REVscene Automotive Forum - I Need Relationship Advice (Badly), Please help.

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Seems like the OP just wants to hear what he wants to hear.

Look, I've got to rip you apart here. Don't take it personal, I've just got to get into your deluded head, so drop your ego. - I wish I read the entire thread before posting my previous long advice now it seems like I'm jumping back and forth.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Colt (Post 7254687)

I am not pretending what this is now is what i want, I know what I want, I know this has things i want but is not complete. I only wish to build upon what I have and do it in the most safe and constructive way.

Most safe and constructive way, yet you're consistently talking to her all day? Fuck no.

One of the hardest parts I am having is trying to define what my situation/relationship is.
We think of each other as more then friends, The physical element is as intimate as it can get. I know many people who would consider both the amount communication and level of content in our conversations alone to be enough to be considered dating.

You can think you're situation whatever, but when you're on a date with her and she encounters her friends. See if she says "Hey, how's it going? This is my.............. friend, Mr Colt. See the three letters missing infront of the word friend?

I could use a few outside views on how i would label were I am at, I may be able to use it as a place to start planing how to get where i want to be.

Sure, just don't tell us that we have a misconception of the girl playing tom foolery around you.

The general feeling I am getting from most peoples comments is something a long the lines of "go with the flow, see where it takes me?" which thus far is all i really know, The truth about my past relationships, is even if i add it all up It barely adds up to ever having one official Girl friend. I have had crushes before, but I have never fallen for some one before, and this time, I often feel I am, but out of knowing how she wants to be right now, like her, I am holding back my feelings as to not hurt my self.

Going with the flow is waking up doing your regular 9 to 5, meeting girls collecting numbers, continue with the 9 to 5, eat sleep shit shower eat sleep survive, weekend comes hang out with buddies, hit downtown with the entourage, sunday comes, drink beer, watch the game, drink more beer, puke, eat, sleep, monday comes back to the 9 to 5. text a couple girls here and there see where the party is at for the weekend. That's going with the flow. inbetween all that, homework if you're a student. You've never had an official girlfriend, you're really not ahead of her in this race then like at all.

(thank you all for taking the time thus far to read through my long story, any information useful or not i greatly appreciate)

Yeah whatever.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Colt (Post 7254844)

Thank you for putting it so politely, I fully agree, I maturity and experience are very different and both are needed to be ready for a real relationship. I acknowledge that,
I think those who have commented in the past on this topic are the ones straying away from what I am trying to get at.

I am not trying to force her into something that she isn't ready for(like a relationship) or trying to make her in my mind as someone equal to my age just because she can act maturely.
I am trying to do my best to make things for both of us work out in the best possible way, and hopefully in the end we are both happy and if that means we are not together, have minimal hurt feelings.

She doesn't want to be in a relationship in the get-go, but if Bradley Cooper knocks at her door well who knows right?

Well obviously you're not forcing her. Good thing you don't have a .9mm to her head saying BE MY GIRLFRIEND! Yet you're still wanting her to accept you as her boyfriend if you weren't, you wouldn't be wasting your time asking for advice. (Badly)

To try and get back to the topic:
I guess the best way to look at it is, I am ahead in the path of life, she is catching up, but it will take time, I hope that when she dose catch up her path will connect to mine. Thus I want to do my best to keep our paths in line until that time. How I do that properly Is where I am lacking experience. I would appreciate the help and experience of others in these matters.

How ahead are you? Like you said yourself, if you add it up you've barely gone through one official girlfriend. If you're wanting something from her, she's the one ahead - that makes sense right?

If you were a nascar driver and ahead of everyone in the race, the only thing you would want from the people behind you is the look on their faces as they stress to beat you. She's ahead of you, you want her to be your girlfriend, you're wanting her heart. She's caught up and now past ya. Let's get that crystal clear.

