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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 05-13-2010, 10:18 AM   #1
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Should I give up?

Two of my best friends tell me that the secret of having a happy life is to be with someone who loves and cares about me more than I care about him. It may sound selfish, but I know what they said may be true. Whenever I fell for someone, I always ended up getting hurt. But I just donít want to give up on love.

There is this guy have been in my life for almost 10 years now. He encourages me to pursue my goal, wants me to upgrade and be a highly educated office lady, takes care of me when I am sick, be there for me whenever I am in trouble, provide financial help to me when I am in difficulty. He knows that I donít love him, I dated other people, I am looking for love but wonít consider him, but he is still there for me and never gives up on me. Friends say that they wish their boyfriends or husbands can treat them like the way he treats me. They say that there are no other men can treat me better than him.

I know if I were with him, I will not get hurt from relationship. But will I be happy? Should I give up on love and be with someone who I know will love me forever?

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Old 05-13-2010, 10:34 AM   #2
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So you'd basically be using this dude you've known for 10 years to be happy..
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Old 05-13-2010, 10:36 AM   #3
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No. Simply because it won't be fair for either you or him if you don't love him in return.

Have you told him bluntly that you don't love him the way he loves you?

If you decide to settle for him you are risking your unhappiness, and his shot at true love.
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Old 05-13-2010, 10:58 AM   #4
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Everyones way of having a happy life is different, you shouldnt rely too much on your friend's view on the secret of having a happy life. Do you think by having someone love you but not loving them in return will make you happy? Its not that easy to ask someone if something will make you happy, only you can answer that question.
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Old 05-13-2010, 11:44 AM   #5
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it's almost always better to have a man love the woman first. If a man doesn't love the woman, it's guaranteed that sometime down the road, he's going to leave her. Men have the upper hand when it comes to choosing and KEEPING.

not so much the other way around. it's the way our society works, gender roles.

if a woman chases a man, she's only gonna get his penis.
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Old 05-13-2010, 01:44 PM   #6
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you should come to learn that true happiness does not come from extrinsic factors but comes from within

there are always going to be things that affect your mood, both good and bad, the extent to which is does is largely dependent on yourself

that being said, of course there are many things that you have no control over that will affect your emotions... what im trying to say is that if you are an unhappy person in general, no guy is going to compensate for that... maybe in the short term but the change has to come from yourself
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Old 05-13-2010, 02:30 PM   #7
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Old 05-13-2010, 03:11 PM   #8
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Old 05-13-2010, 04:10 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by August View Post
Two of my best friends tell me that the secret of having a happy life is to be with someone who loves and cares about me more than I care about him. It may sound selfish, but I know what they said may be true. Whenever I fell for someone, I always ended up getting hurt. But I just donít want to give up on love.

There is this guy have been in my life for almost 10 years now. He encourages me to pursue my goal, wants me to upgrade and be a highly educated office lady, takes care of me when I am sick, be there for me whenever I am in trouble, provide financial help to me when I am in difficulty. He knows that I donít love him, I dated other people, I am looking for love but wonít consider him, but he is still there for me and never gives up on me. Friends say that they wish their boyfriends or husbands can treat them like the way he treats me. They say that there are no other men can treat me better than him.

I know if I were with him, I will not get hurt from relationship. But will I be happy? Should I give up on love and be with someone who I know will love me forever?
We've known each other for so long
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Old 05-13-2010, 04:25 PM   #10
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I don't think you should settle for him just because you can't find the right person right now. If you settle for him, you might not be very happy and neither will he, if you don't love him. Convince your friend that he will be much happier if he moves on and looks for other girls. You should also continue searching for love as well.
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Old 05-13-2010, 06:31 PM   #11
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^ agreed.
you can't just settle with anyone
he may be happy, but you will not be.
that's just my opinion
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Old 05-13-2010, 10:40 PM   #12
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Quote:
Originally Posted by August View Post
Two of my best friends tell me that the secret of having a happy life is to be with someone who loves and cares about me more than I care about him. It may sound selfish, but I know what they said may be true. Whenever I fell for someone, I always ended up getting hurt. But I just donít want to give up on love.

There is this guy have been in my life for almost 10 years now. He encourages me to pursue my goal, wants me to upgrade and be a highly educated office lady, takes care of me when I am sick, be there for me whenever I am in trouble, provide financial help to me when I am in difficulty. He knows that I donít love him, I dated other people, I am looking for love but wonít consider him, but he is still there for me and never gives up on me. Friends say that they wish their boyfriends or husbands can treat them like the way he treats me. They say that there are no other men can treat me better than him.

I know if I were with him, I will not get hurt from relationship. But will I be happy? Should I give up on love and be with someone who I know will love me forever?
lol, leave the poor guy alone and stop using him.
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Old 05-13-2010, 11:09 PM   #13
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yeah, a nice guy like him deserves a girl who really love and appreciate him. If I settled for him, I couldn't give him the happiness he deserves.
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Old 05-14-2010, 12:18 AM   #14
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either find it in your heart to love him (the person from what sounds like you can count on), or leave him alone and try to meet new people. Honestly your story make me feel bad about the guy. He's probably beed teased for 10 years - no offense.
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Old 05-14-2010, 09:02 AM   #15
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none taken. it's either being a couple or nothing.
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Old 05-14-2010, 10:34 AM   #16
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Being a couple is one thing, but genuinely caring for him the way he cares for you is another. Like someone else said, HE will be happy, but you wont. I dont classify that as being a "couple"
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Old 05-14-2010, 02:17 PM   #17
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Should I give up on love and be with someone who I know will love me forever?
i'm so confused.

how old are you? age is just a number i'll acknowledge that, but i'm going to guess 18 - 23, slow down and just relax. it's not like you're going to find your husband at this age, i'm not saying it's impossible not at all. just slow down.

