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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-10-2011, 10:14 PM   #1
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Who's wrong in this situation?

Speaking on behalf of a friend..

Person A, lets call her "girl"
Person B, lets call her "boy"

So Boy is dating Girl, and they have been together for quite some time. They love each other a lot...and I mean a lot, though Boy has jealousy/ issues, and tells Girl what bothers him and whatnot. They go through little arguments about this that slowly aggravates Girl more and more each time.

So Girl decides to have a girls party at her house, though her guy friend is invited (because he only hangs out with girls...though not gay). Boy specifically does not like this guy, and explains it to Girl, though she does not care about how he feels.

Also, there is absolutely, positively, no way the Girl will cheat on the Boy.

So basically,

Girl is not bothered by the fact that her boyfriend does not like this guy, yet still decides to invite/talk to him.

Is she wrong for not caring, or does Boy need to relax?

Sorry if this is a bit confusing..somewhat hard to explain.


Last edited by HelloSir; 01-11-2011 at 01:15 AM.
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Old 01-10-2011, 10:23 PM   #2
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are you "boy"?

sounds like the guy is trying to get with all the chicks and your gf
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Old 01-10-2011, 10:28 PM   #3
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Sounds like the issue is not going to be resolved.
The fact that this has been brought up several times with no decent outcome, just confirms the fate. Also if she goes against the guys wishes with out a second thought, then it seals the fate.

Jeasouly is a serious matter. It will only grow and grow until it becomes overbearing. It will enlarge to the point where it becomes the only topic. A break up is going to happen. When it happens is up to the boy.

At this point, the boy needs to decide if he wants to postpone the end.
Might as well do it sooner as it delaying will only cause more pain.
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Old 01-11-2011, 02:05 PM   #4
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both are wrong. Girl for deliberatly doing something boy has expressed to her bothers him and boy for getting upset over girly boy being around, even though girl has expressed nothing will ever happen....

Just because you don't like someone for whatever reason you need to trust your partner.
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Old 01-11-2011, 03:21 PM   #5
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Boy is trying to control Girl and using his "jealousy" as an excuse to do so this. This is not love. This is infatuation, fixation, obsession even. But this is not love. Especially if he knows that Girl is not cheating on him and continues to utilize the threat that she "might" to control her. He continues to batter her with his "jealousy" (read attempts to force her to reassure him of her affection) even though he knows this is forcing Girl further away. There by damaging their relationship further and creating a self fullfilling prophesy.

Girl is wrong. Yes for disregarding Boy's feelings but even more so for allowing Boy to manipulate her (as he surely has succeeded to do in the past if he feels he has the right to now) with his "Jealousy" issues. She's wrong for allowing herself to be in an unequal relationship. I'm sure Girl doesn't bitch if Boy talks to another girl. I'm sure Girl trusts boy when he hangs out with his friends. Girl is accepting her Boy setting a standard for her that he is not accountable for. This is not love. This is being a maryter. This is co dependancy. This is the beginnings of a seriously nasty emotionally abusive dynamic.

Girl should DTMFA. (sorry OP if you are him :/ )
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Old 01-11-2011, 04:13 PM   #6
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HelloSir View Post
Speaking on behalf of a friend..

Also, there is absolutely, positively, no way the Girl will cheat on the Boy.
Denial much? Fact that she invited a dude that your "Boy" doesn't like against his wishes, means that she's on better terms with the dude than with the boy. Words are just words and actions speak louder than words.

What is it with girls and having to be BFF with everyone even though they know that the social circle may not be ok with everyone within the circle?
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Old 01-11-2011, 04:36 PM   #7
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How old are you two?
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Old 01-11-2011, 05:51 PM   #8
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the "girl" is weighing the "other guy" as more important than the "boy" <-- thats whats wrong in the situation

btw. there's a reason why fags like that "other guy" has no friends..
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Old 01-11-2011, 06:14 PM   #9
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Thanks for all the replies. Will take everything into consideration.

There's no chance that they're on better terms or have that kind of affection for each other. It's hard to explain..I can't get the right words out. "Girl" is feeling sympathy I assume for him because he only hangs out with girls, and because this is a girl's party..he's an exception. Boy doesn't like that regardless of the fact that his group of friends are girls, yet she won't care..and thinks Boy is rude/inconsiderate for even thinking like this.

And I don't think I made it clear enough, but Boy is a jealous person...but not to the extent where he'll not let her talk with guys. He's pissed because Girl is letting this specific guy go to a GIRLS-ONLY party; he's not a girl, period.
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Old 01-11-2011, 06:47 PM   #10
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The girl is doing the wrong thing, she should be inviting boy over the other guy, theres reasons that the guy has no friends, if i was the guy, i would be more than mad !
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Old 01-11-2011, 08:39 PM   #11
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Girl is 110% in the wrong.

If you're in a relationship, doesn't matter if your SO has a problem with you hanging out with some dude/chick, or if your SO has a problem with a friggin tomato.
Once you commit, you commit, and you have to start taking the other person's feelings into consideration.
If you don't like what someone dislikes, DON'T go into a relationship with them.
If you don't like what your SO has begun to dislike, END the relationship.
KNOWING what makes your SO tick, or become uncomfortable, or get angry, and STILL doing it is unacceptable.

You can try to explain to them why a certain someone is no threat, but at the end of the day if they're still uncomfortable...

Have the courtesy to either respect their uneasiness or have the courtesy to end it so you can go do what you want.

Jealous as a tool of control? Give me a break, For sure some guys might do that, but 99% of guys have a genuine sense of mistrust. Believe it or not, but as a guy, we have a sense of what other guys are looking for. Are we always right? No. But if you had even a slight feeling that some piano teacher you found was a pedophile/psycho/crook, would you send your kid there anyway?

Like I said, don't like it? suck it up or end it; don't torture you SO.
/end rant
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Old 01-11-2011, 08:44 PM   #12
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Originally Posted by wstce92 View Post
Girl is 110% in the wrong.

If you're in a relationship, doesn't matter if your SO has a problem with you hanging out with some dude/chick, or if your SO has a problem with a friggin tomato.
Once you commit, you commit, and you have to start taking the other person's feelings into consideration.
If you don't like what someone dislikes, DON'T go into a relationship with them.
If you don't like what your SO has begun to dislike, END the relationship.
KNOWING what makes your SO tick, or become uncomfortable, or get angry, and STILL doing it is unacceptable.

You can try to explain to them why a certain someone is no threat, but at the end of the day if they're still uncomfortable...

Have the courtesy to either respect their uneasiness or have the courtesy to end it so you can go do what you want.

Jealous as a tool of control? Give me a break, For sure some guys might do that, but 99% of guys have a genuine sense of mistrust. Believe it or not, but as a guy, we have a sense of what other guys are looking for. Are we always right? No. But if you had even a slight feeling that some piano teacher you found was a pedophile/psycho/crook, would you send your kid there anyway?

Like I said, don't like it? suck it up or end it; don't torture you SO.
/end rant
Sounds like you've got it. =3
Still a lot of people feel that since it's the way they've always done things, it's okay. Regardless of how the other party feels they just don't care and get all up tight with it when it's brought up into the open.
What's the point of sharing "feelings" and all that crap if you get shot down when you do so?
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Old 01-11-2011, 10:44 PM   #13
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... theres reasons that the guy has no friends ...
thank you for saying that again
that guy is either a faggot (to the point of extreme homosexuality) or is loner cause he broke the bro-code (previously hit on his buddy's girlfriend and got ditched by all his guy friends)
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Old 01-11-2011, 10:56 PM   #14
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Based on the info that the OP gave, you can't say that she's 110% in the wrong. We all know that almost nothing is black and white.

