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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 04-04-2011, 09:10 PM   #1
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Friends dissapearing the moment they meet someone

I'm sure we all have friends like that. You know the kind; one minute you guys are drinking together, taking each others' money in Texas Hold'em, lifting weights, going hiking, crashing and burning with women and generally doing stupid shit. You feel you're going to be young forever, and the Bromance is in full swing, until the inevitable happens: one of the bar-stars you picked up suddenly becomes a stage 4 clinger, and your buddy folds like a house of cards. He becomes enamored by the pussy bear trap that she has now sprung, and your buddy goes the way of The Jonas Brothers' career.

For the next few months the only contact you have with him are through facebook or occasional text messages pertaining to random things. At your usual drunken outgoings, you're a man short, and the lost-one's name is only brought up in conversation followed by "Is he still going out with whatsherface?" "Fuck, she's got his balls in a vice."
I am proud to say that I have never been the guy to completely dissapear when I meet a girl. I still keep my friendship and my relationship running in parallel and I expect her to do the same. She doesn't have to drag me to her girls nights outs and I don't expect her to come out to UFC nights. If you had made prior arrangements with your friends, then by all means keep them- such is my philosophy. Anyways, one of my friends just recently fell into the pussy Bermuda triangle, and I expect to see him again sometime in November.

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Old 04-04-2011, 09:15 PM   #2
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wasnt there a thread about this already? but yes this happens to everyone its just that you should always try to have time for buddies... its hard but its part of growing up.
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:16 PM   #3
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But ufc is fun to go to... I hate when people ditch their friends for a boyf/girlf, you can still have your independant time alone or do a group thing and bring both along
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Old 04-04-2011, 09:49 PM   #4
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eventually, people grow up and part ways. It is only natural since as we get older, we look for a suitable partner to start a family with. It isn't until we get even older into our mid years that we are able to join back with our old friends. Naturally, we will want to look for a partner and keep them with us, and as we start a family, our time will be focussed on our families and our career, leaving no time for friends. Much like our death, eventually our friends will disappear as we age into our senior years. Enjoy every moment you have with your friend, because they will be the only moments in your life and you will not be able to go back to it.

However, that does not mean that friends should disappear entirely from our lives. In our times of distress, friends may be the only cure. Go ask them out for a coffee, or host a party at your house to reconnect with all your friends.

I truly believe that every single moment should be treasured in our lives, and don't lose contact with that good friend from elementary school. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Being an elementary school butt buddy, my first true friend on the first day of kindergarten, i remembered him years later only to find out he died from a car crash. Don't let that mistake happen to you.
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Old 04-04-2011, 11:19 PM   #5
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we part ways but people value things differently and people like this... i just sit back and just relax.

I'm sure we all have done the high school gay ass move where we just involve ourselves FULLY into the other's circle. I've made my mistake and I won't ever do it again.

I like my guy time, i like hanging out with my own friends and it took me a long time to establish, i won't trade it for a girl.
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Old 04-05-2011, 11:09 AM   #6
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Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

Just because you're a couple now doesn't mean you're not individuals anymore. I find fights and break-ups happen a lot more often with couples are who just too "integrated".

Guy/Girls night out are a way for people to sort out their feelings with someone other than their SO, don't ditch that, you'll regret it in the longterm. Same goes for your hobbies, contacts, and other interests - it's what made you intriguing enough for your girl/guy in the first place, don't change!
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:13 PM   #7
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I have a friend who dissapeared after he got a gf. He only calls me when his girlfriend lets him off her leash but if she needs him while we're chillin. He bounces right away
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Old 04-05-2011, 02:37 PM   #8
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I was one of those dudes who dropped everyone with my ex. Then when I was SOL I was alone in my shit. While I think it is important to spend a lot of time with your SO, you need balance so that you that you do not negelect either.
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Old 04-05-2011, 03:32 PM   #9
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some guys just have a harder time getting pussy than others, let him enjoy it
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Old 04-05-2011, 10:17 PM   #10
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eventually, people grow up and part ways. It is only natural since as we get older, we look for a suitable partner to start a family with. It isn't until we get even older into our mid years that we are able to join back with our old friends. Naturally, we will want to look for a partner and keep them with us, and as we start a family, our time will be focussed on our families and our career, leaving no time for friends. Much like our death, eventually our friends will disappear as we age into our senior years. Enjoy every moment you have with your friend, because they will be the only moments in your life and you will not be able to go back to it.