Quote:

Originally Posted by impactX (Post 7254861)

If she could fool around with you, she could fool around with anyone. She's obviously not as innocent as you think she is.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Colt (Post 7254874)

Thank you for your thought out input, this viewpoint has been sitting in my mind, and as you said should probably stick with it. I try my best to just relax and be myself, for the same reason you said, she should grow closer to me on natural terms. The slight hiccup in this is I often feel like im going to take it overboard rather then play it cool/casual as i would with any other friend.

People always say "hey be yourself" that's stupid fucking advice. It's nothing more than giving you the runaround to make you think oh I can be myself. Time to get real comfortable, no. Obviously it's not working, be someone confident. Be like Brad Pitt or something, be someone who gets girls. Why's he get girls? His confidence, fame, money? We're all humans, who's to judge? You call it faking, I call it fucking improving. When you get the girls, you think you'll want to go back to your old regular self? Fuck no. Do I still have your attention?

I try to hold my self back from things, tho I would like to do, might be too much; Like overly txting her, wanting to use every cute comment or come back that pops in my mind, wanting to buy her things I think she might like, etc. I think considering the fact I like her this much, I think I'm doing pretty good at it; except for one thing, I always want to be around her, and due to her young place in life she as limitations, school, money, living at home, etc. So I'm always trying to present ways that will make it more possible/easy to hang out, I hope that i dont over do it, and she says that I'm not, but sometimes i think she might just be considering my feelings? I'm sure she likes the feeling of being wanted as much as the next person, but I am also aware of the playing hard to get aspect, something I am terrible at, but know can be very effective. I suck at these kind of games, and could careless to play them, but I know sometimes it is necessary. Can you give any input to this?
Note:
(I have a very simple life right now, I was in a motorcycle crash coming up 2 years ago, most of my "friends" left me behind in the hospital as they moved on in life, I'm not working atm because of it. So it's very easy for my mind to be completely focused on her all the time)

You want to buy her things you think she might like? I thought you said you weren't forcing her to like you. That sounds a lot like you trying to buy her interest up with gifts there. You "try" to hold back from overly texting, now I read this and appreciate you for trying but I know you're still texting each other back and forth like a couple of high school kids. Waiting for each others messages, getting all giddy inside, I know this without actually know this just by your message.

You have the feeling inside that gets you all happy and you want to be around her. This is great, but this is also whipped. You still thinking: "I think considering the fact I like her this much, I think I'm doing pretty good at it"?
You are not working atm yet you want to buy HER things you think SHE likes? FUCK NO! This is not going with the flow at all, this is you in over your head. It's good you recognized that you needed advice BADLY.

Sorry to hear about your accident btw, I want a motorcycle myself so hearing this is quite empathetic.

"I only wish to build upon what I have and do it in the most safe and constructive way." Your words not mine, but you're contradicting yourself beyond belief here.

And playing hard to get is a game? No because I fucking hate games, except on console systems. It's called self-control. Like a coke addict who just finished a rail and only wants more, you want to keep texting after getting your fix(her lovely reply). Practise self-control, it fucking helps in relationship, in life, in general. There's a reason why girls hate clingy insecure men, they kill challenge. If they had a safe, that girl could get that code faster than an F1 car doing a lap.

Side question: I know she has pretty limited income, So I offer to pay for most things that i can, and i do it gladly. But most of the time she feels quite bad that i am paying and often trys to pay me back, I dont need the money so i do not accept. She still thinks its sweet of me, But I'm not sure should I continue this way or should I ease up a bit?

Four weeks in and you're thinking about her income and paying for this and that, and you do it gladly. Please stop, you're making the male race look bad. You are overthinking everything. This shouldn't be on your mind, hell I don't even know how much my girlfriend makes. I don't give a shit, it's not my problem and it doesn't involve me. She pays for gas for her own vehicle, dinners get split. On occasion, when I get paid I feel great because it's payday I'll pay here and there. But, she knows not to get comfortable. She could leave me for some chump that will pay for her coach bags and bring her to dinner at The Keg, Earles each and every night. Why does she stay with me? Because I fucking stand with my backbone supporting me, not crawling around like a worm with a blackberry texting "where are you? I miss you, love you. Call me when you get a chance. <333" That shit gets boring, girls know it and they grow to hate it but they love the gifts, so they sigh put on an act, and tell you things to hang around.

i love reading v.rossi's epic break downs XD they are the only long ass posts on RS i will read

Wicked post by v.Rossi.

