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The thin line between love and hate
Mature discussion about understanding the opposite sex...

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Old 01-01-2012, 01:10 PM   #1
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Big mistake.

xo


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Old 01-01-2012, 01:36 PM   #2
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You cant. You fucked up.
Honestly you'd be the luckiest person alive if he still wants to be with you.

I've said this before but women are ALWAYS complaining that they cant find a decent guy blah blah. Then when they get one, there's either something they dont like about them, they're not attentive enough, not affectionate enough. Or they cheat on them.

Of course this is all just my opinion
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Old 01-01-2012, 01:37 PM   #3
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Ball is in his court. Glad you stopped before you went all the way.
Good luck.
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Old 01-01-2012, 01:43 PM   #4
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1. If there wasn't any part of you that wanted to keep going, why did you? I know you said you didn't go "all the way", but what initiated it to begin with?

2. Big mistake emailing him about it. This is something that should have waited until you could talk to him face-to-face.

That being said, whats done is done.

Regardless if you didn't want to, or felt/feel bad about....cheating never happens with everything in a relationship is cool.

Before you both even think about re-building a relationship after cheating, you guys need to figure out what was fucked before you cheated. Once that is kosher, then you can work on the cheating issue...he is going to have to trust you again. People don't cheat for no reason.

How long have you guys been together? Age? Do you live together? Do you want to be with him forever? Need more info...
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Old 01-01-2012, 01:50 PM   #5
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Shit happens, at least you had the courtesy to tell him and apologize.

There really isn't much left to say, cheating tops the list of ways to end a relationship. Either he forgives you and never trusts you again, possibly guilting you about this situation for a long time, or he just breaks up with you (I personally wouldn't never stay with someone that cheated on you)

Put yourself in his shoes, how would you react to this from his perspective. Is there any possible scenario which could reestablish trust within the relationship? There are no excuses to validate your actions.
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Old 01-01-2012, 02:00 PM   #6
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1. If there wasn't any part of you that wanted to keep going, why did you? I know you said you didn't go "all the way", but what initiated it to begin with?

2. Big mistake emailing him about it. This is something that should have waited until you could talk to him face-to-face.

That being said, whats done is done.

Regardless if you didn't want to, or felt/feel bad about....cheating never happens with everything in a relationship is cool.

Before you both even think about re-building a relationship after cheating, you guys need to figure out what was fucked before you cheated. Once that is kosher, then you can work on the cheating issue...he is going to have to trust you again. People don't cheat for no reason.

How long have you guys been together? Age? Do you live together? Do you want to be with him forever? Need more info...
The guy kissed me and I simply didn't have the self-control to stop him. A lot was going through my mind at first, then after a few minutes I stopped thinking.

.. I know how ridiculous this sounds but I felt bad that I led the guy on. That's a big part of the reason I didn't stop sooner.

We've been together for 1 year. I'm 20, he is 22. We don't live together.

I don't want to answer the last question because my response is yes.
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Old 01-01-2012, 02:15 PM   #7
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Unless your boyfriend is Good Guy Greg, don't be expecting any lenience. I mean, if my girlfriend cheated on me, I'd drop her ass in a second. No regrets. I believe in: Once a cheater, always a cheater.

I don't intend to make you feel any worse (and I apologize if I do), but you seriously need to clean yourself up and get over these insecurities. Jealousy's the green-eyed monster, and plays a big part in sabotaging relationships.
"Jealousy in romance like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, be life-threatening."
You clearly weren't thinking straight when you acted. Empathy will do a lot for you.

The only thing left to do now is to apologize, and hope for the best. Good luck
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Old 01-01-2012, 02:20 PM   #8
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You're wrong for even thinking about kissing another guy, but you're right for stopping and telling him..

Maybe take some time to relax, go for a walk in the nature by yourself and think what part of you kept you going for that kiss.. Once you eliminate that factor the relationship will be good to go
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Old 01-01-2012, 03:21 PM   #9
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I admire the honesty of telling your bf right away instead of just trying to act like nothing happened and hope he doesn't find out.

However, from experience and what I've seen, the situation is doomed. Typically people who get back or stick together after one cheats are never the same again. I wouldn't doubt that perhaps both of you want to work it out but trust me and you've heard the saying that somebody can forgive but will not forget.

