Sweet Dreams...

[ShanghaiKid]

I just wrote this for myself... but I decided to show others so they could figure out why I've been so down for the last while.

I've written and scribbled words under a variable of circumstances, from a simple composure translating a complex meaning to intricately, meticulously, and excessively fabricated pieces of art conveying a significance where a single word may suffice. I've written lengthy texts engrossed in contexts of perverse academia and distressful legislation as well as existentialist dialogue and shallow japes amongst friends. I've written to articulate myself and my ideas in the wake of the ideals of others, but rarely have I written to express mine own emotion and feeling, those manifestations of raw affect that inhabit my inner subconscious. It takes a special place in my heart to compel me in this way to write as i do now, and I hope that those who are still with me in these thoughts will keep reading, because if you've ever put faith in me then I promise every single word is worth its weight in love...

I remember the day, fourteen long years ago, you were five and I was nine. It was nearing the end of November, and it was bloody cold. My mom saw you first and instantly fell in love, she said you were so handsome. And you were. Although I was not as convinced as her, I did think it a grand idea to bring you home. And so we did. Fourteen years ago, you joined me. Fourteen years ago, that little boy I was knew love.

From then on, you've been with me through thick and thin. You've made me furious, jealous, worried, and upset. There are too many times where I've bled and yelled because of you, and because my reasonableness runs low, my temper runs high and my patience runs dry I said things. I never meant any of it though, truly, not a single word. Yet despite all that, still you stayed, and if you ran off for a while, still you would come back. From dusk till dawn, rain or sunshine, on dark wintry days to sweltering summer evenings, you've always been there.

None of that holds a candle to everything else we've been through from then till now. The way you comforted me while tears streamed from my eyes. The way you curled up to lay beside me to keep us both warm. The way your paw fits into my hand. The way you butt your head into me to show excitement and affection at my coming. The way I've found all your quirks and the ways to annoy you, and yet never come to be irritated for very long. The way you purr as loud as you can, as long as you can and as often as you can, as long as you are with me. When days were short and dark, the way you've shown me how to love through a simple touch has shown me to days long and bright.

Today, I carried you from your bed to the washroom so that you wouldn't have to jump out and make an effort to climb those stairs that woe you so. Today, I took a bath for the first time in many years, so that you could sit beside me on the tub edge and lap at the water like you did so long ago. Today, I hugged you, kissed you, and told you I love you more times than I have in the last few months put together... these were the things I should've been doing lately, only that I forgot to because of lesser things in my life and its something I think I'll always regret. I'm so sorry.

Today, I cried because of you, for the first time in a very long time.

You are my greatest companion. You are my best friend. You are my brother. You taught me the meaning of compassion, of affection, and of a love that no other human being could without saying a single word. And here I am, trying to write a thousand of them that could never sum up to the zero you spoke. I'll never regret you coming into my life, because you've given me everything you have without asking for anything in return. For that, I will always remember you, and I will always love you from the bottom of my heart. I just hope you know, you'll be taking a piece of my heart with you, and nothing will fill that missing piece ever again.

So lay your head down, because you've loved and let love for a long time, and you deserve the long rest. One day, when the winds of fate blow me away, we'll meet again. When that time comes, you'll get to see that little boy you fell in love with, and that little boy will get to see his best friend, the one he loved until the end of his days. I love you, more than you'll ever know.

So close your eyes now, my handsome prince. May you have the sweetest of dreams.

[Soundy]

[Nlkko]

...and learn to love, lose, and cry manly tears.... My first dog, we held him in our hands as he got the lethal injection. For those who dont know, you have an option to stay with your dog in the room at the end, always stay. Because they always look for you.

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