[Confidential] Whos right or wrong?
 

The following post is from an anonymous member. If they would like to reply to any replies please pm me.



Background: my SO and i had an argument over something dumb a few days ago. after the argument, she apologized and said she was sorry. however we both knew that she didn't actually think she was wrong, but she just said she was sorry to end the argument. this is why, just to preserve my own sanity, i wanted you guys to be the final judges of who's right and who's wrong.

the argument started because a while back, i figured this thing out on my phone that let me forward all my texts to her. i'm not the kind of guy who has a lot of shit to hide so i didn't really mind, and she never asked me to either. i just set it one day cause i knew she'd be surprised by it and left it at that.

she never sets it on her phone, and i never ask her to. we never mentioned it for a few weeks. one night i bring it up just because i was curious and said 'why didn't you do it? did you just forget or something?' and she says no, she didn't want to do it because sometimes she vents to her friends about me when we argue. i'm perfectly fine with that, if she wants her privacy she is entitled to it and i have no problems with that whatsoever. the next day, we're fine.

during that day i impulsively decide to disable it, and i don't think anything of it cause she didn't seem like it was that important to her. i tell her that i turned it off and she gets pissed off at me.

i tell her she has NO right whatsoever to get mad at me for turning it off, when she has never turned it on in the first place. then she argues back with 'why does our relationship always have to be fair?' and i just stop for a moment, cause i've NEVER been asked that before. i didn't think that could even be an argument.

so in summary, i turned on a text forwarding thing for her, she never turns it on herself, i don't mind, i turn it off, she gets MAD at me, calling me insensitive and inconsiderate, and i get mad at her for getting mad. like really? how can you even get mad at someone that stops doing something for you.. that you NEVER did back for them?

just to clarify i'm not pissed because SHE DIDN'T TURN IT ON, cause that doesn't matter to me. i just believe that i should just have the right to turn it off without her getting all pissed off at me.

so, who's right or wrong?

lol-ed at the bolded part.

she said apologized, let it go. does it matter if you were right or not? what do you gain from being 'right'.

To be fair, what neither of you may be realizing or acknowledging is that you violated her privacy by, with out out discussing it with her, setting up the text forwarding thing, that forces your private life to intrude on hers always, even when she's away from her. And in doing so you set up the expectation, even if you say you didn't, that she would do the same.

That wasn't fair and she's likely trying to minimize it all but very possibly harboring resentment for that. I sure as hell would be if my boyfriend's texts started buzzing away on my phone all the time in the time I'm away from him. We after all, have time apart for a reason.

your right.

relationships are supposed to be fair...not give/take (she gives you shit and you take it)

i really dont think she has any grounds in the first place to be snooping through your texts even though its just with your friends. if she wants to read your texts that you get...let her view them on your phone, dont forward them to her.

the bolded part made me lol.

I think if this is an independent problem, let it go since she already "apologized". If this is part of an underlying problem, I'd investigate further.

btw. RS twitter is awesome!

You're the man, so you're inherently wrong. Learn to live with it... or become a monk.

The following is a reply from the anonymous member

because i don't want her to get mad at me for things like that again.


because of the way she was so stubborn about being right, it also makes me wonder if i was the one being too stubborn as well. if i was, then i want to apologize to her instead. if she was, then i don't have to feel like i might have been too firm on my position.

I don't fail people for their concerns in this forum, but I'm verbally 'failing' you.

This is the dumbest fight in the history of dumb fights.

If you can't have trust, you can't have anything. It's not trust, with checking, and its not trust, outside of surveillance-its trust, you either have it or you don't. If my gf turned on automatic forwarding of text messages, and then gave me shit because I didn't, it would annoy the fuck out of me. It's like saying, "I love you, do you love me?" That's not a simple statement of love, its a simple statement of insecurity, wrapped nicely in a loving compliment. And that's what you did.

Next, the only thing that would say to me is, "hey! I have nothing to hide...see! you see my text messages" BUT...I keep phone calls, bbms, facebook and e-mail to myself.

Agreed with this. Anyone thinking a relationship doesnt need to be fair needs a couple good smacks to the face...



..and maybe a roundhouse kick

But out of curiosity, why did you turn on text forwarding? Was she snooping through your phone or what?

