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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-04-2011, 01:11 AM   #1
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Rejection of a Friendship

Hi all,

I know that some of you guys know me personally. But let's just try to keep it between me, you, and the four walls as if you were just helping out an anonymous person.

I've been 'Friends' with this girl since high school. Just friends, nothing more. By the time I graduated, my feelings towards this girl started to change into something more, but I wasn't sure if she was on the same page, but I didn't want to push her into a relationship because I just got out of a really really bad relationship at the beginning of the 12th grade. And that I was certain she wasn't ready for one.

Fast forward 2 years later.

We start hanging out, doing things together that we still love to do. But we agreed to stay as friends and nothing more. She gets a bf, I get a gf, whatever. life's good. However, things go wrong I guess with the gf and we end up parting our own ways but I still had a bit of feelings for my friend. Although she was still with her bf I didn't care much about the bf.

Fast forward to my birthday.

2 weeks before, I told her to come, along with my friends (she hasn't met) to my house. During the party, I get a phone call from her, asking if she could bring the bf. I really didn't want the bf there because I didn't care for him but couldn't say it in words that would hurt her. So drunkily, I said that it's best that she doesn't come because of how the crowd is (getting rowdy, filipino's singing, lol) And she just gets mad because I invited her and now i'm kinda shutting her down, which wasn't even my intention. Words exchange, and i'm left off with a friend who decided that we keep our friendship distant.

Fast forward to now.
I'm busy, now with a fulltime job, moving out, working on my car... Life's great. But at the back of my mind, I still miss those days with my friend, who still dating that bf of hers. Whatever, just a simple fb saying I miss the old days and asking to chill and talk again.... And this is what she sends back: (I found it weird because she never wrote like this before)

Quote:
I appreciate your enthusiasm on the subject of catching up. However, as I recall, we decided not to "hang out" after the incident at your birthday. It may not have been stated directly, but I'm sure we both understood that it was implied.

That being said, I'm happy to still be "friends" on the basis of random once-in-a-while questions, facebook messages, etc.; but, I do not want to go back to "our days," for it has never been a friendship for a long period of time. The way you spoke to me and the things you said to me during your birthday opened my eyes to what I knew I did not want.

I hope you understand.
I'm CHOKED reading this. At one point I just felt like calling her and talking to her on the phone but seriously, in the message she basically treats me like shit saying that this friendship was not meant to be. Should I have just moved on with life and not message her? Just a simple hanging out would've been great since we haven't even talked face to face for 6 months, just a few text messages here and there.

Again, please treat it as anonymous here. Thanks y'all!

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Last edited by Nintensity; 04-04-2011 at 01:48 AM.
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Old 04-04-2011, 01:14 AM   #2
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i think that for you to get closure, you will need to speak with her directly about what is bothering you
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Old 04-04-2011, 01:17 AM   #3
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I'm CHOKED
iono why but i lol'd, what did you say to her anyways? depending on what you said to her, it might be better to just move on
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Old 04-04-2011, 01:21 AM   #4
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What kind of friend abandons a great friendship after one misunderstanding? Give it time. One day she'll realize the friendship that she gave up. In the meantime, I wouldn't think there would be much to do, considering she shut the door on you for whatever reason.
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Old 04-04-2011, 01:43 AM   #5
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iono why but i lol'd, what did you say to her anyways? depending on what you said to her, it might be better to just move on
I messaged her with something short:

Quote:
Hey, what have you been up to these days? So much to catch up on. We really haven't kept in touch much....bet you missed our days, right? We should maybe get together to do a bit of catching up to do. Let me know what's your schedule this week! Not too sure of your crazy school schedule so let me know.
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Old 04-04-2011, 01:46 AM   #6
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Honestly, no matter how close you guys were, if she doesnt make the time or effort to see/talk/catch up it's not worth it in, i know it's hard because so many things/memories have happened but why waste your time with her if she has no intention to at all



Now from an un-anon standpoint,

If it's who I think it is, I'd stay away npw
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Old 04-04-2011, 01:56 AM   #7
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Cho... true-that. Move on. If she has no intention to stay friends, then I shouldn't waste MY TIME and MY EFFORT time on something that won't even turn out positive in the end. Honestly, at this point, it will feel as if i'm forcing her back into friendship. But fuck, if she doesn't value the things that we ever did in the past, then fuck it. move on. Just that message right there made me realize that she doesn't give fuck all about it anyways.

