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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 05-30-2011, 01:05 PM   #1
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It's all about honesty isn't it?

k so.. I need a little bit of advice.

I've been seeing a girl for a few months, 3 or 4 and it's not that serious but we are in a stage that I guess I am decideing if I want to move into actually making her my girlfriend. We both just got out of serious relationships.. both about 2 years. She tells me she is over her ex and wouldn't be with him again, I believed her, becasue I feel the same way I guess.

Anyways, save the judgement, I was watching her soccer game and she gave me her phone and I guess without even thinking I began scrolling through her msgs.. I dont even know why. & I found a convo between her and her ex saying multiple things.

Some saying that she missed him a lot and she didn't feel like she would ever move on and that she would never feel the same about another guy. She said she still loved him but knew it was wrong to be together and that she thought it was time they took a break from talking and hanging out.

There were also texts between her and her best guy freind saying that she likes where she is right now but she "can't seem to get over the 2 years they spent together"

Honestly, I'm fucking pissed off. I would never have this convo with my ex, but I do understand that you can miss someone and not want to be with them. But why do you have to say it?

My question is.. is it wrong for her to miss him like this all the while being with me? Should she be having these conversations with people and then spending nights with me? Do you guys think she should be telling me these things outright? Is she worth my time?

I havent felt this way about a girl in my entire life. I see a lot with her, she is probably the first girl I see a solid future and family with

I actually just about left her after her soccer game, but instead I come home to here. I havent spoken to her yet.. Im seeing her tonight. What am I supposed to do, am I making a huge deal of this?

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Old 05-30-2011, 01:27 PM   #2
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just realized I posted this on my room mates new account. i guess he will let me know if you people have anthing useful!
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Old 05-30-2011, 01:29 PM   #3
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does she still talk about her ex?
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Old 05-30-2011, 01:52 PM   #4
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i think you should have expected some emotional baggage when the both of you got out of serious relationships. i got out of one myself and i can kind of relate to her. i still have feelings for my ex and i admit, i do miss him at times but i know that if i still stayed in the relationship, i wouldn't be happy. i think what she's feeling is perfectly normal and you shouldn't have snooped on her phone if you weren't prepared to find out something you didn't want to know.

i personally think it's wrong for her to start a relationship with you if she's not completely over him. i think it's not fair to get into a relationship when you have no intentions of giving it your all. it's rather hard to when you have your ex lingering in the back of your head. as for the conversations, maybe she just felt like discussing her feelings and wasn't sure how to say it to you? although she should have been honest and told you how she really feels. if she's worth your time, that's really hard for me to say. although if i was in your position, i would leave before it gets more serious later down the road and you end up getting hurt because she's still hung up about her ex.
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Old 05-30-2011, 01:55 PM   #5
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what was the date on the text?
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Old 05-30-2011, 01:56 PM   #6
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Imo if she isn't over her ex, she should get over him completely before jumping into anything else with anyone.

Now there's a possibility she'll be comparing you to him which isn't fair to you. Her feelings for him are always going to be clouding her judgement etc

That's just my opinion though
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Old 05-30-2011, 02:16 PM   #7
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How long were you guys "single" before meeting each other and dating?

If she is still texting her ex and saying all that stuff..I'm gonna take a hunch (sarcasm) that she is NOT over her ex and clearly needs to take a breather from dating. It's not fair to you if someone comes home to you but her mind is somwhere else. Sorry, but it kind of sounds like she's using you as her rebound.

It is however, normal for her to feel so confused right now because:

A) She hasn't given herself the time to really get over her ex--especially if was a long term relationship..it's not going to be forgotten within days or weeks..or even months. Just because you got over your previous relationship so quickly, doesn't mean others can do the same so quickly.

B) She wants to move on and focus on a great guy like yourself..but can't because of A.

You may have strong feelings for her right now, but if you allow this to continue while you guys are "together" chances are..later down the road when you guys are a couple and you think everything is great...she might just break the news to you one day when she can no longer keep this charade going on. I say, save yourself the hurt later on and let it go now. If you guys happen to date later in the future--great! But for the time being.. I don't think is going to work.
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Old 05-30-2011, 02:54 PM   #8
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Too late, seed of doubt is already planted - it'll just grow into a mighty tree of doubt and insecurity. Get out and start fresh.
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Old 05-30-2011, 03:03 PM   #9
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Lol you brought this upon yourself. If you didn't read that shit and continued doing you you woulda been fine, now that you've gone thru her shit it'll probably stress you out for a long time.

Iduno bout chu but I'm doing me.
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Old 05-30-2011, 04:31 PM   #10
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She doesn't talk about him, unless I have asked... or unless he came up in a normal conversation. The texts were from about 3 weeks ago. I know I shouldn't have read them but I did...and it sucks. She was only single for a few weeks and I was single for 3 or 4 months. I guess maybe it is too soon for her..