Sorry, but you needed to be failed for lack of reading comprehension.

SHE'S the one giving HIM shit for turning it off again on his own phone. Bitch be straight trippin'.

I think you were dumb for turning the forward thing on in the first place when she didn't ask you to. You completely brought this on yourself.

oh, and I don't understand why anyone would want to forward all their texts to anyone. Its just asking for drama to happen.

And I'm sorry, but you need to be failed for the lack of your reading comprehension.

That doesn't sound to me like a person that doesn't care. That sounds to me like a passive, backwards way of wanting her to do it as well. And that was the point of my post. If my gf started this up, then its going to annoy the fuck out of me because there is going to be an expectation to reciprocate, whether he says he cares or not. Otherwise, why the fuck would you do it to begin with? To be nice? Bullshit.

Trust me, I get that she picked up the cause and went off on it, but it was his passive games that started the whole thing. So he turns it off, and she now has a reason to think there is a reason. His reason is his invitation to passive games wasn't accepted, and she thinks the reason is he now wants to hide things.

In short...she may be off her rocker, but he's the one pushing behind her.

So un-fail me. :)

AND...in the same quote:

we get:

Which is what I think the real reason this whole thing started.

What a passive aggressive fucking mess in a relationship.

as xmisstrinh said, this whole thing is just asking for drama.

I think you were wrong by setting up all your text messages to be forwarded to her. I think it's healthy to have your own space & interests. It would be a different story if she asked you to.

I think you kind of set the expectation for her to receive the text messages, but it was pretty lame for her to get mad at your for shutting it off and making the comment "why does our relationship always have to be fair?"

OP is wrong for setting up something like this. Why give her all the policing power on what you say and to who? Do you give your SO access to your bank account information too? This is self-whipped and unless she threatened your life to turn this "feature" on, it was imposed by you and not her.

Companies get backlash all the time when they stop providing something without a good reason. People were pissed about PS3 taking away OtherOS, MSN got flak for removing the blocking feature, and the bottom line is that if it was there and is taken away, the general response is complaints. The product works perfectly fine without the features taken away but people just have to cause drama. No one ever complains when they get something for nothing.

Offer things you never intend to take back, drama avoided.

You weren't thinking properly when you turned on the text-forwarding option for the first time, so did you learn your lesson yet? Think before you act.

There wouldn't even be an argument if you didn't offer that in the first place, so you indirectly brought this onto yourself.

the gf is stupid b/c she got caught looking...

i look at Gridlock's shit when he is out of the house....i be sneaky like that ;)

never do it when the bf is home.

Why would you forward all your texts to her if she didn't return the favor? A relationship must be 50/50; Not 75/25, 65/35, nor 51/49, but 50/50. You're allowed to do whatever she does.

Verdict: She's the one in the wrong.
Don't let a girl like that walk over you. Take no shit

not all relationship are all fair. it's life. you can't go anal on her and put it in the butt and not let her toss ur salad. somethings aren't meant to be fair.

for this, something where sh has nothing to hide, she should fully do the same. It's like... why do i have to always drive 45 to see you, can't u come over to see me "why does every relationship have to be fair" if this is the same comeback sh has to a relationship, u can go ask her to fuck herself.

It doesn't matter who's right or wrong cuz she apologized already.

But if there must be a slight right or wrong then my opinion is that you're right cuz the text-message forwarding wasn't demanded by her (from what you wrote). It's something extra you're doing for her, but after however long, it has become an expectation (from her perspective) that you forward texts to her.

I think you reserve the right to take away the bonus from her. After all, it is something extra you're doing.
That being said don't further argue who is right or wrong with your gf :\

Logically speaking, she is wrong. Too bad women don't follow logic when it comes to these right and wrong things.

Get someone to spam you useless messages and forward it.

Your first problem is arguing with your girlfriend

Everytime I am wrong or she is wrong I just man up and apologize first lol saves hours of headache

Even if you win an argument, you still lose.. so theres no point in arguing.
But i have to say you brought this upon yourself, especially if you set this whole fowarding text thing on your own...what were you thinking man?

I see what you mean by this, and although there is valid truth, you shouldn't have to apologize when you did nothing wrong.

Like Matlock said, too bad women dont follow logic when it comes to right and wrong :okay: