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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-13-2011, 07:41 PM   #1
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[CONFIDENTIAL] New girl at boyfriend’s workplace – Should I be worried?

The following post is from an anonymous member. If she would like to reply to any replies please pm me.

Recently, this new girl got hired where my boyfriend works. They work in the same department and I’d say they probably work together 3 days a week or so. What bugs me is that he seems to know a lot about her after only a few days and I know he does not think she’s ugly either because usually when he meets a new girl, I often ask if she’s his type and if he thinks she’s good looking…Judging by his answers this time, it’s just not the same and I cannot get the reassurance I usually get.

Although I don’t know if she may be interested in him or if he may develop tiny feelings for her, I still rather her know that he is taken. I know you can’t just throw the fact out there, but I would think it’s easy to bring up the girlfriend in a sentence during a conversation or something if it relates? I don’t know why he won’t do it. I just think that if she were to be interested in him, she would probably act differently if she knows that he’s taken. I have no idea if she’s taken either.

My boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years now…and out pops this new girl…I’m not sure how I’m supposed to think. How long do people usually go on for until mentioning their gf/bf to someone new? Is it normal to keep it a secret if neither party asks?

Any thoughts would be great, thanks.

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Old 01-13-2011, 07:57 PM   #2
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definitely let him know that he should make it known that he is not single

however i would be worried, if he thinks he has a chance in hell and has the thought of cheating, most likely he will carry out that agenda

more likely, he doesnt have a chance even if he likes that new girl
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Old 01-13-2011, 08:50 PM   #3
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You've been together 5 years. Either you trust him or you don't. I think at this point in your relationship you should know.
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Old 01-13-2011, 08:56 PM   #4
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insecure much?
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:13 PM   #5
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Old 01-13-2011, 09:38 PM   #6
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Originally Posted by TheNewGirl View Post
You've been together 5 years. Either you trust him or you don't. I think at this point in your relationship you should know.
I agree with this, especially after 5 years..
However if he constantly flirting with the new girl and refuses to let her know that he's taken then OP has every right to be worried.

Personally I think your bf is an idiot if he would be willing to throw away a 5 year relationship for some new chick
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Old 01-13-2011, 10:44 PM   #7
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In all honesty, in my observations over the past decade or so, you're almost better off she think he's single. A lot of girls I know seem to enjoy the hunt more when they find out the guy is taken.
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Old 01-13-2011, 10:55 PM   #8
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In all honesty, in my observations over the past decade or so, you're almost better off she think he's single. A lot of girls I know seem to enjoy the hunt more when they find out the guy is taken.
^I agree, at first i was gonna say make it be known that ur bf is taken by the girl. But ive seen soo many instances where the girl loves the challenge of getting the guy thats taken.

The only advice that i could possibly give is to somehow somewat befriend the new girl, imo is harder for the new girl to fuckover a friend.
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Old 01-13-2011, 11:07 PM   #9
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pics?.... of chick....
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Old 01-14-2011, 01:46 AM   #10
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If you can't trust your bf you should end it, a relationship where jealousy and trust is an issue is miserable for all participants involved.

If your really concerned, suggest to your bf that the three of you go out for coffee after they work a shift together one day, just to help her feel welcome at a new job. Then use that as an opportunity to scope her out.
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Old 01-14-2011, 02:14 AM   #11
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You've been with him so long and still don't trust him on things like this, then you should re-consider still being in this relationship. Even if you get married wit this person, does situations like this change how you feel?

I just believe jealously within individuals are ones that lack confidence in themselves and they just need to go fix it before it creates any more damage. In this case, it appears you are jealous and don't trust him. Why be with someone you don't trust?
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Old 01-14-2011, 06:40 AM   #12
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Pics of you and the chick....
Edited for you
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Old 01-14-2011, 10:13 AM   #13
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Personally I think your bf is an idiot if he would be willing to throw away a 5 year relationship for some new chick
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Depends on how strong the relationship is. What if they started dating in highschool and they're at different stages in maturity or growing in different directions? The OP sounds insecure about her BF's coworker just cause she's not ugly - what does that say?

It doesn't matter how long the relationship is, trust is trust. If you trust him, continue on with the relationship and let this situation strengthen that trust (or find out he's not the one for you and move on). If you don't trust him, cut him loose and find someone you do. But don't continue with the insecurity as that will be the catalyst for your relationship's demise.
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Old 01-14-2011, 11:55 AM   #14
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I'm in a similar situation - new girl joined my department a few months ago, and I think she's smart & attractive. We don't work closely together that often, but we do interact. Recently, I went out for dinner with her and watched a hockey game. Would I want to be in a relationship with her? Yes.

However, there are a few things I take into consideration:

-I've been happily married for 6 years
-I have a 2.75 year old
-I don't think dating a co-worker is a good idea

I still think about her once in a while, but at the end of the day, I go back home to my family.

But TheNewGirl hit the nail on the head - it's all about trust.
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Old 01-14-2011, 12:32 PM   #15
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Originally Posted by ScizzMoney View Post
In all honesty, in my observations over the past decade or so, you're almost better off she think he's single. A lot of girls I know seem to enjoy the hunt more when they find out the guy is taken.
It doesn't matter to me if the girl finds out I'm taken. If she enjoys the hunt more and starts engaging on me more aggressively, I'll just start treating her even more coldly.

I have zero respect for girls that try to take taken guys away, and vice versa.