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It may sound selfish, but I know what they said may be true. Whenever I fell for someone, I always ended up getting hurt.
this "guy" has been by your side for approx. 10 years? he encourages you to pursue your goals, takes care of you when you're sick etc. UM HELLO? it seems like it's right in your face.

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I know if I were with him, I will not get hurt from relationship. But will I be happy? Should I give up on love and be with someone who I know will love me forever?
its really always has been all about you. It may sound selfish, it is selfish. you are selfish. just let him go. he deserves so much better, the fact that you're actually letting RS decide on this makes me have sympathy for him, surprisingly.

you seem no different then those girls that have guys on a leash and have them nothing more than an option.
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Old 05-14-2010, 02:21 PM   #18
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yeah, a nice guy like him deserves a girl who really love and appreciate him. If I settled for him, I couldn't give him the happiness he deserves.
i don't know about that, i'm pretty happy when my girlfriend gives me head when i wake up. 10 years!! jeeez woman. it's the very least you can do for the man.
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Old 05-14-2010, 03:50 PM   #19
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yeah, a nice guy like him deserves a girl who really love and appreciate him. If I settled for him, I couldn't give him the happiness he deserves.
If you really believe in the first part of your post, then why would you even bother asking RS this question..

If you cant fulfill that role you should just let him go.

The selfishness of the OP somewhat irritates me. I know in the end its really not my choice, but the fact that you're even considering
doing this to this good guy just so YOU can be happy is just straight up wrong.
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Old 05-14-2010, 04:29 PM   #20
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A relationship that is successful is about giving and taking. It's not a take-take-and-take-even-more thing.

Selfishness is part of human nature. You just need to know where to draw the line. Only you can answer that question.
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Old 05-14-2010, 05:20 PM   #21
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im sorry, but you probably have this image of your prince charming or how he should act, smell, taste, feel or wahtever.

that aint reality. reality is, divorce rates are 50%, there is no prince charming, you take what is best.

you can learn to love, you just havent found it in yourself yet to do it. your ego is too big.

when you're 30, and still in the same scenario, i bet he'd look a lot more appealing.


another scenario, you find someone else, he dumps your ass and you're totally devastated, but this 10 year dude still treats you nice and accepts you. are you going to let him comfort you and take care of you while you still go out and look for other guys?

it's like buying a puppy, u don't know how it's gonna turn out when it grows up, but no matter what you know you'll love it even if it's a dumbass ugly dog. cuz your dog is loyal to you and loves you. it will not betray you, it will not intentionally hurt you.

I know what you feel you cannot fight. but it's like, if you don't try you won't know. maybe he'll rock your world lol.

how many things in life have you "not liked" and for some reason down the road, you accept it and now it's part of your life and you can't really let go of these things?

the same can be applied to people.
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nipples neways...wat is with those fuck'n asians! i mean you would think they've never seen a dentist in their life. are dentists really that rare over there in ricey ricey and? looks like they're star trek ferrengi rejects! fuck'n have broken glass for teeth! goddaymn! and the smell....did a rat crawl in there and shit itself then marinate in its own shit as it decayed?ewwwwwwwwww! i swear...if one of those ferrengi asian girls gave head...when u pull the dick out it looks like it went thru a meat grinder! prolly shaved off a few slices of meat! *shudder*
Greebo i t-boned some guy and killed their baby, it was funny
silvia i have a couple asian guy friends that do very well with the ladies. but guess what, they go to the gym, they dont have long hair, they dont wear orange pants, and they dont play counterstrike. its not the ethnicity that the girls dont like, its the style and personality.
450HP Supra I am about to use your eye sockets as a shoe rack for my nuts. ...something about chinks, j-bodys, I can't quite remember as I was drunk and looking for a girl to punch in the clit. Think of it as a digital urinal, and you are the mint, except, instead of actually smelling mint, you smell like mothballs, rotten kimchee and virginity. I'm about to start drinking heavily now and you better be gone before I get back or I swear to god I will break the internet over my knee and use the pieces to beat you in the deformed skull with, cock muffler.
Iceman-19 If your gf cooks and cleans, good, tell the guy to take a fucking hike. If she doesnt, fuck, that joker can have her. Lifes too short to cook your own meals and do your own laundry, thats what women are for!
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Old 05-15-2010, 07:02 AM   #22
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have you found out why you dont love him, or at least try to?
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Old 05-15-2010, 12:09 PM   #23
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he's probably ugly or fat. she just thinks she can do so much better but wont tell the guy to bug off so she has a backup if she gets desperate
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Old 05-15-2010, 08:33 PM   #24
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turbo e and Ulic Qel-Droma got really good points.
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Old 05-15-2010, 09:38 PM   #25
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Dont be too picky. Just remember men age like wine and women age like milk

When most men get older, they become wealthier, which results in being more powerful, which results in confidence, which makes them more attractive to women.

Most women on the other hand are insecure since they have to compete with the younger girls. Most older men dont have to compete with younger guys. They are generally more distinguished and powerful.

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