(Cho.. you know me personally, so for the sake of this, just keep it between us. I really appreciate it!)
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:02 AM   #8
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:32 AM   #9
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Just move on at least you can save time now considering if this situation happened further in the future it would hurt more.
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:37 AM   #10
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Friends come n go. This one's going.
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Old 04-04-2011, 02:49 AM   #11
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a person once told me these words:

"those who matter, dont mind.
those who mind, dont matter."
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Old 04-04-2011, 03:52 AM   #12
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I messaged her with something short:
Could the problem be that you ignored the whole birthday incident as if it didnt happen? Now all of the sudden you want to catch up. It obviously meant something to her and you ignoring it made it worse. Try honesty, tactfully.
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Old 04-04-2011, 03:53 AM   #13
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I don't know if we are getting the full story. At your birthday you said you were drunk and who knows the things you said to her. You could have genuinely hurt her feelings with the stuff you said. If she wanted to invite her bf who cares? Maybe you were a jealous of her at the time, and she sensed it? I unno. She called it an incident.

Sounds like it's better to just apologize about the misunderstanding and if she doesn't bother, then time to move on! But the problem is it sounds like you like her still.
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Old 04-04-2011, 04:21 AM   #14
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The way I see it, you got two choices:
A) Move on and forget about the girl
B) Tell her the truth behind your actions, and hope she understands
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Old 04-04-2011, 05:45 AM   #15
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So what exactly did you say that piss her off that much? You are hiding some parts of this story.
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:09 AM   #16
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Why don't you man up and just apologize if still want to be friends. The girl must be really ticked off from what you said if she wants to stop your friendship, or the other thought is, she believes that you're jealous and it's best that she ends the relationship before you think it goes somewhere north.
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:11 AM   #17
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So what exactly did you say that piss her off that much? You are hiding some parts of this story.
I made a promise to bring her to the party, but on the night of the party, she said she had her bf with her and wanted to bring him. As much as I respect him since he's dating a good friend of mine, I didnt want the bf to come because I dont know him much as a friend, and wasnt sure if he, himself, would fit in the party. So me being tipsy, told her it that it was best that she doesn't come. I didn't want her to feel excluded of the way the party was going... (it was getting rowdy. You know them Filipinos. lol.

And what pissed her off was because at first, I wanted her to come, and now I told her not to come. Guess how she felt after.
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:13 AM   #18
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Hell, if girl did that to me regarding my gf, I'd defriend their ass too.

You really have no play here other than genuinely apologize. If she accepts, great. If not, move on.
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:04 AM   #19
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whatever man.... just let it go, you want closure and all but i can tell you that you won't get it. Stop trying to see if from your own perspective but from her's. I mean to have someone say "oh your bf shouldn't come blah blah blah" was selfish on your part and if your good friend told you that you don't want your gf to come and start yelling jibbrish... you would feel the same. You might think it's nothing but on the receiving on it's a diff story.

Friends come and go... let it go andmaybe in a few years, she'll say hi again.
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:21 AM   #20
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sometimes...when a girl tells you she doesn't wanna be friend with you anymore, it may not be her saying that.

you don't know what happened that night, after you guy hung up the phone...maybe her boyfriend was bitching at her or something depending on how much of an asshole or insecure he is.

a lot of boyfriend do say crap about their girlfriend's male friends, telling them not to hang with them, blah blah blah
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:49 AM   #21
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If she minded THIS much, I'd say at the time maybe she had feelings for you. Either that, or you were so drunk, you said something more than what you can remember.
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Old 04-04-2011, 10:58 AM   #22
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If she minded THIS much, I'd say at the time maybe she had feelings for you. Either that, or you were so drunk, you said something more than what you can remember.
I agree with the part about saying something you dont remember, or maybe it was just HOW you said what you did came off as douchey.

I think for now you should apologize and leave the ball in her court. If she chooses to not let it go then thats her loss not yours.

But who knows, maybe she sensed that you were into her and now she wants to distance herself so things arent awkward
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Old 04-04-2011, 11:00 AM   #23
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So what had happened between the falling out at your birthday to when you sent the catching up text? Were you guys just ignoring each other up to that point?
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Old 04-04-2011, 11:04 AM   #24
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Honestly, do you really want to get back into hanging out with her and stuff, what if you start liking her again and things get complicated. I mean this is the perfect time to go do your own thing, and besides, and I could be completely wrong about this, but she sounds like a complete bitch.
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Old 04-04-2011, 11:22 AM   #25
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Cho... true-that. Move on. If she has no intention to stay friends, then I shouldn't waste MY TIME and MY EFFORT time on something that won't even turn out positive in the end. Honestly, at this point, it will feel as if i'm forcing her back into friendship. But fuck, if she doesn't value the things that we ever did in the past, then fuck it. move on. Just that message right there made me realize that she doesn't give fuck all about it anyways.

(Cho.. you know me personally, so for the sake of this, just keep it between us. I really appreciate it!)
yeah man pretty much what everyone here has said, you just gotta move on man. I mean I know where you coming, but at the end of the day you are trying to reconnect with someone that has clearly moved on and doesn't really value you all that much. I know its shitty to have to accept that but it is what it is, friends come and go that's lifeeeeeeee
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