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The thin line between love and hate
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Old 03-30-2010, 10:40 AM   #1
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[Confidential] Growing up without parents

The following is an Anonymous submission by an Anonymous Revscene member. If the member would like me to reply to any post please feel free to let me know



What kind of effect does growing up without a father and a mother figure have on a man?Also and In what ways would this affect his relationship with women.

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Old 03-30-2010, 12:52 PM   #2
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that's not being very specific. what growing up on the streets? in a orphanage? in a monastery? in a petri dish? a cloning tube?

hell even satellite kids are the same... specifics dude, specifics.
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Old 03-30-2010, 04:06 PM   #3
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^^ To add to Ulic's comments: Did they grow up with older siblings? grandparents? etc
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Old 03-30-2010, 04:25 PM   #4
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Nothing.

My dad passed away when I was in grade 6. My mom worked in HK to put food on the table, so I lived with my grandparents while I grew up. You quickly learn that life goes on regardless, the world won't stop for ur loss. It is up you to get back on ur feet and get moving. Well, one thing is that u gotta learn how to do all ur homework cuz there's no 1 to ask. And I remember the first time I shaved I almost slit my throat. Good times.

Any girl who judge u for anything other than u is not worth dating, period.
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Old 03-30-2010, 04:30 PM   #5
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^ agreed

kids all deal with it different

some will look towards other people for that parental figure and others will grow up faster but either way this shouldnt effect the way someone looks at you as who are they to judge?
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Old 03-30-2010, 04:42 PM   #6
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one of my friends had his mother leave him very young, and he grew up with that motherly love, causing him to cling on to women. i don't think he's even in love with those women, but rather the idea of love itself, because he was deprived of it.
there is an effect, but that doesn't mean everyone falls into the same mold. some people become hard, some become soft. there's other factors that can be of influence too like friends or other family. you have to be more specific like ulic said.

and you shouldn't have this as a criteria for who you date, if that's what you're trying to do, it wouldn't be right.
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Old 03-30-2010, 04:48 PM   #7
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I know a couple of guys who lost their parent in highschool and they turned completely nuts. Drugs, fights, u name it. I sometimes wonder if there was really such a big impact, or was it an excuse that they could cling on to for being irresponsibe.
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Old 03-30-2010, 05:27 PM   #8
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^they just feel that there's nothing to lose anymore
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Old 03-30-2010, 08:51 PM   #9
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The following is a reply from the Anonymous member

ExampleS

Many of you may have heard of a kid boy growing up with just women around him and grows up to love hanging with women.

There's been studies that show, that when a daughter loses her father. She will tend to miss that love and will tend to seek/change male partners very often ( always in search of the same love)

Everything has its effect

Now for me i was separated a lot from my parents. Being 22 now i starting to get this feeling that something is missing or incomplete. all 22 years ive looked back and i ve only been able to count back 5 years spent with my parents. Out of the 5 years, 3 were me in grades 5,6, and 7 and was really unhappy and often punished and physically abused for stuff i didnt do. I eventually was forced to leave home for years, till grades 11 and 12 i went back and it didnt feel like home at all, i felt uncomfortable just being there. All the grades i didnt list i either lived with friends of family, relatives, grandparents or on my own. I did a lot of shit on my own like learning how to cook, clean , do homework and etc. And Till today even at times when i have questions i dont discuss anything with the parents. Even when i went thru surgery i didnt tell my parents till i healed months later. I find it hard to express to people how i feel even to my girlfriend. My question: What exactly am i feeling? Is this my outcome for not being with the family?

I took anti depressants at age 13 prescribed by the psychologist but i stopped soon after.
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Old 03-30-2010, 09:11 PM   #10
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growing up without parents is always better than growing up with your step dad who beats you up every night when he's mad drunk.
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Old 03-31-2010, 09:41 AM   #11
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OP, thx for sharing your story, i want to let you know because of what you went thru, you are growing up like a MAN. You have experienced so much more than the typical guy you will be able to pick yourself up so much easier in any situation. So props to you for being strong and stay strong.

only child that's a girl with daddy is HK
girl married a guy that was SO much like his dad. Down to looks and everything. she was missing daddy figure and she dated a person who took on the role.

girl with no dad since they were divorced.
girl kept on finding a guy that was "worth" it to date. she tend to date guys that had a benefit to her. Not uncommon but there was always an agenda.

another girl had the same issue she just found herself lonely if there was not a bf, she got married fast even when they are not financially stable.
girl with abusive dad and divorced.
this was an interesting one. never had a dad, very free loving kind of girl, got married to a guy, had kids and divorced ths abusive dad and is a single parent.

again, just example, doesn't mean it's going to happen to you for sure but it's just interesting topic. Not all girls turns out like this but it does have an effect of a person if a role model figure is out of their lives.
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Old 03-31-2010, 10:07 AM   #12
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OP: Being only 22, i think ur might still be a little uncertain about ur own life , which is probably why u started this thread.

however, i must say, as you age, u out of everyone will realize what "YOURSELF" have walked thur and learnt more then most ppl ur age . It is "knowing" urself n being confident about the decision that u have made and will be making. those are the biggest steps of maturing.

by now, if ur able to put food on the table for urself, cook n clean n most importantly think independently, U've already have grown into a man. It just takes time to settle in n learn about urself, feel and know what is good for u and what you are capable of.

