^^ That's if she haven't cheated on him already.

Green hat is comming his way if he doesn't do something.

My advice is not to do anything rash. I think lots of people have a point when they say things like, "sleep with her before someone else does." But:
1. That means things have already ended between the two of you.
2. It'll just make the break-up messier.

From the sounds of it, you really like this girl. You're both at a time in your lives where you're definitely maturing and trying to identify yourself in society. It's common that she would start behaving a little differently.

Now...regarding her saying that if she sleeps with someone when drunk that that would be alright and if you did the same thing she'd be cool with that too, that is SO uncool. Objectively speaking, it's messed up. I think in a year or two, she would see that it's messed up too. As much as I'd hate to admit it, I think I might've said something as stupid as that in the past. In my defense, fortunately, I didn't actually do something stupid like that. But for some weird ass reason, at the time, I said that thinking there was truth behind it.

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if you're willing to be patient and risk that she just might be stupid enough to follow through on what she's allowed, give it some more time. It's an investment in the relationship you'd be making. I do feel bad for you tho, it's not a position any boyfriend should have to be in.

I appreciate your post tho. It's made me take a look back at my life and hopefully I can turn back and say that I've grown a lot from then. Still a lot to learn tho ^^

I call bullshit. Some girls like to talk a big game and pretend they're stronger than they really are.

I guarantee you, strongly guarantee you that if you slept with someone else first before she gets a chance to sleep with someone else, she'll feel cheated, you're immoral, and probably villify you to everyone in your mutual social circle.

However, this is your problem:
She has leverage over you. If you guys do go your separate ways, she'll rebound a sure hell of a lot sooner than you ever could.



QFT


This "may" work. There are some women who have a tendency to get "clingy" after sex. I'm thinking moreso in this case if she's a virgin and you're first. However, she is an 11 after all and you're a 5 so there's no guarantees on that, just a good probability.

It is just a matter of time when she sleeps with someone she met from the party because of the comment she made. She probably plan it will happen and that is why she made that comment to you. I'd say leave her now. No gf will say that shit to their bf if she truly loved you and care for you.

Your a 5, Shes a 11, if this relationship is on its way out you should probably try to have sex with her now

just saying

It's called growing up, living life to the fullest. Parties will happen, puking will happen, fucking will happen. You've held her hand for too long I wouldn't be surprised if you held your parents hands for that long too, and she's ready to move on.

Plays video games, alright my girl does too?
Looks, girls will always look better than the one you're with. ALWAYS.
Smart, maybe because she's in UBC?
Funny, that's just personality meet more girls.

Stop rationalizing the truth and open your eyes, if she doesn't have as much interest as you like her it won't work. Nobody gives 2 shits how much you love her, it's really whether or not she likes you more. Most times girls do the dumping, understand that. Obviously, you like her more than she likes you. If it was vice versa, you wouldn't be in this situation AT ALL! Make sense, right?

You gave yourself up for someone else, I find that a big mistake. Just let her break your heart, you'll realize your mistakes and become a man, hopefully. She's not the one for you, you're young and dumb. You really think your going to put a ring on this girl? I'm going to guess she's inbetween the ages of 18 - 22, you really think a girl is ready to settle down to become "the one" at that age? Do you really fucking think that? It's not impossible, but it's sure as hell not likely.

Think about it.

Edit: She won't sleep with you if she's really a 10/10 and you're a 5/10 with no confidence no backbone and insecure, why would she? If I was a girl, I wouldn't that would be a helluva shitty find.

Embrace the facts since they're laid out for you on the table, and become a man. Please? We're the same gender, on the same team not going after the same girl. Why would I lie to you? I don't want her, she hasn't even had practise yet.

QFT so true

The following are replies from the anonymous poster. If the anon poster would like to make a reply please contact me.

Not entirely sure about this, I don't think i've actually lost her..

Thanks, I'll try to focus more around my life instead of focusing on hers way too much.

Yea we're both 20. I understand what you mean about it being completely different. I guess she's meeting a lot more people than I am, she's involved. I'm not. I'm shy :$ so I usually just keep to myself and it's hard for me to meet new people unless they come to me, I'm afraid they'll automatically assume I'm hitting on em or something (this is for girls). Guys I'm kind of ok too, just the initial approach. I still feel kind of uneasy about the whole partying thing though as I really don't like the idea that it could end really badly :(. Hopefully the phase passes quickly or something, but I highly doubt it.

Yea, I really find it to be a butt load of BS. It's really hard to hear it coming from her too as she is a person with a lot of moral standards, born and raised religious type. And me always thinking she was the nice innocent type. Hopefully she's really not losing interest in me though :( Are there any other signs that'll make it more obvious to me that she is losing interest?