On top of that you said you guys had issues about jealousy and insecurity or rather you did but you guys fought about it. So then you end up doing the most hypocritical thing and cheat. So if you end up trying to work things out I bet he will have issues of jealousy and or insecurity b/c well he has reason to. Like I said shit will not be the same ever again. Realistically I think the best you can hope for is to still be able to be friends.

Either way I wish you the best of luck.
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Old 01-01-2012, 03:58 PM   #10
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you already said the relationship was rocky because of your insecurities and what not , so i think maybe right now you should look into yourself. You know you fucked up, and at least you came clean and admitted it to him. But i think before you can be happy with someone else, you have to be happy with yourself. If you felt the way you did (jealous etc etc) it's obvious you weren't happy were your guys' relationship stood and this is for sure not going to help anymore. There's almost no advice i can give you as seeing these wonderful people already have. All i can say is look as to why you are were you are, and fix the problem. That may be fix yourself and hope to god he forgives you or just move on. We aren't perfect species, but obvious signs are obvious.

ps : sorry if this made no sense, it did in my mind and perhaps i didn't explain myself the correct way haha.

Best of luck
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Old 01-01-2012, 04:38 PM   #11
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The relationship could survive, but whether it does or doesn't you need to learn from this experience.

Relationships aren't something that come naturally to many people and that's why often times peoples' first serious ones don't last forever even if they love the person, but rather only a year or two. In some ways, it takes failing in those first relationships to learn how to share your life so intensely with another person. Face it, loving a person is as difficult as it is amazing, because of the fact that it causes feelings like jealousy. Look inside yourself, conquer your insecurity and jealousy issues, whether that be on your own or with him and that will help you secure a long and happy future with someone.

Good luck and don't be to hard on yourself, you're only human, these things just happen some times and there's nothing you can do to turn back time.
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Old 01-01-2012, 04:41 PM   #12
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Alright, my quick snd kinda bitchy response?

Move on. Relationship wasn't hot to begin with....you betrayed his trust...you are young and have a lot of growing to do and I think you only want him to be "the one" in light of what happened and to avoid a break-up. The relationship is not that old and you should not be having problems like this already.

I don't mean this to be condescending in anyway way (re. you are too young), I just speak from experience.
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Old 01-01-2012, 05:48 PM   #13
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you're such a young person, you live and learn. i have been in the situation before. i have cheated and i have alsobeen cheated on.

you should live this lie for the rest of your life. please join me and forever tell yourself to never be in the pool of people who thinks cheating is ok.

i'm not going to blame you for anything, what's done is done. you still had theback of your mind to stop. my question for you is,why? you have a bf, was he boring, why did you lead the other guy on knowing fully that you have a bf. did you msn flirt, bbm flirt, fb flirt?
it's these little things that leads from playing with fire, and then slowly you're burnt. next time tell urself to not even flirt with someone.

you live and learn digitalgirl, u're young, epic young, may this be a lesson for you to PROUDLY tell your friends of your mistake and never going thru with this again, let ur friends use you as an example to never let them cheat. HOLD ur friends accountable to never let them cheat.
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Old 01-01-2012, 06:30 PM   #14
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You are young.

You had a moment of weakness.

You realized and understood what you did (right or wrong - doesn't matter.)

Go on. Grow up. Live your own life.
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Old 01-01-2012, 06:32 PM   #15
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I'm going to speak as if it was me handling the situation.

Talk to him about it when you see him, I agree that this should have been left for a face-to-face conversation, not e-mail, phone maybe.
There's nothing that you can do to fix it because ultimately it's his call.
I know for sure that when he gets back he'll want space from you, give it to him.

What you can do for yourself however is to find ways of dealing with your vices. Work on improving yourself by learning from this relationship. Good luck
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Old 01-01-2012, 06:36 PM   #16
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you're such a young person, you live and learn. i have been in the situation before. i have cheated and i have alsobeen cheated on.

you should live this lie for the rest of your life. please join me and forever tell yourself to never be in the pool of people who thinks cheating is ok.

i'm not going to blame you for anything, what's done is done. you still had theback of your mind to stop. my question for you is,why? you have a bf, was he boring, why did you lead the other guy on knowing fully that you have a bf. did you msn flirt, bbm flirt, fb flirt?
it's these little things that leads from playing with fire, and then slowly you're burnt. next time tell urself to not even flirt with someone.

you live and learn digitalgirl, u're young, epic young, may this be a lesson for you to PROUDLY tell your friends of your mistake and never going thru with this again, let ur friends use you as an example to never let them cheat. HOLD ur friends accountable to never let them cheat.
He is exactly the decent guy Yaminashi was referring to. He is more than a decent guy.. But not the boring ďtoo niceĒ type!