The OP was vague in refering to going out as "quite some time". It could be a couple of months or a couple of years...depending on their age. If the girl has been friends with this guy for years and gone out with her bf for a few months should she cut the guy out of her life to make her bf happy? Probably not, that'd be a ridiculous request by the bf. Is this the only friend the bf doesn't like or are their other friends/acquaintances he doesn't like that his gf has. She could've just ignored her bf because he's controlling but we don't know that.

On the flip side, I do agree if there's been open communication about the bfs feelings toward her inviting this guy over then she should take that into account. Sounds like they both need to grow up.
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Old 01-12-2011, 12:08 AM   #15
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Boy should start to realize that his world does not and should not revolve around girl's. He has his own friends and his own life. Why should boy be jealous? Why can't girl be jealous of the friends boy invite for a guys night? Once girl realizes that boy actually have a backbone, she'll run over and beg for his attention.
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Old 01-12-2011, 12:10 AM   #16
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girl is wrong imo, but theres something you should learn.... no matter how right you are somehow the girl is always the right one...
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Old 01-12-2011, 06:21 AM   #17
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If Girl was throwing a jealous hissy fit when Boy wanted to go out with his friends would you say that Boy should cave to her jealousy and have no life so she's placated?
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Old 01-12-2011, 04:19 PM   #18
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Absolutely
boy should suck it up, or end it
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Old 01-12-2011, 04:20 PM   #19
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Is a girls only party which means only girls. What's the hell is a guy doing there? If that guy is allow to come to a GIRLS ONLY PARTY then the girl BF should be invited as well.
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Old 01-12-2011, 04:35 PM   #20
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The guy is always wrong. This is a fact of life. The sooner you accept this, the happier you'll be.
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Old 01-14-2011, 12:05 PM   #21
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Simple.
She chose her guy friend over you.

Personally, I wouldn't like a gf that prioritized a specific male friend over me.
(or any males over me for that matter).

Best if you were with someone else.



Quote:
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The OP was vague in refering to going out as "quite some time". It could be a couple of months or a couple of years...depending on their age. If the girl has been friends with this guy for years and gone out with her bf for a few months should she cut the guy out of her life to make her bf happy? Probably not, that'd be a ridiculous request by the bf. Is this the only friend the bf doesn't like or are their other friends/acquaintances he doesn't like that his gf has. She could've just ignored her bf because he's controlling but we don't know that.
Perhaps you're right... but I don't know. The last person I dated had this so called "God Brother" who was her long time friend.
Using that GodBrother excuse, she ended up seeing him and being more physically playful with him more than me. I mean she was naturally always like this with him, but when I stepped in the picture as her bf, she should have toned that stuff down, instead of telling me, "well, it's always been like that before." I didn't like this guy (and only him of her male friends). New people that met us thought they were dating by accident, when we were at group gatherings.

We broke up and she dated him immediately after. I wasn't surprised.
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Old 01-24-2011, 10:17 AM   #22
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Simple.
She chose her guy friend over you.

Personally, I wouldn't like a gf that prioritized a specific male friend over me.
(or any males over me for that matter).

Best if you were with someone else.





Perhaps you're right... but I don't know. The last person I dated had this so called "God Brother" who was her long time friend.
Using that GodBrother excuse, she ended up seeing him and being more physically playful with him more than me. I mean she was naturally always like this with him, but when I stepped in the picture as her bf, she should have toned that stuff down, instead of telling me, "well, it's always been like that before." I didn't like this guy (and only him of her male friends). New people that met us thought they were dating by accident, when we were at group gatherings.

We broke up and she dated him immediately after. I wasn't surprised.

guess thats you then hey
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Old 01-24-2011, 12:26 PM   #23
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Boy needs to relax. But girl is also wrong.
She still invited him, even though she knows it bothers him that much.
So in a way, Girl chose the other guy over Boy.
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Old 01-24-2011, 01:43 PM   #24
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wait a sec we automatically assume the BOY is OP but.........what if OP is the "other" boy?????
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Old 01-24-2011, 04:26 PM   #25
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^Doubtful.
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