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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 07-06-2010, 11:47 AM   #1
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Relationship anxiety...

So I've had a problem when it comes to relationships for as long as I can remember. Why I've never done anything about it is beyond me. But, I've just started dating a new girl, whom I really like, but the anxiety is still there. I have been cheated on in the past, and my parents divorced due to one of them cheating, so I'm unsure if that would be related.

Basically, everything will be/is going super smooth, we hang out, have fun talk etc. But then my mind just goes crazy and I have doubts about everything. For example, she sent me a text on Sunday saying "I miss your cuddles" yet after that, I keep thinking that something is wrong if I don't hear from her, or if something minor changes in our communication, stupid shit like not getting a smile in a text, or some shit.

It's really starting to affect my daily life because I'll just be in a shit-mood all day, until I see her again, then it's fine for a day or two then returns. I always think about the same shit "What if she breaks up with me, what if she doesn't like me, what if her friends are talking to her about me(becuase I dated one of her friends in the past, who broke up with me) blah blah blah" yet there is NO reason for me to think like this.

I am 25, and never have problems meeting girls, it's just my anxiety comes into play ALWAYS. Sometimes it's a few months before it gets bad, sometimes it's a few weeks, such as this case.

Should I go see a Dr about this? A Psychologist? WTF should I do because I can't live like this anymore...I woke up this morning feeling like a bag of shit because my mind makes up "the worst case scenario" and I can't fucking stop thinking about it.


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Old 07-06-2010, 11:56 AM   #2
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Stop being a woman. No, really. Its generally females who think like that. You're letting a few bad experiences colour your future. It's all in your head guy. Shake it off and enjoy your relationship!
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Old 07-06-2010, 12:01 PM   #3
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^ what she said,

if you can shell out the cash, go see a Psychologist. If not like the rest of us, just grow some balls, we've all done something along those lines and experience something like that and learned from the experience.

Other then that, Just enjoy life the way it is, worrying will only cause stress for both of you. Leading to more problems.
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Old 07-06-2010, 12:02 PM   #4
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TO CLARIFY, This has been happening to me since I started dating in highschool
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Old 07-06-2010, 12:02 PM   #5
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I think you've just become really attached to the girl.
This is typical in most serious relationships, and usually it's nothing to worry about. Just don't get too paranoid, and don't let it get any worse or you'll become one of those controlling types, expecting a call here, or a text there.

I personally have been in a relationship where I felt the same way. I would always think about losing the girl, or get paranoid after not hearing from her. Eventually, we both became like that and expected something from each other, and if there was a lapse in communication from one of us, the other would blow everything up to shit.

So, try to ease your angst. Ease up and let things flow. Try not to be too clingy! More or less it's a juvenile high-school-like thing to feel like this. You probably haven't grown out of it yet.
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Old 07-06-2010, 12:04 PM   #6
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That's pretty much it in this case, we'd been talking every day for a couple of weeks, so then it just felt odd to go a day with out hearing from her.
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Old 07-06-2010, 12:28 PM   #7
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If you're not man enough to settle yourself down, then yes, a psychologist is needed. An inexpensive solution is to consult worthy friends. By worthy, I mean someone who is willing to listen to you rant and pour your heart out.

It looks obvious that your bad childhood or whatever has scarred to this point. You are so damn needy and once you find someone who reciprocates your feelings with tender loving care, you latch on and freak out about losing them. Relax, and try not to be so insecure... whatever happens in the future, what will be will be. I mean, would your SO like it if you were clingy as hell. Your insecurity will only lead to more trauma later. First step is prolly to understand why you're this way and you'll slowly remedy yourself from there.
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Old 07-06-2010, 01:12 PM   #8
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Relax. Seriously.

My guess is you are feeling anxiety because you think she's 'the one' and you want it to 'work out' between the two of you. She might very well be. But you have to relax and not put so much pressure on you and the relationship. Otherwise you won't be able to be your true self around her, and then what if she LIKES you? Then she's fallen for someone who she THINKS she knows, but he hasn't been himself the whole time she only thinks she knows him. Just relax and enjoy each date you have with her, then see how things go.
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Old 07-06-2010, 01:53 PM   #9
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It's easy to just say 'relax'.. but if the problem is as severe as you describe, it might be worth it to see a professional anyways.
Could be a minor case of Bi Polar or something related.
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Old 07-06-2010, 02:23 PM   #10
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yea i have the same problem. try and take perspective of things. dont think that every little action taken(or not taken) will have a gigantic impact on the relationship. i look back at my last relationship and i realized that i was being too clingy, which apparently is not cool lol
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Old 07-06-2010, 02:33 PM   #11
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I agree with everyone else above. Dont try to push things, relax (yea i hate using that word but it fits), and talk about it to people. I doubt you'll have to see a shrink, but always an option i guess.
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Old 07-06-2010, 02:35 PM   #12
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I took my time to find a couple of dating articles that relate to your issue, so at the very least you can take the time to read them with 3 easy clicks?

1. http://ca.askmen.com/dating/doclove_...ip_expert.html (can you be too nice to a woman)
2. http://ca.askmen.com/dating/doclove_...ip_expert.html (key to a woman is mystery)
3. http://ca.askmen.com/dating/doclove_...ip_expert.html (what women like, complete bullshit if you ask me. the author hit the g-spot on this one)

this is just simple advice, so read them with an open-mind, if you disagree with the article so be it. i find that these articles are dead on. anyone capable of growing a beard can tell you that being too clingy/available is bad, this just elaborates more as to why it's bad. let me know what you think

no girl will ever play fair, why do you think marriages go to the shitter after you give that sincere loving vow? you've exchanged the i love yous, you would do whatever. but it comes down to it, action speak louder than words. the only way a girl can lose interest in you after you have her is caused by your own actions.
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Old 07-06-2010, 02:41 PM   #13
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Furthermore if you like this girl, great. You want to get her off your mind? Meet more people, more guy friends more girl friends. Keep meeting and talking to more people. Assuming you can keep your pants on when your out with another girl, then you won't be thinking about your SO as much. If she gets jealous, well you want to put a ring on a girl that gets jealous has no trust in you, and is inflexible? Your choice.

