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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-03-2011, 05:53 PM   #1
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to end it or not to end it?

I've been dating a guy for the past 2 years. Everything is going well except for one situation that has me really stressed out. He initially came here as an international student, completed high school, university, and is currently looking for a job with a 3-year work permit that he holds.

Problem is, jobs are hard to come by, and if he doesn't find a "proper job" that satisfies immigration requirements, he will have to go back to his home country when his work permit expires (in 2013). I'm worried that after investing another 2 years of my life with him, he will eventually have to leave.. (I am currently 25, with a stable job). I don't want to have to move away to his home country (southeast asia) to be with him. True, we could get married here, but the whole process of applying for immigration will take a ridiculously long time (~2+years), and my asian parents will never let me marry a man who has no job/career. Any advice? suggestions? Should I stay with him hoping that he will find a job soon, or move on before coming to a crossroads? He's a great person overall, but I don't know if I like him enough to wait around and risk losing everything at the end.

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Old 04-03-2011, 07:10 PM   #2
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no one can make this choice for u

do you love him fully, and does he feel the same way, are you willing to make the sacrifices

i'm kind of on the same boat, except i have to go to her country, a career/job is the easy part

i would, good jobs are not easy to come by, but money is
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Old 04-03-2011, 07:11 PM   #3
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but I don't know if I like him enough to wait around and risk losing everything at the end.

That should tell you a lot right there.
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Old 04-03-2011, 07:14 PM   #4
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but I don't know if I like him enough to wait around and risk losing everything at the end.
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That should tell you a lot right there.
Thanks. I was going to point out the same thing. Clearly, you don't love him. Find someone that you do love before you go an make any sacrifices.
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Old 04-03-2011, 07:47 PM   #5
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If you have to question whether or not you're willing to make that sacrifice then there's your answer
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Old 04-03-2011, 08:06 PM   #6
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anything beyond entry level will satisfy canada immigration.
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Old 04-03-2011, 08:43 PM   #7
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Go with your gut instinct. If it doesn't feel right, then don't waste your time or his.
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Old 04-03-2011, 09:32 PM   #8
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If theres anything worth noting from economics is that you have many alternatives. He's not your sole option, your one and only, your everything or nothing. You've been with him this far simply because he's been playing his cards right.

Whats your next best alternative if not with him? Assuming that you're living in Vancouver and you're not a stuck up bitch, your odds of finding a decent guy should be pretty good (I think).
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the guys over at lambo vancouver said there are 60-70 pre-orders already. don't quote me though.
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Old 04-03-2011, 09:36 PM   #9
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You are way way way too young to be getting married. You just finished school, just started out your career. It's best for you to set new goals in life and hey, in the future, if you do ever go overseas, you might get a chance to see him.

Best of luck. I've been in your shoes, approx around the same age.. It's just best to let it go.
PS: The girl i dumped finally found a decent job, stayed in BC and got her recidency and recently gotten married and they lived happily ever after.
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Old 04-03-2011, 10:03 PM   #10
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Thanks for the replies so far! I guess I knew eventually it would have to come to a point where we need to decide where we are going with this whole relationship. The reason why its starting to stress me out is because many of my friends are getting engaged, buying houses with their significant others, and I feel that I'm not moving forward with my life at all.

I know he tries looking hard for a job and it's not his fault that the economy is so bad. Do you guys think its too selfish of me to break up with him just because of his status in Canada? It's not like he had a choice when he was younger to immigrate to Canada. I don't want to come off as a selfish bitch that broke up with a perfectly decent guy just because he can't give me any security or promises of a future at the moment.
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Old 04-03-2011, 10:37 PM   #11
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I'd say selfish. Breaking up with a good person who you're compatible with just because they're in a shit situation is a slap in the face. Happens, but thats what it is. Reminds me of those girls that are like "aww i'll love you forever", man loses his job and she leaves his ass. Of course they're just looking for their best alternatives...

