facebook, I have a facebook, I just became friends with her on there for about a month now, but he's not friends with her, basically he has his privacy set high so she can't find him and he doesn't know whether to add her. I said do it, just add her and if anything don't go saying anything without having thought it out first.

IMO I think he is afraid of rejection because he is truly, genuinely in love with the girl, it's been a long time and now he feels like the dumbest dude in the whole world for holding on something that happened so long ago and still thinking it could go back to the way it used to be. I can relate to him too, theres still girls that I think about from time to time too, but it came and went, he's actually thought about her over the years. I think that to her it may not be fair, but to him theres nothing, but good coming out of him expressing what he felt for her. I mean it may not be what she wanted to hear, but she'll deal with it the way she feels, worst case scenario, she says no, he get's closure and tries to move on, best case scenario, she feels the same and they start to date

A few responses will talk about just move on and leave it alone, he's tried, trust me, i've introduced him to many girls over the years, he's dated some, one for 3 years, but for some reason he just can't move on.

What's your take?


Last edited by canadianaboy; 03-05-2010 at 04:15 PM. Reason: more to add
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Old 03-05-2010, 05:16 PM   #2
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Maybe he just needs to get it all out in the open and know for sure in order to move on.
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Old 03-05-2010, 06:33 PM   #3
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I think you pretty much nailed it.

Nothing more to be said than what you have already stated.
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Old 03-05-2010, 06:34 PM   #4
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someone cliffnote that story
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Old 03-05-2010, 07:16 PM   #5
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Point blank, your friend isn't being realistic with himself still thinking about this girl for 7 years when there has been zero contact. A person can change a lot in 7 years and to think his feelings are still strong enough to have him tell her he likes her is kind of unnecessary. I think the feeling he is feeling is the whole "I wonder what COULD have happened," which is setting him back from really seeing these other girls he's been dating for what they are. I say get him to hang out with her again and see how he feels after catching up on 7 years lost on a friendship..but that's ONLY if she actually even moves back.
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Old 03-05-2010, 08:27 PM   #6
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Thanks for the responses yall, we're pretty much on the same page, as far as how he should proceed with this. This love thing is a strange thing,no matter how much you've seen or been through, it's always something new, a new circumstance. For me personally I'm ecstatic to see him go after her, I think it got to the point where he became obsessive and some of my friends used to clown him for it, but one day he just told me that he was just a stupid kid before and he never really had someone that opened up to him/for him and that she is/was his first love.

Shout out to you miss_crayon, that's a really good idea, she may be coming back, like 98 percent, well he ended up moving a step forward, he sent her a happy birthday email, she said she can't believe he remembered and that she missed him. It was so funny we went out to eat in richmond, he had the biggest kool-aid guy smile on his face. One of the girls that came with me asked him why you look so happy and he said it's so nice to hear from her after so long and that she remembers me. I really hope it ends up working out for him, dude is a hopeless romantic, for skeptics out
There that say oh she has to be the hottest girl for him to be tripping about her, nope, she's just a cute girl, he fell in love with her personality and the fact that she was real to everyone around her, she helped him through so much
in his life. Haven't seen this intense of a hollywood film so close
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Old 03-05-2010, 11:39 PM   #7
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Sometimes we tend to be in despair when the person we love leaves us, but the truth is, it's not our loss, but theirs, for they left the only person who couldn't give up on them.


Make the effort and take the risk..

"Do what you feel in your heart to be right- for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do, and damned if you don't." - Eleanor Roosevelt
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Old 03-06-2010, 07:25 PM   #8
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I say get him to hang out with her again and see how he feels after catching up on 7 years lost on a friendship..but that's ONLY if she actually even moves back.
this. if she comes back, get them to hang out and make sure he gives it a little bit of time, then see how he feels.
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Old 03-08-2010, 07:07 PM   #9
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let them go hang out see how it goes and if it doesn't work then ur buddie gotta drop it
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Old 03-08-2010, 07:59 PM   #10
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am I the only one who thinks this guy got friend zoned? Doesn't sound like she had mutual interest.

If anything he should get close to her again before revealing anything. For all he knows she might have changed a lot to the point where he might not even like her anymore.
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Old 03-09-2010, 12:50 AM   #11
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I say if something was gonna happen between these two, it would've happened seven years ago.

And yeah, people change in seven years. They change a lot. Especially if you've moved away from home to live on your own, to another country even, whole new friends and culture and everything. Confessing his love for her out of the blue? Come on.. I don't see that working out, I think you're watching too many romantic comedies. They don't even know each other anymore, they're different people now.

If you absolutely have to do something about this, I say set something up so they can see each other again and just let them take it from there. Go for lunch. If there's a worthwhile relationship to be had between them, that's all it should take, no?
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