With all that being said...these topics get responded to in such profound nature by so many people because most men have gone through one of these scenarios in almost identical fashion.

The moment you bring up, in a conversational topic, about 'dating' or being in a relationship it's pretty much over (needless to say if she stalls or flat out says no as in this case). You either make the leap, and try a move on her, or you be her buddy.

You're not going to win this war...you can convince yourself that you will, but it's almost impossible. You're emotionally involved right now so it's hard to see the truth, but looking back on things, this will be one of those valuable learning experiences.

I didn't read all the posts but I did read OP's post and all I can say is that if the girl isn't ready to be in a relationship and she has to say sorry to you, it's best to give her space. If it was meant to be a relationship, it would have happened give it some time and go out with her more to find out who she really is before you get too involved with her. When people are on cloud 9 with a girl it's very hard to see the true person inside.

If she was really that into you, she would have made it easy for you and let you get closer to her but she slammed the door in your face and said that she isn't ready for a relationship. Where do you think you are? That is FRIENDS ZONE TO THE MAX. It doesn't matter if she's flirty with you or talking to you or remembering your birthday. Fact is, she doesn't consider you her boyfriend and made it clear she is not ready for a relationship then you are strictly in the Friend's Zone. Unless you can convince her otherwise, you're staying there. Your only hope is giving her time and space to what may eventually become a relationship. But whatever you're doing now, it's not working.

Thank you for all your help and critisism, i enjoy well thought out comments that allow me to see myself from a broken down postion and from diffrent angles.
I had a really good talk with her recently, and I think things are going to be just fine, and with a bit of time maybe end up were we both want to be.
As some one stated, I am over thinking this, and i always do that, I am a big over analyzer (lol anal). so for now, i think the best thing i can do is:

PS: If we end up married, all those who helped are invited ;) (open bar ;) )

if u know ur in the friendzone and want to take it to the next level usually the best way is to start clean.... like dont contact her for a long timeeeeeeeee

v-tines is coming up, do something simple like a single rose *not a dozen*, oh and a casual dinner or just lunch if you don't want to push it, worst case scenario - she will give you a good night hug....best case - she will give you a good night kiss on the cheek or lips, either way, its a step forward and that will make her think about you even more

are you getting any action?

good shit v.Rossi

I would stop this non sense of her not wanting to be in a relationship with you..and you standing pat by. If you really want the relationship to move foward in terms of what YOU want, tell her as light heartedly as possible that you do not want to be just friends. This means, cutting off seeing her and talking to her. Stand your ground. Its all or nothing. like Rossi mentioned, women respect men with a backbone.

DO NOT tell her you will be waiting for her. Dont let her buy any more time.

in reality, would you rather to be continued being dicked around in the current predicament you are in? it looks like you dont have much to lose by forcing her decision. Go with the flow... that is womanese bullshit once again. Life is what you make of it, and but she is definitely rolling your dice right now.

LOL at OP trying to walk around the fact that shes an LG.
sorry I had too :troll: i seriously dont get it why guys in their 20's looking at girls in HS... dude grow the fuck up and get a girl from a club or some shit. just my two cents.

holy shit i was hoping this thread would be a short read but ended up sitting here for like half an hour..... >_>

My input is just simply you're OVERTHINKING.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ilmatic (Post 7271836)

Yeah he's much better off grabbing a barstar :troll:
*referring to thread about chick that got "knocked up"a
Posted via RS Mobile

:facepalm:

honestly if this was me i would've kept this shit private(not post), locked her into the spank bank, then went fishing at another high scho....i mean club ;) let's go Colt!

if a girl doesn't want to date then why keep sniffing at the panties? that's my view blunt as it is.