Working out helps to increase testosterone, not that pansy running but weight lifting. FACT.
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Old 07-06-2010, 03:17 PM   #14
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Furthermore if you like this girl, great. You want to get her off your mind? Meet more people, more guy friends more girl friends. Keep meeting and talking to more people. Assuming you can keep your pants on when your out with another girl, then you won't be thinking about your SO as much. If she gets jealous, well you want to put a ring on a girl that gets jealous has no trust in you, and is inflexible? Your choice.

Working out helps to increase testosterone, not that pansy running but weight lifting. FACT.
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Old 07-07-2010, 06:17 AM   #15
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yea i have the same problem. try and take perspective of things. dont think that every little action taken(or not taken) will have a gigantic impact on the relationship. i look back at my last relationship and i realized that i was being too clingy, which apparently is not cool lol
Sounds like me, I gotta change this...
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Old 07-08-2010, 01:10 AM   #16
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If someone is constantly overanalyzing and feeling paranoid about the relationship...eventually things are going to go sour because no one wants to be with someone who is unsure/not confident in themselves and the relationship.

I can understand that you have ill views with your past (being cheated on and your parents divorcing) but don't let that get in the way of how you are with this girl (or any in the future). Plus, it's always important to keep yourself in check (not lose yourself basically to someone) because nobody wants to carry another person but have a well balanced relationship. Don't rely on your girlfriend for your happiness because at the end of the day the only person you have control over..in a physical and emotional aspect, it is yourself.

Don't jump to the breakup (or any worst case scenario) before it even happens!!
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Old 07-08-2010, 01:50 PM   #17
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I haven't read any of the posts, but just reading the OP's post it seems as though there's something in your life or incidences in the past where it's made you insecure and unsure about commitments. You probably might need to delve deeper into whats causing this and figure it out. Most relationship problems stem from deeper problems.

I mean it's easy for people to tell someone something than to actually do it. I'm sure you want to suck it up and just enjoy the relationship as well you can't seem to help yourself right? It is easier said than done. In the mean time it's absolutely pertinent to be open and communicative with the person you're seeing. Address and explain the problem and whenever you feel insecure, weird, or anxious, address it. This goes for all problems, address it immediately and you can resolve it on the spot instead of letting it seethe quietly until the big explosion. Doing this will let her understand you better and will get her to open up to you more and address things on the spot. After a while you would find that this technique is not necessary because most of your problems will be resolved and you'll also find problem solving to go easier and quicker. With this it'll allow you to feel more confident about the relationship and your ability to trust would come back. Most relationships fail due to communication problems that stem from deep rooted problems. The trigger points are usually misunderstanding because couples don't like to deal with the problem right on the spot.


Saying "I'm frustrated right now because of this and this" sounds really obvious and lame, but those are crucial baby steps for communication between other human beings.
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Old 07-08-2010, 07:10 PM   #18
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just be confident and let the relationship ride its nature course
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Old 07-08-2010, 07:15 PM   #19
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Try to work on being confident with yourself first. If you can't love yourself, you can't love anybody.
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Old 07-08-2010, 11:30 PM   #20
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Well I had some beers tonight at a poker night with some buddies, ended up msging the girl asking her if she thought I was "too nice", pretty sure I just ruined the relationship as I think she thinks I'm crazy now....My god I hate my self when it comes to relationships
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Old 07-09-2010, 12:00 AM   #21
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Why did you do that?

Already, it's obvious you are insecure with yourself. Think of what you can offer to this girl, rather than tell her you miss her all the time. If you keep this up, she'll feel suffocated and ultimately, it's nobody's fault but yours.
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Old 07-09-2010, 05:22 AM   #22
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Trying to follow advice given in this thread...other wise, don't really know why I did, seemed like a good idea for about 1 second...

But whats done is done, just gunna go with it and stop stressing so god damn much

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Old 07-09-2010, 08:51 AM   #23
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Well I had some beers tonight at a poker night with some buddies, ended up msging the girl asking her if she thought I was "too nice", pretty sure I just ruined the relationship as I think she thinks I'm crazy now....My god I hate my self when it comes to relationships
damn, been there done that. i try and keep my cellphone away when i get tanked. otherwise i start saying stupid nonsense to my ex.
i dont think u ruined the relationship, but keep it chiller for a bit after ur drunken moments lol
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Old 07-09-2010, 11:49 AM   #24
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^
Trying to follow advice given in this thread...other wise, don't really know why I did, seemed like a good idea for about 1 second...

But whats done is done, just gunna go with it and stop stressing so god damn much
I think you may have misunderstood the advice given in this thread.

I took another quick glance at it over and it seems that general consensus says, you need to relax, ease off a bit, give the girl some space, and be confident with yourself. Take it easy. Hang out with your friends to take your mind off of things. Don't give in to the urge to text her everytime you miss her.

But you're right. What's done is done. Don't be so hard on yourself.
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Old 07-09-2010, 12:41 PM   #25
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Yup, that's the plan, I don't think it's necessarily over, but we'll see what happens. Good learning experience regardless, lol.
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