It is due to my own unrealistic expectations and preconceptions about love that cause me to be unsatisfied in the relationship. My own baggage causes me to talk myself into believing he doesnít care for me.

Believe you me, I donít think what I did was OK at all. There are lots of things I want to say but canít because they just sound to me like excuses. I want him to know that I know what I did was blatantly wrong.

No, this guy was a stranger. Iíd never met him before. I left my friends to go sit down because I had a lot on mind.

Spoiler!

Then this guy started talking to be because he said he knows my friends. Then after the small talk he just leaned in and I failed to lean back. By not pulling away, I cheated and led the guy on by realizing too late, no?

I donít know how to avoid using statements that come off to me as excuses anymore. I didnít mean for the situation to end up how it did. That sounds so bad! I'm ashamed of myself. I want to stop talking now because I donít want everyone on RS to see how psycho I am.
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Old 01-01-2012, 06:42 PM   #17
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At least you're taking responsibility.

There are plenty of people who cheated on their S.O. and won't admit they were wrong.

At your present age, these problems are not uncommon.

The bigger mistake would be if you threw out excuses trying to justify your actions. (which you didn't)

You live and learn.
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Old 01-01-2012, 08:28 PM   #18
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You're wrong for even thinking about kissing another guy, but you're right for stopping and telling him..
Don't be an idiot. People THINK about screwing around all the fucking time. It's normal and it's human and to pretend anything else is absolutely fucking moronic. It's not what people think that matters but what they do about what they think.

Chick, you fell off the monogomy wagon. This also happens. You're young you don't have a solid relationship and maybe you shouldn't have been making a monogomous commitment to start with. But you weren't married and all you did was kiss a guy. The world has not ended. Your shitty, guilt riddled feelings you're having now, remember them well they'll stop you from doing shittier things in the future when there's a lot more at stake in your life (like a husband and kids).

You've fucked up, you've been honest about it. Now it's time for the learning from living part.

Here I refer you to Dan Savage's once again wise words:

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Old 01-01-2012, 08:47 PM   #19
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You should lead your boyfriend to seeing this page when he comes over at your place

and if you truly love your s/o, monogamy won't be hard, you just have to find constantly new things to do and be more calm, that's something majority of society doesn't have.. and i'm not going to have a rant on it

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Old 01-01-2012, 09:41 PM   #20
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Wait!!

You may not want to answer this, but exactly how far did you go?
Did you just have a make out session or did you do just about everything but penetration?

It is a person question, but if it is just a make out session, I can see you guys work it out.

Not trying to pry but "cheating" is differs from person to person
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Old 01-01-2012, 10:02 PM   #21
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Wait!!

You may not want to answer this, but exactly how far did you go?
Did you just have a make out session or did you do just about everything but penetration?

It is a person question, but if it is just a make out session, I can see you guys work it out.

Not trying to pry but "cheating" is differs from person to person
Was that rhetorical?

Spoiler!

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Old 01-01-2012, 10:23 PM   #22
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MOVE ON

There is no point in saving your relationship.
Seriously, both of you cheated. There will be absolutely no trust in the relationship.

As others have stated, you are young; use this a learning experience.
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Old 01-01-2012, 10:24 PM   #23
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Spoiler!
Pics or it didn't happen

But in all seriousness, just like what k2_alpha said. Move on. There's no point being a relationship where there's no trust between the two of you.
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Old 01-01-2012, 10:28 PM   #24
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My immature response; did you keep last night guys number, time for payback.

My mature response; from the very limited glimpse we have into your relationship, it doesn't appear either of you are truly happy and fulfilled. It's time to move on, you're only twenty and not deeply committed enough that leaving each other will be difficult; I say that from a logistical perspective as in you aren't married, living together. It will be difficult emotionally, without question, but surround yourself with friends and keep busy. In a few months you'll be living the good life; twenty years old, single and enjoying the best years of your life.

Good luck.
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Old 01-01-2012, 10:42 PM   #25
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Your relationship is done.
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