IMHO this thread feels like a "help me get into this LG's panties please" LOL where's the RS jailbait crew when you need them............(i miss the pics) ;)

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mr Colt (Post 7260646)

PS: If we end up married, all those who helped are invited ;) (open bar ;) )

I know (well hope) you're joking and I don't normally rip on people...

But are you effing serious???

You asked for advice and truth hurts:

You two aren't an item no matter how much it feels like it... So get it out of your head that it's anything more. You're so delusional and your ego is so big that you're planning a parade and you walk around with wedding bells ringing in your head...

She's just gradding high school (unless you meant university)... How the hell do you think it's going to work and look that far into the future? You're already thinking about her finances/income and how stable her life is? Man fuck that shit... Let her try to be independent and pay her own way in this world.

She's got you by the balls here and is just toying with you and you're too proud and ignorant to see it.

Just as much as you have needs she's fulfilling, you're being used like a financial and emotional ATM.

Here you are trying to wine and dine her and once again as previously mentioned: "she's not as innocent as you think". Girls are evil creatures when they want to be.

If you really "cared" about her (I use that term loosely pun intended)... Then leave her the fuck alone because that's what she's asking you to do.

Moving forward many things can happen, but here are the two most likely scenarios:

1) Everybody on RS who has flamed you and called you an idiot is right... And we'll all give you a collective "I told you so"...

2) Or everybody (on RS) who has torn your ass apart is semi-right. You end up with the girl and laugh at us and feel good about yourself... But then she eventually tells you she's been forcing herself to like you or some bullshit like that and breaks it off with you after you've invested even more in her than you have up to this point.

What a chump...
Posted via RS Mobile

Wow v Rossi
Nice
Posted via RS Mobile

My advice is :

Since it's only been 3 weeks, wait a little longer to see if you still like her. Girls don't tell everything about themselves in the first 3 weeks. What seems like a "perfect" girl can be changed very quickly once you learn more stuff about her. Maybe she isn't as great as you think she is and she more than likely isn't worth you wasting all this energy and emotional stress over. I truely don't understand why you have to make a decision RIGHT now. Everyone has baggage, and more than likely she has more than other since she had to "grow up" fast.

Everyone who is saying the same things have all probably been through this. We all have thought that one girl is "worth the trouble" and it turns out they never are.

Quote:

Originally Posted by v.Rossi (Post 7256258)

People always say "hey be yourself" that's stupid fucking advice.

This!! v. Rossi has already said most of the things I want to say to you but:

-Just because you two are physical with each other "adult-themes" or whatever; you aren't excluded from the friendzone.

-She's may be holding out on a relationship because you're moving too fast for her, or she has no intention of having one with you at all. People are selfish and if she has no intention of being with you that doesn't mean she might not use you for company she needs right now.

-I've read your posts and I can't tell how often you're contacting her but maybe you should play a little harder to get. And yeah, instead of being yourself. Find out what she wants/finds attractive in a potential SO. Be that person as much as you can. Fuck being yourself. If she wanted to be with you, she'd be with you already.

LMFAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! someone said "the cinnabun lady said she'd marry him" in the very end.

lol you really have to crank the volume up to hear that

so your stuck in limbo right now with the girl....get her drunk and fuck her since your not going to get your chance while shes sober...at least this way you'll still remain a "friend"....but a friend whos fucked her at that!

Keep your thing with her for a bit longer, then ask her again after you two grown closer and more intimate.

1) girls that "have been forced to mature quicker" will seem ahead of their peers in many ways, but they will become childish over the stupidest shit. You may not have hit any of it yet, but you definitely will.

2) if she's in HS then she's only using you for the attention. She isn't really into you, but a *swoon* older guy is into her! And is giving her tonnes of attention! Woah what an ego boost.

So seriously, fucking cut her out completely and move on.