hmm
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the guys over at lambo vancouver said there are 60-70 pre-orders already. don't quote me though.
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Old 04-08-2011, 11:49 PM   #12
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^I disagree. It's really selfish to sever the ties only if you are married for those sorts of reasons. Dating, especially only a short 2 years, is a very transitory and fragile affair and that status can end at any moment - and both sides should always be aware of that until marriage. Why care how you would "come off" as? If you don't like him enough to make these sorts of sacrifices, you already have your answers. The portion of your life that you live unmarried is much shorter (hopefully, anyway) than that of when you are, so use that time wisely.
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Old 04-09-2011, 02:53 AM   #13
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^I disagree. It's really selfish to sever the ties only if you are married for those sorts of reasons. Dating, especially only a short 2 years, is a very transitory and fragile affair and that status can end at any moment - and both sides should always be aware of that until marriage. Why care how you would "come off" as? If you don't like him enough to make these sorts of sacrifices, you already have your answers. The portion of your life that you live unmarried is much shorter (hopefully, anyway) than that of when you are, so use that time wisely.
Break up with him, he deserves better. Not meant to offend you at all, but I think someones SO should give it their all if they really love their partner. You don't seem to... just saying.
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Old 04-09-2011, 09:02 PM   #14
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Old 04-10-2011, 02:54 AM   #15
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end it because in a relationship, you want to be with someone that will bring the best out of you. If you are having the doubt about not loving him enough, that clearly shows he's not bringing out the best of you and perhaps could be dragging you down from your better self if things take a turn for the worst and he ends up going back to SE asia.
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Old 04-10-2011, 06:08 AM   #16
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Old 04-10-2011, 10:07 AM   #17
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The economy might be bad, but not being able to find a job after two years just means you're straight up retard.

I also think you're asking the wrong questions. The right question isn't, "Will he get a job?", but rather "Is he doing the right things to get a job?"

For example, there's a huge difference between someone who is out everyday trying to set up informational interviews, attending networking events and reaching out to anyone and everyone vs someone who sits on his ass and sends resumes to online blackholes.

If he's doing the former, then you should support his ass because he's doing the right things. If he's doing the latter, then he's lazy and needs to get bitch slapped.

Having said all that, it sounds like you're looking for a reason to get out of the relationship so get out.
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Old 04-10-2011, 11:36 AM   #18
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The economy might be bad, but not being able to find a job after two years just means you're straight up retard.

I also think you're asking the wrong questions. The right question isn't, "Will he get a job?", but rather "Is he doing the right things to get a job?"

For example, there's a huge difference between someone who is out everyday trying to set up informational interviews, attending networking events and reaching out to anyone and everyone vs someone who sits on his ass and sends resumes to online blackholes.

If he's doing the former, then you should support his ass because he's doing the right things. If he's doing the latter, then he's lazy and needs to get bitch slapped.

Having said all that, it sounds like you're looking for a reason to get out of the relationship so get out.

This. If the dude is genuinely trying hard to find a job, you trying to find reasons to leave him will only make things worse. From the looks of things and having to ask on Revscene whether you should leave, you're already making things worse for him rather than doing something productive to help him.
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Old 04-11-2011, 09:30 AM   #19
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Out of curiosity what did he major in?
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Old 04-11-2011, 09:37 AM   #20
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If you're not sure you should probably cash out now.
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Old 05-08-2011, 11:31 PM   #21
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Out of curiosity what did he major in?
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sfu communications
anybody graduated from communications? What kind of jobs do they usually get?
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Old 05-09-2011, 07:25 PM   #22
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Old 05-10-2011, 01:10 AM   #23
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if you love him, stay
if you dont, then leave

to be honest, dont use the excuse 'dont want to waste time' or 'he might not have a career' or w.e, its either you love him or you dont

i dont want to sound mean, but its because i was once in similar shoes to your bf, so it would mean a lot more if you just be truthful that you are breaking up with him because you dont love him as much you think you do
because it would hurt more if he were to find out from friends or other people that you broke up with him because he has no career or what not

just my 2cents
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Old 05-10-2011, 02:38 AM   #24
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Sometimes you have to lose things to make way for better things and opportunities... Consider about your future and the extent to how much you actually love him and weigh it out. Be logical too, I know it's hard...
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Old 05-10-2011, 04:27 AM   #25
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if you can't give it your all in this relationship then why bother? i know it's a lot easier said than done but don't waste your time or his. it'll save him the pain of knowing later down the road
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