Thanks a lot for your advice, I'll do my best to not let the relationship make me. It's always just gets in the back of my mind from time to time and I can't help but get saddened by the thought. I don't really know how not to think about it. And I will cherish this relationship as much as I can :)

Any tips on meeting new people haha, i'm not the social type so it's hard for me to approach anyone and just strike up a random conversation :(.

Yea I'll try my best to give her space, but I tend to find my self always wanting her to be with me. And I guess it's just me being the clingy type. I'll start to show that I don't care/mind that she's doing w.e(but i think it'll still give me a weird feeling inside). I just don't really know how to "let go" per se. Just not worry about it and just keep doing my own thing, as i will probably just keep thinking about it :(.

Thanks

I hate to say this, but I think I'm kind of exactly how you described your bf (minus the schedule down to the minute). I don't really show it that much but I usually take note of it or w.e. I give her some room to breathe but I feel that I am really protective of her. I don't really ask her everything she does, just from time to time. I should really try and stop this and just try and forget about it or something along the lines of that :S

Hypothetically, if I wanted to be your friend, how would the best way to approach you be haha. It's sucks being socially awkward and shy :(.

Thanks again!

Yea, I'll try and have a talk with her. I'm afraid it's just going to be the same answers as last time. I feel/hope that she's taking the relation ship seriously, other than the fact that she tells me that, there aren't really any other signs that i've noticed(not really sure what they are though :S).

Ever since she has told me that, I've been thinking about it every now and then. Everytime she'd go somewhere I'd be like what if someones trying to win her and she just lets them and leaves me in the dust :(. There hasn't been any other changes, we haven't really gotten really really intimate in a while (minus the sex part). Just a quick kiss here and there, but I think it's because our schedulees are packed and we just don't have time/a place to do anything really :S.

Thanks!
again, it sucks that this sounds like me :( I really need to try and change this. Hopefully sooner than later and before anything happens. Its hard sometimes to not think about what she's doing and stuff :(. Thanks!

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to read my post and to reply. It means a lot and I'm starting to get a lot more insight in the situation and has got me thinking.

I think my 2 main questions are:
1. How do I stop worrying and thinking about her all the time, and how I get this idea that i might lose her out of my mind?
2. How do I meet and approach new people? Me being the shy/introverted/socially awkward makes things a bit challenging!

Thanks again![/QUOTE]

The following is a reply from the anon poster.


Yea, thats the thing that mind fucks me even more, like I said she was a moral person and she said she wanted to save sex until she's married, yet she would be fine with it if she was drunk?? Total bs :(

I've honestly tried, have only gotten close a couple times, she seems really firm about waiting till she's got a ring. Any tips in this area as well? haha

I'll try this approach as well. I think this'll be the best way to approach her. But I'm still not entirely sure if she's really not interested in me.

Yea this method wouldn't real be an easy method haha. It'll be a daunting task, but it does sound like it'll help me keep her out of my mind/ mine out of hers and she'll get a taste of
her own medicine or w.e. But i'm honestly not this type of person, i wouldn't be able to pull through with it.

Yea I do trust her, but it's kind of hard to trust the decisions that'll she'll make when she's being influenced by alcohol and the people around her. I've asked her maybe 4 or 5 times now, and I just bring it up once in a while when somethings brought up around the same subject. I try to ask less as I know it'll cause her to get annoyed or something.

Sex is kind of out of the question like I've said at the top. I've gotten close but no cigar :( Need some tips on this area as well haha.

I'd be really choked if she were to have sex with someone else and not me for the first time. It's like a big slap in the face and then she sacked me really really hard.

Hopefully it isn't game over :(. It does sound like thats what going to happen, i'll eventually just be in the back of everything and she'll get caught up in everything else. Agree that stuff that she said is total BS. If it were the other way around and I told her that, I would've probably never heard the end of it.

I don't really want to dump her as I really do love her still :(

Thanks again everyone for taking the time to read and reply, getting a lot more insight on the situation and slowly being able to get a more...

EDIT:
Also that I don't really have a problem getting the clothes off and getting intimate (foreplay mostly), it's just after that she'll just abruptly stop it or tell me she doesn't want to do it. It's the whole "save it for marriage" and not wanting to give herself up yet. Just that we don't really have time/place to do that kind of stuff nowadays AND I think I MAY have been exageration a little when i said I was a 5 and she was an 11 haha. Probably I'm just a bit average and she's somewhat above average and you wouldn't really expect us to be together kind of thing.