Quote:
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Too late, seed of doubt is already planted - it'll just grow into a mighty tree of doubt and insecurity. Get out and start fresh.
I think the biggy for me was the her saying she still loved him. If she was telling him she missed him or was still generally just upset about the natural upsets in a breakup (ie getting used to being freinds, or not). or EVEN if she was comparing me to him. I think Id be okay. Because I think that everyone knows that it's pretty hard not to do it. I've done it subconsiously.. and I want nothing to do with my ex...
all of that could have happened and not instilled this "doubt" in my mind. Your right. As soon as she said "I still love you" I think thats what made me want to get out. It immediately made it go from something that can be overcome... to something thats not even worth my time..
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Old 05-30-2011, 06:34 PM   #11
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If she dated him for 2 years and she was with you a few weeks after then gtfo. How soon was she dating her current ex from the 2 ex's ago?

I dated a girl like this, she would date a guy for about 2 years, break up, find another boyfriend with in a month and the same thing would happen over and over again. She told all these guys she loved them, etc...
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Old 05-30-2011, 07:47 PM   #12
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yea, 2 weeks is too short a time after a 2 year relationship
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Old 05-30-2011, 07:53 PM   #13
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ignorance is bliss....
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Old 05-30-2011, 08:35 PM   #14
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Her body is with you but her heart is with him.

Reading that she loves someone else is like a stab to the heart for me. If I were you, I would let her go. Just want her to be happy and such (cliche). But maybe she loves you as well. There are many sides to consider, would she be happy without you or with you?

But the most important question is would you be happy with or without her now?
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Old 05-30-2011, 11:09 PM   #15
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Time will tell, but start dating other girls.
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Old 05-30-2011, 11:44 PM   #16
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OT....

i never understand how ppl can still be into their exes....i was with mine for 9 years and even got engaged...i think about him now and it totally gives me the heebie jeebies and makes me a little vomilicious...

maybe it is just me. when i am done, i am done. no going back ever. when i look back at my exes i always wonder what the hell i was thinking.

for the OP...move on. if u are dealing with this shit now, it will only get worse. this time (early in a relationship) should be filled with balloons and cookies....not doubt seeds and razors.
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Old 05-31-2011, 12:10 AM   #17
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Quote:
maybe it is just me. when i am done, i am done. no going back ever. when i look back at my exes i always wonder what the hell i was thinking.


If you look back at all your exes like that maybe you need to rethink the choices you are making.
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Probably because he tells it like it is and knows hockey better than you two dipshits? People respect his opinions, not like you two dipshits? He has a solid income, not like you two dipshits?
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Old 05-31-2011, 12:16 AM   #18
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..I have to agree with the others. After 2 years of being with someone, i dont care how bad of a break up they had (Obviously not to bad from those texts) Its going to take awhile for her to get over him. I am still in contact with most of my Ex's but i dont ever tell them i love them, I think of what we had and where shit went wrong so that i can know better in my next relationship... but i dont talk about that shit with them.

It will only hurt you in the end if you jump into this now as she is not all that sure of what she wants, maybe give it some more time till things settle down and she decides what she really wants to do. I know it hurts to see messages like that, and to be someones relationship springboard. I would not just end it off, just give things time if you think you do want her.

Hope your decision works out for the best
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Old 05-31-2011, 07:24 AM   #19
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Quote:
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If you look back at all your exes like that maybe you need to rethink the choices you are making.
oh dude, true story!

I always chose the same type of guy....good thing the person I am with now could not be more different than any of my exes. Never been with anyone like who I am with now and its awesome.

I don't ever put all the blame on my exes (even the one who cheated after 9 years) as there are always 2 players in the relationship game. Maybe it would be more appropriate to say that I look back at those relationships and I get the heebie jeebies thinking about who I was
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Old 06-07-2011, 01:34 PM   #20
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Getting into something serious with a girl who's still hung up on/has feelings for a guy or guys is not worth it.
I know it may seem like its worth the fight and risk right now, because you're head over heels for her, but trust me, its not.
Over time, even if you think you're over this "hiccup" of the beginning of your relationship, it'll always be in the back of your head. There'll be days where you don't think about it, but there will be days where you will. This relationship will never be as strong (for you) as one where both you and the girl have 100% empty hearts for each other from the beginning.
I wish I listened to my friends' advice before I jumped into a serious relationship with a girl who I know had past guys in her head.
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Old 06-19-2011, 07:01 PM   #21
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nm...
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Old 06-19-2011, 09:22 PM   #22
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i would stay in the friend zone with her... she doesnt seem like she knows what she wants yet and it will lead to disaster for both of you guys.
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Old 06-19-2011, 09:50 PM   #23
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hit it and quit it jk, i guess give it time. stay as friends for now until you really see you guys can move forward. like the others have said "2 weeks is too short for 2 years". PERHAPS it could just be a break between her and her ex. and while she's having that break, she's with you, comparing you two. i hope all works well with you though. whether you end up as friends or together, good luck! don't rush it!
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Old 06-21-2011, 02:21 AM   #24
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I think 2 weeks a bit short too. At least give it a few months. She is most likely missing being with someone and looking for someone to give her those feelings she once had.


Or hit the ASS and give her a Donkey punch and ran lol
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Old 06-21-2011, 09:34 AM   #25
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Treat this as a FWB relationship and start dating other girls..
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