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It doesn't matter how long the relationship is, trust is trust. If you trust him, continue on with the relationship and let this situation strengthen that trust (or find out he's not the one for you and move on). If you don't trust him, cut him loose and find someone you do. But don't continue with the insecurity as that will be the catalyst for your relationship's demise.
It's human nature to be jealous. Even if you trust them fully, if the bf is an idiot and unaware the girl is flirting, and especially if he flirts back, he's an idiot. To be safe though, he should somehow let her know he's taken. Picture in wallet? I dunno. If this was an office, putting up pics of gf is ideal. Maybe picture of gf in cellphone background. That's pretty casual when the bf takes out the phone so the new girl catches a glimpse of it. There's ways to subtly do it. And I don't believe how it could be a bad idea.

Unless the boyfriend is an idiot, there is no reason why he would go against the idea of letting the new girl know he's taken.


But I'm also a believer in not putting yourself in situations that can be questionable. If the situation is enough to get people
talking about it, then it's probably not a good situation.


Quote:
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I'm in a similar situation - new girl joined my department a few months ago, and I think she's smart & attractive. We don't work closely together that often, but we do interact. Recently, I went out for dinner with her and watched a hockey game. Would I want to be in a relationship with her? Yes.

However, there are a few things I take into consideration:

-I've been happily married for 6 years
-I have a 2.75 year old
-I don't think dating a co-worker is a good idea

I still think about her once in a while, but at the end of the day, I go back home to my family.

But TheNewGirl hit the nail on the head - it's all about trust.
There's no black and white answer to this, as everyone is different. Just a bunch of opinions in this thread.
But I personally wouldn't like the fact if my wife went to dinner one on one with some guy (who she would like to date).

But let's say if it was just a boyfirend-girlfriend relationship, not married yet.
Just wondering would it still be okay? As breakup is a bit easier to do than divorce (and there's no children invovled).
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Old 01-14-2011, 12:39 PM   #16
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if he's smart, dating co-workers are a no-no. they're not ideal.
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Old 01-14-2011, 12:47 PM   #17
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please his sexual needs and he wont need to get it from another source
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Old 01-14-2011, 12:55 PM   #18
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I still think about her once in a while, but at the end of the day, I go back home to my family.
^ Is what's most important.

We don't go all dead inside the moment we get into commited relationships. It's both natural and normal and frankly to be expected that both partners will have crushes outside of their relationships. In fact I would say they would be unhealthy not to ever entertain such thoughts.

But if you come home to each other at the end of the day that's what's important.
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Old 01-14-2011, 02:04 PM   #19
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^ Is what's most important.

We don't go all dead inside the moment we get into commited relationships. It's both natural and normal and frankly to be expected that both partners will have crushes outside of their relationships. In fact I would say they would be unhealthy not to ever entertain such thoughts.

But if you come home to each other at the end of the day that's what's important.
I agree with the part where it's normal to have small crushes here and there, but I wouldn't go as far to say it's "expected " or it's "unhealthy" if they didn't. But that could just be me. Any other people in relationships want to comment on this?
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Old 01-14-2011, 02:42 PM   #20
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I agree with the part where it's normal to have small crushes here and there, but I wouldn't go as far to say it's "expected " or it's "unhealthy" if they didn't. But that could just be me. Any other people in relationships want to comment on this?
I agree, I wouldn't say not having crushes while in a relationship is "unhealthy." I'd say the opposite. If neither party has a crush on anyone, wouldn't that justify that they only like each other? What is so "unhealthy" about that?

Speaking of crushes, I seem to think of them as "emotional cheating" when you're in a relationship. Does anyone else think this way?
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Old 01-14-2011, 03:24 PM   #21
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I want to add that I have not hidden my relationship status from my co-worker; she has met my wife and kid. We're co-workers and friends - nothing more.

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But I personally wouldn't like the fact if my wife went to dinner one on one with some guy (who she would like to date).
I should rephrase - I asked a few co-workers if they wanted to watch a hockey game with me, and she ended up being the only taker. And we went to grab a bite to eat ("have dinner", same thing) before the game, nothing fancy or romantic about that!

Quote:
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I agree with the part where it's normal to have small crushes here and there, but I wouldn't go as far to say it's "expected " or it's "unhealthy" if they didn't. But that could just be me. Any other people in relationships want to comment on this?
Agree with the normal part, and disagree with the unhealthy part.

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Speaking of crushes, I seem to think of them as "emotional cheating" when you're in a relationship. Does anyone else think this way?
I don't think having a crush on someone when you're in a relationship is emotional cheating. If, however, you start unloading "emotional-type" problems with this person, and not your partner, then that is emotional cheating.

For example, if you're having relationship problems, the last person you want to be discussing this with is your crush!
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Old 01-14-2011, 03:54 PM   #22
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For example, if you're having relationship problems, the last person you want to be discussing this with is your crush!
Agreed. There's a line and that would be crossing it.
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Old 01-14-2011, 04:45 PM   #23
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What if your husband/wife is making excuses to be able to spend time with their "crush"?
Not necessarily to talk about anything specific, just to hang out and spend more time with them. Crossing the line?
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:00 PM   #24
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Yup.

"Making excuses" = lying, deciept to further the relationship with the "crush"

If there was nothing wrong with it, excuses wouldn't be needed.
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Old 01-14-2011, 05:48 PM   #25
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go meet him up at work one day while the girl is working and show that bitch who's man that belongs to...

You guys have been together for 5 years... it should be a pretty strong relationship; why are you letting such a small thing get to you.
was there a past trust issue?
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