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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 08-17-2011, 08:25 PM   #1
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Conversations with girlfriends - lacking?

I've been seeing a girl for a couple of months now and I'm falling for her. There's a lot of great things I love about her, however, our conversation sometimes seems to lack a lot of substance and in-depthness.

I've been in love a couple of times before and had the same experiences when it comes to conversation. Talks are pretty in depth when it comes to talking about things like our thoughts on relationships, sex, plans for the future, talking about our friends (especially their love lives), etc. However, anything deeper than that seems to be greeted with smiles/laughter/agreeance but no discussion. In fact, the majority of our conversation seems to be of the jokey nature.

A simple example would be the other day in my business a customer tried to pull a credit card scam. I complained about it and questioned how anybody could be so low. Her response was something along the lines of 'ha that totally sucks!!!'

I generally get a lot more satisfaction out of talking to my best guy friends. I could sit around having a beer with a guy friend and talk for a couple of hours and genuinely have a good time. I don't know if I could with my girlfriend lol.

I've been raised to think your 'wife partner' should be your best friend. Am I just being naive to expect significant meaningful conversation in a relationship? Do men and women have entirely separate interests and thus it's unreasonable to expect to have as intriguing conversation with my girlfriend as with my best friends? My other concern is I'm white but never seriously dated a white girl, so maybe it's a cultural issue?

Thoughts?

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Old 08-17-2011, 08:30 PM   #2
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Old 08-17-2011, 10:25 PM   #3
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what does she do?
school / work / volunteer? if she is active and busy, she will have things to talk about.
just ask - how was your day and it should open up the pandora box of conversation..
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Old 08-17-2011, 10:35 PM   #4
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Some women are jarheads who cannot converse about something past their 10 minute line up at starbucks and how the girl next to her was wearing something outrageous.

You've been seeing the girl for a couple months now? You guys should definitely be beyond the first date shoot the shit period. If you guys can't talk about things in the larger scope, then move on if that is something you really want.

I got some buddies too who I can't have a decent conversation with neither. Some people just sit on a different wavelength. This girl does not seem to be in your spectrum

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I've been raised to think your 'wife partner' should be your best friend. Am I just being naive to expect significant meaningful conversation in a relationship? Do men and women have entirely separate interests and thus it's unreasonable to expect to have as intriguing conversation with my girlfriend as with my best friends? My other concern is I'm white but never seriously dated a white girl, so maybe it's a cultural issue?
No you are not naive to expect this. It is something many others including I definitely want. Go fish another fish from the pond
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Old 08-17-2011, 11:57 PM   #5
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If you feel like youre talking to a wall i think its time to reconsider.
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Old 08-18-2011, 02:28 AM   #6
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There's no such thing as a perfect person and every great person will have something that bothers you or annoys you.

If you're falling for her, that means that she has qualities to her that are very much worthwhile. The question is, if that bit of quality you don't particularly enjoy is big enough to lose out on the other qualities that you do heartily enjoy.





Just to put you at ease, a lot of people have the same parallel, myself included. I used to prefer dating women who were athletic; particularly girls I could take snowboarding, paintballing, ice skating (since I'm an avid hockey player). The woman I chose to marry is not even close to being athletic and as a result, the activities I was used to do so often, I couldn't do with much frequency anymore, if any at all.

Point is, she's a wonderful person and for some reason, even though she didn't meet my dating preferences... haven't in the slightest made me regret my decision at all, nor did it make her any less of a great person.


And hey... maybe not talking enough is the better problem than having a woman that can't shut up at all.
lol j/k bro.
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Old 08-18-2011, 09:13 AM   #7
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Unless she's trying to give you subtle hints that she's not THAT into you?

Seriously though, I agree with you. I wouldnt be with my gf if she couldnt talk about anything more than the shoes she bought. If it bothers you now, it will bother you later on as well regardless of how many other good qualities she may have.
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Old 08-19-2011, 08:06 AM   #8
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the sex must be awesome if you love her and you can't even hold a 5 min conversation with her.

walk away. you have nothing in common.
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Old 08-19-2011, 09:01 AM   #9
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there are women you can have conversations with,

me and my gf talk all the time,

in fact she wont shup most of the time,

in terms of "deep" conversation, I find women are just intellectually inferior in that department all together,

I havent met a single woman to date that was smarter than me, or that could talk over my head.

but sometimes they surprise you though...
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Old 08-19-2011, 09:35 AM   #10
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Originally Posted by Glove View Post
in terms of "deep" conversation, I find women are just intellectually inferior in that department all together,

I havent met a single woman to date that was smarter than me, or that could talk over my head.
You wanna know why?