You should still have sex with her to get it out of your system.

http://t0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:7...od-man.png&t=1

As for being socially awkward, try starting random conversations with people about random things and make it a habit. Try giving someone your opinion about something one day when stuck in line somewhere or when you're doing something else.

take a hint. whatever happens happens means it already happened. There could have been two scenarios when you ask her a serious question like that: Lie through her teeth that she'll never leave you OR what she said above.

When you have to question someone that you're with about your insecurity problems they've already figured that you're disposable. Girl smell insecurity with a dog's nose. They've got quite the sensing ability for this kind of stuff.

buddy, you KNOW what she is telling you are BS. We all called it on here, and you know it.

You want to look back when you're 25 and say damnnn i made the best decision of my life dumping her. I'm at SUCH a better place because I don't have to look back at my wasted EMO post break up years.

Well this IS your time to STEP up man.

Yeah exactly. You're 20. Wouldn't you rather spend your university years hitting up new chicks than trying to salvage a high school relationship with some bitch who seemingly doesn't even care about you?

And like others said, if you get the chance, do her first ;)

Weird, I was reading this response and right when I read the "and you know it" the song I'm listening to said that too LOL

Anyway..I agree with taking a hint, the fact that she's said whatever happens happens might be her way of saying "well its already happened but I just didnt tell you about it."

To me, thats a huge sign that she's losing interest because clearly she doesnt care about how that made you feel. Like someone said earlier, what kind of ppl in GOOD relationships say that to one another..

1. you need to get active, either socially or physically. join a gym or some sports teams. also try and go out with ur friends and have a few drinks. make sure to turn off ur phone so you don't end up drunk text/dialing her.

2. i know this is not the best advice but just get tanked and you will usually end up talking to random people. it helps out in some social situations just as long as ur not a violent drunk lol.

ps. in general, if you find yourself thinking bout her or your situation with her, just take perspective. even if you end up breaking up with her in the worst possible way, you will be alright. of course its gonna hurt and you will feel shitty for a bit but ur a young dude just learning how to deal with relationships. its all good man. focus on other things bcuz breaking up is not the end of the world.

[/QUOTE]

Theres a little more back story, but send me a msg if you like, i don't bite ;)

Personally I would just leave her but if you insist on trying to make this relationship work, then you're gonna have to do a 180.

I would make yourself less accessible. To her right now, you're too easy. So she can keep you as a backup and string you along until something better comes up. Join a club and meet new people. Hit the gym and be more active. Go out more often with friends. Be more social. Like others have said, just start random conversations with people. Eventually it'll get easier. Basically make her come to you.

Are you the one always making initial contact (phone, text, IM etc...) or ask to hang out?

I'm going to be as straight forward as possible to get the point across. Believe me, pulling off a bandaid quickly with a sharp pain is better than pulling it off slowly and painfully:

The dude is lucky that she's being honest with him at all. In the end if you get all emo over this, you know you had it comin' if not from her, then from this thread. At the very least, it won't sting like a bitch when you find out that what she was saving for marriage wasn't for you and she lied to you all along. I give props to her for being the man and manning it up.

Let me reiterate what "whatever happens happens" means: "I'M ALREADY LOOKING FOR SOMEONE BETTER THAN YOU AT THIS VERY MOMENT BEACUSE THE THOUGHT OCCURRED TO ME WAAAAAAAY BEFORE YOU EVER ASKED AND I CAN SAY IT STRAIGHT IN YOUR FACE AND I KNOW YOU'LL TAKE IT."

The end, Move on.

Well, there's a time in everyone's life to go out drinking and partying it up. It's called experience. Straight and to my point: High school relationships usually don't withstand the college years not because people "change," but because people end up on different levels sooner than others. Out of all the people I've ever met, I only know of ONE relationship that has lasted since highschool. ONE!

There are people that never go through the party stage (ie yourself), and are probably more mature and have already developed a mindset of a non-partier family orientated adult. This definately makes it harder to stay together with someone who wants to party all the time. She will eventually "settle" down and be on the same road as you, but until that day comes, you two are just being together just for the sake of staying together. It'll do more harm than good as you'll end up worrying about her being out with other guys, she'll find you clingy... sound familiar?