Maybe ur just lacking a little bit of confident at the moment but dont worry, all that comes with Age and ur already ahead of alot of ppl.
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Old 03-31-2010, 12:34 PM   #13
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it's fine to feel lost, but don't think you're a step behind others because of your past. you've done a lot more than people that are even older than you.

i'm the same in that i can't really express myself properly, and always look to using jokes and humor for any situation. but there is a way to outlet...you just gotta find it.

through actions, writing a journal, through songs or whatever...there's always a way to express yourself. i always find it hard to connect my thoughts into words and be comfortable to share them, so i usually let a song express how i feel.

it might be "lame", but someday somebody will get you, and that's when you know shit is real.
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Old 03-31-2010, 12:40 PM   #14
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I think missing that relationship between child and parent is normal. Unfortunately what we percieve to be a normal relationship is rarely the case in most peoples lives. That t.v. style is not the norm. Mourn the lose of it and continue with your life. You are who you make of yourself.
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Old 04-04-2010, 12:34 PM   #15
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Growing up without parents will make a kid mature faster, imo.
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Old 04-04-2010, 01:09 PM   #16
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^ is that batman jerking off?
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Old 04-06-2010, 01:21 AM   #17
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Dad passed in 2002, he worked outta the country so i only saw him 2-3 times a year

I would say there are definitely effects to how you mature and motivate yourself to be a man, due to the fact that the father is usually the role model for a young boy.

it's tough but life goes on
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Old 04-07-2010, 06:23 AM   #18
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parents split when i was 6-7. dad was never really there as a father figure/role model (mom taught me how to ride a bike etc)
eventually communication stopped when i was 12
forces u to grow up real quick.

13-14 yrs later... its made me the person i am today (good and bad). i want to give my children everything that i never had and be the father figure that i never had the chance of knowing. because it forced me to grow up so quickly.. up until a couple years ago i never really wanted to grow up in a sense because of the difficulties i endured. mentally i was mature but because i was forced to the first time around, i didnt want to at heart.

i know for my brother he always looked for that father figure and it hasnt worked out the best for him. i partially take the blame for that because as he was growing up, i was never around. just as i was growing up, the old man was never around.

ugh, thinkin about it pisses me off but u have to forgive
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Old 04-07-2010, 01:08 PM   #19
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Only a MAN of ur caliber can cook, clean, homework etc...it takes a real MAN to live the way you are right now with so much responsibility which looks uber good. I know a really close friend of mine whose mother ran away and then father passed away due to sickness and he is just doing fine. He always seeked comfort for the loss of a "parent" figure when he was younger, but my parents took him in and stuff like that. Your story can be in some ways "touching" as you went thru many hardships here and there. Not growing up with close family doesn't really effect a man of ur stature, the only effect i can think of is that you would be constantly seeking a companion. You have a girlfriend and I believe that since you didn't have that companionship before you would feel a strong bond with ur S/O. She has parents too I would guess and maybe you would fit in well with her parents.
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Old 04-08-2010, 02:57 AM   #20
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^ is that batman jerking off?
It's the episode of south park when some of the kids "learn" that they're sex addicts and are told not to be sex addicts or else they may choke themselves with a rope while jerking off in a batman suit because it "could" give you an awesome orgasm.
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Old 04-08-2010, 05:30 PM   #21
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Old 04-12-2010, 03:44 PM   #22
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Don't have an answer for that last bit but for me, I think if a kid were to grow up with no parents, when he has his own kids he'll have problems raising them because of the fact that his parents were never there for him.
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Old 04-13-2010, 02:51 PM   #23
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Don't have an answer for that last bit but for me, I think if a kid were to grow up with no parents, when he has his own kids he'll have problems raising them because of the fact that his parents were never there for him.
You can also argue the other way that he'll give his kids everything he lacked when he was a child. For me at least, there's a void inside me due to the lack of a male role model. By giving my kids what I lacked I can fill in that hole.

Or you can always join the big brothers program.
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Old 04-19-2010, 09:05 PM   #24
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you always think about how life would be differn't if you didnt lose your mom or dad and both..
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Old 04-20-2010, 01:00 AM   #25
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You can also argue the other way that he'll give his kids everything he lacked when he was a child. For me at least, there's a void inside me due to the lack of a male role model. By giving my kids what I lacked I can fill in that hole.

Or you can always join the big brothers program.
That's where I hope I'll end up. I was raised without a real male role model and it definitely fucked iwth my social development when I was younger. Not that easy to recover when you have no idea how guys are "supposed" to act 'cause you were entirely raised with and around women.

Life would always be different with different role models--but there's not much you can do about it now. The best thing you can do is figure out how not to pass on the shit that you had to carry throughout your life, if you plan on having kids. If not, just try and deal as best as possible.
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