THIS is what theyre REALLY thinking of...

Spoiler!


Ok, no but seriously this is what they actually think of

Spoiler!
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Old 08-19-2011, 09:41 AM   #11
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god damn it mike...
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Old 08-19-2011, 09:48 AM   #12
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Meh. I know what you mean. But when I think about it, I'd rather date a girl like that over a smarter opinionated chick who won't shut up.

Plus, this way it leaves you with a stronger desire to kick it with your buddies once in a while.
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Old 08-19-2011, 01:52 PM   #13
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I have some friends like that but she's probably not an educated person and probably relies on guys to get her ahead. I'm just throwing an assumption out there so...
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Old 08-19-2011, 02:12 PM   #14
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Just before things get wayyy too far painting her in a bad light... I just want to bring up that the other side of the coin also exists. Just because a person isn't much of a talker doesn't ALWAYS mean he/she is a jarhead/airhead.

Some people are just introverted, shy, naturally quiet, or just not a good conversationalist, but by no means does it make them dumb. There's tons of smart/intelligent people that I admire that unfortunately possesses the same social characteristics.


Of course, nobody online including myself is in the position to make that judgement other than the OP about the girl's real character since none of us has the benefit of actually knowing the girl in person.


So again, it really goes back to you (the OP) and it's rather simple. If it really bothers you to the point that it outweighs all her other great qualities, then let it go. However if it's only minor and she has other great qualities that more than make up for it, then that's reason enough for her be a worthwhile company; but only you are the best situated to answer (and weigh) those questions.

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Old 08-19-2011, 02:46 PM   #15
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I'd say go ahead and marry her .. my wife hasn't stop talking since the wedding ..

I've heard the magic power of wedding ring also cure things like: gf giving too much BJ's, wanting too much sex, failing to communciate during football games, unwilling to clothes shopping ...
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Old 08-20-2011, 12:38 AM   #16
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Some girls are like that. I am seeing a girl like that now. She is just quiet and shy that's all. She likes to listen that's all. Nothing wrong that although sometimes I have nothing to say so we just stare at each other or something.
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Old 08-20-2011, 09:07 PM   #17
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Some girls are like that. I am seeing a girl like that now. She is just quiet and shy that's all. She likes to listen that's all. Nothing wrong that although sometimes I have nothing to say so we just stare at each other or something.
I dont' know why, but I LOL'd pretty hard
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Old 08-20-2011, 11:14 PM   #18
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i kinda agree with Alpha .. sounds like it's not really gonna work out
you and your girlfriend should NEVER lack in conversation-- hell i can relate to Glove; my gf just never shuts up

both of you should be extremely comfortable around each other (especially if it has been a couple of months already) and be able to discuss ANYTHING

this is just my opinion. do what feels right to you
best of luck

** if she tries really hard to keep the conversation going, keep her. if she sounds like she doesn't care when you tell her about what goes on in your life, then pzpzpz LOL
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:15 PM   #19
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It really depends on life experience as well. Not talking about age difference because that is totally irrelevant.

For example if your girlfriend is still in school, it would be hard for her to relate to your problems with work. Even if she has worked retail before, the POV of an employee vs a business owner is completely different. Your social circle really only start to expand after you get out of school. So you might have friends in all different walks of life where her friends are all from school.

Differences also come in if she is still living at home vs you who are probably living on your own.

So don't jump to conclusion so quick just yet. Try to explore what she is into as well and try to understand what are her passion. Find topics that she can relate to and explore new things together.
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Old 08-21-2011, 05:19 PM   #20
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there are women you can have conversations with,

me and my gf talk all the time,

in fact she wont shup most of the time,

in terms of "deep" conversation, I find women are just intellectually inferior in that department all together,

I havent met a single woman to date that was smarter than me, or that could talk over my head.

but sometimes they surprise you though...
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Old 08-23-2011, 02:18 AM   #21
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You say it's been a couple of months, could just be she's not comfortable with you yet, and that takes time. I've been in relationships where deep convos didn't happen til later on, we were both trying so hard to be a certain way that we were afraid to express our thoughts on a certain subject, afraid that the other person might judge us.

I say give it some more time, fish for what she might be interested in talking about, as in topics of discussion instead of shallow stuff. Maybe it could just be that she wasn't knowledgeable in that area or felt uncomfortable? Give it a while, if she was a flake, you'd know it a little longer, a person can only hide so much right?
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