However, that does not mean that friends should disappear entirely from our lives. In our times of distress, friends may be the only cure. Go ask them out for a coffee, or host a party at your house to reconnect with all your friends.

I truly believe that every single moment should be treasured in our lives, and don't lose contact with that good friend from elementary school. It was the biggest mistake of my life. Being an elementary school butt buddy, my first true friend on the first day of kindergarten, i remembered him years later only to find out he died from a car crash. Don't let that mistake happen to you.
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Old 04-07-2011, 11:31 AM   #11
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alot of my friends dissapeared even though they dont have a gf/bf. it happens really randomly.. ALOT of my friends dissapeared once they got into university. friends come and go i guess
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Old 04-07-2011, 12:04 PM   #12
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alot of my friends dissapeared even though they dont have a gf/bf. it happens really randomly.. ALOT of my friends dissapeared once they got into university. friends come and go i guess
Sounds like they got buried by the books rather than just flat out disappeared
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Old 04-08-2011, 11:29 AM   #13
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I was one of those dudes who dropped everyone with my ex. Then when I was SOL I was alone in my shit. While I think it is important to spend a lot of time with your SO, you need balance so that you that you do not negelect either.
real friends take you back with no issues.

once you have kids tho, holy fuck......
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Old 04-08-2011, 11:40 AM   #14
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real friends take you back with no issues.

once you have kids tho, holy fuck......
Really it was a combination of things that made us drift apart. Being fresh out of HS, going to different Universities, etc. But it is like instantneedles said, it is just people taking divergent paths in life. Its just that social isolation excellerated the process. In the end, I take 100% responsibility for what had happened in the past and hope to learn from it going forward in life.

But kids though, whole different story. I assume it is like a whole paradigm shift where your attentions and needs become more and more focused on your offspring rather than social connections (not to say that they are absent entirely).
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Old 04-08-2011, 11:51 AM   #15
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i guess its my own fault losing contact with friends, not wanting to go out or getting to addicted playing games, and waiting up for the gf to pick her up so i know she is ok after a night of clubbing. a friend came back from doing service over seas and it was a blast spending time with him and other friends, just catching up remembering old times, to bad he only stayed for 2 weeks.

it hard to connect with friends if they dont make some effort back

i miss the old days
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Old 04-08-2011, 12:09 PM   #16
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white guilt.. i like your writing style.
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Old 04-27-2011, 01:42 AM   #17
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Usually if someone (a "good friend") completely disappears on me as soon as they hook up, then only wanna hang out suddenly after a breakup, I usually tell them to get lost. I'm not saying that it's always "bros before hos" or whatever (which is also stupid), but it's a balance. If you're going to ditch your friends the second some girl shows up, don't expect your friends to drop everything for you if you're suddenly in a bind. It shows that your friend obviously does not see you as a good friend either, so why treat him/her as such?

With that said, all of my taken friends still leave some time here for the group. Sure it's not as much as when they're single, but they definitely don't keep their friends around as "something to do when the SO is busy".

Any guy who is completely whipped needs a swift kick in the butt. Does anyone know anyone in such a situation where the relationship actually lasts? Everyone I know who's ever gotten into something like this ALWAYS eventually gets dumped by the girl anyways. It's a nice and fast way to lose the girl's (and your own) respect.
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Old 04-27-2011, 02:27 AM   #18
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I know someone whose the exact opposite. They disappear the moment they are single. This is a guy I"m talking about.
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Old 04-27-2011, 02:28 AM   #19
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^ I dare not ask what this guy does during his "single" time..?
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Old 04-27-2011, 08:21 AM   #20
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^ Emo mode??? or time to get his shit together before going back out to enjoy the world.

Atm, I'm single and honestly, I'm trying to get my shit together before I hit up another gf....can't have a stressful lifestyle and enjoy spending fresh time with a potential gf....
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Old 05-26-2011, 09:05 AM   #21
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My fiancee is my best friend. Thats the way it should be.

I believe another problem is how both man and woman have to work these days to make good money. So with both people working, and spending time together, that pretty much cuts out friends all together. 1) wife 2) work 3) friends.... unfortunately in that order.

then some day 1) kids 2) wife 3) work 4) friends
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