It's your life, you should choose the best experience that you can have for yourself. 10 years from now, would you still want to date a 32 year old girl that parties all the time? Better question, how long would you be willing to wait at home while she parties with other guys? 6 months? 2 years? 10 years? It's not uncommon to see people in their 40's still frequenting clubs nowadays as a lifestyle~

if you're shy, you have to break out of your little shell. talk to fat chicks, ugly chicks, homeless people, your friends, just talk to as much people as possible. when you gain more confidence then talk to girls that are 5/10 6/10 on looks and work your way up, you don't have to a big discussion. small talk works

consider talking to people like msn i'm sure you're good with that right, you're only stating your opinion, that's how conversations get started. right? just don't talk to people and say "el oh el" it's not completely like msn, though i know people who do say "laugh out loud" when they're drunk. anyways small convos like:

"what's up"
"hey hows it going"
"what are you up to tonight"

ending it:

"have a good one"
"take it easy"
"yeah man, see ya around"

hard? no.

the more you talk to people the easier it becomes, i use to wake up in the morning and game till night. stayed at home on weekends. go to sleep and wake up the next day only to do the same thing again. i wore rock & republic ed hardy because i lacked confidence.

most vancouver kids have to much ego to admit this, me i've realized my mistake and willing to admit it, only to remind myself to never steep down that low again. through my observation they're the ones that are close minded and judge people like no tomorrow. you don't want to be friends with uptight people anyways, don't paint all of them with the same brush though.

which is why i can put on a nice pair of jeans and a fitted dress shirt and steal there girlfriends from them. :) because my conversation skills are far superior than theirs. i'll even wear sweatpants and a roots hoody, and i can still get a girls number. if you ask most girls, they laugh at the people decked out in expensive clothing. complete misconception growing up in vancouver thinking the better the clothes the better your chances, fuck that.

anyways, i decided to change my priority in life. fuck the clothes and online games, i wanted the girls. so i changed myself, got classier clothing and stood out. made conversation with everyone i could, whether it's a homeless person(some of them have interesting stories). the reason i keep stating homeless is because i don't want you to be a judgemental person. that;s a negative factor to have. jsut talk to anyone you encounter, don't judge people until you know them. they could be nicer and more fun then that little broad of yours. you don't know, because you haven;t experienced.

don't expect to change overnight though, that's not going to happen and i'll let you know that now. it'll take months maybe a couple years. but, start with small talk then you will eventually build up into interesting conversations. if you have an in depth conversation with a girl you could get her to fall for you, if you gain social skills and make a girl laugh out loud in public. then you definately have her.

anyways, as i was saying i was that nerd that gamed and stayed at home. NO ONE IS GOING TO CHANGE YOU, YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOURSELF. IF YOU WANT TO MAKE IT BIG IN LIFE, YOU'VE GOT TO DEPEND ON YOURSELF NOT ON OTHERS. it was hard for me to make that change, probably why i have so much pride in myself now.

i still recommend you stay with this girl, let her break your heart. you'll realize not all girls are what they appear to be. the cutest humble girl on the street could be the freakest girl ever in bed or an absolute cheater.

small steps buddy boy, if you put your mind to it. it takes a lot more effort than just reading pal requires doing.

anyways, this isn't completely irrelevant to your thread. stay with your girl, but continue to change yourself then meet more girls, guys, anyone. if you stay with your girl, fine, but at least you've met more people. i'm almost sure, you'll give her her space throughout this transformation or who knows you might meet someone better. but, at the end of it all i guarantee you will definately not be afraid to lose her.

oh, and workout it makes you look better and increases testorerone. win win.

^ +1

I think he's hit every point.

are you sure you "love" her?
still relatively young and I mean ... you're really going to think you "love" her when you two have sex ~ I find the problem with relationships is people think too much

clearly she's telling you she's just going to be herself and you should do the same, and let things unfold

and maybe it's just me but people are too cavalier with the word love these days

VROSSI WILL YOU BE MY FRIEND AND MENTOR :D

Unless she's willing to rob a bank for you she doesn't love you. A girl will do anything if she's in love with you. Tell a girl you love her too soon, bye bye she goes. Tell a girl you love her too much, bye bye she goes. Theres no challenge, shell get bored. So do her and every other girl you meet in life a favor and just keep it light and fun. Girls are a piece of work aren't they? Always let the girl say those 3 words first, and the ratio of you saying I love you vs hers should be 1:5.

Don't be yourself, what the hell does that even mean? "Yourself" is subjective, everyones different. Telling someone that gives them the runaround. Seriously, it means jack shit. I love hot girls and want to compliment them, but that's a fucking mistake. Once per date is fine, assuming you're seeing her once or twice a week at most.

Sure guddagudd, buy me a beer or we can get high and chill on cloud 9. I just can't hang out with guys unless were getting impaired. That's just me.
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Props to v.Rossi for a good post and it's a philosophy I've been saying all along. I've seen mediocre chicks up their stock once they leave high school to be quite the formidable woman. Men can do the same by working out, investing a bit in their looks, opening themselves up socially.

However, I stopped preaching the above long ago because I've since figured out that it's like telling fat people how to lose weight. They keep crying they really really really really really want to lose weight but when they realize how much work it takes to change, they give up before they even started.

Anyways, good points by v.Rossi but I pity that for the reason above, points that mostly will go nowhere.